My boyfriend is upset I faved an actor's picture in twitter

[girlonthewing]

Hello, I need advice because I don't know if my boyfriend is being reasonable or not.

 

 

We have been together for 3 years. I'm not an active twitter poster, but I read my timeline all the time. I fav whatever I like and my boyfriend likes to go and read my favourite/liked tweets. Today I faved a tweet with a picture of an actor and a text that said 'Oh my, *actor's name*, is so attractive'. So my boyfriend read this and told me that he doesn't like that I publicly express that I find him attractive. He says that I don't show my libido to him but I do on the internet.

 

A couple of weeks ago we were in the middle of an argument and he retweeted a couple of tweets from an horoscope that said his sign would get a new opportunity in love, and added 'Awesome' to it. I told him that I found it upsetting giving the situation we were in. Now he says my fav is the same thing and that he is going to tell me everytime he finds another girl attractive.

 

I told him that he can be upset, as I was, but that it doesn't mean that he is right.

 

What do you guys think about it?

 

It's a little silly, but I want to know someone else's take on it. Thank you!!

[1tym]

You do know there are a bunch of people here including myself regretting the things we have done or others have done to us about failed relationships. Not saying this isn't a beginning stages of red flags from both of you but this is all silly. Its. Freaking twitter.

 

3year relationship in question because of twitter???? I don't think so. If you have doubts or concerns it is probability of his insecurities. You both need to sit down and talk it over. No details about what you did wrong but maybe you give him reasons to be insecure. I would never know but on the surface talking to him calmly should take care of things. For me I wouldnt care about some actor you fav. It could be a big deal for him. Perhaps you can remove it but if its a big deal to you then you should go in a different direction. 3 year relationship with someone care about

[DanZee]

Are you guys having a lot of arguments about insignificant things? Your boyfriend sounds controlling and manipulative. He may be using these arguments to emotionally abuse you, and a relationship like this can get worse over time.

 

Also, do both of you just spend all day long reading each other's social media? Who cares if you like an actor on social media. He's just using this as a reason to bully you. Don't fall for it. Look for another boyfriend.

[smackie9]

Your BF is petty and immature. I would not want to have a future with someone who behaves in such a manner.

[Wiseman2]

Is this a LDR? Tone down having relationships through social media and increase the amount of in person time. Obviously he can't tell you what to post, etc. but it's becoming a game of following each other's social media then second guessing each other's intent. The only solution is to unfollow/ unfriends and block each other from social media if there is no self-discipline when it comes to stalking/posting on it. At the very least reset your privacy settings. If it was to gush to your gfs, why is he reading this and getting upset? Silly, no?

[JA0371]

This is beyond silly. It's insane! Don't you both have better things to do and worry about than this?? How would he handle you payng more attention to a newborn baby than him? Im not joking... If this is an 'issue' for him, he needs to man up because life gets a LOT harder...and don't you want a man who can handle 'real life' problems?

[Minikimini]

Wow... how old is he?

 

The guy was an actor that you will most likely never meet in person and his panties are in a twist over that? He is silly in the extreme and vindictive---and you should be thinking twice about investing your feelings into someone like that.

 

Also, gushing about an actor you'll never meet and putting on blast that you say "awesome" to a new love coming into your life (and further, pointing it out to you in the future just so you know how stupid and butthurt he is) when you're supposedly in a relationship with someone already aren't even in the same universe, therefore, it's not the same thing. He's winding up for that pitch and letting you know how he's going to punish you.

 

You already have a father--it's not this boy's place to reprimand you or punish you for a freakin' tweet about someone you'll never know in person.

 

You'd be well served having a good, long, hard think about the wisdom in remaining in a relationship with someone who is more interested in punishing you over his silly feelings from a tweet.

[MissCanuck]

What stood out to me is that he said you don't show your libido with him, so I am guessing his petty Twitter tantrum is masking a deeper problem between you two. How is your relationship, generally-speaking? How is the intimacy department?

 

Yes, it is beyond silly to lose his cool over this. He is projecting a lot of insecurity and control here. But I sense that this one picture is not the real problem, though he sure turned it into one.

