I completely ruined my life.

[Jy1986usa]

Unfortunately I think you’re correct. I’ve been hopelessly waiting for the last few days for one of them to call and say it’s ok and come back. But the phone has not rung.

 

And I have done it before. But I had the luxury of having a cousin let me live with her for a few months until I got on my feet. This time I’d be on my own.

[abitbroken]

/I would have moved out - even to a hotel if i had to until i found a place and i would have stayed at your job -- and just look for another one.... i would have immediately started going to AA, counseling etc, and would have dumped all your liquor. If she pressed charges, then you will/would have to face the music. But i would not have run like that. You cannot run away from your problems. If you are living with your folks, enoy them while they are still alive.Truly. If you decide to go back to texas, then remember its a huge state and your small circle of friends are not the only people there. But address your alcohol issue before going anywhere. If the market in denver is competitive - then you just have to find the edge that makes you competetive - -- you don't have to work in marketing.

[reinventmyself]

I do feel bad for you.

That was an unfortunate set of circumstances and you are clearly not a bad guy.

Take some time and shake this off. Take your time before you make any decisions.

Be thankful that you have your parents home to go and work on getting your balance back.

[Capricorn3]

I highly doubt his friends would have acted this way without good reason. Regardless, I personally think that instead of trying to excuse what you did you need to own up to it and learn from it.

 

Regardless of whether you had a physical relationship or not, if she is not conscious, she cannot consent to ANYTHING you do. Trying to excuse it by saying "crap happens when drinking" is not learning a thing.

 

So what should you do?

 

1. Get some help for your mental health issues if you can

2. Get some help to deal with your drinking and make a pledge not to drink to excess like that again.

3. Never ever touch a woman while drunk. It's not okay. Ever.

4. Recognize you can't change what happened and work on making new friends.

 

You may have to build your life from the ground up and that is a result of the choices you made. Own that.

I agree with the above. I also don't think they overreacted - they had a reason for reacting the way they did (imo).

 

One thing that made my roommate so mad is that me and the girl were supposed to be distancing ourselves from each other and she had said we shouldn’t have relations anymore. Apparently she had already turned me down that night too. So I see why that makes it worse.

 

^ THAT's the reason. They even had to stop you. I'll probably get flamed for this, but I don't believe they overreacted.

 

All you can do is learn from this experience and move on. Get help for your mental health and drinking problems.

[Jy1986usa]

I appreciate that and agree. That was the big issue. Not so much what happened but that it happened under those circumstances. But threatening my job and telling me everyone hated me/ wanted me gone when that actually wasn’t the case was out of line.

 

Like I said even the girl told me after that it wasn’t anything we couldn’t get passed and acknowledged people sometimes do really dumb stuff when wasted. She was no stranger to that sort of behavior either and understood even though she was still mad at me and understandably so.

[SherrySher]

Well, sometimes all you can do is take it as a lesson learnt.

 

I hope you can move forward from this. Find a place to live, even if it means living with your parents for now. Parents don't live forever, so I am sure it will be nice for them (and even possibly you) to have time together for now.

 

In time, you can find your place in the world again and move somewhere new and start again. You are still relatively quite young.

[Wiseman2]

They didn't over react. You got obnoxiously drunk and people witnessed you almost assaulting this passed out woman. Yes, you should be thrown out of the house and out of their lives for that. You're a liability and menace nobody needs in the lives or in their house. They can get a sober responsible roommate very easily.

 

It's your fault you got this drunk. It's your fault you climbed on top of an unconscious woman. You are playing victim and making excuses when you brought this upon yourself by being drunk and inappropriate. Yet you won't get help for the drinking and claim it's their fault for ruining your life by "over reacting". What's next...killing someone driving drunk and when you get charged with manslaughter you're the victim because everyone is "over reacting" and ruined your life?

It seems like the general consensus is they did overreact. I’m just dumbfounded this escalated so quickly. I’m not sure I’ll be able to survive this.

