Do I believe this? what to do

[greta96]

He said he is going to cut contact with the most recent ex completely. There is absolutely no reason for her to be still hanging on. It was a fling, she got too attached. He said he felt bad the whole time they were sleeping togehter because clearly she wasn't stable. And also, he said she is a very heavy smoker and he hates cigarette smoke. I can't stand women who think men are going to make exceptions for their crazy.

 

I think it's shows his character that he tries to be so understanding with women. And you know what? he met me. And it works. I accept that his life isn't perfect. I know I came on her for advice, as I was somewhat taken back by the email. but the more I think about it and put it all together, it is just the most recent fling.

 

I am going to file a harassment report today. He said he will check the ip address to make sure it's her and then he says he has my blessings to report her.

 

She needs to move on.

 

You are in deep denial, which is not surprising during the honeymoon stage. If someone truly hated cigarette smoke, they would be unable to be near, let alone kiss and have sex with someone who smokes heavily. You are trusting him way too much, considering you've only known him for a minuscule amount of time and the red flags are flying everywhere.

But I know you won't listen to any of this, I wouldn't have listened either (and didn't).

I hope it all works out for you the way you want, but keep your eyes wide open.

[catfeeder]

How did she get your email address?

[lostupnorth]

it was my work email which is public on the website.

[ThatwasThen]

There is a peace bond in place, I am aware of this, but he told me it was a fight that escalated and they agreed to the peace bond before the court hearing because he didn't want her to go to jail.

 

She also mentioned the vehicle I am letting him use. He is going through bankruptcy and has to sell his car.

 

he said it was just a jealous ex trying to sabotage things.

 

Can't sometimes people just meet and fall for each other quickly? His wife left him three years ago. He then started datiing another woman with whom there was tremendous drama , fights with him, fights with the ex wife and constant making up and breaking up. He then met another woman and dated her for a month and remained friends, and then met the last crazy jealous one and they only dated for a month. He did tell me he spent the summer with the ex gf but they did not get back togehter.

 

He said he felt bad the whole time they were sleeping togehter because clearly she wasn't stable.

and yet he still slept with her. O.o You are being naïve to the point that you believe everything he says just so you can keep on with him which stinks of desperation and a codependent personality.

 

I am seriously gobsmacked that you would keep on with this guy when he is embroiled with all this drama. He can't have a relationship without some kind of drama going on and continuing on even when he has proclaimed to have broken up with them.

How can you drag your children into your dating life so soon with someone you don't even really know but what you DO know is that he has issues with women, he's got financial problems, and he is without any self-respect that he would use your car while he keeps one that would certainly help him out financially if he were to sell it. This man is noting but trouble and I'm sad to read that you don't see the red flags to the point of blindness to them that you have involved yourself in his children's lives and he in yours.

 

You are **** struck and you're ignoring gut instincts (instincts that have led you to post about him) to continue on. Surely you are not that desperate to continue on when you are being figuratively hit over the head with evidence that should have you running away from him.

 

Wake up and get yourself away from him before he renders you without self worth, with debilitating anxiety, and financially in trouble yourself. *Not to mention your children and how all this is going to affect them as YOU navigate yourself through this mind field that you call a "connection."

 

I am going to file a harassment report today.

You might also want to do a background check on this dude while you're at it. He's a con artist at best and a player at worst.

 

*looks in crystal ball* You will be joining the long list of "crazy ex's" in no time at all if you keep ignoring that the common denominator in all of his relationship drama is HIM.

[lostupnorth]

I offered him the car. He did not ask, and he is fixing it up for me as well, he used to be a mechanic. We live in an area where there are not many jobs, so him being unemployed is not unusual.

 

My children are 15 and 17, and he has only met the older one and my niece. We threw a birthday party for his daughter, and as I said, I went back to his place the next night to celebrate his birthday with his daughters.

 

He is letting his other two cars go. His vintage car is not worth much but used to be his fathers so it has sentimental value. It WOULD make more sense if he kept the car he can drive for daily use, and had he not met me and the circumstances worked out, he would have had to.

[ThatwasThen]

I offered him the car. He did not ask,

Most men with self respect would not have accepted such a thing from someone they hardly knew because they just started dating. It doesn't matter that he is fixing it up. Of course he would do that because it means he has a ride.

and he is fixing it up for me as well,

He's not fixing it up for you. He is fixing it up for HIM.

I'm more then sure there are men who actually have, jobs, don't have ex drama, don't have a slew of 'crazy ex's' warning you about what a loser your choice for a partner is. A man that does not have a job, IMO should not be dating because if he had any love of self, he would know that he is not in a position to be a good and equal partner to anyone.

 

My children are 15 and 17, and he has only met the older one and my niece. We threw a birthday party for his daughter, and as I said, I went back to his place the next night to celebrate his birthday with his daughters.

Yes and I mentioned that it was inappropriate to be getting children involved this early into a relationship and particularly when there is this kind of drama going on.

