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Blank State

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Everything posted by Blank State

  1. Look up "Limerence". This is likely something that applies to you.
  2. Did you come on too strong? (Kiss, heart, lovey dovey emojis, etc). This can turn some girls off if it comes across too strong. And I hate to say it, but she'll likely cancel. She seems like she's lost interest, so if that's the case, hanging out with her will only bring you heartache. Because she isn't going to be as affectionate as you want her to be, and you'll be worse off for it. Feeling rejected and having your hopes crushed. And she has a new interest. What you should do is be a real G and cancel the date now. Don't go into a lengthy explanation, and don't get mushy. Just say that you've been thinking about it and you don't think hanging out is a good idea. If she's over you at least you can leave on a good note with some respect. It's going to be hard for you to do, but you'll be better off for it. And just go N/C. This will start the healing process sooner rather than later.
  3. This is a terrible idea. Unless you're prepared to leave your job if things go sideways. I dated someone I work with, and we broke up a few years ago. We both still work together, but it is torture. You're never able to truly get rid of your feelings for someone when you see them every day. You just have to bottle it up and push forward. But it sucks. It's tempting to date someone you work with. But listen to the advice people are giving you. It's NOT worth it. Or else you'll end up kicking yourself down the road and wishing you didn't do it.
  4. You're in a little denial here. Breakups can be very awkward and often times people try to let the other down as softly as possible to avoid drama. If she was into you, she would move the earth to make it work. You are only going to torture yourself thinking there's still a chance. And you'll likely end up being clingy and needy which will push her further away. The best thing for you to do is listen to her and give her space. And focus on yourself. If she comes around down the road and you still want to give it a chance, then you can deal with that then. You're disregarding advice you don't want to hear. The sooner you can accept it the faster you can get over it.
  5. Buy the house when you want to buy the house. That way it's yours. Don't wait until you find someone. And if you're counting on finding someone to restore your happiness, then you'll be co-dependent. And that pushes people away. You're still really young. You got time. Do the things you want to do. If it's buying a house, then do it. If it's finding a new job, hobby, etc. But don't get caught up in desperately trying to find someone. You can end up settling. And you're not alone. Many people are going through rough times right now.
  6. Stay away. This is just too messy. Her bringing another guy to your work should tell you one thing. She doesn't give a about how you feel.
  7. Have you ever seen him with the 2 girls? He's likely bullting you. Because if he is possessive of you and into you, he wouldn't be bringing up other girls. He's trying to make you jealous. And you're coworkers? This has bad news written all over it. Because it sounds like he's your boss. If he's possessive now, what will he do if you 2 start dating and things go south? There's probably some sexual tension there, and you 2 enjoy some light flirting, but this isn't really a clean relationship. Too murky. I'd stop hanging out with him.
  8. I think it's totally reasonable for you to get her a luxury apartment through this. She's going to have to leave eventually. There's no reason to be locked down and be in an awkward situation. People are going to have to come to terms with everything. We aren't holing up until there's a vaccine.
  9. I was an the older guy dating a younger girl who had a boyfriend at the time. She was really hot so I couldn't resist. She made it seem like they were on their way out. I never once asked her, or pressured her to give me an answer on leaving her boyfriend, she would always bring it up. And every time she would get close to leaving him, she'd get cold with me, and then go back to "I do love him and he treats me really well, and we have so much history", which I would accept and leave it. She would eventually hit me up within a week or two and we'd start going again. This went on for about 3 years. And then what changed? He bought a house. For the both of them. Which she wanted. After that she couldn't risk screwing that up. The reason I'm telling you this is, don't be a jerk. You're being selfish and trying to have your cake and eat it too. You don't love your boyfriend. You're cheating on him. It's crappy to do to him, and it's crappy to do to the new guy too. Because you know you'll never commit to him. Because even though you may not be horny for your boyfriend, you're getting something out of staying with him. That's why you can't leave him. But what you should really do is give him the choice. Because right now even though he should suspect that you're cheating on him, (not sleeping with him) you haven't come out and been honest. Honestly, you should cut your ties with both and be single for a while.
