I received a message from another woman about my husband.

[Seraphim]

I guess I don’t understand because I was already engaged at 23.

[SherrySher]

It's basically what I was trying to say as well, a 23 year old isn't always worldy about things or understands the serious implications of talking to the wife, especially if she thinks the husband is her "buddy".

 

I've been there, at 23 I had no clue that some married guy (who was like a father figure to me) was trying to get me into bed. I was naive and I never seen him that way. So the things he had hinted at, went right over my head. As far as I was concerned, he was my friend and nothing more. You have no idea how grossed out I was when I realized he had been trying to hit on me more than once. That was the end of me ever speaking to him again.

 

So it is possible that this girl hasn't had the light bulb go off yet and the husband really was trying to get close to her and got frustrated and impatient.

[liz22]

I see that the thread is still going, so I thought I would add some more thoughts/happenings.

 

I still don't know what to believe, but I do think/hope he has learned a lesson or two.

 

I'm trying to get over this and all the "what ifs" in my head. Things at home seem to be "business as usual". He got a text last night and I asked him who it was (given the recent situation, letting him know that I was on alert). It was one of his male friends and he offered to show me the text, which her did. He has never done that before.

 

The Ski Trip would have been a less than 24 hr. trip. Not "a few days" as she worded it, so that's something I am thinking about. My husband told me he blocker her about a week ago, which was before the skiing was even talked about.

 

I don't know why my husband would block her (or anyone) just because they left their phone somewhere. That would be quite an overreaction. Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I think if they have been "confiding" in each other it has been over facebook messenger, not meet ups. She currently works for a company that makes deliveries, which is a competing company of the one my husband uses. More specifically she is a Parts Driver. These kind of companies seem to hire young, attractive women to deliver to businesses. She does make deliveries occasionally to places close to where my husband works, which is why he saw her drive by recently and waved. Could she have technically stopped by his work for a chat? Maybe.

 

My husband said the other day when I asked him if it was OK to get so deep in conversation with a woman to the point that she feels like he knows/understands her more than most people. He said "No, but I think people can misinturprite things". Could he have just been nice to her and she took it the wrong way? I know I have misconstrued niceness with "he likes me".

 

The topic of this whole thing somehow came up again the night after we discussed boundaries. I just remember needing more from him in term of words/explanation. I remember him saying that the only way that he could describe all of this is "this doesn't surprise me". He said she has always been a little weird/off. That was the last time we discussed the situation directly. Could he be full of ? I don't know.

 

On a side note, I checked her Twitter and one of her last entries (written 4 years back) said "There's is a special spot in hell for the people who have a spouse, children, and ten relationships on the side". Ha...that made me chuckle!

[Seraphim]

I see that the thread is still going, so I thought I would add some more thoughts/happenings.

 

I still don't know what to believe, but I do think/hope he has learned a lesson or two.

 

I'm trying to get over this and all the "what ifs" in my head. Things at home seem to be "business as usual". He got a text last night and I asked him who it was (given the recent situation, letting him know that I was on alert). It was one of his male friends and he offered to show me the text, which her did. He has never done that before.

 

The Ski Trip would have been a less than 24 hr. trip. Not "a few days" as she worded it, so that's something I am thinking about. My husband told me he blocker her about a week ago, which was before the skiing was even talked about.

 

I don't know why my husband would block her (or anyone) just because they left their phone somewhere. That would be quite an overreaction. Doesn't make sense to me.

 

I think if they have been "confiding" in each other it has been over facebook messenger, not meet ups. She currently works for a company that makes deliveries, which is a competing company of the one my husband uses. More specifically she is a Parts Driver. These kind of companies seem to hire young, attractive women to deliver to businesses. She does make deliveries occasionally to places close to where my husband works, which is why he saw her drive by recently and waved. Could she have technically stopped by his work for a chat? Maybe.

 

My husband said the other day when I asked him if it was OK to get so deep in conversation with a woman to the point that she feels like he knows/understands her more than most people. He said "No, but I think people can misinturprite things". Could he have just been nice to her and she took it the wrong way? I know I have misconstrued niceness with "he likes me".

 

The topic of this whole thing somehow came up again the night after we discussed boundaries. I just remember needing more from him in term of words/explanation. I remember him saying that the only way that he could describe all of this is "this doesn't surprise me". He said she has always been a little weird/off. That was the last time we discussed the situation directly. Could he be full of ? I don't know.

