Was I Dating A Socipath? Should I Expect Him To Return? PLEASE HELP.

[keelyflood]

I have since reached out to the girls he cheated on me with and was not at all shocked to find out that the time frame he “blocked them and cut them off to just be with me” was bull and was seeing them until I left with him cross country to help him move back home. He flew in this past weekend to “spend time with me and prove to me that this is for good” and all was fine and okay, even though I was guarded and baffled he booked a ticket. I bought his entire family presents, spent mass amounts of money on his presents, paid for dinners and got up to get his coffee and cigarillos every morning. He gave me a measly promise ring that he would not stop to remind me of “who put that on that finger”. When I dropped him at the airport, he kissed me, hugged me goodbye and told me he loved me after holding my hand the entire car ride there and talking about our “little traditions”. I find out an hour after I dropped him off he messaged one of the girls he had been cheating on me with that I’ve befriended and she straight up told me and sent me a screenshot. An hour after I dropped him off from a semi-fine weekend. Once I called him out after his flight landed and told him I was officially done and to never speak to me again, he hit me with “me and you weren’t even together”, “that wasn’t a promise ring it was just a thank you gift”, “I was gonna end things I just didn’t know how you beat me to it”.

[katrina1980]

I have since reached out to the girls he cheated on me with and was not at all shocked to find out that the time frame he “blocked them and cut them off to just be with me” was bull and was seeing them until I left with him cross country to help him move back home. He flew in this past weekend to “spend time with me and prove to me that this is for good” and all was fine and okay, even though I was guarded and baffled he booked a ticket. I bought his entire family presents, spent mass amounts of money on his presents, paid for dinners and got up to get his coffee and cigarillos every morning.

 

I'm sorry this is going to sound harsh, but I have absolutely no sympathy for your plight, it's ridiculous!!

 

After all the crap you posted throughout this thread, you went ahead and fell for his BS, spent the weekend with him, and as if that's not bad enough, proceeded to buy his entire family gifts, spent massive amounts of money on his presents, paid for dinner and served him coffee every morning????????? , what were you thinking? Serious question.

 

Other than that, I really have no words.

 

This is all on you keeley, and as I said I have no sympathy, I'm sorry.

 

Please reflect, introspect, get some professional help, something.

 

Best of luck.

[boltnrun]

Why do you hate yourself so much? And why are you trying so desperately to get that piece of garbage to love you?

[keelyflood]

I feel no sympathy for myself and I absolutely deserve harsh words. There’s a battle inside of me I have with myself that says I deserve this treatment and that I will not do better. I do not plan on ever speaking to him again.

[ThatwasThen]

Wow..

Keely, you need a new therapist.

[katrina1980]

I feel no sympathy for myself and I absolutely deserve harsh words. There’s a battle inside of me I have with myself that says I deserve this treatment and that I will not do better. I do not plan on ever speaking to him again.

 

You've said this before. Below is a post from 10 days ago.

 

Hi all. It’s been a month and what do you know, I let my narcissist suck me in yet again and here I am, back on this forum because I have been discarded “out of the blue” after all the reassurance and lovey dovey bull he fed me day in and day out. I am on day one of recovery again but this time I am not just sad, moreso angry and more motivated to be the strongest most confident me yet.

 

keely, seriously hun, you are sooooo addicted, PLEASE seek the proper help for this, a therapist who specializes in this type of addiction, otherwise, this insanity will continue potentially destroying you emotionally.

 

It happened to an old friend of mine, who spent seven years in a RL like this, she ended up having a severe breakdown, attempted suicide, it literally destroyed her.

[Jewels465]

You can get over this. You really can. Block him from your life. Be done. Just take it one day at a time and never contact or respond to him again. You will get over him and be way better off. He is very toxic to your life. You have to see that.

[Sportster2005]

The first time he deceived you, that was his fault. After that it's your fault.

 

This is really simple. Don't date abusive people. Seek help if you find it a pattern.

[keelyflood]

It definitely is an addiction and I agree with all of you, he does need to be completely blocked from my life for me to ever get better.

 

My friend came over last night and I explained this to him and he said “he’s not done with you. He told you he was going to end it but ‘you beat him to the punch’ because he was embarrassed and his narcissistic self turned it on you to made you feel bad.” I do not want him back and he is blocked but he is the type to text me or try to contact me thru other numbers.

 

Do you agree he will try to come back? Should I change my phone number? This is something I have been holding off doing bc I hated the idea of a sociopath making me change my life but if that is what I need to do I will do it.

