Do I believe this? what to do

[SweetGirl28]

If you were not directly involved, you would see what most are seeing---this man is manipulative

and uses women until he finds a what he considers a better one (to use).

 

He has you believing she's crazy. Behind every crazy woman is a man who caused her to act that way.

And when he's finished with you, he will be saying the exact same about you to the new woman.

 

Why has he had so many different women in a short period of time?

 

Anyone who defends a person as much as you are doing right now, shows that they are avoiding

the truth about them. And the truth here, is that he has been able to make you put on blinders.

Guaranteed he's loving this drama, and laughing at you for falling for it.

 

Why are you with him? If you are honest with yourself, I'd bet that the readon is because you

feel the ex wants him back, so you're going to stand your ground so that she can't have him.

Except that you're standing in quicksand, and it's only a matter of time before you sink.

 

Your life should not be treated as a game. This is like trying to be the winner , only to get the booby prize.

This man needs to get his life together, and stop shopping for women. He is in no position to be in a

relationship.

 

It's your life. Your choice. Just remember you cannot blame him when he burns you.

 

Just a side thought-- his ex and the custody dispute. His ex despised the "crazy ex" . Had it ever occurred to

you that you are the stable looking(not looking stable based on what's written here, sorry) picture perfect

all around clean person that will look good in the eyes of the court to help his case?

All the while he's keeping this ex on a back burner to return to her once his case is decided?

[SweetGirl28]

No, he was ignoring her as per usual lately and she went on a rant saying no self respecting woman in her fourties hands over a vehicle the first week she meets someone and that if either one of us had a rational bone in our bodies I would not have met his kids already, and she chooses to believe no one is that is that stupid so therefore, she was a side piece and doesn't need any favours done as she doesn't trade sex for favours, and he may as well get " paid for the effort he put in to do so, and you did a really good job, I was aware of the exes, but I was completely ignorant to the fact you had a girlfriend. May as well get paid for your time, that must have taken a lot of work, and we all know you're unemployed right now."

 

i am reading them right now. She is CRAZY.

 

She's feeling burned by him, and rightfully so. It's your turn next. Just hold tight. You'll soon see.

Cut him off. Tell him to return the car. See how fast he replaces you.

[lostupnorth]

no. because his crazy fling ranted about that as well. That she was sorry she didn't live up to his expectations to be by his side during the court hearing and that he really did fool her because she thought for sure that he was going to go back to the crazy ex once he got shared custody. ( and yes that ex DID cause problems, they are all documented).

 

He did NOT go back to his crazy ex. We met.

 

His crazy fling makes comments all the time about how having someone " who looks good on paper" won't fix his chaos.

 

You know what though? I do look good on paper because I am stable. He fully admits that when he brought the crazy fling in he made a HUGE mistake because he needed stability, not more crazy and it's only causing problems.

[SweetGirl28]

no. because his crazy fling ranted about that as well. That she was sorry she didn't live up to his expectations to be by his side during the court hearing and that he really did fool her because she thought for sure that he was going to go back to the crazy ex once he got shared custody. ( and yes that ex DID cause problems, they are all documented).

 

He did NOT go back to his crazy ex. We met.

 

His crazy fling makes comments all the time about how having someone " who looks good on paper" won't fix his chaos.

 

You know what though? I do look good on paper because I am stable. He fully admits that when he brought the crazy fling in he made a HUGE mistake because he needed stability, not more crazy and it's only causing problems.

 

She's not being crazy by saying that! It's true. The court will look into a partners past, when there's children

involved. That is taken into account for deciding custody. So he's being smart, staying with you until the case

closes. Then what? You will probably find this woman still in his life.

Right now he doesn't want to lose you. There's a definite manipulative game being played by him.

 

Also, is he using the car you lent him to go pick up this money???

 

Side note--- you are stable, that's why he had you meet the kids.

The kids , when asked, can say oh she's nice, she's thoughtful, etc.

Do you see how he's using even his children to win??

You are being played.

[Jibralta]

Do you think this is something that happens to normal people? Crazy exes crazily offering money out of craziness to a good hearted good dad, who has no choice but to accept the crazy money?

 

Made me laugh

[lostupnorth]

Except it happened. All of a sudden today she got called in early to work a double so she said she didnt have time to run around and drop it off so he couldcswing by her work to pick it up....so try and tell me she isnt justvtrying to see him.

 

 

He shut that down by telling her no problem she could put in his mailbox anytime.

 

 

Guaranteed she will not drop it off now that he made it clear he will not be interacting with her to receive the money.

[boltnrun]

How about instead of "having" to accept money from a so called crazy ex, he, I don't know, gets a job?

[lostupnorth]

He has been laid off for a month. He has been in family court. We live in an area with an incredibly high unemployment rate.

[IAmFCA]

Some of us attract chaos

Some of us don't.

 

The difference is in the choices we make, the people we accept close to us, the discovery that we expose ourselves to friends of friends with each friend we make.

