Will animal abuse lead to other types of abuse?

[Seraphim]

By adulthood though most people can control themselves . And if they can’t they shouldn’t have animals or children . I will agree both animals and children can be extremely frustrating I’m not denying that . But physically injuring them should not be part of the equation at all, ever . It is not part of getting used to an animal or a child . That says the person is not capable .

 

For instance I have a cat that clawed my brand new thousand dollar TV stand . I didn’t hit or scream at my cat . I put tinfoil on where he scratches to encourage him not to do that . There is no need to injure an animal whatsoever . You are supposed to use the brain cells you are given to think of solutions .

[abitbroken]

You’re right I shouldn’t being worrying about the future and instead I should be dealing with the current situation. I’ve grown so attached to the puppy and don’t want to give him up but I know if I want to keep him i will need to end my relationship and move out of our house which is not a easy or quick thing to do. I really didn’t see this coming (he’s never been abusive towards our cats) and the last month has flipped my life upside down. I thought I’d be with my bf forever.. I just can’t believe that after 4 years with someone they can show a side I’ve never seen before. I feel really stupid to be honest. I’ve been spending every second my bf is home protecting the puppy and keeping him away from him but it’s so exhausting. Can’t sleep thinking about what to do with the puppy, how to end the relationship, how/where to move to. I also feel like my family will be so disappointed in me because they really like my bf.

Thanks for your honest advice.

 

You need to move out with the puppy. He will do the same to a small child that is pushing for attention when he is busy. If you have a job, you can get an apartment that is pet friendly.

 

If its his place or a homeless shelter,

I think you should contact a reputable rescue - not the dog pound - to help you rehome the puppy from a violent situation if you cannot keep the puppy or contact the person you got the pup from if they are reputable and weren't someone handing out dogs from the back of their car.

 

But i ultimately think moving out with the puppy would be good because it also teaches you responsibility - you committed to the pup's life - you don't just toss them away and give you motivation to move out. If you don't, you'll just stay and then wonder why he smacked your 11 month old child across the face

[reinventmyself]

Good animal cruelty and personality disorders.

There is a correlation.

Not saying it's the case here. . but something to consider.

[Hollyj]

You misconstrued my words. Smacking and screaming are abuse but given that he never had a puppy before, his behaviour is not that preposterous. It takes time for someone to adapt and learn to control himself. If he is willing to learn of course. The injury was over the top though.

 

I don't agree.

[reinventmyself]

Good animal cruelty and personality disorders.

There is a correlation.

Not saying it's the case here. . but something to consider.

 

typo Google. . not good.

[DancingFool]

You misconstrued my words. Smacking and screaming are abuse but given that he never had a puppy before, his behaviour is not that preposterous. It takes time for someone to adapt and learn to control himself. If he is willing to learn of course. The injury was over the top though.

 

Sorry but yes, it's absolutely absurd and insane. If you are going to apply this standard of behavior then might as well say, "well that guy knocked her teeth out, but it's OK, it's his first gf and he just didn't know how to control himself....but hey, here is to growing up." Yes, it's that absurd of an excuse. There is simply no excuse whatsoever for this guy's behavior and the OP needs to leave him. Also, she needs to remove the dog from this immediately - today. Even if she temporarily takes the puppy over to her parents or a shelter, etc. They both need to get out of this situation.

 

She also needs to tell all - family and friends - what a piece of psycho this guy actually is.

[kitteh]

What is particularly disturbing is your failure to get medical treatment for the puppy after that man injured it.

 

Were you too embarrassed?

 

I called our vet and told them the puppy had injured his leg and was limping. I didn’t tell them how because it had just happened and for some stupid reason I thought what my bf did was a one time reaction to being really stressed. I now know that I was wrong about this.

 

The vet told me to give it a few days that puppies tend to be very dramatic when they are hurt and can cry like crazy but then be back to themselves in no time once they have time to rest. The vet was right after 2 days the puppy was totally fine and no longer limping. The vet didn’t want to do X-rays and an exam that would cost about $800 unless they were sure he needed it. They told us to come in in 3 days if he was still limping. But the limping stopped and the puppy was back to running and playing like normal. We’ve taken our cats to this vet for years and I really trust this vets opinion and appreciate that he didn’t just want our money and gave a honest opinion to us.