 

Thanks.

[katrina1980]

 

I do not want him back and he is blocked but he is the type to text me or try to contact me thru other numbers.

 

Do you agree he will try to come back?

 

 

The two bolded comments contradict each other.

 

If you truly did not want him back, you wouldn't be asking if we think he will try to come back.

 

Who gives a f***?! You certainly shouldn't but you do, which is why you're asking and why it's so important for you to seek out a qualified therapist who specializes in love addiction, like -- immediately. Many charge on a sliding scale depending on your income and what you can afford.

 

To answer your question, YES you change your phone number!! You do everything you can to extricate this person from your consciousness and your life!!

 

I'm baffled as to how you can even ask this after all the crap you've been through with this loser, geez. SMH

[Honeycomb8]

Stop asking if he wants to come back. My ex continues to contact me, I just continue to ignore. Since u have no self control u really need to change your number TODAY.

[boltnrun]

The saddest thing would be if you posted yet another "update" (which is really just you doing the same thing over and over), where you explain that you spent a ton of money on him and waited on him hand and foot and had sex with him and told him you love him and then are surprised when he, once again, treats you like garbage.

 

Please, seek professional help before you find yourself 20 years from now in the exact same situation with this exact same guy.

[figureitout23]

It definitely is an addiction and I agree with all of you, he does need to be completely blocked from my life for me to ever get better.

 

My friend came over last night and I explained this to him and he said “he’s not done with you. He told you he was going to end it but ‘you beat him to the punch’ because he was embarrassed and his narcissistic self turned it on you to made you feel bad.” I do not want him back and he is blocked but he is the type to text me or try to contact me thru other numbers.

 

Do you agree he will try to come back? Should I change my phone number? This is something I have been holding off doing bc I hated the idea of a sociopath making me change my life but if that is what I need to do I will do it.

 

Thanks.

 

Oh good lord what friend told you that? You weren’t on Quora we’re you cause that’s how they coddle each other with the narcissist psychobabble.

 

Your insistence that he is mentally deranged and an apparent super villain, allows you to allieve yourself of any and all responsibility. You get to stay stuck without any guilt.

 

Well of course I keep going back, he’s a narcissist!

 

Well of course I keep allowing him in, he’s a narcissist!

 

Well of course I’m addicted to this toxicity, he’s a narcissist!

 

You get to hide behind this label, look at what you wrote: I hate the idea of a sociopath making me change my life.

 

Soooo that means you get to continue to act against your best interests and when you let him back in, it’s still his fault?

 

Please get off the crazy train.

 

The only person you can control is you, the only person who’s mental and physical health matters is yours

 

Be honest.

 

You don’t want to change your number because deep down you want him to reach it again.

 

You’re getting something out of this, we don’t do things without getting something it of it even toxic things.

 

It’s time to look within and get out of this unhealthy cycle.

[smittenkittn]

Oh good lord what friend told you that? You weren’t on Quora we’re you cause that’s how they coddle each other with the narcissist psychobabble.

 

Your insistence that he is mentally deranged and an apparent super villain, allows you to allieve yourself of any and all responsibility. You get to stay stuck without any guilt.

 

Well of course I keep going back, he’s a narcissist!

 

Well of course I keep allowing him in, he’s a narcissist!

 

Well of course I’m addicted to this toxicity, he’s a narcissist!

 

You get to hide behind this label, look at what you wrote: I hate the idea of a sociopath making me change my life.

 

Soooo that means you get to continue to act against your best interests and when you let him back in, it’s still his fault?

 

Please get off the crazy train.

 

The only person you can control is you, the only person who’s mental and physical health matters is yours

 

Be honest.

 

You don’t want to change your number because deep down you want him to reach it again.

 

You’re getting something out of this, we don’t do things without getting something it of it even toxic things.

 

It’s time to look within and get out of this unhealthy cycle.

 

Exactly, it seems to be very trendy to label the other person a narcissist or sociopath but really all we really know is that he doesn't like you as much as you wish he did, and that you keep clinging on in the hope that he'll change his mind.

 

Whether he is or isn't, doesn't actually matter, what does matter is that you let go, stop stalking his social media and contacting his other women, stop acting crazy and desperate, and just focus on getting your self esteem back.

