I moved out! (Update)

[moodindigo91]

First of all, thanks to those of you who sent kind messages on my post yesterday. This post is like a continuation of that one. Last night, I still couldn't leave. I felt that I needed to try one last time to reconcile, and I basically got turned down. I should have known, he is seeing another girl already. This morning, we talked some more. He kept saying he wasn't sure that I could change (which bothers me because he seems to think I'm the only one needing to change things), and that he's not sure if he loves me. He also kept saying he wouldn't be able to stop seeing this new girl since she was a mutual friend of his new group of friends he hangs out with every night. I decided to accept this as reality immediately.

 

Today, I had multiple nervous breaks downs during the day. Luckily my friend and coworker was there to talk sense into me. I paid the down payment and first month's rent for an apartment, and told him I'd be leaving today. I had to do it several times because I didn't think he believed me (it was via text as we were both at work). He went to open mic at a comedy club as per usual, I stayed there and packed MOST of my things, lugging it from that apartment to my new apartment about five minutes away, towing the dog that I don't get to keep around. I'll be going back with a truck for the rest later this week.

 

I'm currently having a nervous break down as well. I mentioned I wanted to spend time with him tonight before I leave, and gave him the option. Before he left for comedy, we had a good talk about it and he seemed happy. He picked no, and even requested that I be gone before he got back. I would have stayed to finish packing the living room and kitchen but he wouldn't let me. I put the rest of the boxes in my car and went on my way (my shoe broke during this process, went barefoot the rest of the way!). I'm just hurt by everything, more so that he didn't care to see me, and getting used to this big change I made, almost on a whim (although a long time coming).

 

I'm currently about to spend my first night in my new apartment, on the floor on top of sleeping bags. Goodnight everyone!

[AvaD21]

Awww I think you've done the best thing for you. My situation sounds quite similar tho we didn't live together. He told me the same that he'd lost all faith that I'd change and he was guna stick it out with the new girl. I thought I was over it all until the reality has sunk in and I've cried a couple times. You need to realise you're doing what's best for you and letting go completely shows strength and you're respecting his decision. I'm a firm believer that if the love you have with someone is completely true then if it's meant to be it will be x

[1a1a]

***hugs*** You are being totally awesome for leaving. Be super kind to yourself, visit/reach out to some irl people who love your face. Endings are hard an awful, even the relatively smooth ones, but necessary and good.

[j.man]

Some of the best news I've read on these forums. Good for you. Not gonna lie, it'll suck, but I can guarantee you're gonna wake up some morning or come home through the front door and it's gonna hit you... "Wow... this doesn't ****ing suck." I'm very happy for you.

[SherrySher]

Stay strong and believe that this is the first step to finally being free of such misery and on your way to a much better future. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for and the heaviness will leave and the clouds will clear and you will see that you will have a much brighter future in front of you.

[moodindigo91]

Thank you guys. Right now it sucks, like OMG does it suck. But I already feel better for not being under his control, I almost didn't realize how much he controlled me inadvertently, or more, how much I allowed him to control me. Eventually, I'd like for us to be on good terms, but I'm glad I made the move now.

 

My siblings and parents are proud of me. My old neighbor (surrogate dad out west) called this morning to make sure I was okay, I think I will be going by to see him over the weekend. I used to see him every morning when I took the dog to the park, but now I don't have the dog. He told me that others were telling him about how my ex was bringing another girl around to the park with him (I already knew but I didn't know there was gossip about it) and how they said they would all miss me, and I'm a "keeper," lol.

 

My emotions are so mixed right now!

[WithLove]

What about your neighbor? Weren't you seeing him secretly?

[moodindigo91]

What about your neighbor? Weren't you seeing him secretly?

 

Haha! Yeah we were meeting for coffee every once in a while, he seemed interested but things fizzled out a while ago, probably for the best. He also moved out of those apartments over the weekend, down south about 20 minutes. I haven't heard from him and doubt I will, but I did run into him right in the midst of my being deathly sick/having a nervous breakdown because my ex was seeing some other woman, at which point I told him I had signed a lease for an apartment. We hadn't kept in touch during this whole thing other than that brief moment, so he has no idea what happened or that I moved.

[Fudgie]

I'm really, really proud of you for moving and pushing through. To be honest, I hate moving, even under "normal" circumstances, not like yours. I was sad/angry/dysphoric for a little bit after I moved out from my ex's place but it got better REALLY quickly.

[boltnrun]

I recommend trying to get into fixing up your new place. I like to do something that will have an immediate effect, like buying a couple of house plants. Something that you never shared with your ex.

 

There was someone else who used to post on here who went through the same thing (moving out from an ex's place). I wish I could remember her user name. For some reason I think she is actually French? Anyway, she was sad at first, she powered through and ended up loving having her own place and her new freedom. She got to the point where she could see clearly, and realized her ex was not right for HER instead of being upset that he didn't think she was right for him. Last time she posted she was doing great.

 

I sure wish she'd come back and comment, because I think you could really relate to her and she could offer some great advice and tips.

[moodindigo91]

I recommend trying to get into fixing up your new place. I like to do something that will have an immediate effect, like buying a couple of house plants. Something that you never shared with your ex.

