Don't know how to approach cutting contact with ex.

[amberrx4]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We've had an amazing relationship, the usual arguments but nothing we couldn't get over. Two days ago he broke up with me by saying he simply just wants to be single. No reason other than "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore, I want to be single." This confused me and broke my heart because I never constrained my boyfriend and always let him be free. I never made him feel like he was with someone that suffocated him. He assured me that he did not find someone new, and that he still feels the same about me.He said that if he does want to be in a relationship in the future, he'd want to be with me. He just wants to be single. We were best friends before anything, so he said we can continue to be best friends, and I agreed. One day into being only "best friends" and I hate it. I love him so much and I cannot stand talking to him like any other friend and act like we weren't just dating for two years. I came to the conclusion that cutting contact with him would be best for both him and I, but I don't know how to approach it. We've been carrying on a conversation for the duration of the day; should I completely stop replying and ghost him? Or should I text him and say "Hey, we should cut contact. If you need me, you can message me. But we should stay distant for a while." Which should I do? Completely ghost him, or let him know we should cut contact for a while? We've been on a break before for another reason and he quickly said he missed me and didn't want to lose what we had. What should I do?

[reinventmyself]

"Hey, we should cut contact. If you need me, you can message me. But we should stay distant for a while." Which should I do? Completely ghost him, or let him know we should cut contact for a while? We've been on a break before for another reason and he quickly said he missed me and didn't want to lose what we had. What should I do?

 

He demoted you to a friend and you agreed to it.

Don't do this.

Have some self respect and tell him that you deserve better and that you are moving on.

He essentially wants to put you on shelf just in case he wants to take you down at his own convenience.

 

Besides, there is no motivation to reconcile if he can have easy access to you on his terms.

[amberrx4]

If theres no motivation to reconcile if he has easy access to me on his terms, what do you recommend? Completely cutting contact without a warning?

[boltnrun]

Leave out the "if you need me you can message me" part because he will take that as an open invitation to contact you whenever he's bored, wants attention, feels lonely, is horny, etc.

 

He can't miss you if you're available to him anytime he wants. After all, would you "miss" a hot fudge sundae if you just ate one?

[MissCanuck]

After 2 years, he suddenly decides he wants to be single? I know he is denying it, but this sounds very much like he has met someone else.

 

Why did you two previously take a break?

 

Right now is not the time to be friends, in any event. Trust me when I say you don't want a front-row seat to his new single life. Tell him you need your space to heal now, and to please respect that and not get in touch.

[amberrx4]

We previously took a break because we got in an argument and he said he was extremely stressed with work and school and did not have the energy to argue anymore. A day later he said he regretted it and wouldn't want to lose what we have.

[SGH]

I would let him know that you are cutting contact for your own health, and leave it at that. The difficult-to-face truth here, is if he thought you were the one for him, he wouldn't have broken up with you.

 

I know it's difficult when someone breaks up with you and you sense they are being untruthful about their reasons, but in the end breakups mean one thing: the relationship wasn't working. Start working on accepting that fact, and find your own reasons why you are better off without him. Also, do yourself a favor and get him off your social media, so you don't have to see pictures of him with someone else while the breakup is still fresh.

[DanZee]

You know, you might have been in love, but it seems he wasn't feeling it. You didn't say what the arguments were about. If you had a great relationship, there wouldn't be any arguments. Arguments are usually about control, so who was trying to get whom to do something?

 

In any event, just tell him that you're letting him go and leave it like that. If he asks why, you can tell him that it's difficult to be friends with someone you loved as a boyfriend. And then just block him, delete him, and erase him. As you found out, it's too painful to try to carry on a friendship with someone you love. Maybe years from now, you can be friends after all the feelings have died down, but he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. As MissCanuck said, there's usually another girl, but it really doesn't matter. You need two people to have a relationship and he's chosen to be out. You can grieve over the relationship for now, but when you're feeling better, start to move on and look for someone else who's nice to move on with.

[Honeycomb8]

^ I don't agree. We are talking about two individual people with differing personalities. Arguments are normal and if you never have them that shows you're not letting down your guard. It's simply impossible to never fight.

 

Someone that stays with someone for two years would most likely had feelings, no need to discount things and simplify breakups. It's never that black and white. Whether it's him feeling like he's too young to settle, or if he's confused, obv he cared, otherwise he wouldn't have dated her for two years.

 

I think it's best to tell your ex you don't think being friends is a good idea and then block him. You can't be friends right now, so don't even try. Completely cut him off -that's the healthiest option.

[Hollyj]

You should not continue to be friends. You have feelings for him and it won't work. He is going to string you along and hurt you even more. You must go NC.. If he doesn't respect it, then block him.

 

I am very sorry that this has happened.

 

Do not ever wait around for someone to choose you. If he had the same feelings, he would not be breaking up.

[Chris12189]

simply tell him "this breakup is not what I want but I respect you decisions and as thus I am asking you not to contact me unless its specifically about getting back together."

 

Delete, but do not block off social media (unless you feel you will be incessantly stalking then do block).

 

Don't block his number unless he shows he has no respect for your boundaries. If he continues to not respect them then block

 

Take a break from dating, maybe see a therapist (they do wonders), and try to analyze the relationship with no rose-colored glasses to see what, if any, errors you may have made and try to remedy them so you don't make them in your next relationship. You may find you didnt make any and that this guy is just an idiot, or maybe you will find you subconsciously did something to drive him away.

