Was I Dating A Socipath? Should I Expect Him To Return? PLEASE HELP.

[smJackson]

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I was in a toxic relationship and I understand the addiction- the cravings and all of the dynamics. You are caught up in a spiritual soul tie with a toxic individual. You need to create physical and emotional distance from this guy. Stopping the sex completely is the main way to break the soul tie. Exchanging bodily fluids with this man will keep you entangled! Cut back if you're too weak to quit cold turkey.

 

You've also gotta do some soul searching. What is he giving you that keeps you enmeshed? Whatever hes giving you, another man can and will give it to you and treat you like a queen in the process. Your guy doesnt even sound like a nice person based on your narrative. Hes an a**hole.

 

Lastly, at some point, you will have to do some self reflection. What fears and insecurities have you confided in this man during happier times that now allows him to exploit you in this manner? Is it abandonment? Feeling unworthy or unlovable? There is something you experienced in your life that has allowed you to believe that you deserved to mistreated. This guy may or may not be a sociopath. The real question is, why are you allowing this person in your sphere of existence? You have one life to live and life is too short to not have people in our lives that love us, uplift us and bring out the best in us. When you really realize he doesnt give a damn about you, leaving him alone will be a breeze.

 

You will leave him one day. You just haven't had enough of his BS yet. Just remember this: every woman has a breaking point. You just haven't arrived there yet. Good luck to you!

[katrina1980]

Really?? What was your experience like? How long before you realized you slowly but surely we’re forgetting him/thinking less of him?

 

At my worst I considered suicide -- it was BAD!!!

 

My emotions ran the gamut -- love, hate, elation, depression, painful, painless, lather, rinse , repeat.

 

I even fell hard for another man (on line) while experiencing all these emotions.

 

I was lucky it took only about a year to fully kick, it was a six year relationship.

[keelyflood]

Another amazing reply I cannot explain have appreciate I am for! I have gone cold turkey since he last sent me that AM text last Monday, casually telling me to have a great day and hoping I had a safe flight home. He makes my head spin and I don’t understand what type of person acts this way or what he is thinking. Regardless, I do not plan to break no contact.

[keelyflood]

At my worst I considered suicide -- it was BAD!!!

 

My emotions ran the gamut -- love, hate, elation, pain, happiness, depression, lather, rinse , repeat.

 

I even fell hard for another man (on line) while experiencing all these emotions.

 

I was lucky it took only about a year to fully kick, it was a six year relationship.

 

I am so happy and glad you got out of it! You give me hope so thank you so much.

[DanZee]

Well, I don't have much to add because I think everyone covered everything. I would be the first to say that your boyfriend was an abuser and a narcissist, but there's one big difference here -- you sought him out. Even when he acted like he was trying to get rid of you, you kept hanging around and coming back. The worse he treated you, the more you seemed to want his attention. I would ask the same question as Honeycomb, was there something in your childhood that made you seek out this kind of abusive relationship? I think your self-esteem and self-confidence was already damaged before you met this guy. And then you glossed over the part where you were also sleeping with a lot of other guys and drinking heavily. It would be convenient to blame your boyfriend, but I think you set yourself up for this kind of relationship ahead of time.

 

I join the chorus with the advice that you should never, ever, ever talk to this guy again or see him again. He's your Kryptonite. I hope you have a good therapist because something is going on with you. Also promise yourself not to get into a relationship like this again. You should follow the old fashioned dating rituals of going out on dates to get to know someone. You don't just go over some guy's apartment you just met on Tinder to "hang out," which of course turns to having sex. And you might consider not using Tinder again either.

[Hollyj]

Are you going to block?

[keelyflood]

Are you going to block?

 

He has had me blocked on Instagram because “it hurts to see my posts” but before we got back together, he would unblock me daily and look at my posts/comments/stories.

 

I just blocked his Facebook yesterday. Only thing not blocked is his number because in my sick head I would like him to text me...I will never be the one to reach out though.

[Honeycomb8]

Hmmm. Guess u haven't hit rock bottom then.