 

I hope she does come back on miraculously and comment, maybe her spidey senses are tingling. I know I'm going to love having my own place in time, once I get some furniture in there and what not. I'm excited to hang up some art I had that I was never able to hang at our apartment. I'm feeling both extreme anger and sadness right now mixed with excitement and all kinds of things. I am sad because I knew he wasn't the right person for me for a long time now, but it still hurt when he decided I wasn't the right person for him, life is ironic that way. Either way, I'm glad I removed myself from that toxic situation because I don't know how much longer I could have gone on that way without being committed to a mental hospital. I still have nerves, but they are different nerves now, nerves that I can more or less control.

 

Anyways, I can't thank you guys enough for the support over the last months.

[reinventmyself]

Way to go! and good for you for being brave enough to pull the trigger.

You've come un-stuck and it's time to celebrate your new fabulous life.

 

It's a new beginning and a lot to be excited about.

 

In the meantime process the pain and disappointment and be good to yourself.

[Ms Darcy]

So glad you finally got outta there! Way to go!!!

[HeartGoesOn]

A step in the right direction...

 

You Go Girl!

[boltnrun]

You mentioned that you went back to his place and spent the night with him.

 

Just curious, did you spend last night there too?

[moodindigo91]

You mentioned that you went back to his place and spent the night with him.

 

Just curious, did you spend last night there too?

 

No, I didn't! I did go there to get the dog, but I took the dog to my place and dropped him off before my ex was back at his place. He apparently stopped talking to that girl the day I moved though and is now trying to be all nice.

[Fudgie]

How is the dog custody thing going to work.

 

When I moved out from my shared apartment with one of my exes, we had 2 cats. A male cat who was very attached to my ex and a female cat who was very attached to me. I took the female cat with me. My ex tried to protest but I didn't have any of it.

[moodindigo91]

I'm not really sure, it's still really new right now. I'm hoping that if I take care of him often enough, my ex will just relinquish custody to me because he has no time, but if that doesn't happen in the near future, I'm just going to stop taking care of the dog because I don't want to keep going back to the old apartment we shared.

 

I'm just very confused right now about everything, too. I think I'm making a lot of mistakes already. I also found out yesterday that the guy I liked, my neighbor, has a girlfriend now. HA.

 

I'm sort of hoping that as time passes, things will get easier and fall into place.

[WithLove]

The best thing for you is to come to a decision regarding the dog, so that you both can start NC and let the healing start.

[Fudgie]

The best thing for you is to come to a decision regarding the dog, so that you both can start NC and let the healing start.

 

Agree with this 100%.

 

You need to contact him directly, not through text, but through phone or in person if you must, and come to a choice. Either you take the dog or he takes the dog. You can't both have the dog. Yes, I know that ex-partners split custody of children but a dog is not a child. It will just cause you both needless pain and crap if you try to "Share" the dog. So make a choice.

 

It hurt a lot to give up the other cat I shared with my ex. It really did. I loved that cat. He was so sweet and memorable. I still have 50+ photos of him too. But I knew I had to say goodbye so I did.

 

If you end up getting custody, don't let him try to weasel his way back into your life with excuses of "I need to see the dog". He can either get his own dog or another pet. He doesn't need to intrude on your life.

 

Alternatively, if he ends up with the dog, then you can either choose to be dog-less or get another pet. Up to you.

[boltnrun]

No, I didn't! I did go there to get the dog, but I took the dog to my place and dropped him off before my ex was back at his place. He apparently stopped talking to that girl the day I moved though and is now trying to be all nice.

 

Oh, ok, because you'd written on a couple of other peoples' threads that he asked you to spend the night and you did, you just slept next to each other but didn't have sex.

 

Had you two continued to sleep together even though you weren't officially "together"? That will seriously mess with your brain and your emotions. Or maybe he's surprised that you actually followed through with moving out.

 

My ex didn't expect me to move on (even though he dumped me for someone else) and always seem surprised when I wasn't delighted to hear from him.

 

Anyway, I hope you're able to fully break away because I believe that's when you'll start to really feel better.

[moodindigo91]

Oh, ok, because you'd written on a couple of other peoples' threads that he asked you to spend the night and you did, you just slept next to each other but didn't have sex.

 

Had you two continued to sleep together even though you weren't officially "together"? That will seriously mess with your brain and your emotions. Or maybe he's surprised that you actually followed through with moving out.

 

My ex didn't expect me to move on (even though he dumped me for someone else) and always seem surprised when I wasn't delighted to hear from him.

 

Anyway, I hope you're able to fully break away because I believe that's when you'll start to really feel better.

 

Yeah, the night I moved I don't think he believed I was actually doing it. Once he realized I was serious, he asked me to leave before he got home, so I did. That was the night I wrote this post. The next night I went over to drop off the dog and he asked me to stay so we could watch The Walking Dead (since we missed it due to our drama-filled weekend), so I did. I was ready to go home when he asked me to stay, we slept on the couch beside one another. He asked me to stay last night but I did not. He did say something like "I can't believe you left, over three years together and you just left," I was like, that's definitely not how that happened but sure lol I didn't want to dig up things from the past as that's exactly what I'm trying to leave behind. I'm done playing games and I think he is starting to take notice.