[HeartGoesOn]

This is nothing but nonsense. I'd pick my battles, and send this Bozo packing.

[Jibralta]

Today I faved a tweet with a picture of an actor and a text that said 'Oh my, *actor's name*, is so attractive'. So my boyfriend read this and told me that he doesn't like that I publicly express that I find him attractive. He says that I don't show my libido to him but I do on the internet.

 

A couple of weeks ago we were in the middle of an argument and he retweeted a couple of tweets from an horoscope that said his sign would get a new opportunity in love, and added 'Awesome' to it. I told him that I found it upsetting giving the situation we were in. Now he says my fav is the same thing and that he is going to tell me everytime he finds another girl attractive.

 

This is an argument over nothing. Either you guys are both angry, embittered people, OR unresolved frustrations in your relationship are bubbling to the surface, causing horoscopes and actors to become major controversial issues.

[Capricorn3]

All incredibly petty and immature. He sounds like a kid in high school. He must be very insecure. I couldn't live with someone like that. Take note.... this is what your future with him will be like. Something to think about.

[purplepaisley]

There's something more going on in this relationship that is much deeper and bigger than twitters. Intimacy appears to be an issue, and this is likely because you're not in the mood due to his behaviors and he's getting upset because you're not showing him love and affection in this way. I don't know what's going on, but I think the bickering about petty issues has more to do with bigger problems.

 

He sounds positively immature and cruel in passive-aggressive posts about meeting someone new through his own twitter posts. Dealing with passive-aggressive people is very, very difficult and having to maneuver around liking an actor? Maybe you need to refrain from posting "so hot" types of posts, but it's so petty to get uptight about something like that, especially the huge proportions that he got so mad...I can't imagine what it will be like when it's something important. By then you'll be thinking, "What's he mad about this time...he's always mad...whatever." He could be explosive or just unload more PA behavior that leaves you confused and hurt, and the cycle continues as you avoid going to bed with him because he's mean and has alluded to moving on, meeting someone new, "awesome." I think you need to consider where this relationship is going and have a good talk about what your real issues are and see if they can be resolved.

[girlonthewing]

Wow, thank you so much for your answers! I needed someone to tell me all this.

 

Are you guys having a lot of arguments about insignificant things? Your boyfriend sounds controlling and manipulative. He may be using these arguments to emotionally abuse you, and a relationship like this can get worse over time.

 

Also, do both of you just spend all day long reading each other's social media? Who cares if you like an actor on social media. He's just using this as a reason to bully you. Don't fall for it. Look for another boyfriend.

 

Yes, we have a lot of arguments about things that I do not think are significant. Before I thought it was all my fault, but after going to therapy for a while I realized that he has huge insecurities. Maybe I even caused them because of things that happened in the past.

 

And no, I don't read his social media, he just has a habit of reading my liked posts on twitter.

 

Is this a LDR? Tone down having relationships through social media and increase the amount of in person time. Obviously he can't tell you what to post, etc. but it's becoming a game of following each other's social media then second guessing each other's intent. The only solution is to unfollow/ unfriends and block each other from social media if there is no self-discipline when it comes to stalking/posting on it. At the very least reset your privacy settings. If it was to gush to your gfs, why is he reading this and getting upset? Silly, no?

 

No, it's not a LDR. We live together. If I blocked/unfriended him is social media he would be even more suspicious about what I'm doing there and what I don't want him to see.

 

Wow... how old is he?

 

The guy was an actor that you will most likely never meet in person and his panties are in a twist over that? He is silly in the extreme and vindictive---and you should be thinking twice about investing your feelings into someone like that.

 

Also, gushing about an actor you'll never meet and putting on blast that you say "awesome" to a new love coming into your life (and further, pointing it out to you in the future just so you know how stupid and butthurt he is) when you're supposedly in a relationship with someone already aren't even in the same universe, therefore, it's not the same thing. He's winding up for that pitch and letting you know how he's going to punish you.