 

He is letting his other two cars go. His vintage car is not worth much but used to be his fathers so it has sentimental value. It WOULD make more sense if he kept the car he can drive for daily use, and had he not met me and the circumstances worked out, he would have had to.

Then if you were smart and thinking you would have let him.

 

Don't be so quick to dismiss the woman that is warning you about this man. I for one (but am not the only one) can see some merit in what she is telling you.

 

I also find it telling that after everything posted your only response is to justify why you gave him your car to use. You surely are in denial. Please look after your heart.

[lostupnorth]

We spoke on the phone and online for a few weeks before we met.

 

I know he is looking for someone who is drama free, honest , and I happen to be really good at domestic things. All of these things his exes weren't. Including his ex wife. I made him a cake for his birthday and made a cake for his daughter and he was so touched. He wants to settle down. After all the drama, he just wants to settle down and be with someone like me. I believe this. If not, he would still be carrying on with all the women throwing themselves at him, would they not?

 

He is actually a dork. He lives a very quiet life , his only social activities are guys night once a week and then hangs out with a couple he is friends with on the friday nights he does not have his children. He watches hockey on saturday nights. There is nothing to suggest that he is seeking anything dramatic.

 

I would not have gotten the children involved if I did not fully trust him. I think he just needs to heal after the abuse he received from his ex gf. The crazy fling was just that. A crazy fling, which he recognized, and dumped her, even though he originally told her he didn't want a relationship.

 

His several cars, home and trailer suggest to me that yes, a divorce and being laid off have led him to bankruptcy. I don't see how he has any control over those things.

 

The only reason his ex wife was taking him to court over custody is because they have a 65/35 split which means he still has to pay full support. Not hard to see where she is in it for the full support, if she gave up one more day he would have a reduction in pay. He wants 50/50 but she is not willing to do that because of child support. It is in the judge's hand now, they have been, they are waiting on the judge's decision. The only thing the ex wife had to present was his crazy ex girlfriend, nothing about him. And she is out of the picture.

 

If the problem was him, his ex wife would not allow the children there 35 % of the time, and in court would have made it clear she wanted full custody. She did not ask for that. That answered all my questions.

[ThatwasThen]

Your life.

 

Good luck, I think you're going to need it if you continue on with this man who has all these ex dramas going on and hasn't even finished up with the final details of is divorce and custody yet. You are getting involved with a man that is in no way (emotionally or financially)ready to be getting himself in yet another relationship.

 

... and here you have someone who is trying to warn you about him which prompted you to start this thread and you've done everything you can to refute anything that goes against your wish for this relationship and justified all of his shady behaviour.

 

Like I said, your life.

[fleur22]

Wow! SO many glaring red flags with this guy. Good luck to you OP! Also, why file a harassment report against the ex? Have you told her to stop emailing you?

[lostupnorth]

I have at this point yes. And I am going to file a harassement report because like I said, she messages him every day. She calls every day. He usually ignores it when he's with me, but I can see the messages beeping. This morning she was asking if she could buy some weed. Like GROW UP. Now she is messaging me and stirring up trouble.

 

He said she is overweight and drinks too much on top of the smoking, and that she can't accept that once he figured out all of these things, he didn't want to see her anymore.

 

That is crazy behaviour. When someone dumps you, you don't call everyday. And yes he talks to her sometimes, but never when he is with me, and I would say he replies with one brief text for every three or four of hers.

[lostupnorth]

And a harassement report because stealing people's pictures to make a fake conversation is frightening behaviour.

[katrina1980]

And a harassement report because stealing people's pictures to make a fake conversation is frightening behaviour.

 

Or so HE claims.

 

Please read my response on your other thread, which addresses that.

[ThatwasThen]

That is crazy behaviour. When someone dumps you, you don't call everyday. And yes he talks to her sometimes, but never when he is with me, and I would say he replies with one brief text for every three or four of hers.

Uhm, have you ever stopped to think that he hasn't dumped her yet and that he's stringing her along and that is why she keeps contacting him? He could simply block and delete her if he really wanted to but he hasn't. That is yet another red flag that you are choosing to ignore.

Every time you justify his behaviour you make yourself sound more and more desperate for a man that you'll put up with anything including I'd imagine one day inviting him to live with you when he's not working because you "have enough money to pay the bills."

 

Please think of your children and keep him at arms length until you actually get to know him and figure out why he doesn't do this so called crazy ex a favor by stopping all contact with her so she can get over him.

[lostupnorth]

She knows about me. I have heard him talk about me to her on the rare occasion she asks and he actually answers. She plays along and says she's happy for him, but I did hear them arguing one evening when I arrived when she was giving him a hard time about not telling her about me sooner.

[lostupnorth]

and there is NOTHING in the texts to even remotely suggests he wants anything more than to keep a crazy lady at bay.

 

I think what people are missing is that these " conversations" she had " proof " of are of the fake fb account and him.