 

I wouldn’t hesitate to take an animal to the vet or get it help when needed. Money wasn’t the question as I’d be willing to pay for any treatment needed. I just trusted what the vet told me to do.

 

I do realize that if I want what’s best for the puppy that I will have to find it a safe home or I will have to leave my bf which is super complicated because we own a house together and a break up will take time to sort everything out. I contacted my dad today who lives in another town and he said he can take the puppy but he was worried about his current dogs that are senior and how they would react to a young hyper puppy. If the puppy doesn’t get on with my dads dogs I will return him to the breeder.

 

I know everyone thinks I’m horrible for not immediately taking the puppy and leaving but like i said this side of my bfs personality is new and i thought it was just a reaction to the stress of a new puppy. I came to this forum for advice and help on what’s the right thing to do and I’m very thankful for the many opinions and advice everyone’s been giving me... even tho the advice seems to be mixed. Some ppl think this will pass and it’s just the stress of a new puppy and other ppl are very angry with the situation (which I totally understand why). I’ve been thinking non stop about what to do with my relationship as I said I don’t think I can continue the relationship now that I’ve seen this side of my bf and I think about what the future would be like if we had children. The puppy’s safety is my first priority right now and then I will have to figure out my relationship after.

[Seraphim]

Thank you for finding the puppy a safe place. Take him today. This is what is best for a defenceless baby animal.

[Hollyj]

You did the right thing!

[Wiseman2]

That's what people who go to an ER with a black eye/broken bones are trained to do by abusers. You're already trained to protect his abuse. You need to get out now. You need to be honest with your people about all this and stop protecting him and lie to your parents about how he really is and what he really did.

 

Wait YOU are paying for his animal abuse? No normal person throws a living thing across the room because they're annoyed.

I called our vet and told them the puppy had injured his leg and was limping. I didn’t tell them how because it had just happened and for some stupid reason I thought what my bf did was a one time reaction to being really stressed. I’d be willing to pay for any treatment needed.

[abitbroken]

I know everyone thinks I’m horrible for not immediately taking the puppy and leaving but like i said this side of my bfs personality is new and i thought it was just a reaction to the stress of a new puppy. I came to this forum for advice and help on what’s the right thing to do and I’m very thankful for the many opinions and advice everyone’s been giving me... even tho the advice seems to be mixed. Some ppl think this will pass and it’s just the stress of a new puppy and other ppl are very angry with the situation (which I totally understand why). I’ve been thinking non stop about what to do with my relationship as I said I don’t think I can continue the relationship now that I’ve seen this side of my bf and I think about what the future would be like if we had children. The puppy’s safety is my first priority right now and then I will have to figure out my relationship after.

 

There are some things where the first time is the last time. If he struck you or choked you - and you said "he never did that before!" and you stayed, you are stupid. In fact, if he does that to the puppy, what happens if he gets mad at you eventually? If you refuse to leave, i would go to dad's for a visit to take a few days away from him. you say "maybe its the stress of a new puppy" - what happens with a new baby where the baby cries every hour on the hour? And no one gets sleep? If he handles "stress" like this by lashing out at a defenseless baby animal, what happens when something more stressful happens?

[Batya33]

I think rehoming the puppy now -yes, even though you are attached -is the best, most practical and safest option now since moving out would take a long time and be so complicated. You can get another puppy at a more appropriate time in your life and you'll be doing the puppy a great kindness too. And yes it reminds me a bit of shaken baby syndrome where the angry/sleep deprived parent takes it out on his or her baby by shaking it out of frustration. Scary.

[kitteh]

I know everyone thinks I’m horrible for not immediately taking the puppy and leaving but like i said this side of my bfs personality is new and i thought it was just a reaction to the stress of a new puppy. I came to this forum for advice and help on what’s the right thing to do and I’m very thankful for the many opinions and advice everyone’s been giving me... even tho the advice seems to be mixed. Some ppl think this will pass and it’s just the stress of a new puppy and other ppl are very angry with the situation (which I totally understand why). I’ve been thinking non stop about what to do with my relationship as I said I don’t think I can continue the relationship now that I’ve seen this side of my bf and I think about what the future would be like if we had children. The puppy’s safety is my first priority right now and then I will have to figure out my relationship after.