 

On a side note, I checked her Twitter and one of her last entries (written 4 years back) said "There's is a special spot in hell for the people who have a spouse, children, and ten relationships on the side". Ha...that made me chuckle!

It seems she is also a hypocrite. She knows what she is doing. Even four years ago she knew.

[itsallgrand]

I think the husband is leaving out something. And I'd want to know. It doesn't matter if he's not a 'communicator'. Find the words, and be honest. I can't say he was cheating or not. But something doesn't sit right. If she really is wingy, and I think that element is there for sure, some signs would have been there before it got to this. At the very least, he's pretty lazy with boundaries.

Even dumb women know you don't tell the wife you are taking off with the husband for a weekend. I think most of it is nonsense, meant to stir things up. But I also think he should be taking your concern more seriously. He had this woman on his FB with access to your info . He should at least recognize he screwed up doing that.

[itsallgrand]

O

Posted as the update was being posted. I'll have to see if that changes anything!

[RayRay63]

The Ski Trip would have been a less than 24 hr. trip. Not "a few days"

 

Well what the 23yo was talking about does not seem to equate to that.

 

So I tend to think that it's a bit too speculative to think it was something he was planning to do with her.

 

Maybe she got an idea in her head about "hanging out" that she somehow thought was a definite arrangement, but he blocked her and it didn't happen.

 

If the girl was just nuts, or homewrecker she would have dropped the A-bomb saying that OP's husband was physically cheating.

 

I agree with that, and said something not entirely dissimilar a few pages back.

 

I think 23yog sounds immature, or maybe a bit silly. Her perception of what was going on, and reacting by contacting the OP, is off.

 

She may have no real understanding of the angst this caused.

 

Anyway, if anything did happen, and she wanted to cause trouble, she would have told OP about it.

 

I recall OP said she didn't actually block her. It's only been a few days, but no further messaging from her suggests to me this was maybe not that big a thing for her.

[Seraphim]

She might have an idea of the angst if someone contacted her bf about her behaviour, hanging out with married man and having a long conversations and planning time away..... 🤔

 

She would figure it out fast enough.

[Lester]

Talking for years, her calling the wife, him a calm, cool business as usual husband?

 

They've been in a full blown affair for quite some time.

 

To reduce future cringes, PLEASE stop all silly/weak boundary talk!

 

To understand the cheater mindset, secretly read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let him see this book.)

[RayRay63]

She might have an idea of the angst if someone contacted her bf about her behaviour, hanging out with married man and having a long conversations and planning time away..... 🤔

 

She would figure it out fast enough.

 

Did the planning time away thing really happen though? I mean as a bilateral arrangement. I have the impression ATM that it was a concept he had enough integrirty to reject.

[Seraphim]

Did the planning time away thing really happen though? I mean as a bilateral arrangement. I have the impression ATM that it was a concept he had enough integrirty to reject.

I just don’t believe she is this “ silly naïve 23-year-old .” I just don’t . I think she knew full well she was stirring up trouble . I think she didn’t care.

[RayRay63]

I just don’t believe she is this “ silly naïve 23-year-old .” I just don’t . I think she knew full well she was stirring up trouble . I think she didn’t care.

 

Well yes, you may well be right there. And clearly she didn't give a flick about causing angst to the OP, whatever her motivation is.

 

Op's husband blocked her. Result.

[SherrySher]

Again, easy to roast the girl here but your husband had no problem allowing her into his life. But you seem to be wanting to ignore that fact.

 

I don't blame you, I mean, who wants to deal with the reality that their husband was trying to get close to a young, pretty girl?

[Jennifer2018]

there are several things here...

1. Did your husband have plans to go out of town that he told you about? Did they get cancelled at the last minute? Does he travel for work? often?

If you had any hints that he was going out of town, and it suddenly got changed, then she is telling the truth, and something happened between them that freaked him out, and caused him to call it off.

2. Did you have any knowledge that your husband was hanging out with this person?

3. the only reason for the other woman to contact the wife is if the guy called it off, and she is bitter and wants revenge. She sounds a little off, but I would definitely have a long talk with hubby about his relationship with her. Ask him whats up. make it clear she is off limits.

Good luck

[SherrySher]

He said he was going on a skiing trip and then he cancelled his plans and yes it was on the same weekend that he was supposed to be going away with this girl.

