Dancing With Demons

[ninjabib]

Haha just a little light heartedness to break things up.

[Carus]

My exwife met her now partner on Tinder.....

 

I would still caution against rebounding....

 

Carus*

[Nickel Speed]

At one point, I had vented to a mutual friend of mine and my wife's because I knew she was going through a tough time too. I reckon she messaged my wife yesterday and told her that I vented and that she wasn't trying to hit on me.

 

My wife was really confused and didn't know how to respond to her. But in the end, that just made me look really pathetic. She told me about it yesterday. Kind of embarrassing. I've been going through my facebook and removing people I should not talk to now.

[Nickel Speed]

Probably making another mistake.

 

She wanted to have dinner as a family again so our child could get time with both of us at the same time.

Instead, I said. Let's not do that. We are going to the park tomorrow, would you like to meet us there?

 

I figured at least that way we are both doing an activity with our child and not just eating dinner together.

[Nickel Speed]

A guy keeps hitting on my wife on Facebook. It's really getting under my skin and I want nothing more than to do something to him. But I know it wouldn't help anything and would just make me look like a bad guy. I was about to message him. Had it typed out and deleted it.

[ninjabib]

Do not contact him ever. Have you not blocked her? You can phone/text without social media.

[Nickel Speed]

Do not contact him ever. Have you not blocked her? You can phone/text without social media.

 

I have not blocked her. At my house there is no phone signal most of the time. We remain in contact through Facebook Messenger using internet. Plus, she tags me in pictures of my daughter, or items she knows that I need to buy, stuff related to daughter, etc.

[figureitout23]

I have not blocked her. At my house there is no phone signal most of the time. We remain in contact through Facebook Messenger using internet. Plus, she tags me in pictures of my daughter, or items she knows that I need to buy, stuff related to daughter, etc.

 

I know I said I was done with this post and I really am it’s morbid curiosity...what advice do you want? Serious question. Every thing said is countered.

 

I know I shouldn’t but...

I know I should but...

I’m not doing that but...

This hurts me but...

 

You’re working against yourself.

 

What was the point of filing for divorce or any of her cruel words or any of this if you two go right back to acting like a couple while she explores her options?

 

I keep saying you’re her safety net.

 

I keep saying these are games being played between the both of you. If this isn’t dysfunction what is it? She told you some of the cruelest things one could say, she said she never loved you, yet she still tags you on social media? How is that ok to you?

 

Your phone doesn’t work, ok it happens, the solution isn’t staying friends on social media, set up email for emergencies! Good lord you’re scoping out potential men she could be dating and contemplating confronting them ... to say what?!?! You’re looking for women to hump on tinder your darn self! I mean come on!!!!

 

I get labeled the devil incarnate but low and behold you reveal more info that shows you two are still completely entwined with one another and you have no intention of changing it. This is the definition of toxic and I fully believe you both are and have been operating like this for years.

 

Someone’s gotta call uncle.

 

This is so unhealthy.

[Nickel Speed]

With your outwordly responses and black and white stances, I tend to think you are harboring unresolved issues from your own relationship.

 

Not everyone functions like you

 

I can separate love from sex as well. That doesn't make me dysfunctional.

 

Neither does loving someone who doesn't love me back. I'm working on getting over it.

[itsallgrand]

I do agree with FIO that you are still behaving as though she's still your woman.

Until you make that switch, there's no going forward.

[ninjabib]

Yeah i think you are stuck. If she wants to send pictures shes got your email. Block her and you can really start moving forward.

[figureitout23]

With your outwordly responses and black and white stances, I tend to think you are harboring unresolved issues from your own relationship.

 

I’m sorry you feel that way.

 

I mentioned before you give advice beautifully and I believe that. I think you do because you lived it and while I think it’s a well known fact it’s easier to give advice than to follow, when you yourself say “ I know because I’ve been there” am I to assume you’re harboring unresolved issues or is it safe to say those words were stated because you have been there and because it is not you, you can see things objectively... kinda like how I can.

 

Not everyone functions like you

 

Never claimed they did. You know the phrase game recognize game, well when you’ve been there dysfunction recognize dysfunction. To act dysfunctionally does not mean you are less of a person or that I’m attenpting to insult you, it’s to say hey I’ve been there so I recognize you hurting yourself more and more when you don’t have to. Like I said somebodies gotta call uncle. Eventually this will end, I just hope it’s before anymore long term emotional

damage is done.