[boltnrun]

You want him to text you so you can go back for more abuse?

[Wiseman2]

Why do you think "he's a sociopath"? If you believe this, you would have deleted and blocked him long ago, no? If you think you "were dating a sociopath", why hope he comes back?

I just don't know if he has discarded me or I should expect him to try to creep up on me sometime and see what I'm up to

[keelyflood]

Why do you think "he's a sociopath"? If you believe this, you would have deleted and blocked him long ago, no? If you think you "were dating a sociopath", why hope he comes back?

 

I don’t know, I know I have an addictive personality and my therapist called this an addiction Instead of a relationship. She said he never loved me or felt the way I did, just just liked getting off on my pain and wanting to please him. I have lots of work to do on myself.

[Wiseman2]

Yes, stop diagnosing him. He's a jerk, but you're the one running to him.

my therapist called this an addiction Instead of a relationship.I have lots of work to do on myself.

[Hollyj]

He has had me blocked on Instagram because “it hurts to see my posts” but before we got back together, he would unblock me daily and look at my posts/comments/stories.

 

I just blocked his Facebook yesterday. Only thing not blocked is his number because in my sick head I would like him to text me...I will never be the one to reach out though.

Guess you are seeking more drama and pain. What does he have to do to you, for you to wake up?

 

If you don't want to help yourself, how can others do it for you?

[keelyflood]

Guess you are seeking more drama and pain. What does he have to do to you, for you to wake up?

 

If you don't want to help yourself, how can others do it for you?

 

I think I just accepted the “love” I thought I was worthy of so I always gave his actions a pass. And now I just feel empty and drained and like giving him 210% of me had no effect on him.

[Hollyj]

Then why do you make yourself open to him? You asked for "HELP" yet you will not block him.

 

When are you going to "help" yourself? Good lord, you did have a life before this guy.

 

He has shown you who he he, yet you keep on going back for more abuse.

[Realitynut]

I was with a Hot/cold person for over 5 years. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde person. Your guy sounds MUCH worse. 2 years ago I finally blocked him on facebook. But kept going back. He'd disappear after sex, usually 2 weeks. I could go on and on.

 

After he planned a trip with me, then didn't go (I went by myself) I decided I finally had HAD IT! Yep. Home only 3 days and he comes knocking on my bedroom door. I wouldn't even look at him. FIRST TIME I EVER REBUFFED HIM IN OVER 5 YEARS! So he said, I guess I'll leave. I said. OK bye. Haven't heard from him in 2 weeks.

 

Been 6 weeks. It's hard. But I'm finally able to resist. (last winter I bought him a plane ticket to see me in Florida...for a vacation....he never came.)

 

Don't let 1 year turn into 5 years like I did. I'm old. He pursued me for 10 months before I even kissed him. Then when he had me...he didn't want me. Sound familiar?

 

I still miss him. Of course. We...unlike you....did go hiking, kayaking, biking together. But like you...it was all on HIS terms. It's what HE wanted to do. Did he want to take me out to eat? Hell no. Do things that cost $$??? Hell no.

 

I'm sure he was an emotional avoidant...but doesn't matter. All that matters is that he will never change. READ MY LIPS: THEY WILL NEVER, EVER CHANGE!

 

Break the bond now...or you will just waste more of your time on him. He was your first....but he won't be your last. You mean NOTHING to him, accept as a sexual partner. He is not there emotionally for you. Never has been. Never will be.

 

GET OUT! NOW. Keep going to therapy.

[yatsue]

She has been saying all you guys have been, and I’m am so appreciative for the feedback, harsh or not! He has just been my constant, positive or not for a year and I guess that’s what scares me. I need to learn self love and respect for sure. I just always wonder if he will try to come back or get in contact ever again with the way he harshly left things

 

Who knows if he will be back or not for sure. If you ask me? I believe he will most definitely be back, so please DO NOT allow him the opportunity to worm his way back into your life. Like I said before, this is a vicious rinse and repeat cycle that will go on until one of you has ceased all communication, after being broken down enough from the emotional toll. Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, for the both of you! He will beg, will cry, will act miserable, tell you everything you want to hear and take back all the awful things he said before. DO NOT LISTEN.