 

Everyone in the place where you live is selling their friendly affection in exchange for a loan I mean a payment for old furniture. I get it.

 

---

 

No. This is not normal.

[thealchemist]

Occam's razor.

 

Is it more likely that there are hundreds of great individualized excuses for each of these behaviors or a single reason to explain all of this behavior?

 

Either this is one of the most unlucky guys... Or he is the common denominator...

 

One is a lot more likely than the other.

 

Since you are dismissing everyone's opinions about your relationship what exactly were you seeking on these forums?

[reinventmyself]

. . .water seeks it's own level

[boltnrun]

He has been laid off for a month. He has been in family court. We live in an area with an incredibly high unemployment rate.

 

How lucky for him then that he has a "crazy" ex fling who is willing to give him money and you to give him a car to drive.

[Hollyj]

No, he was ignoring her as per usual lately and she went on a rant saying no self respecting woman in her fourties hands over a vehicle the first week she meets someone and that if either one of us had a rational bone in our bodies I would not have met his kids already, and she chooses to believe no one is that is that stupid so therefore, she was a side piece and doesn't need any favours done as she doesn't trade sex for favours, and he may as well get " paid for the effort he put in to do so, and you did a really good job, I was aware of the exes, but I was completely ignorant to the fact you had a girlfriend. May as well get paid for your time, that must have taken a lot of work, and we all know you're unemployed right now."

 

i am reading them right now. She is CRAZY.

 

If she is so crazy, then why didn't he block her???! No more of this bullsh$t that he is such a great guy! What is 'great guy' doing to find a job?

[Hollyj]

He has been laid off for a month. He has been in family court. We live in an area with an incredibly high unemployment rate.

Is he in court five days a week? What prevents him from sending off his cv?

[firelily]

And are you really sure he's unemployed dor just a month? They only proof you have are his words... When you met him he just became unemployed and without a car. What if he is unemployed and carless for longer than he claims?

[abitbroken]

I don't know. She also mentioned the vehicle I am letting him use. He is going through bankruptcy and has to sell his car. He is keeping his vintage car as his protected car so I have an older vehicle I couldn't get running and he is fixing it up to save me mechanic bills and he will use it in the meantime.

 

I have no idea why she is obsessed with all of this.

 

Whoa whoa whoa. Slooow down. A person you just recently met should NOT be using any of your vehicles. He has a car. He chose his classic car over a practical car and so he should drive it and not sponge off you. BTW, you are letting him.

 

My big rule, when i was single and looking was a guy didn't have to be rich, but he needed to have himself taken care of -- he has a vehicle even if its really basic, he has a place to live which he can afford, he pays his bills, he lives within his means. I understand if things are tight if he were paying child support - but then again, he is living within his means and not sponging off of anyone. A man who is unemployed, is in a desperate situation who has sense would sell off his toys instead of filing banktuptcy.He is looking for a sugar momma. A man who has good boundaries doesn't introduce his children until he has been dating for quite a long time and an unemployed man would feel his dignity is being lowered if he met a new woman for lunch every single dang day instead of going on weekend dates and job hunting the rest of the week. In fact, he might not even start to date at all

[abitbroken]

Are you really that lonely or desperate that you are being involved in this drama?

[firelily]

A man who has good boundaries doesn't introduce his children until he has been dating for quite a long time and an unemployed man would feel his dignity is being lowered if he met a new woman for lunch every single dang day instead of going on weekend dates and job hunting the rest of the week. In fact, he might not even start to date at all

 

Yeah not to mention all that lunching and dating usually takes some money. Even if they do it economically, there's always coffees or food to buy if you have a girlfriend, even if the date is at home. If he's so broke that he needs to accept "crazy ex money" to feed his children on Christmas, how come he has money (and mood) for all that dating? Unless OP has been sponsoring all the dating expenses as well...

[abitbroken]

Yeah not to mention all that lunching and dating usually takes some money. Even if they do it economically, there's always coffees or food to buy if you have a girlfriend, even if the date is at home. If he's so broke that he needs to accept "crazy ex money" to feed his children on Christmas, how come he has money (and mood) for all that dating? Unless OP has been sponsoring all the dating expenses as well...

 

exactly.!

 

And if he's in family court, are you sure he's actually divorced and not just seperated?

[lostupnorth]

his divorce will be finalized sometime this coming week likely. The judge didn't give his final decision while they were there, and is going to mail it out. No concerns whatsoever about the divorce being granted.

 

I do not pay for everything. When he comes to see me at lunch, we just visit with each other. I do not take him out to eat. When we do go out to eat, we take turns. He receives unemployment.

 

We discussed the car further. The vehicle he drove everyday was worth too much for him to be able to keep through bankruptcy.

 

We do not go out often, we spend time at his house mostly. We go out occasionally.

