Do I believe this? what to do

[abitbroken]

He is not dodging child support.

 

You still pay child support in bankruptcy. In fact, he pays over and beyond what he should, as it has not been adjusted to his current income.

 

In fact, he has kids 35% of the time. That is the lowest amount you can have them here before they adjust child support accordingly. If his ex wife had any concerns about him as a parent, she would not have them there that often. It is more than obvious the only reason she was fighting him for the 50/50 he wanted is because she would lose child support.

 

and i'm sorry, but many people date when seperated. Especially three years into it. That is not uncommon at all.

 

This separation is not new. He has had lot's of time to be on his own. His ex only lived there for nine months of those three years.

 

 

I understand "everybody's doing it" if that's your argument, but it doesn't mean its the healthiest thing. Perhaps there are people out there without kids, whose marriage was over years ago and are just finally getting a divorced and are dating. I still consider them married until they are divorced, but if you don't - a person like that is a LOT different than someone whose life is chaos and drama. if there is family court, crazy mistresses, the guy still isn't on his feet, etc -- what is the reason that he is an emotionally, mentally and legally available man for you to date? He has a tornado of chaos around him and YOU have jumped in with both feet as a provider for him rather than taking things slow -- going on casual proper dates with other men as well to see how things shake out with him. Why are you inserting yourself in this drama? You only just met him and you are knee deep

[firelily]

In fact, he pays over and beyond what he should, as it has not been adjusted to his current income.

 

Poor him. He's such a righteous guy, never to blame, surrounded by such bad women - in every possible area of life! Talk about bad luck.

 

Besides... if the divorce is not final, can he be paying child support already? Is this possible?

[abitbroken]

why not back off and tell him to call you when he is 1) divorced 2) has a job. 3) sells his "toy" to settle his debts like an adult. But at least one and two.

[boltnrun]

Weed will be legal "soon", so it's not illegal?

 

I wonder what local law enforcement (or Federal agents) would think of him selling weed. Pretty sure that will never be legal unless he opens a legal dispensary.

 

Also, makes sense why he hasn't gotten a new job. Most employers drug test and he'd fail! Also, great example to be setting for all the kids (of course, they don't know about it, right? Because kids notice nothing.)

 

But, of course every single of us is wrong and he's a prince of a guy who just happens (due to bad luck) to be still married, unemployed, bankrupt, car-less and uses drugs. Oh, and is on woman number how many (?) while still married! And of course all of his exes are crazy.

 

This would be hilarious if you hadn't completely gas-lighted yourself into believing he's just a victim of a lot of bad luck and he will treat you better than all the so-called crazy exes. It's is really sad, TBH, because it will hit you hard when it all comes crashing down and YOU'RE the one sending the texts.

[Hollyj]

She won't listen. She is going to stay with this user/loser, until she gets burned.

 

The whole thing is so ridiculous! And, to think she thinks this is about the ex.

 

OP, you never stated why he will not block? Is this due to the fact that she gives him money?

[lostupnorth]

ACtually, they would not think much. We have dispensaries around here, its in the process of being legalized, we live in canada....a man having a personal stash that a couple of times he gave a small amount to a woman ( and no longer because she 's crazy) is not an issure. It's just not, so let's not make this a witch hunt. Weed is not a problem.

 

He hasn't blocked her because he feels badly for her. He has TRIED to be her friend, but she keeps throwing it back in his face. In all honesty, he does NOT answer her. I SEE the missed calls.

 

None of this would have been have an issue if she had not tried this whole " Im giving you money " game. He's back to ignoring her. He has not time for this.

 

The chaos and drama is over!!! his fling was the drama!!!

 

This is a man going through a divorce and bankruptcy which is absolutely not unheard of. He treats me well. He just happens to have a crazy fling who won't go away.

 

I started this thread because the original message I was leery of. Since that message, it prompted me to talk to him, and now not only has he explained things, when someone calls or texts he ALWAYS ask if I want to see it, because he is worried that this drama from the fling is going to end things. She did a good job of creating problems for a few days, now I'm moving on.

 

As I said earlier, the crazy fling was just a fling. She did not meet his kids, she drank too much, she smokes cigarettes, she is overweight, and she she gave him grief over all the other women in his life. She got upset even about his female friends. She would not drop anything about the live in ex.