 

I can separate love from sex as well. That doesn't make me dysfunctional.

 

Never said it did what I said was being on her social media is toxic, you are wanting to confront men who you believe not know but believe she’s involved with... your soon to be ex wife.... whom you filed divorce from... while you are on a dating website looking for sex...you cant say that doesn’t seem very convoluted.

 

Neither does loving someone who doesn't love me back. I'm working on getting over it.

 

You are not though, you’re actively doing everything imaginable to stay stuck, the only thing that could be construed as attempting to move on is filing for divorce but even that has ulterior motives

 

youre manic right now and you won’t just sit still and disengage with her.

 

shes stabbing holes in the boat and you’re frantically trying to fill them instead of hopping onto the raft.

 

youre yin and yang.

 

One of you has to call uncle.

 

I originally entered this thread defending you because I did not believe you were doing harm to your child and I still don’t but if one of you doesn’t get it together and stop this crap she will eventually be affected by all this.

[Nickel Speed]

I’m sorry you feel that way.

 

I mentioned before you give advice beautifully and I believe that. I think you do because you lived it and while I think it’s a well known fact it’s easier to give advice than to follow, when you yourself say “ I know because I’ve been there” am I to assume you’re harboring unresolved issues or is it safe to say those words were stated because you have been there and because it is not you, you can see things objectively... kinda like how I can.

 

 

 

Never claimed they did. You know the phrase game recognize game, well when you’ve been there dysfunction recognize dysfunction. To act dysfunctionally does not mean you are less of a person or that I’m attenpting to insult you, it’s to say hey I’ve been there so I recognize you hurting yourself more and more when you don’t have to. Like I said somebodies gotta call uncle. Eventually this will end, I just hope it’s before anymore long term emotional

damage is done.

 

 

 

Never said it did what I said was being on her social media is toxic, you are wanting to confront men who you believe not know but believe she’s involved with... your soon to be ex wife.... whom you filed divorce from... while you are on a dating website looking for sex...you cant say that doesn’t seem very convoluted.

 

 

 

You are not though, you’re actively doing everything imaginable to stay stuck, the only thing that could be construed as attempting to move on is filing for divorce but even that has ulterior motives

 

youre manic right now and you won’t just sit still and disengage with her.

 

shes stabbing holes in the boat and you’re frantically trying to fill them instead of hopping onto the raft.

 

youre yin and yang.

 

One of you has to call uncle.

 

I originally entered this thread defending you because I did not believe you were doing harm to your child and I still don’t but if one of you doesn’t get it together and stop this crap she will eventually be affected by all this.

 

 

Yes, I want to confront whoever she is cheating with. I have not acted on this want. I'm simply venting by making my feelings known here.

 

 

I will restate there are no ulterior motives on my behalf. There simply aren't. There is no way you can analyze the situation entirely accurately when you can't even take something that is fact at face value. I would bet everything I own on it. This is where I believe your own unresolved issues are. Because I am the one completing the legal process, does not mean I have a motive by doing it. She asked me to. I did.

 

I will not do harm to my child.

 

I agree with everything else you said. I am trying to move on, but don't want to yet.

[Nickel Speed]

I do agree with FIO that you are still behaving as though she's still your woman.

Until you make that switch, there's no going forward.

 

I also agree. I've not been able to get my head out of this mindset. It's only been a month and we still communicate daily.

 

 

Yeah i think you are stuck. If she wants to send pictures shes got your email. Block her and you can really start moving forward.

 

 

It's probably what needs to be done, but I can't bring myself to do it.

[ninjabib]

I appreicate your honesty so please receive this the same way ; you will never start to heal until you let go and block.

[figureitout23]

Yes, I want to confront whoever she is cheating with. I have not acted on this want. I'm simply venting by making my feelings known here.

 

Sorry for the confusion, you stated here

 

A guy keeps hitting on my wife on Facebook. It's really getting under my skin and I want nothing more than to do something to him. But I know it wouldn't help anything and would just make me look like a bad guy. I was about to message him. Had it typed out and deleted it.

 

I was not under the assumption that the man she’s now with was hitting on her. I was under the impression you were getting jealous of men around her period. Getting jealous of the man she cheated on you with is absolutely natural and would be the definition of insanity to have a front row seat of their interactions yet here you are... defending it and all...