 

The crazy fling sent a text tonight that said " just tried to call re weed". He didn't answer her so of COURSE she then sends a text that says " ok, I am seeing how it works now. I have permission to speak to you if it concerns giving you money, but nothing else"....well , yeah. He didn't answer her all week and then she used that as a game to get him to answer. so yeah, basically you hit the nail on the head. And obviously, even if she WAS buying weed from him before, he has now decided she is not worth the hassle. And NO he is NOT a drug dealer, he smokes , it will be legal here soon, it is not criminal, and she is an occasional smoker he says, so she was buying small amounts here and there.

 

I know people think i'm not taking advice, but this is honestly a case of a crazy fling who won't let go.

[SweetGirl28]

his divorce will be finalized sometime this coming week likely. The judge didn't give his final decision while they were there, and is going to mail it out. No concerns whatsoever about the divorce being granted.

 

I do not pay for everything. When he comes to see me at lunch, we just visit with each other. I do not take him out to eat. When we do go out to eat, we take turns. He receives unemployment.

 

We discussed the car further. The vehicle he drove everyday was worth too much for him to be able to keep through bankruptcy.

 

We do not go out often, we spend time at his house mostly. We go out occasionally.

 

The crazy fling sent a text tonight that said " just tried to call re weed". He didn't answer her so of COURSE she then sends a text that says " ok, I am seeing how it works now. I have permission to speak to you if it concerns giving you money, but nothing else"....well , yeah. He didn't answer her all week and then she used that as a game to get him to answer. so yeah, basically you hit the nail on the head. And obviously, even if she WAS buying weed from him before, he has now decided she is not worth the hassle. And NO he is NOT a drug dealer, he smokes , it will be legal here soon, it is not criminal, and she is an occasional smoker he says, so she was buying small amounts here and there.

 

I know people think i'm not taking advice, but this is honestly a case of a crazy fling who won't let go.

 

Oh, how nice. He spends his unemployment money buying weed.

 

I cannot believe you have provided an excuse for every single thing that isn't right with him.

He has you walking around with horse blinders on.

[abitbroken]

his divorce will be finalized sometime this coming week likely. The judge didn't give his final decision while they were there, and is going to mail it out. No concerns whatsoever about the divorce being granted.

 

I do not pay for everything. When he comes to see me at lunch, we just visit with each other. I do not take him out to eat. When we do go out to eat, we take turns. He receives unemployment.

 

We discussed the car further. The vehicle he drove everyday was worth too much for him to be able to keep through bankruptcy.

 

We do not go out often, we spend time at his house mostly. We go out occasionally.

 

The crazy fling sent a text tonight that said " just tried to call re weed". He didn't answer her so of COURSE she then sends a text that says " ok, I am seeing how it works now. I have permission to speak to you if it concerns giving you money, but nothing else"....well , yeah. He didn't answer her all week and then she used that as a game to get him to answer. so yeah, basically you hit the nail on the head. And obviously, even if she WAS buying weed from him before, he has now decided she is not worth the hassle. And NO he is NOT a drug dealer, he smokes , it will be legal here soon, it is not criminal, and she is an occasional smoker he says, so she was buying small amounts here and there.

 

I know people think i'm not taking advice, but this is honestly a case of a crazy fling who won't let go.

 

Why are you dating a married man??

Can you explain that to me?

 

This is not a case of a crazy fling. This is a case of a man who is married and going through a divorce that doesn't have two coins to rub together, who is taking advantage of TWO WOMEN - he is getting money from one and borrowing a car from another while he has a classic car in the garage. He is entertaining women when he should be focusing on figuring out life as a divorced dad, creating stability for his kids - and btw, it could be that he went bankrupt and is not eager to find another job because he is dodging child support!! Can you give me a rational reason why your head is not sounding an alarm about this situation?

[abitbroken]

ok you say weed is going to be legal soon - but can a man who has children to support afford to buy drugs? Its like if a guy bought a $10 fancy coffee every single day and his kid needed $50 for medicine - which is 5 fancy coffees -- and he insists on his fancy coffee and the child goes without. But its all the woman he had a fling with's fault.

[lostupnorth]

He is not dodging child support.

 

You still pay child support in bankruptcy. In fact, he pays over and beyond what he should, as it has not been adjusted to his current income.

 

In fact, he has kids 35% of the time. That is the lowest amount you can have them here before they adjust child support accordingly. If his ex wife had any concerns about him as a parent, she would not have them there that often. It is more than obvious the only reason she was fighting him for the 50/50 he wanted is because she would lose child support.

 

and i'm sorry, but many people date when seperated. Especially three years into it. That is not uncommon at all.

 

This separation is not new. He has had lot's of time to be on his own. His ex only lived there for nine months of those three years.

[firelily]

She is so desperate that she texts about giving him money. (...) He is a single dad at christmas time waiting for unemployment. Of COURSE he's going to take the money.

vs. he's doing weed

 

...

 

Also, if he's still married, you're a woman #2 in his life (at least), not #1. You treat other women in his life as crazy ex bimbos and you as the serious one. It may be the other way round. You have only his words to support that view - he may be telling different stories to the other women.