[liz22]

there are several things here...

1. Did your husband have plans to go out of town that he told you about? Did they get cancelled at the last minute? Does he travel for work? often?

If you had any hints that he was going out of town, and it suddenly got changed, then she is telling the truth, and something happened between them that freaked him out, and caused him to call it off.

2. Did you have any knowledge that your husband was hanging out with this person?

3. the only reason for the other woman to contact the wife is if the guy called it off, and she is bitter and wants revenge. She sounds a little off, but I would definitely have a long talk with hubby about his relationship with her. Ask him whats up. make it clear she is off limits.

Good luck

 

1. Yes my husband told me about the plans but he brought the ski plans up after he claims he blocked her. (He said he blocked her about a week before she contacted me and he was still planning on skiing well after that). So, unless he is lying about when he blocked her, I don't know. He goes out of town about once a month for one night each time. He does this for work. He stays with our friend and I can confirm that.

2. I don't have any knowledge of this. They would have started talking in just the last 5 weeks, after she wrote on his facebook page on their Friendiversary "Miss you buddy".

3. I think he definitely knows she is off limits at this point. In the past few days he has been very open about texts he is getting and want to share information about any women he comes into contact with during his day.

[Jibralta]

They would have started talking in just the last 5 weeks, after she wrote on his facebook page on their Friendiversary "Miss you buddy".

 

I don't understand: if their Friendiversary was five weeks ago, wouldn't they have to have been talking before she wrote that?

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like he is trying to be more transparent now and did block her. He may have been flattered by all this young attention, but doesn't want it to get too far. What was his response to her contacting you?

They would have started talking in just the last 5 weeks, after she wrote on his facebook page on their Friendiversary "Miss you buddy". In the past few days he has been very open about texts he is getting and want to share information about any women he comes into contact with during his day.

[SherrySher]

Well, he kinda has to be transparent now that the girl contacted her.

 

I wonder why he didn't tell her about chatting with this girl, helping her with her problems and adding her to Facebook, even possibly meeting up with her, long before she messaged.

[Seraphim]

It isn’t a crime to have opposite sex people on your FB. My husband when he had FB had women on his. That is not an issue. Getting too inappropriately close is the issue.

 

Both played a part but the husband has realized now and the girl was given the heaveho.

[IAmFCA]

I am surprised by this thread.

 

Recently, my bf went skiing (for the day) with his female friend, with whom he shares many interests. They had a great time, and he sent me a cute pic of them together. I am at once a little extra attentive about their connection - well, I was - but they only text like 4x a year, its just how they are.

 

My point of sharing is that the OP is behaving appropriately by taking responsibility for her situation and her requirements. H is behaving appropriately by being patient and transparent, and enforcing his boundary.

 

If anything happened between them it was years ago when she worked at her old job, but even then I doubt it. She may have been in a position to treat him to free events etc as a client/customer of her sales company, and they may have had plenty of laughs in that situation. That was likely all it was back then, and now, with no business relationship and her flash of assuming more of genuine friendship than ever was there, he acted swiftly. Bravo to both the H and the OP. End of~

[SherrySher]

It isn’t a crime to have opposite sex people on your FB.

 

It is a crime if he got closer to this girl than he's letting on and did indeed intend on going away with her for the weekend.

 

I am leaving this thread now, so I hope you can sort things out, OP. I wish you the best.

[IAmFCA]

It is a crime if he got closer to this girl than he's letting on and did indeed intend on going away with her for the weekend.

 

I am leaving this thread now, so I hope you can sort things out, OP. I wish you the best.

 

Rather than thinking punitively, the OP is making note of barriers her H put in place even OP she received the message. That is big picture thinking and sounds smart to me.

[IAmFCA]

Well, he kinda has to be transparent now that the girl contacted her.

 

I wonder why he didn't tell her about chatting with this girl, helping her with her problems and adding her to Facebook, even possibly meeting up with her, long before she messaged.

 

... because she was irrelevant.

[liz22]

I don't understand: if their Friendiversary was five weeks ago, wouldn't they have to have been talking before she wrote that?

 

I just meant they hadn't spoken in a long time prior to that post, since she said "miss you buddy". Then after she posted that is when the re-connection would have started. They have been friends for years on Facebook but not the kind that usually "connected" on facebook in the past with comments, etc.