 

We only discuss these things because she reached out.

 

I can't say anything else, this has turned into a witch hunt.

 

And she IS Crazy...in one of the more recent " conversations" she went on about how she was being used, and he had no intentions of ever dating her ( which he told her when he met her!!!!) because he can't be alone. She also went on about how misguided he is. Apparently on her facebook a couple of years back she made a post about having bi polar ( see????). So when he and her met, he of course went through her facebook as we all do, and his ex live in did as well. Apparently the live in ex made some remarks about it which upset the crazy fling. Anyways, the crazy fling went on a rant about how misguided he is because he does not understand what actually ' looks good" in a custody case. She went on about how she finds it funny that he was so concerned and immediately judged her for a facebook post about something that is no longer an issue in her day to day life, the only people who have concerns over mental health are him and his ex live in. She then went on to say how a judge WOULD however judge a new woman coming immediately, and it's too bad he lost his lawyer so that no one could explain to him what are actual issues in family court or not.

 

So yeah, she admits she's crazy. And he is not with me due to court!!! he just didn't want to date her! that's all!!! he met me the wednesday before his custody hearing on a monday. There is no way I could have influenced that. In fact, I offered to go with him, but he turned me down.

[firelily]

Why did you want to go to a custody hearing of someone you've known a few weeks? How is his chaos your business?

[firelily]

Also, I thought child support is something that you pay only after there has been a verdict about custody. Does it work differently?

[lostupnorth]

I offered to support him through the court case. As a friend would do. We were talking on the phone daily for a few weeks before we met as I said.

 

And I don't know how it works elsewhere, but here, you start paying child support when you are seperated. As soon as the other parent moves out of the home, the non cusotdial parent is responsible for paying child support.

 

Again, this has turned into a witch hunt. He was separated, pays his child support, and YES his ex wife is concerned about the money not the kids ( as evidenced by her allowing them the maximum before it is adjusted) and he has a fling that won't let go.

 

I am not going to walk away from a good person just because he was casually seeing a mentally ill unbalanced woman whom he DITCHED when he figured it out before me.

[lostupnorth]

Look at this way....should he punished for casually dating someone who turned out to be awful? that he no longer has anything to do with?

 

As I said, he TRIED to be kind. He TRIED to be friends with her because she was going through a move and talked about her problems with him.

 

We do NOT sit around talking about her, until she decided to stick her nose in and make it a problem.

 

I happened to have an extra vehicle. Should that sit in my driveway unused? He has spent the past two weeks getting it road worthy and it is now working. If we don't work out, then he will be walking, I guess. As we discussed. He was NOT comfortable with the situation, but again, should he be without a vehicle to drive while I happened to have one? it was not a gift, he using it temporarily in exchange for the work he has completed on it.

 

 

He IGNORES her. He does not want anything to do with her!!! he is 48 years old, he does not need to block her...he just ignores her.

 

In fact, if he blocked her, she would probably just show up at his house. She lives close by. She is that desperate.

[SweetGirl28]

What does his age have to do with why he shouldn't block her?

Don't say maturity, because there are mature 22 year olds and immature 50 year olds.

 

If someone truly wants another out of their lives, they leave no stone unturned in doing so.

Who cares if she shows up? He could file a report.

 

He loves getting messages from her. It fuels his fire. Makes him feel desired.

He knows he has two women fighting for him. What an ego boost.

 

It's amusing that you truly believe he doesn't block her because he feels sorry for her. He keeps her around

because he in fact loves the drama, the attention, and knows he can use her if need be. She's his back up.

He's only ignoring her now because he wants to keep you.

[lostupnorth]

And she messaged him this morning to tell him she would e transfer what is his email and he blocked her. There, it is over, he is not getting the money, although I'm sure she will show up at some point this weekend and cause a scene.

 

you are all calling me desperate, she is the desperate one. who needs professional help.

 

it is sad, but I asked him to block her so he did. I did not want to be controlling like his ex and his fling, but when I asked him to do it, he did.

 

End of story. I thank everyone who took the time to reply.

 

It is unfortunate that everyone wants to jump all over two people who met in a not ideal situation and turn into a witch hunt.

[lostupnorth]

His age has to do with the fact that he shouldn't have to run around blocking people from social media he never uses.