 

I see you stated you still allow some of his messages to come through and it validates you. STOP THE COMMUNICATION FROM HIS AND YOUR SIDE. You will fall right back into the cycle. You do not have the willpower right now in order to withstand his manipulations. Time is a healer and you should do everything to cut him off so you can become stronger on your own. Please know you are not alone, like the many people who have experienced similar on this site, including myself at the moment. It is hard, but know this is just something you have to do, like taking a shower and eating. It becomes mechanical; just do it without thinking and then forget about it. That motto has helped me cut off my recent ex completely, despite the attempts at previous contact.

[keelyflood]

I was with a Hot/cold person for over 5 years. Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde person. Your guy sounds MUCH worse. 2 years ago I finally blocked him on facebook. But kept going back. He'd disappear after sex, usually 2 weeks. I could go on and on.

 

After he planned a trip with me, then didn't go (I went by myself) I decided I finally had HAD IT! Yep. Home only 3 days and he comes knocking on my bedroom door. I wouldn't even look at him. FIRST TIME I EVER REBUFFED HIM IN OVER 5 YEARS! So he said, I guess I'll leave. I said. OK bye. Haven't heard from him in 2 weeks.

 

Been 6 weeks. It's hard. But I'm finally able to resist. (last winter I bought him a plane ticket to see me in Florida...for a vacation....he never came.)

 

Don't let 1 year turn into 5 years like I did. I'm old. He pursued me for 10 months before I even kissed him. Then when he had me...he didn't want me. Sound familiar?

 

I still miss him. Of course. We...unlike you....did go hiking, kayaking, biking together. But like you...it was all on HIS terms. It's what HE wanted to do. Did he want to take me out to eat? Hell no. Do things that cost $$??? Hell no.

 

I'm sure he was an emotional avoidant...but doesn't matter. All that matters is that he will never change. READ MY LIPS: THEY WILL NEVER, EVER CHANGE!

 

Break the bond now...or you will just waste more of your time on him. He was your first....but he won't be your last. You mean NOTHING to him, accept as a sexual partner. He is not there emotionally for you. Never has been. Never will be.

 

GET OUT! NOW. Keep going to therapy.

 

This was so comforting and reassuring to me. So happy for you and your progress thus far! Keep on going!

[keelyflood]

Who knows if he will be back or not for sure. If you ask me? I believe he will most definitely be back, so please DO NOT allow him the opportunity to worm his way back into your life. Like I said before, this is a vicious rinse and repeat cycle that will go on until one of you has ceased all communication, after being broken down enough from the emotional toll. Past behavior is an indicator of future behavior, for the both of you! He will beg, will cry, will act miserable, tell you everything you want to hear and take back all the awful things he said before. DO NOT LISTEN.

 

I see you stated you still allow some of his messages to come through and it validates you. STOP THE COMMUNICATION FROM HIS AND YOUR SIDE. You will fall right back into the cycle. You do not have the willpower right now in order to withstand his manipulations. Time is a healer and you should do everything to cut him off so you can become stronger on your own. Please know you are not alone, like the many people who have experienced similar on this site, including myself at the moment. It is hard, but know this is just something you have to do, like taking a shower and eating. It becomes mechanical; just do it without thinking and then forget about it. That motto has helped me cut off my recent ex completely, despite the attempts at previous contact.

 

How long did your ex contact you after you cut off contact? And how often? You reassured me very much and I feel comfortable I am not alone. Thank you for your helpful words.

[boltnrun]

How long did your ex contact you after you cut off contact? And how often? You reassured me very much and I feel comfortable I am not alone. Thank you for your helpful words.

 

Are you hoping he contacts you? Do you plan to go back for more?

[yatsue]

How long did your ex contact you after you cut off contact? And how often? You reassured me very much and I feel comfortable I am not alone. Thank you for your helpful words.