 

He has been completely honest about the crazy fling, the crazy ex, and the woman he dated that he still considers a friend.

 

Why would he hide this one? He said this was happening last month as well before he met me, she was getting in touch with women he had connections to and causing problems.

 

This is how we know it's a jealous ex trying to cause drama in his life.

 

He took the crazy recent fling off facebook. He said she sent a request and then got upset when he woulnd't accept it, but that she was too much drama to be on his facebook. He said she got upset one night calling him a liar because he took HER off of facebook because she's drama and questions everything and then turned around added me. I am not drama, I can handle a man having social media. Where does that make him a liar??? just another example of her instability. I deleted my facebook because I didn't want to have to go into any of this drama after he warned me some people might stir things up. And when she couldn't find me on facebook, she found my work email.

[boltnrun]

He says, he says, he says.

 

You really badly want to hang onto this man for some reason.

 

It's going to be so difficult for you when the truth is revealed. And I bet it will happen once he's bled you dry.

[lostupnorth]

There is NO drama between him and I. I am trying to support him through dealing with this crazy psycho.

[boltnrun]

There is NO drama between him and I. I am trying to support him through dealing with this crazy psycho.

 

And that's why he's been sticking around. You blindly believe everything he says and do whatever he tells you to do. Plus, you give him a car to drive and who knows what all else.

 

Anyway, I wish you strength, you are going to need it.

[lostupnorth]

The vehicle is just a coincidence. He did NOT seek me out knowing I had two vehicles. There is no way with the timing for to have happened.

[ThatwasThen]

There is NO drama between him and I. I am trying to support him through dealing with this crazy psycho.

 

Oh and I'm quite sure that in the first couple of weeks with the other naïve women that were trying to help him through the drama with the previous ex felt that there was no drama between him and them at that time either.

[lostupnorth]

No actually, he did the say the crazy fling didn't respond to it well at all. The first weekend the fling slept there the crazy ex showed up. And then the crazy ex started texting things that were just awful so the fling took his phone and basically called her out on her stuff. Which was so immature I can't believe he didn't ask her to leave right then. She then got upset another weekend when a female friend showed up in the morning. He said she waited until they were with HER friends that evening and said " so....ANOTHER lady rolled in this morning to " check" on him, do we believe him this time or not?"....I can't believe a grown woman would act like that in public.

 

Clearly, the live in Ex AND The fling are drama.

 

He said that the crazy fling didn't believe him about friends and was suspicious of everyone so she took his phone all the time and read the texts and didn't like what she read and would get upset. I don't know why he gave her his phone to look at, but he did. Probably to PROVE to her he wasn't interested romantically.

 

I do not ask to see his phone. I do not blow up if one of the crazy women show up at the door. I do not participate in the drama. And yes, he likes that.

 

The woman he dated that he is still friends with also got very upset about the live in ex and how she acted. He is just looking to meet someone that understands he was in a bad relationship but they kept getting mad at him for not blocking and deleting her.

 

The other thing is, He was still in contact with her while dating these other women. Because he has met me, he is willing to move on. These other ladies were not people he wanted to commit to, and he told them all in kind.

[katrina1980]

OP, why did you entitle your thread "Do I believe this? What to do."

 

Clearly you "are" believing this, so what was the purpose of this thread?

 

For us to opine, you dispute what we say, and proceed to excuse, defend and justify all of it?

 

Again, what's your point?

 

You believe him, fine! Go with that. Hope for the best.

 

Sorry just scratching my head wondering why you bothered to start this thread at all.

[lostupnorth]

I appreciate the fact that everyone took time to reply. I didn't know at first what to think, but all evidence points to someone jealous just trying to cause problems now. I DO believe him, I have no reason not to at this point. And once again, I appreciate everyone who took the time.

[nutbrownhare]

I wish you the best of luck, OP, but I get a very bad feeling about this.

 

I've had a couple of relationships where it was all fantabulous in the early stages, everything clicked and felt so RIGHT. I couldn't understand why such lovely guys had had such terrible life experiences and bad luck with women.

 

Suffice to say, I found out the hard way.

 

Sure, this woman is trying to stir up trouble and there's a very vindictive tone to her messages. I've been very concerned, though, for women that my exes subsequently went out with, and wondered if I ought to warn them. But not for long. That was because they would undoubtedly find out what these guys were really like in their own way, and in their own time - and because, like you, any warning would have been dismissed as the ravings of a jealous psycho ex.

 

Tread very warily, and don't involve yourself in anything that it would be very difficult to pull yourself out of again; at least until you've known him for a significant length of time and are sure of where you're going.

[Hollyj]

It is clearly love bombing. I agree, you should not have involved your kids so early. They are teenagers.

 

He will soon back off, once the sparkle and daily life kick in. The pace of this relationship is not healthy.

 

If you know all, why are you here?

 

I would take this woman's correspondence, very seriously.

 

You barely know this guy.