 

His age has to do with the fact he is mature enough to try and end things gracefully despite her being crazy.

 

His age has to do with the fact he wants to settle down and not deal with people like her.

 

he made a MISTAKE in meeting her.

 

If he LIKED the attention he would be messaging her back when I was not around. he does NOT. it is one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed.

[SweetGirl28]

And she messaged him this morning to tell him she would e transfer what is his email and he blocked her. There, it is over, he is not getting the money, although I'm sure she will show up at some point this weekend and cause a scene.

 

you are all calling me desperate, she is the desperate one. who needs professional help.

 

it is sad, but I asked him to block her so he did. I did not want to be controlling like his ex and his fling, but when I asked him to do it, he did.

 

End of story. I thank everyone who took the time to reply.

 

It is unfortunate that everyone wants to jump all over two people who met in a not ideal situation and turn into a witch hunt.

 

 

What is unfortunate is that you know deep down this is a s*** show, and you're part of the act.

[SweetGirl28]

His age has to do with the fact that he shouldn't have to run around blocking people from social media he never uses.

 

His age has to do with the fact he is mature enough to try and end things gracefully despite her being crazy.

 

His age has to do with the fact he wants to settle down and not deal with people like her.

 

he made a MISTAKE in meeting her.

 

If he LIKED the attention he would be messaging her back when I was not around. he does NOT. it is one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed.

 

 

If he never uses the social media, he wouldn't see the messages.

Blocking on the phone from calls and texts is necessary if you want to avoid drama.

 

You cannot reason with crazy, so there is no ending things gracefully.

Which means no, he wasn't trying to be graceful at all.

 

He did like the attention. Not messaging her back was because of you.

Otherwise he would have kept it going. Blocking her is because of you.

Like I said, he didn't choose to do these things on his own.

He's going to keep it going. I give it a week.

[lostupnorth]

I did not ask him until today to block her.

 

The reason I was on here, was to avoid talking to him about it. I had no interest in dragging all of this up. Until she emailed me.

 

Because of all the drama SHE caused, he went back and showed me their communication. No where was he flirtatious. He gave curt answers. He TOLD her she was being crazy. He TOLD her he did not need any of this.

 

He went over with her the fact they were never even dating.

 

He showed me the missed calls. There are no calls that indicate they spent any length of time on the phone together.

 

He has a hard time saying no to people. That was one of the problems with her, she didn't pick up on the fact he has a hard time saying no and she ran him into the ground with all her craziness.

 

I understand that about him, and I don't push him for things. But you know, when I asked him to block her this morning ( first time I did ) he agreed if was for the best.

 

He was trying to shut her down without any guidance from me beforehand.

[lostupnorth]

They spoke on the phone the other night because she came up with the stupid money thing.

 

She messaged him last night about dropping it off. He did not answer. She tried calling. He did not answer.He had told her she was welcome to drop it off at any time and thanked her.

 

She replied that she was not comfortable dropping it off while I was there and that it is difficult to arrange. She tried to get him to pick it up at her place of employment yesterday. he then explained again that she was welcome to leave in his mailbox at any point.

 

When he did not answer immediately last night about dropping it off, she replied that she felt thankful that he was allowing her the priviledge of delivering it to his home. And made a comment about throwing in an extra 20 dollars for the hour he spent on the phone the night before with her.

 

it is all a game. Otherwise, she would have just dropped it off in his mailbox sometime when he was not home, or just leave it and go on with her life.

 

she is CREATING DRAMA that doesn't exist. And frankly, I am thinking of getting in touch with one of her friends to let them know she is clearly not well, and if she has bipolar, she may need someone to step in and intervene due to her mental health at the current time. It is frightening to me that she works as a nurse and is a parent with all of these behaviours. And if I do so, I will do so out of concern, because this is over the top, scary stuff.

[SweetGirl28]

I did not ask him until today to block her.

 

The reason I was on here, was to avoid talking to him about it. I had no interest in dragging all of this up. Until she emailed me.

 

Because of all the drama SHE caused, he went back and showed me their communication. No where was he flirtatious. He gave curt answers. He TOLD her she was being crazy. He TOLD her he did not need any of this.

 

He went over with her the fact they were never even dating.