 

There are some things where the first time is the last time. If he struck you or choked you - and you said "he never did that before!" and you stayed, you are stupid. In fact, if he does that to the puppy, what happens if he gets mad at you eventually? If you refuse to leave, i would go to dad's for a visit to take a few days away from him. you say "maybe its the stress of a new puppy" - what happens with a new baby where the baby cries every hour on the hour? And no one gets sleep? If he handles "stress" like this by lashing out at a defenseless baby animal, what happens when something more stressful happens?

 

You are completely right. I’ve been lucky enough to never experience any type of abuse in my life. Before this incident with the puppy I had never seen any warning signs from my bf that he may be abusive or have anger problems. He’s always been very laid back .. they’re some things that can piss him off but he’s never reacted with anger or abuse before this. So when this happened to the puppy I was thrown and shocked.. I didn’t see it coming and didn’t know how to react at first because I’ve never had to deal with any type of abuse in my life. I’m glad I came to this forum as everyone has really opened my eyes on what I should be doing and what I’ve been doing wrong in this situation. Thank you

[Hollyj]

Time to execute your exit plan. Doesn't matter that you own property together. People split up all the time.

[Batya33]

I had a cat growing up, for 13 years. Loved him to pieces,part of the family. I am not particularly into animals or an animal lover (just loved my cat!!). But when my son started walking/interacting I started then teaching him how to interact with animals we ran into. Partly for safety but also I think it's a great way to teach gentleness and patience when faced with someone -animal or human who is "different" from you. He of course was always interested in pets and many dog owners (or cat owners at their homes) are really thoughtful about showing a young child how to treat an animal and how to treat their particular animal. That way, if he ever was unintentionally too rough or teased the pet too much it was a time to show him what to do instead -but that has been the "worst" of it -those well-meaning mistakes by a child excited to be around an interesting/cute animal. Your boyfriend sees himself as physically more powerful and stronger than the puppy -and smarter. All of that is true of course and he is misusing his physical strength/smarts to intimidate and scare him instead of using it to properly train him (and I mean, yes, I suppose dog owners have to use their bodies to restrain an animal or physically remove him from a situation, etc without hurting or applying too much pressure, etc.

 

He doesn't care enough to learn this right now. I don't think it's your job to teach him. I think it's his job to get a handle on any anger issues he might have. Also I didn't see if you responded to whether he wanted the puppy too, or as much as you -that would be a factor too.

[kitteh]

I had a cat growing up, for 13 years. Loved him to pieces,part of the family. I am not particularly into animals or an animal lover (just loved my cat!!). But when my son started walking/interacting I started then teaching him how to interact with animals we ran into. Partly for safety but also I think it's a great way to teach gentleness and patience when faced with someone -animal or human who is "different" from you. He of course was always interested in pets and many dog owners (or cat owners at their homes) are really thoughtful about showing a young child how to treat an animal and how to treat their particular animal. That way, if he ever was unintentionally too rough or teased the pet too much it was a time to show him what to do instead -but that has been the "worst" of it -those well-meaning mistakes by a child excited to be around an interesting/cute animal. Your boyfriend sees himself as physically more powerful and stronger than the puppy -and smarter. All of that is true of course and he is misusing his physical strength/smarts to intimidate and scare him instead of using it to properly train him (and I mean, yes, I suppose dog owners have to use their bodies to restrain an animal or physically remove him from a situation, etc without hurting or applying too much pressure, etc.

 

He doesn't care enough to learn this right now. I don't think it's your job to teach him. I think it's his job to get a handle on any anger issues he might have. Also I didn't see if you responded to whether he wanted the puppy too, or as much as you -that would be a factor too.

 

Hi, yes it was a joint decision, we had been talking about getting a puppy for 2 years. My bf was the one who originally asked for a dog but since I grew up with dogs I knew how much work raising a puppy would be. I convinced my bf to wait because I didn’t think we had the time to raise and train one 2 years ago. I started working part time this year so we thought now would be a good time to get a puppy since I would be home more. We researched breeds before we picked one. The breed we chose is known for being incredibly intelligent and easy to train. Since this is my bfs first dog I wanted to make sure we picked a breed that would be a bit easier for us to train. We did our homework and waited till the right time in our lives to get this puppy. I wanted to adopt an adult dog from a shelter but our vet advised us that it wasn’t a good idea since we have 2 older cats. The vet told us a puppy would make it easier for our cats to adjust since it would be smaller than our cats at first and we could train it to get along with the cats.