 

The last was a month or so after we moved out separately. He kept using excuses to contact me, despite me telling him there was no reason to and I didn't want his contact. His last words in person were him telling me to contact him about his mail. Uhm, no. I am doing all legally required of me, which is forwarding it all to his current address. No contact, only a third party will be delivering his mail. He should be forwarding his own mail by requesting it through the post office and changing over all his contacts to his current address, just like I've always done whenever I moved. No one forwarded my mail, I had to do it. How often did he contact me...well several times after finally getting him to move out. All left unanswered. People always get tired of talking to a wall pretty quickly. ALWAYS. Any feedback is affirmation to them. Remember that.

 

I am glad you feel reassured, anytime. Confide in your family and friends. Make new friends, recontact old ones, create festive plans. Make plans to look forward to (ex: I'm going to Disney with my best friend for xmas, visiting family for thanksgiving in a new state I've never been to before), buy some cute clothes that make you feel good, your favorite flowers, exercise when you feel lazy/bored, get that exciting book you always wanted to buy. My current goal is to fill up the bookcase my ex left along with all the books in it. Now, I'm reading new books at home when I want to relax. It's the small things that make you happy being single.

[Jellybean9]

Okay I read it and I was getting flashbacks of one of my friends relationships. I believe I have referenced her before on this forum.

 

She was dating a guy not so different from yours. She ended up obsessed with him. He made her feel like she was his world one minute then so small and pathetic the next. He would feed off of her when she was crying as it made him feel like a man.

 

He was a vile human being. He would let her back all the time. He would block then unblock her she would crawl back he would use her. Cheat on her. You name it.

 

It came to a point she got strong. She had to leave.

 

She ended up on meds. She also went to therapy.

 

You asked if you would hear from him again... You probably would. He is feeding off of you. You will have to be strong.

 

My friend has only just got over the emotional and physical abuse she went through. That was over 2 years ago.

 

Leave now and honestly get some help.

 

It is no healthy and you deserve better.

 

There is better out there. Trust me!

[keelyflood]

Okay I read it and I was getting flashbacks of one of my friends relationships. I believe I have referenced her before on this forum.

 

She was dating a guy not so different from yours. She ended up obsessed with him. He made her feel like she was his world one minute then so small and pathetic the next. He would feed off of her when she was crying as it made him feel like a man.

 

He was a vile human being. He would let her back all the time. He would block then unblock her she would crawl back he would use her. Cheat on her. You name it.

 

It came to a point she got strong. She had to leave.

 

She ended up on meds. She also went to therapy.

 

You asked if you would hear from him again... You probably would. He is feeding off of you. You will have to be strong.

 

My friend has only just got over the emotional and physical abuse she went through. That was over 2 years ago.

 

Leave now and honestly get some help.

 

It is no healthy and you deserve better.

 

There is better out there. Trust me!

 

Thank you so much for the relation! Honestly this forum is helping me a lot. I’m guessing she needed to just block him in every way he could possibly reach her for him to stop reaching out and her to move on huh

[Hollyj]

Thank you so much for the relation! Honestly this forum is helping me a lot. I’m guessing she needed to just block him in every way he could possibly reach her for him to stop reaching out and her to move on huh

Yes!!!!!!!

[Honeycomb8]

Block him! I was with mine for nearly 3 years and wasted 4.5 years of my life being hooked. I blocked and unblocked many times. I must have liked the drama on some level because I still gave him chances despite everything.

 

The first time I broke up with him, I blocked him on everything. All msging apps, all ways of contact. So he called me with his work phone, I ended up having to block two emails and 4 numbers (because he used his friend to call me too. 20++ calls later and Skype calls, I finally gave in, picked up for the first time and agreed to meet with him. That really was a big mistake. Another time after I ended things, I blocked and stopped talking and he contacted my kid sister and mother! It was too much.

 

Cut it off. Him msging u is getting an ego fix, he doesn't care about u and never has.