[keelyflood]

Hi all. I am really just using this as a place to spill how I am feeling and hopefully get some support. Last time I saw my ex, he put his hands on me (now making the abuse emotional, mental and physical). I came home being done and cutting off contact. I want 2019 to be a good start for me. Days later, I wake up to three consecutive calls from an unknown number. It was my ex, and he was “just calling to apologize for the way he treated me. That putting his hands on me was an eye opener and he’s embarrassed to even say it out loud.” I stayed silent but listened and basically he said I deserved someone better and more. I deserved a clean slate of 2019 and he said he needed to work on himself and in two, three years, I’d be his. He said he loves me and thinks of me constantly but he is not in a good head space to be with someone and he needed to work on himself. He’s done this mass amounts of times but this somehow felt like the last discard.

[boltnrun]

Good.

 

Now you can change your number and never see or hear from him again.

 

Unless you want to be a statistic or a tragic story on the evening news.

[ThatwasThen]

Hi all. I am really just using this as a place to spill how I am feeling and hopefully get some support. Last time I saw my ex, he put his hands on me (now making the abuse emotional, mental and physical). I came home being done and cutting off contact. I want 2019 to be a good start for me. Days later, I wake up to three consecutive calls from an unknown number. It was my ex, and he was “just calling to apologize for the way he treated me. That putting his hands on me was an eye opener and he’s embarrassed to even say it out loud.” I stayed silent but listened and basically he said I deserved someone better and more. I deserved a clean slate of 2019 and he said he needed to work on himself and in two, three years, I’d be his. He said he loves me and thinks of me constantly but he is not in a good head space to be with someone and he needed to work on himself. He’s done this mass amounts of times but this somehow felt like the last discard.

Well, I'm going to assume that you got a real ego stroke from his contact and so I suggest that you don't answer any unknown numbers anymore and instead just send them to voice mail and listen to them later rather then let him BS you like that. He's not going to do a darn thing about working on himself and he just needed to have the last say.

 

Don't talk to him anymore.

[Wiseman2]

What do you mean by "put his hands on you"? Hit/slapped/pushed you? After that if you are calling it "making the abuse emotional, mental and physical", why are you communicating with him?

 

Why are you wasting your time telling him what "you deserve"? This is not up to him. It's your call how you run your life and who you let in it or remove from it. Only therapy can help you understand what your helplessness, martyrdom, etc mindset means and guide you out of this. Telling an abusive bozo "what you deserve" is not going to turn your life around.

Last time I saw my ex, he put his hands on me. he was “just calling to apologize for the way he treated me. That putting his hands on me was an eye opener and he’s embarrassed to even say it out loud.” I stayed silent but listened

[Jewels465]

I hope you change your number. Never answer calls you don’t know who it is. Be done with him. Give it a month. Start hanging out with friends, you’ll be over him in no time. During this time, don’t drink if you’ve been known to contact him if you’re drinking. You can get this person out of your system, you just have to try.

[figureitout23]

“Last discard”

 

....

 

Honestly this isn’t a narcissist circle jerk board. Go to quora for that. There are a lot of very smart people here who I admire because they advise based on life expierience and getting through some tough times.

 

You refuse to listen to any of them, you go back again and again and again. You are going to end up dead Keely.

 

You need help. Serious help. Not ‘support’ to coddle you until you feel ready to go back for more abuse girl... this is bad. I know how hard it is to get out of relationships like this, but you have to.

 

Stop reading about narcissism and convincing yourself you’re powerless to his manipulation you aren’t you make a conscious choice to keep going back and you need to stop.

 

Please.

 

PM me. I will help you.

[keelyflood]

I have no idea what to expect anymore.

[boltnrun]

I have no idea what to expect anymore.

 

How can you not know what to expect?

 

He will continue to abuse you if you insist on staying in this relationship.

 

I presume it was frightening and upsetting when he hurt you.

[Wiseman2]

Yes you do because you are hanging onto so tightly.

I have no idea what to expect anymore.

[keelyflood]

At this point, I am concerned for myself. I continuously go back to this person. Therapy does not help. I have been in a neverending cycle for a year and a half. I believe the final discard was two days ago...over a pack of cigarettes he found in my purse (unopened) which lead to him calling me a liar and telling me he “didn’t want to do this anymore”. I took off in my Uber. My number was blocked. I got drunk yesterday and completely went off (my fault) telling his two friends and his mom/brother to have him talk to me because I felt insane and used and abused and thrown out. This lead to him calling me and checking on me and then blocking my number repeatedly. My damaged ass wants him to come back, obviously. My number has been since blocked. I feel like there is not light at the end of the tunnel for me. And yet I am still sitting here asking and wondering he is he does and if he will return