 

The puppy just really wants to play with the cats and is chasing them because he wants to play not because he’s trying to hurt them. But my bf has zero tolerance for it .. he just freaks out when the puppy chases the cats out of the room. It causes an argument because he thinks Im choosing the puppy over our cats when I defend the puppy’s behavior. I had contacted a few puppy training schools but all of them have said the puppy is too young to start yet (he’s 11 weeks old.. almost 12 weeks).

 

I’ve given the puppy limited access to the house. He’s only allowed full access of only the ground floor when we’re home and when we’re out he’s kept in the kitchen with baby gates. We tried to crate train but the puppy would just completely freak out in the crate and not stop crying. But I’ve read that crate training isn’t for all dogs so we stopped.

 

Buying this puppy wasn’t a irrational quick decision. Time and thought was put into it and I am completely committed to doing what is right for this puppy. I guess my bf thought it would be a lot easier. I feel super disappointed that this didn’t work out and that my bf reacted in such a horrible way. But this experience has really opened my eyes to what my bf is really like and I don’t like it.

 

I think it’s great you’re teaching you son how to react around animals and how to be kind to them. You’re a wonderful mum.

[Doc Blaze]

Did you guys actually read up on puppies like what did your bf expect? That you could take out his batteries or something? Like om.not trying to be mean but 99 percent of puppies require a lot of work. The reason I haven't gotten a new puppy yet is because I am just not around my house enough right now to train and care for one. It takes a lot of time.

 

I was a vet tech for 6 years and helped raise many abandoned puppies.

[abitbroken]

I wanted to adopt an adult dog from a shelter but our vet advised us that it wasn’t a good idea since we have 2 older cats. The vet told us a puppy would make it easier for our cats to adjust since it would be smaller than our cats at first and we could train it to get along with the cats.

 

thats crap advice. There are many older dogs in foster based rescues who came from homes with cats in them - or the foster home has cats already and they know what dogs don't take much interest in cats/have them on ignore or have positive interactions with them.

[Doc Blaze]

I wanted to adopt an adult dog from a shelter but our vet advised us that it wasn’t a good idea since we have 2 older cats. The vet told us a puppy would make it easier for our cats to adjust since it would be smaller than our cats at first and we could train it to get along with the cats.

 

thats crap advice. There are many older dogs in foster based rescues who came from homes with cats in them - or the foster home has cats already and they know what dogs don't take much interest in cats/have them on ignore or have positive interactions with them.

A lot of these shelters have studied the dogs to see where they fit best. An older mello dog probably would of been the best situation. I would of talked to the shelter not the vet.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately that's not a good reason to live with this guy or get a dog. It seems you don't know him very well if you couldn't anticipate this reaction.

I started working part time this year

[kitteh]

Time to execute your exit plan. Doesn't matter that you own property together. People split up all the time.

 

Yes you’re right. I was up all night writing lists of things I need to figure out.

1. Find a place for the puppy to go - I’ve now called my dad and he’s willing to try out the puppy with his dogs for a few weeks and hopefully if the dogs get along with the puppy then it will stay with my dad till I sort my life out.

2. I have to sit down with my bf and tell him I can’t continue this relationship anymore. Which I’m scared of and I feel he won’t understand why I’m ending it. He doesn’t seem to understand that what he did was wrong.

3. I have to find a place to live temporarily. I would go live with my dad and the puppy but he lives in another town and it’s too far to commute to my work. I would have to quit my job if I moved in with my dad temporarily or take a leave from work to figure things out.

4. I’m going to have to get some legal advice since me and my bf own our house together. I have no clue how to go about this. Not sure if we would have to sell the house or if he’ll have to pay me for my share of it.

5. I have to tell my family what’s happened and why I’m going to leave my bf - this is the hardest part for me because like I said they all love my bf. My bf is in my sisters wedding party this summer and I’m not sure how her and her fiancé will react to this news. I for some reason worry that they’ll think I’m the one overreacting. Even when I explained the situation to my dad over the phone today I felt like he didn’t fully understand my reasoning. My dad is very supportive and understanding but i felt like he thought that maybe this would all blow over.