 

You already have a father--it's not this boy's place to reprimand you or punish you for a freakin' tweet about someone you'll never know in person.

 

You'd be well served having a good, long, hard think about the wisdom in remaining in a relationship with someone who is more interested in punishing you over his silly feelings from a tweet.

 

He is 28. And thank you! I didn't think it was the same thing either.

 

What stood out to me is that he said you don't show your libido with him, so I am guessing his petty Twitter tantrum is masking a deeper problem between you two. How is your relationship, generally-speaking? How is the intimacy department?

 

Yes, it is beyond silly to lose his cool over this. He is projecting a lot of insecurity and control here. But I sense that this one picture is not the real problem, though he sure turned it into one.

 

I have been very sad before. Haven't been diagnosed with depression but that might have something to do with the libido change, I think. Also, we have a lot of arguments, which result in him not talking to me for 2 or 3 days after each one of them. So I find it difficult to be in a situation where I feel like having sex because I need time to heal after an argument and the silence phase. I need to be comfortable.

[Blank State]

Wow, thank you so much for your answers! I needed someone to tell me all this.

 

 

 

Yes, we have a lot of arguments about things that I do not think are significant. Before I thought it was all my fault, but after going to therapy for a while I realized that he has huge insecurities. Maybe I even caused them because of things that happened in the past.

 

And no, I don't read his social media, he just has a habit of reading my liked posts on twitter.

 

 

 

No, it's not a LDR. We live together. If I blocked/unfriended him is social media he would be even more suspicious about what I'm doing there and what I don't want him to see.

 

 

 

He is 28. And thank you! I didn't think it was the same thing either.

 

 

 

I have been very sad before. Haven't been diagnosed with depression but that might have something to do with the libido change, I think. Also, we have a lot of arguments, which result in him not talking to me for 2 or 3 days after each one of them. So I find it difficult to be in a situation where I feel like having sex because I need time to heal after an argument and the silence phase. I need to be comfortable.

You need to leave him. Seriously you live together and he'll give you the silent treatment for 3 days? And I'm gonna guess that most of your arguments are from him being insecure and being jealous. This is just nutty in my opinion. And I'm sure he goes through your phone too. This isn't someone you can spend your life with. Because it will likely never get better.

[Wiseman2]

This isn't about twitter, it's about being possessive and controlling. In therapy discuss signs of abusive and controlling relationships, rather than feeling sorry for him "being insecure". He even has you believing you cause and deserve this ridiculous treatment, why?

We live together. If I blocked/unfriended him is social media he would be even more suspicious about what I'm doing there and what I don't want him to see. we have a lot of arguments, which result in him not talking to me for 2 or 3 days after each one of them.

[DaisyMayPorter]

He is insecure and controlling. You don’t deserve this.

[purplepaisley]

He ignores you for days? Major red flag there. I lived that, and I totally get not being interested in sex after such treatment. Also, alluding to finding someone else, as the horoscope predicted, in that passive-aggressive attack. It makes me think of my abusive ex. This is exactly the crap he would pull. It leaves you blindsided and on uneven footing. You have no idea what to do or what you did, and worse when the issues are all him and you can't fix that. You can't fix whatever he conjures up in his head. This behavior of ignoring for days is unacceptable. This guy has issues that you can't fix and he has to recognize these issues and fix them himself. It's not healthy to bottle things up like that, it's cruel and unfair to ignore like that.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that in addition to this behavior, he brings up random stuff from days or weeks ago that has peeved him off. Something you said or something happened days or weeks ago, and he's been ignoring you, and everything explodes at some point and he tells you. You may not even remember what that "thing" was or he blew it completely out of proportion and/or out of context, and he's had days/weeks to mull it over and decide "how things are," and create a story around it, and for you...bam!...your head is spinning and you can't fight it (you may not even remember it). Tell me whether or not this is part of his cycle and the cycle of arguments.

 

I think you need to start considering an exit strategy. If he's unwilling to work on his own personal issues and this relationship, this is going to continue swirling downward.