[Jibralta]

My next best option is to move to another city and start over again.

 

I think this is your best option.

 

Don't go back to that same town in Texas. You are not welcome there, and it will not help you to impose yourself on them. They will just see it as another way that you put yourself and your needs first. Remember, they're hostile towards you is because you imposed yourself on their friend.

 

Second, don't get blackout drunk anymore.

 

Never have I ever done anything similar even while drunk.

 

You actually have no idea if this is true or not.

 

The only reason you are aware of what you did is because this girl's friends defended her.

 

They told you what you did. You have no recollection.

 

How do you know you didn't do this to some girl who was alone with you one night?

 

What I hear from you is, "Yeah, I kind of assaulted someone and now MY life is ruined."

 

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions. What if you woke up and found out you had killed someone while driving drunk?

 

Seriously think about that mentality.

 

Like I said even the girl told me after that it wasn’t anything we couldn’t get passed and acknowledged people sometimes do really dumb stuff when wasted. She was no stranger to that sort of behavior either and understood even though she was still mad at me and understandably so.

 

How sad and yet unsurprising.

[SherrySher]

I will say this OP, don't ever do this again. Next time could be with the very wrong people and you could either be beaten up or they could decide to ring the police on you and possibly charge you.

 

Best way to make sure this never happens again, don't get that wasted.

[catfeeder]

There really are three separate lessons for you here. One is don't get involved with a girl when your dating goals are different.

 

Second thing obviously is from now on to forever, limit your drinking and never ever get caught up in having even one drink more than you've limited yourself to.

 

Third thing is keep your friends, roommates, and work all separate. Roommates are just people you live with. Friendly sure, but not friends. Co-workers, are just co-workers. Sure you need to be friendly with them and head out to a happy hour if that's the culture,

 

I'm with everything here except mixing happy hour with colleagues. You have a reaction to alcohol. You may believe while sober that 'limiting' yourself to 2 drinks makes sense, even while you'll toss any limits out the window after the first drink. So I'd put up a firewall between my career and drink of any kind--not even a sip of champagne at the holiday party.

 

You already had one life-changing experience from alcohol. That would be enough for me to take terms like 'allergic to alcohol' seriously. I'd do some research, ask my local hospital for a referral to group recovery and treatment options, and I'd learn more about what kinds of testing or monitoring may be available along with the risks involved.

 

This doesn't mean locking myself up in some kind of program, it means learning. My goal would be to learn from publications and experts whether any degree of drinking is even an option for me in the future. Meanwhile, I'd treat the experience as one requiring sober living and pursue a 12 step or other support group to learn and share with others.

 

We each get to decide whether we will profit by learning from our experiences and parlay them into valuable lessons and confidence builders for a great future, OR, whether we'll use our experiences to damage ourselves and our future potential.

 

Head high, and choose wisely.

[Jy1986usa]

I hear you guys. Maybe I did deserve to have my life ruined and should just thankful they’re not interested in reporting this so I can at least have an opportunity to start over. I’m not the victim and I can see why some of you have no sympathy for me. But it still really sucks to say the least and is just devastating. I’m not a monster. I just made a really bad mistake and am going to have to find a way to come to terms with it hopefully learn from it.

[boltnrun]

You know, giving up alcohol completely isn't that hard. I had to for health reasons. I don't drink, at all.

 

Are you willing to live your life alcohol-free?

[Wiseman2]

Consider it a wake up call to turn your life around. You can't keep running from town to town and job to job and house to house. You're not "a monster" but the demon you are running away from is going with you. Alcohol and your reaction to it. Until you deal with that demon it doesn't matter where you go, where you work, what you do or what you say. There is nothing wrong with socializing as much as you want socially and professionally. However get a soft drink with a lemon or lime in it.

[Jy1986usa]

Not sure why you put a monster in quotes but yes I do acknowledge I have a drinking problem and it’s not the first time it’s gotten me into trouble before. Never to this magnitude but not the first time I caused problems for myself as a result.