 

There’s a million other things on my list but theses are my main issues. It will be hard to decide who will keep our cats. We both love them dearly and he’s never been abusive to them. One cat I brought into the relationship and the other he brought into the relationship but the cats love each other so much and I can’t imagine splitting them up.

 

My minds been racing. I had to take today off work because I haven’t been sleeping the last few nights.

[Batya33]

Hi, yes it was a joint decision, we had been talking about getting a puppy for 2 years. My bf was the one who originally asked for a dog but since I grew up with dogs I knew how much work raising a puppy would be. I convinced my bf to wait because I didn’t think we had the time to raise and train one 2 years ago. I started working part time this year so we thought now would be a good time to get a puppy since I would be home more. We researched breeds before we picked one. The breed we chose is known for being incredibly intelligent and easy to train. Since this is my bfs first dog I wanted to make sure we picked a breed that would be a bit easier for us to train. We did our homework and waited till the right time in our lives to get this puppy. I wanted to adopt an adult dog from a shelter but our vet advised us that it wasn’t a good idea since we have 2 older cats. The vet told us a puppy would make it easier for our cats to adjust since it would be smaller than our cats at first and we could train it to get along with the cats.

 

The puppy just really wants to play with the cats and is chasing them because he wants to play not because he’s trying to hurt them. But my bf has zero tolerance for it .. he just freaks out when the puppy chases the cats out of the room. It causes an argument because he thinks Im choosing the puppy over our cats when I defend the puppy’s behavior. I had contacted a few puppy training schools but all of them have said the puppy is too young to start yet (he’s 11 weeks old.. almost 12 weeks).

 

I’ve given the puppy limited access to the house. He’s only allowed full access of only the ground floor when we’re home and when we’re out he’s kept in the kitchen with baby gates. We tried to crate train but the puppy would just completely freak out in the crate and not stop crying. But I’ve read that crate training isn’t for all dogs so we stopped.

 

Buying this puppy wasn’t a irrational quick decision. Time and thought was put into it and I am completely committed to doing what is right for this puppy. I guess my bf thought it would be a lot easier. I feel super disappointed that this didn’t work out and that my bf reacted in such a horrible way. But this experience has really opened my eyes to what my bf is really like and I don’t like it.

 

I think it’s great you’re teaching you son how to react around animals and how to be kind to them. You’re a wonderful mum.

 

I wasn't fishing for a compliment and thanks. I just know that treating animals properly is of course essential on its own but also relates to how you treat humans. So here's the thing - he can have zero tolerance for a certain behavior you are ok with. He just cannot react with abusive behavior, period. He can give the puppy appropriate consequences, remove the puppy from the situation, etc -and if you disagree then you talk about it. Also sounds like maybe a trainer/classes would be a good idea -and also to train the puppy lol. Honestly, part of the issue might be ignorance on your boyfriend's part. But only part. And yes if a dog tried to attack my child or lunge at my child I would do whatever was necessary to protect my child. And I have (meaning shouting to the owner to get his or her dog away/put him/her on a leash ASAP -and yes if I had to get physical with the dog to get him away from my child I would defend myself in that way- I would have that immediate, protective reflex.) And he might be thinking that about the cats -protecting his "family" but obviously he is overreacting.

[boltnrun]

I think you didn't tell the vet the truth because you were ashamed. Come on, you know deliberately hurting an infant animal is wrong! You wanted to protect yourself and your relationship.

 

As for your original question? If your boyfriend injures one of your children (because he's "not used to kids"), would you lie to the ER doctor to protect yourself and your relationship?

 

All things worth doing are hard. I get that you'll have to uproot your entire life. But you have two lives to protect here, including yours.

[Seraphim]

It is important ALWAYS to give the mechanism of injury.

[1a1a]

Since I imagine the boyfriend being more on the poor emotional regulation end of the spectrum than the abuser end of the spectrum (having inflicted the same kind of lashing out on frustrating animals myself), where would a person who wanted to get a better handle on their reactions go to do so?

 

Op I'm sorry your life has been so absolutely turned upside down. I believe you'll walk down the best path for you though, wishing you luck and kindness.