[girlonthewing]

I know that these things are major red flags sometimes, but it's very difficult for me, because some other times, he treats me great and we don't fight.

 

My therapist has told me a million times that I can't change him and he has to work out his issues himself.

 

The thing is that he is better with words than I am, so most of the times I'm left thinking he might be right.

 

@purplepaisley Yes, he brings up stuff that we already discussed that happened in the past, and can never get over those things.

 

I know I can't do anything to make him better, I just want to be sure that the things he gets mad at are not my fault.

[girlonthewing]

So, latest thing that happened.

 

It's our three year anniversary today. We had a 4 hour car journey to go back home after a week of being on vacation. We come back today instead of Sunday because he has he last match to play in the town league. After that there is a game on TV that it's really important for him, so we are staying home together watching a film after the game and postponing anniversary celebration till next Friday.

 

We find out the TV game is actually tomorrow. My friends start texting to get together tonight. (I have seen my friends once in the past four months, partly my fault because I hardly text them) I see it and tell my boyfriend, he tells me that I should go if I want to. I tell him that it's our anniversary. And he tells me that it's ok. That he doesn't know if he is coming or not yet, because he is going to be tired. So I tell my friends I'm going.

 

After playing his match, he starts jokingly telling me that if I'm meeting my other boyfriend tonight and more similar 'jokes'.

 

I'm fed up about this jokes so I start being mad about this and about the fact that I always do stuff with his friends but he rarely does stuff with mine. I think about it and I realise I'm not being fair to him and that he must be tired, so I try not to be mad.

 

He has already seen I'm mad so he is too. I ask if there's any problem and he tells me that I shouldn't be the mad one when I'm the one leaving him. I try to talk to him and tell him that I realised I can't be mad and he tells me that I'm selfish and that he doesn't think I should have decided to go with my friends.

 

I should have stayed with him since it's our anniversary, even though he told me that it was ok if I was going. He tells me that I am a brat and I never put him before my things. That I should have insisted in staying and that he only told me to go because he doesn't want to be the boyfriend who doesn't let her girlfriend do stuff.

 

What do you guys think about this? Thank you so much!

[Jibralta]

There's a couple of things.

 

First, why do you put up with that? If you tell him that a joke is not funny, and he continues to make the joke, he's being rude. If he tells you it's ok for you to go out with your friends, but then gets mad at you for going out with your friends, he's not being fair. It's also not his place to tell you when you are allowed to feel mad or not.

 

Second, you are playing right into this crap by countering his unfunny jokes with your own gripe: "I always go out with your friends, you never go out with my friends."

 

Do you want a relationship or a perpetual sh*t slinging contest?

 

If you want a relationship, set firm boundaries and find a man who will respect them. Don't get into these petty little fights about nothing.

[abitbroken]

We come back today instead of Sunday because he has he last match to play in the town league

 

did you originally plan to come back sunday, but then he told you during the trip that "we gotta get home so i can play my game?"

 

I see it and tell my boyfriend, he tells me that I should go if I want to. I tell him that it's our anniversary. And he tells me that it's ok. That he doesn't know if he is coming or not yet, because he is going to be tired. So I tell my friends I'm going.

 

This is the lowest of the low. You ask permission because its your anniversary even though you agreed to anniversary plans the following night. He says okay - but then punishes you like he was only testing you and you are supposed to not go even though he said yes. That is enough to make someone feel crazy.

 

Yes, you should not have argued = you should have just smiled and walked out the door. but a healthy man would not say these things. He would say what he MEANS. If he wanted to spend the evening with you he would have been straight up and told you or he would have genuinely told you to have a good time.

 

You need to take it at face value that he is not interested in changing at this point

[Wiseman2]

Why isn't this therapist addressing the abuse and helping you navigate out of this abusive situation? Are you afraid of living alone? Are you hanging on to the hope that in the Cycle of Violence (Google it) the honeymoon phase will prevail? At least this therapist is right about your not being able to change or fix him.

My therapist has told me a million times that I can't change him and he has to work out his issues himself.

[Longview01]

Your boyfriend sounds like an idiot, get a new one