[boltnrun]

Not sure why you put a monster in quotes but yes I do acknowledge I have a drinking problem and it’s not the first time it’s gotten me into trouble before. Never to this magnitude but not the first time I caused problems for myself as a result.

 

Are you getting help for your alcohol problem?

[Jy1986usa]

Not as of yet. I’ve been so distraught all this happened I haven’t really been able to do much of anything. I’m still just in shock and having trouble processing this. I’m not in a good place.

[Flip00008]

Hey! Sorry this happened. I do not think you are a bad person and we all make mistakes. Some of the hardest things I have ever done, is owning up to something I did wrong but didnt completely understand. I have lost friends and I know how hard that is... But there is always tomorrow! I want you to know that I am praying for you and hope everything works out.

[Jy1986usa]

Thank you Flip! I really appreciate that. If anyone else is still reading that could provide some insight into my next question I could really use it.

 

So I’m looking for my next opportunity. And I inevitably will be asked why I left my last job. And for obvious reasons cannot fell the truth or at least the whole truth. Keeping in mind I quit abruptly without giving a notice so on bad terms. Can anyone help me explain that situation to a hiring manager with a positive spin that won’t scare them off?

[reinventmyself]

Thank you Flip! I really appreciate that. If anyone else is still reading that could provide some insight into my next question I could really use it.

 

So I’m looking for my next opportunity. And I inevitably will be asked why I left my last job. And for obvious reasons cannot fell the truth or at least the whole truth. Keeping in mind I quit abruptly without giving a notice so on bad terms. Can anyone help me explain that situation to a hiring manager with a positive spin that won’t scare them off?

 

to move back home. Which is true. . but without all the sorted details.

[Annia]

I appreciate that and agree. That was the big issue. Not so much what happened but that it happened under those circumstances. But threatening my job and telling me everyone hated me/ wanted me gone when that actually wasn’t the case was out of line.

 

Like I said even the girl told me after that it wasn’t anything we couldn’t get passed and acknowledged people sometimes do really dumb stuff when wasted. She was no stranger to that sort of behavior either and understood even though she was still mad at me and understandably so.

 

But what physical things did you do exactly? Do you remember?

[Jy1986usa]

Yeah but I’ve already gotten a couple calls from recruiters back in Texas. Not preferable to return there but if an opportunity presented itself I would take it and just plan on making new friends. Explaining why I voluntarily quit a job without giving notice is a tough one though.

[Jy1986usa]

Annia, no. I was black out drunk. But from what they told me I basically laid on her inappropriately and was getting a little handsy. They said it was nothing sexual. I know that’s still not ok even being wasted. But it was enough to alarm them quite a bit given she had already turned me down and I see why it’s still pretty bad.

[reinventmyself]

Yeah but I’ve already gotten a couple calls from recruiters back in Texas. Not preferable to return there but if an opportunity presented itself I would take it and just plan on making new friends. Explaining why I voluntarily quit a job without giving notice is a tough one though.

`family reasons'

That's pretty much a queue to not ask any further. You've just relocated to your home town, `family reasons' is fair enough.

[Jy1986usa]

I just thought of something that resonated with me when I was forced to leave my home. My former roommate (who probably knows me better than anyone right now) told me the following as she was kicking me out.

 

“I don’t think you have an alcohol problem. For the majority of the time we’ve been friends and roommates you have drank responsibly and I didn’t think it was a problem. However, you do have mental health issues (which I acknowledge and was not a secret) and you use alcohol to self medicate. And when you drink to not be sad anymore is when you get out of control.”

 

And after thinking back to other times when I’ve gotten overly intoxicated and made a fool of myself have been when I’m experiencing more than typical mental/emotional anguish. Thoughts on this?

[Jibralta]

I think she's not a mental health professional and isn't qualified to diagnose, no matter how well she knows you.

 

However, one of the signs of a drinking problem is using alcohol to self-medicate.