 

Lean on your friends and family, pick up hobbies you may have neglected, pick up new hobbies, meet new people when the time is right. Allow yourself to feel upset, anger, whatever.

[Annia]

You can't be friends right after a break up and while you still have feelings. After a break up people need distance to heal. Don't feel guilty for it. It's time to think about yourself and what's better for you. Besides no, he doesn't get to break up with you and keep what he likes and discard what he doesn't like (the commitment). He can't eat his cake and have it too while you suffer. Please don't accept this nor feel guilty for not being able to be his friend. It's perfectly natural. Also think about how you'd feel if he found someone and told you. Now he can do this because you're "just friends" and it's supposed of friends to be happy on these situations. Except that you won't and you'll hurt.

 

I'd send him an honest message saying that you can't be friends right now, need time to heal and move on and that you'd like to cut contact. He can contact you if he wants a relationship and then you'll decide if you still want it. If he's really your friend as he say he is, he'll respect this and will let you move on.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. Why would he have to assure you that " that he did not find someone new"? What were someone of "the usual" arguments about?

 

Don't be his friend. It's nonsense. Tell him you wish no contact, the friends is not working for you...then block and delete him. Especially from social media and messaging apps.

Two days ago he broke up with me by saying he simply just wants to be single. No reason other than "I don't want to be in a relationship anymore, I want to be single." One day into being only "best friends" and I hate it.

[AlexIsok12]

I know it's difficult. But, cut contact completely, as this is your healing time.

 

It's not fair for him to "stay friends" this sounds like he still wants to keep you on the back burner.

 

Like, everyone else said, maybe he did meet someone else?

 

But, I would let him know, you're cutting contact, and moving on. Maybe, that will make him realize his mistake.

[No1]

You have mentioned several times you don't want to lose what you had. You cant add air to a popped balloon. What you had is done Im sorry to say.

Staying in the orbit of his life waving the banner of "Friendship" while having emotional ties to him isn't helpful or benefit you. If he takes your 'friendship' flag seriously, he could very well tell you how wonderful his new relationship is. And do you really want to hear that? I believe you can be friends with an X but only after all emotional bonds you had have faded off and there is no chance of coming back.

 

The more you stay in his orbit the easier it will be for him to separate from you. I know you want to stay in his life in hopes that he sees you the same as he did before. It doesn't work that way. He has to see a life without you being there and available to him 24/7. So I think you just have to cut the anchor you have and let him go. You don't have to go in depth and nothing complicated. Just say what you want to say once, and then let him go. Say you cant handle being just friends and you need to step away from all this and let him go. Do not hint at the future or leave a door open. If a man wants you, he will work hard to earn you.

 

But for now, let him go.

[rainorshine]

I am currently going through a very similar situation -- my breakup just happened to occur two and a half months ago. Since it did happen some time ago now, though, I do feel like I've gained some insight and can shed some light on the experience.

 

So my (ex)boyfriend of two years also blindsided me with a breakup, not necessarily because he just wanted to be single, but because he claimed the geological distance between us was just too painful for him. He also promised me there was no one else and that he still loved me just as much, and I 100% believe he was genuine in that. So while I cannot say for certain that the same goes for your boyfriend, I think that there is a possibility that he is telling the truth. Maybe he just needs to focus on himself right now and take time to grow independent of you. Because believe me, now that I have been single for some time, I realize that being in a relationship for two years definitely made me lose sight of my personal goals and aspirations. Once a couple, my entire future became about 'us' and I recognize now how wrong that was. Had we not broken up, I would have never come to that realization, and for that reason alone, I see now that our breakup truly was the best.

 

With that being said, I think that there is a chance that you guys could possibly be together again in the future, as long as the end goals he sets for himself align with those you have for yourself. But that is something only time will tell -- not you and not him. In the meantime, you do need to go no contact. You need to take a step back from the relationship, do some deep reflecting, and use this time apart from him to 1) get to know yourself again and 2) invest in who you want to be going forward. It will do nothing but benefit you (and him) in the end.

 

My ex and I also tried to remain friends after breaking up. We went two months with sporadic contact on the basis that we also were best friends during our relationship and still cared for one another deeply. It was good in theory -- still being there for one another, still getting to hear about each others' daily lives -- but we were living in a fantasy land. Who were we kidding? We still had deep romantic feelings for one another and it just being "friends" was not working. It was causing me to hold onto the hope that he would come back, although I logically knew he wasn't going to. It was time that both needed to start to move on for the sake of our mental health, and the ONLY way to do that was to stop contact completely. No contact truly is imperative to gain clarity, grow as a person, and to begin healing.

 

Oh, I almost forgot: I recommend initiating no contact by just telling him. That's what I did. I simply told my ex that talking to each other like we had been was just too painful for me and that I owed it to myself to start to move on since he no longer wanted to be together. Since he does still care for me, he understood. He didn't want me to be hurting and said he respected my decision if that's what I wanted/needed. It's only been two weeks, and it definitely is not an easy road (I still cry nearly every day), but I know it's simply just what is best for both of us right now.