 

He showed me the missed calls. There are no calls that indicate they spent any length of time on the phone together.

 

He has a hard time saying no to people. That was one of the problems with her, she didn't pick up on the fact he has a hard time saying no and she ran him into the ground with all her craziness.

 

I understand that about him, and I don't push him for things. But you know, when I asked him to block her this morning ( first time I did ) he agreed if was for the best.

 

He was trying to shut her down without any guidance from me beforehand.

 

Well then hopefully she disappears now, and you can not have these worries about her.

That will allow you to concentrate on other things, such as: getting your car returned to you!

 

Seriously, get the car back in your possession. What if he is high and gets in an accident?

What if he has drugs on him and gets pulled over and it's found? In YOUR vehicle.

At least be smart enough to do this. The rest, I wish you luck with this man. I don't see a future

here, I honestly think YOU CAN do better, but like having the idea of a man right now.

 

Make a list of reasons to stay, and see how worthwhile it looks on paper.

[SweetGirl28]

They spoke on the phone the other night because she came up with the stupid money thing.

 

She messaged him last night about dropping it off. He did not answer. She tried calling. He did not answer.He had told her she was welcome to drop it off at any time and thanked her.

 

She replied that she was not comfortable dropping it off while I was there and that it is difficult to arrange. She tried to get him to pick it up at her place of employment yesterday. he then explained again that she was welcome to leave in his mailbox at any point.

 

When he did not answer immediately last night about dropping it off, she replied that she felt thankful that he was allowing her the priviledge of delivering it to his home. And made a comment about throwing in an extra 20 dollars for the hour he spent on the phone the night before with her.

 

it is all a game. Otherwise, she would have just dropped it off in his mailbox sometime when he was not home, or just leave it and go on with her life.

 

she is CREATING DRAMA that doesn't exist. And frankly, I am thinking of getting in touch with one of her friends to let them know she is clearly not well, and if she has bipolar, she may need someone to step in and intervene due to her mental health at the current time. It is frightening to me that she works as a nurse and is a parent with all of these behaviours. And if I do so, I will do so out of concern, because this is over the top, scary stuff.

 

Do not involve anyone else in it. That is just asking for trouble.

Leave her be. She's blocked by him, you block her, everyone move on.

 

And if she truly is bipolar, it's not your concern. People around her will realize she's gone off the deep end.

Bipolar personalities are difficult at best when not managed properly, and you set yourself up for a whirlwind

of abuse from them if you poke them. Not your drama, not your problem. Blocked, remember???

 

I am a nurse, there is no such thing as non mental illness or drug use among nurses.

It's a thing, just like in every profession. So don't be frightened by it. It's reality.

[lostupnorth]

thank you for realizing it is her, not him.

[lostupnorth]

The car is at his house, but it is MY car. He carries maybe one joint on him at times, most of it is done at home.

 

You do not get arrested for that here, it is a non issue.

[SweetGirl28]

thank you for realizing it is her, not him.

 

I didn't say that, lol. I said "if" she's bipolar, not rest she is bipolar.

I think they feed off one one another. He's not an innocent victim of her.

[Wiseman2]

She is CRAZY.

Not if she thinks along these lines 6923089]Nshe went on a rant saying no self respecting woman in her fourties hands over a vehicle the first week she meets someone and that if either one of us had a rational bone in our bodies I would not have met his kids already

[lostupnorth]

No he does not " feed " off of her. They slept together for ONE month. Then he dumped her. He made the mistake of still spending time with her.

 

And in all honesty, he was talking to me at the time but my divorce was not final until a month ago. He respected me enough to understand that I did not want to date until that was completed.

 

Once I was able to meet him and go forward with an actual relationship, he tried to be friends with her.

 

She was not capable of that.

 

And yes I know people are going to call me hypocrite for not wanting to date during my separation, but his was more drawn out due to custody and what not. There is no reason for someone to sit on their hands for three years because of a wait for family court.

[SweetGirl28]

The car is at his house, but it is MY car. He carries maybe one joint on him at times, most of it is done at home.

 

You do not get arrested for that here, it is a non issue.

 

Girl, there's sooooo much wrong with this, I can't even reply anymore....... Smh

Where are your friends? Family? Anyone who cares? Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh