Dating a High Value Man or Woman?

[JA0371]

In your own words....what would make someone a very high value man or woman to date?

I keep hearing and reading this phrase but would like to know your opinions..

[Pleasedonot5]

Confident, funny, beautiful, clean, skilled, friends/social group

 

I'd imagine it's pretty consistent across genders.

[Seraphim]

I don’t like the current social atmosphere so I probably wouldn’t date . ( I can’t of course, married. ) but I wouldn’t even if I could .

[JA0371]

I don’t like the current social atmosphere so I probably wouldn’t date . ( I can’t of course, married. ) but I wouldn’t even if I could .

 

I understand ....and agree...too crazy right now

[katrina1980]

Strong character and INTEGRITY. Honesty, courtesy, consideration. Empathy.

 

I don't consider confidence, beauty, clean, skilled, successful, wealthy to be "high value" necessarily. When combined with above, they "add to" but on their own, no.

 

There are many narcissists and sociopaths walking around with those exact same qualities, and I do not consider narcissists or sociopaths to be high quality or high value .

[willdation]

High value woman for me = loyal, friendly, fun, no drama, great communicator, has a nice family, is smart but does not need a high education to prove it, values family over career, kind to other people, beautiful, is a 'giver,' very feminine, confident, sexy, optimistic and positive.

 

If I could choose just one, it would be loyalty which often means being self-aware and knowing what boundaries not to cross. For example, if my future wife found a coworker very attractive, I would just expect her to not lie to herself saying it is just a "friend" and go out on "friendly dates" etc.

 

Actually, to go just a bit deeper....I would really appreciate a woman that is a moral absolutist vs. relativist (but certainly not a deal-breaker).

 

 

To give a point, one night my cousin was walking home, it was raining and he decided to hitch-hike (yes, I know kinda dangerous). This nice black BMW X6 came up and inside was an older guy from Italy. My cousin got in the car and they were talking. The driver goes, "So Rob, what do you do? Are you studying?" My cousin, says "Yes, I am majoring in philosophy." The Italian guy said - "I LOVE philosophy. With philosophy you can justify ANYTHING." The guy turned out to be in the mafia....surprise, surprise.

 

Anyway, what I am getting at is that people can literally justify anything if they are a moral relativist and their morality and values come instead from say the media and popular culture. A guy can say it is not cheating, because the other guy's wife is married to a loser and he just wants to help her etc. etc...Pretty much anything can be justified....

 

Now, I am not going to get all religious on ya....But say if someone is Jewish or Christian...at least it is really black and white. Adultery is Adultery. There is no gray area. Simply looking and fantasizing about another person while married is wrong. What is wrong is wrong. No justifications.

[itsallgrand]

A strong and kind person of integrity is of high value to me.

[willdation]

I understand ....and agree...too crazy right now

 

I haven't been in North American for a while. What is kinda crazy right now with the dating situation? Just curious

[lostandhurt]

Some people value certain traits over others as do different cultures. It is all perspective.

 

If you lived in a village with little water and there was a man that had the best well for hundreds of miles he would be of high value but in the end he just has more water.

 

Leaving all material things aside; Honesty, Integrity, trustworthy, compassionate, understanding, pride and ego in check, hardworking, respectful, open-minded, ambitious, generous, caring, level headed, healthy in mind and body, unselfish and knows what is important in life.

 

To me these are things that have gone on the way side in the last 20 years.

 

Lost

[IAmFCA]

Emotional health, physical health, intellectual strength, character strength

 

Evidence of these traits, to me, shows up as:

 

- Pursuit of Mind/Body/Spirit balance

- A perspective of gratefulness

- Pursuit of responsibility

- Honesty

- Intentions align with actions = integrity

- Habits that care for physical health

- Stability at home, work, friends

[pippy longstocking]

In your own words....what would make someone a very high value man or woman to date

 

The opposite of me

[DancingFool]

Mentally and emotionally balanced with strong personal identity and good moral values.

[JA0371]

High value woman for me = loyal, friendly, fun, no drama, great communicator, has a nice family, is smart but does not need a high education to prove it, values family over career, kind to other people, beautiful, is a 'giver,' very feminine, confident, sexy, optimistic and positive.

 

If I could choose just one, it would be loyalty which often means being self-aware and knowing what boundaries not to cross. For example, if my future wife found a coworker very attractive, I would just expect her to not lie to herself saying it is just a "friend" and go out on "friendly dates" etc.

 

Actually, to go just a bit deeper....I would really appreciate a woman that is a moral absolutist vs. relativist (but certainly not a deal-breaker).

 

 

To give a point, one night my cousin was walking home, it was raining and he decided to hitch-hike (yes, I know kinda dangerous). This nice black BMW X6 came up and inside was an older guy from Italy. My cousin got in the car and they were talking. The driver goes, "So Rob, what do you do? Are you studying?" My cousin, says "Yes, I am majoring in philosophy." The Italian guy said - "I LOVE philosophy. With philosophy you can justify ANYTHING." The guy turned out to be in the mafia....surprise, surprise.

 

Anyway, what I am getting at is that people can literally justify anything if they are a moral relativist and their morality and values come instead from say the media and popular culture. A guy can say it is not cheating, because the other guy's wife is married to a loser and he just wants to help her etc. etc...Pretty much anything can be justified....

 

Now, I am not going to get all religious on ya....But say if someone is Jewish or Christian...at least it is really black and white. Adultery is Adultery. There is no gray area. Simply looking and fantasizing about another person while married is wrong. What is wrong is wrong. No justifications.

 

Interesting POV, thank you

[JA0371]

The opposite of me

 

No way...nevah!!!!

[figureitout23]

I'm prepared for everyone to disagree with me but here goes.

 

I don't think personality, integrity, loyalty or any of that goes into our decision of whether or not someone is high value.

 

I think all that strengthens our attraction to someone but I don't think it goes into the 'high value' equation. I think that equation is purely superficial: looks, career, status.

 

I don't know that's how I define it at least, I think assessing someone value is done initially when very little is know about the person.

[dias]

High value woman= Pippy !!!!!!

[Pleasedonot5]

Agreed figureitout23, that's more the direction I think I was going with it too.

[cristal]

Loyalty being a first, along with honesty, integrity and empathy. Kindness and consideration are also really important traits to me. Plus, he has to be caring and loving.

 

With those traits, I can pretty much everything else.

[Batya33]

I think once you use the term "high value" you're probably not referring to character/intelligence/morality. I felt that way as a teenager/early 20s and high value to me meant cool and popular (I was neither). When I was looking for a husband I looked for a good match and yes I wanted someone who I admired and respected and to me that meant feeling that he was more intelligent than me- could challenge and keep me on my toes in that way. Sometimes I thought of a person as a "good quality" person or a person of integrity, character, etc.

[IAmFCA]

The opposite of me

 

Aww sweet pea! ((((()))))

[j.man]

For me, "high value" sounds like the right thought but perhaps in the wrong words. At the end of the day, I think it's an expression meant to encourage people to develop their own "value," whether it be fitness, emotional independence, their career, hobbies, social life, etc. prior to entering a relationship (or trying to) rather than depending on a relationship to build or feel that sense of value.

 

At the end of the day, what one person or another values, even if there are a few safe and general desirable attributes, is largely subjective. Establishing your own value is more or less a statement of, "Hey, get your **** together and you'll be better set to attract people who have their own **** together."

 

As far as what I value, it's someone with whom I can be comfortable with, who I don't have to make big and constant sacrifices or compromises for in order for them to feel I sufficiently complement their lives and for someone who carries that very same dynamic with me.

[reinventmyself]

Interesting question.

My best friend of 30 years could have (almost) any man she wanted when we were younger. She was cute, funny and an amazing figure.

Fast forward 30 years and she never invested any time in developing anything else. She got by on her looks and knew how to work men for things she wanted.

Maybe cute when you are in your 20's but at 50, looking for sugar daddy isn't pretty.

 

She's still beautiful,yet no longer a young woman and now in her 50's is bitter that men she meets seem to `want tall skinny blondes that are in there 30's'

I can see a little projection going on here, so it somewhat makes sense she would feel this way.

 

We are the same age and I am not having the same experience. I can't tell her this but while she had her sites recently on very wealthy man whom she once dated in high school,

I had to ask myself (and didn't dare ask her) `what exactly did she bring to the table?' Clearly he could command someone of high value.

If she can no longer draw from her youth. . . What effort has she put forth to see that she might be considered of `high value' ?

She's a debt'o'holic, can barely take care of herself and has very high standards that she can't afford and a sense of entitlement.

She's taken the easy road for employment and often waits (or works) people for opportunities.

 

High value: Someone who has invested in themselves. The `investment' itself is somewhat subjective.

[catfeeder]

Well, 'high value' is jargon used by those same 'how to' marketers of those 'love 'em and leave 'em' guides that also coined phrases such as 'alpha male' and 'wingman'. They teach guys how to become predatory with pickup lines and techniques on convincing 'females' to view them as 'high value alpha males'. (cough)

 

The jargon has made its way into more typical discussions, but suffice it to say that 'high value' in this context is less about what any given individual may value, and more about the superficial stuff of creating a facade for marketing oneself to the masses.

 

When I say 'facade,' that's exactly what I mean, right down to plotting to have one's 'wingman' dial their phone a lot while in a woman's company to give the impression that the guy is so 'high value' that his phone is constantly ringing.

 

Not exactly the kind of 'value' that a mature, relationship-minded person is interested in, but it sells certain guys on forking over money for such 'advice'.