  10. It's fun to think that there is some profound meaning in our dreams or something prophetic, but it's just our minds thinking without us controlling it. Movies tend to make us believe there is greater importance in dreams. Like Anakin Skywalkers dreams coming true, or even Nightmare on Elm street where dreams are real. And just like horoscopes and fortunes, plenty of people claim to be able to make sense of it, but nobody can. We just like to be a little dramatic about these things. Dreams are just a mish mash of things we know that come out in a weird order. There are no answers.
  11. Because she was probably hot af. Sometimes that's hard to let go of.
  12. Don't go in to abandonment issues. But what I will say is trust your gut. Don't play games. Instead of giving her an "easy out", realize that what you're getting naturally from her is not what you want. I've dated avoidant types and it's stress you don't need. You never know where you stand with them. Because they'll love bomb you one day and then the next day be standoffish or pretend that the previous day never happened. If it were me I would save myself the agony and just walk away from it. Because you aren't going to win the "Just give me an answer, I'm ok either way" game.
  13. I own guns too. But she isn't isolating the gun issue. It's one of many. But having a gun around is a serious issue. Accidents happen. Kids can get in to them. And every gun owner is a law abiding, responsible gun owner. Until they're not. She has a child. If she isn't comfortable, good for her.
  14. "You don't want her to think there's no chance for reconciliation". You likely made her feel that way by your actions. You unfriended her. You likely went to far when she said she felt overwhelmed and got a little passive/aggressive. But after you found out her point of view from your actions, you realized you went too far and now you want to try to get her back. Sometimes you lose when you let your emotions get the best of you. But I wouldn't break N/C. If she wants to reach out to you, let her. And apologize or say whatever you want then. She seems like she told you she was getting overwhelmed and needed a break. You got pissed off and cranked it up to 11 probably to see how much she really cared. Girls will think this is a game.
  15. Everyone is different. But what you described was way too excessive. You didn't give her space when she was screaming for space. She doesn't sound like she exaggerated. You yourself said that you persistently called her, stayed at her house, seeing she was stressed. You're making excuses
  16. Don't go to the Christmas dinner. I think you're trying to make excuses as to why you should go because you want to see her. I mean, how much could a christmas dinner cost? A hundred bucks? two hundred tops? I'd say that's worth losing to gain some peace. You won't have fun there if she's there, and you'll go home feeling defeated. It sucks that you lost a friend over it, but it's pretty obvious that your friendship was never a high priority with her. It sucks but you're going to have to move on. It will only get easier.
  17. As others have said, you really need to block her number and social media.
  18. I think you're making a big deal out of nothing. People get flirty and say weird sometimes when they drink. I don't think you needed to text her the next day about it saying that it was weird. And she isn't really your sister in law right? It's your girlfriends brothers wife. I think you should just ignore it and move on.
  19. She's probably pretty hot right? That's the thing if you want to get honest with yourself. When we find someone who's more attractive than we're used to getting, it's like a drug. And you'll put up with all kinds of crazy to get it. You probably don't love her as much as you think. You're physically attracted to her and that's where all the emotions come from. But let it go. Looks fade, and then you'll be stuck with an a-hole. I've dated girls who were out of my league and I always ended up paying for it in one way or another. Just find someone who's cute and has their together.
  20. I think you need to really focus on yourself pulling your life together. Start with deciding what you want to do with your life. Because it seems like you're expecting this relationship to complete your happiness. I think you play games. So many times guys cheat on their girlfriends and then tell them about it or try to get caught as a game. To tell the other person, "See! I AM WANTED!". But it never works out the way you want. Being together for 14 years doesn't mean a relationship is good. Or healthy. You still have to do the work. To improve yourself and grow to keep the other person interested in you. Don't get needy. Saying things like "I explained to her that this is doing lasting damage to our DEEP LOVE and it needs to stop.". Sounds very needy. And guys being needy to girls is a huge turnoff. You need to do things that will change your situation and become independent. This alone will bring happiness to you. You said she had the mortgage because you couldn't. Make it a goal maybe. Learn a trade. But don't keep taking the path of least resistance. But don't keep hoping for something that will likely not happen.
  21. What you're doing now is just going to cause you to be tormented. You're drawing it out by just hoping for whatever you can from her. She knows that if she wanted to, you would be back with her. She doesn't want to. She's saying what she needs to keep you strung along. Just in case she needs someone. Think about it this way. Say you get back together tomorrow. You'll go through the "Ah, this is so great!" phase for a few days, or weeks. But then when she inevitably creates some distance, you're going to feel it. And it's going to make you feel horrible. Then you're going to want to know what's going on, and you're going to put pressure on her by asking. Which will drive her away more. She's playing games with you, and you're letting her. It's not worth it. You're thinking of the good things. She's attractive to you, you remember fun things you used to do, and you desperately want that back. But it's fleeting. Do what is the hardest for you to do and your happiness with be waiting for you. Stay away from her. Go NC, block her number. Block her on social media. Focus on doing what makes you happy. Not the idea of her making you happy and solving your misery.
  22. You don't win with people like her. I'm sure you've played it a thousand times in your head that she's going to get a hold of you and tell you what a mistake she made and that she wants to get back together with you, and you'll give her the middle finger, but it won't work out like that. You'll reluctantly give her another chance. Telling her how much she's hurt you and you'll be cautious this time. But it always ends back in the same place. I was where you once were. I went through 3 years of it and it's soul sucking madness. You won't be happy. You'll get little dopamine rushes when she reaches out to you. You'll get a high from it. You'll feel good. But like all highs, when things start going south and she starts being distant, you'll feel so low. In my case, I would always go NC. But I wouldn't block her much like you because secretly, I desperately wanted her to call me or text me. And she would. And we would reconcile. And then a day or two later she would start pulling away. But what made my situation so much worse is that I worked with her. Still do. It's been about 2 years since we've done anything, and I still have rough days because it's tough seeing her all the time, but I am much happier not having that worry in my life. I suggest you do the same. Because you have to face the facts. She's probably seeing other people. Block her. Social media, phone number, etc. She's likely not going to send you a letter, but if she does, just throw it away. Fight every urge in yourself to open it. Move on. Because she has. But she knows that when she feels vulnerable and needs an ego boost, she can always get a hold of you. Let it go. Go NC and remove any expectation from your brain.
  23. He acted jealous when you hung out with male friends because he actually was jealous. I think this guy is insecure and into you more than he leads on to be. That doesn't mean you should just get back together with him, but so many guys (including me) like to pretend that they're aloof and just a player in the game, and in doing so hurt people by playing games with them. Because they're insecure. And they're terrified at coming off as needy or clingy. Which I believe men are totally more needy and clingy than women. When you started taking things more seriously and led on that you're developing feelings for him, he figured at that time you were going to be the one needing and clinging on to him. And he could make himself look super cool by blowing you off. You showed your cards and he kept his. And he knew what he was doing when he cancelled on you to meet up and talk. He knew you were hurt and wanted answers. And that empowered him. But went you finally went NC, that's when he got worried and reached out to you. I'd just let it go. Because he'll probably reach out to you again. This is just an observation and opinion, but guys can be very emotional and dramatic. And they cover that up by trying to be the opposite. As I used to (and still kind of do, though I'm trying to be more aware of it). But either way, good luck.
  24. This is what happens when you're not being genuine. I get the feeling that you used breaking up with her as some kind of passive/aggressive mind game. And you have to get honest with yourself here. You probably enjoyed knowing she was crying over you after your break up. You are not giving off the "I was just fearful of commitment" vibe. You sound really, really committed to her. And I'm not sure that is new. Sometimes, especially when younger we play games. Little tests to see how much someone really cares about you. Or how far they are willing to go to show you how in love with you they are. But those games have consequences. And you are facing those right now. So if you do get back together, you will absolutely need to be over her sleeping with someone else. Because if you can't, then you shouldn't get back together with her. Because you can only suppress those things so long.
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