 

A

I will restate there are no ulterior motives on my behalf. There simply aren't. There is no way you can analyze the situation entirely accurately when you can't even take something that is fact at face value. I would bet everything I own on it. This is where I believe your own unresolved issues are. Because I am the one completing the legal process, does not mean I have a motive by doing it. She asked me to. I did.

 

Believe me, I let that one go long ago. I know a hit dog when I see one.

 

When I stated ‘ even that has ulterior motives’ I was going off of your words, you stated you divorced her because it’s what she wanted and you were hoping she would change her mind. I define that as ulterior motives. I’m no longer guessing, not analyzing, I’m going off of your words.

 

I’m sorry you feel the way you do and I get your defenses being up, you’re weeks out and neither one of you have disengaged one inch... that type of interactions going to take even the strongest person out so I get it, I’m not advising you out of judgement or to get out my own frustrations, you are in denial and you have an excuse for everything and until you stop this is unlikely to end until she finally cuts you off,

 

 

I will not do harm to my child.

 

I agree with everything else you said. I am trying to move on, but don't want to yet.

 

Broken seeks broken

 

Broken finds comfort in broken

 

Broken raises broken.

 

If you don’t stop and get off the merry go round your daughter will learn and believe that all of this is normal.

[Nickel Speed]

 

 

Believe me, I let that one go long ago. I know a hit dog when I see one.

 

When I stated ‘ even that has ulterior motives’ I was going off of your words, you stated you divorced her because it’s what she wanted and you were hoping she would change her mind. I define that as ulterior motives.

 

I did not state that I was giving her a divorce I hopes that she changed her mind.. Those are your own words yet again. I never said that. I'm so aggravated by it at this point that I am blocking you.

[figureitout23]

I’m sorry you’re aggravated by me, that’s not my intention, clearly your filing is a sensitive subject and I’m sorry for broaching it. I hope the fog clears, I hope you choose to disengage, I hope posters hold your feet to the fire because you are s t u c k but most of all I hope you find peace

[Nickel Speed]

Another day, and I'm depressed yet again. I've told her I need my space and to keep conversations about our daughter. We still let our daughter talk to the other parent each night. Usually on Facetime, but not tonight because she is at the other man's house. It will be a normal phone call. It hurts so much to even think about.

[Batya33]

Another day, and I'm depressed yet again. I've told her I need my space and to keep conversations about our daughter. We still let our daughter talk to the other parent each night. Usually on Facetime, but not tonight because she is at the other man's house. It will be a normal phone call. It hurts so much to even think about.

 

Sending you support. I cannot imagine this situation and I am sorry you are going through it (I am referring to the parenting part).

[Nickel Speed]

Sending you support. I cannot imagine this situation and I am sorry you are going through it (I am referring to the parenting part).

 

Thanks, I thought venting about it here would help. It really hasn't much. But the support is nice. I don't have much if any in real life.

[Batya33]

Thanks, I thought venting about it here would help. It really hasn't much. But the support is nice. I don't have much if any in real life.

 

I'm sorry - it's tricky with venting and whether it helps. Sometimes self-talk helps me a lot more, and cardio exercise and even drinking water. I also am careful about who I vent to because I don't want to wear out my welcome. Luckily my 84 year old mom and my older sister is always up for being there for me for venting!

[Nickel Speed]

I've probably wore out my welcome with everyone, even though I don't vent that much.

[Carus]

Easy to feel like a burden as time goes along, especially as people turn away as they do....How do you think I feel after 15 months lol....

 

I am slightly better though*

 

So, what's goin' on Nickel....?

 

Carus*

[Nickel Speed]

Easy to feel like a burden as time goes along, especially as people turn away as they do....How do you think I feel after 15 months lol....

 

I am slightly better though*

 

So, what's goin' on Nickel....?

 

Carus*

 

I hope you can soon win your battles. You've been fighting too long.

 

Just waiting for the lawyer to finish drawing up the paperwork to sign. Trying to figure out how to get motivation to do anything again in life. The "just do it" approach everyone keeps spouting at me simply doesn't work. I'll go out and do things, and in the end feel worse and wish I'd have just went to bed.

 

No passion in life. Nothing I want to do. You could offer me a fully paid vacation in the Bahamas for a few weeks, and I'd really have 0 interest in going. It's not because I feel sorry for myself. I know this much.