Social or Communication skills?

[Dougie_D]

Is there a difference? I have no idea but I feel that my problem is more on communicating than socializing.

I'm a socialite that has a hard time getting people to understand me.

I get a lot of "spit it out", "get to the point", "I have no idea what your talking about", "you have no logic",etc..

People have to be patient with me and I feel like some misinterupt my communications with poor social skills.

Just wondering if I should worry about this or not honestly? And if it's a dealbreaker, how can I work on it without being slow about it? Sometimes I have to speak slower to gain my thoughts coherently.

[thornz]

Perhaps gather your thoughts before you start speaking, rather than whilst you are speaking?

[Dougie_D]

Perhaps gather your thoughts before you start speaking, rather than whilst you are speaking?

 

It's more about when I'm tryng to explain something or tell a story. I can't talk into details, but I could draw it out.

[SherrySher]

Can you somehow condense the point you're making and try to keep that in mind when you begin a story? Maybe leave out thoughts that you were thinking of saying, but instead just get to what you were trying to say?

[agent1607307371]

Communication is a social skill.

 

Try to gather your thoughts before you speak, try to keep to your point, don't be afraid to go with a conversation through. It's better to go slower and be coherant than it is to rush your words and end up all garbled.

 

That said, if your friends are constantly harrassing you whren you speak, maybe you need to seek new friends. Manners and making others feel comfortable are also important social skills.

[j.man]

If you're getting women telling you to get to the point, that's pretty bad. Honestly, if you're going to take it a step further than simply saying, "this happened," you gotta make sure the extra details are relevant (in the context of the listener) and preferably entertaining.

 

Maybe turn it into a writing exercise. Write an account and see what details are really necessary. Or recruit a friend who's not afraid of hitting you with some hard honesty and grill you on the significance of some of the side facts and anecdotes you're throwing out.

 

And to answer your question, they can be two different things. Kids are a prime example. They have the social tact of lizard but they can definitely succinctly communicate.

[Snny]

Communication skills are the way you deliver and present your thoughts, needs, and ideas.

 

Social skills are behavior related (how you treat others, react in particular environments, etc).

 

They are different, but go hand-in-hand.

[Wiseman2]

Yes. Communication is understanding others accurately and expressing yourself well and being understood.

 

However being long-winded and tangential can be both poor articulation and unawareness of boring others. It can also be a symptom of OCD, anxiety, etc.

I get a lot of "spit it out", "get to the point", "I have no idea what your talking about", "you have no logic",etc..

[Dougie_D]

Communication is a social skill.

 

Try to gather your thoughts before you speak, try to keep to your point, don't be afraid to go with a conversation through. It's better to go slower and be coherant than it is to rush your words and end up all garbled.

 

That said, if your friends are constantly harrassing you whren you speak, maybe you need to seek new friends. Manners and making others feel comfortable are also important social skills.

 

Well, I'm not afraid of conversations. A lot of it might be that I misplace words. For instance I said, "so when I left my bathroom I started to work right away.." what I meant to say was "so when I got up in the morning I started to work right away". The first sentence might be confusing to people.

 

I also have people that say to me I "OVERTHINK" situations.

 

I know that it's a struggle for me and sometimes I let it be and I don't get embarrassed. I guess it's similar to someone who has a stuttering problem. I don't stutter I just scramble my ideas in my head too much.

 

Any good exercises to work on this? Or should I just go with the flow and not worry and maybe I'll find a girl that think it's cute??

[Dougie_D]

Communication skills are the way you deliver and present your thoughts, needs, and ideas.

 

Social skills are behavior related (how you treat others, react in particular environments, etc).

 

They are different, but go hand-in-hand.

 

Yeah, my social skills are fine. When I'm acting like a goofball, I'm doing it on purpose most likely. But it sucks when I actually have something to say that it comes a little "off". I don't think my 1 on 1 communication skills are bad. It might be the environment that allows me to settle down my thoughts. It's when I'm in a group setting when (in my brain I feel like I have to keep everyone around me attentive) that I scramble up more. Could be my anxiety for sure. Don't know. I just feel better knowing that it's more of my communication and not social skills that is my concern, since they are different.

[Batya33]

I don't think it matters whether its communication or social skills that are the issue if your concern is why you're not feeling comfortable in social situations.

 

I read somewhere recently that it's best to be silent unless what you plan to say is worth breaking the silence for. Silence can be bonding too and certainly being silent so you can listen well makes the other person feel comfortable and respected. So, wanting to keep everyone's attention on you might be less important than letting people enjoy the silence or enjoy listening to some other person speak.

[Dougie_D]

I don't think it matters whether its communication or social skills that are the issue if your concern is why you're not feeling comfortable in social situations.

 

I read somewhere recently that it's best to be silent unless what you plan to say is worth breaking the silence for. Silence can be bonding too and certainly being silent so you can listen well makes the other person feel comfortable and respected. So, wanting to keep everyone's attention on you might be less important than letting people enjoy the silence or enjoy listening to some other person speak.

 

You just said why I feel like people don't take me seriously at times. "Being silent so you can listen well makes the other person feel comfortable and respected". Tons of people don't give me the time to correct what I meant to say. So lots of of people are not silent for me.

I can play the silent game all day, but eventually it's painful to watch people assume I'm socially awkward or shy. Women are not attracted to men who can't participate in a conversation of have those leadership qualities.

I want to learn how to be a leader of a group.

[Batya33]

You just said why I feel like people don't take me seriously at times. "Being silent so you can listen well makes the other person feel comfortable and respected". Tons of people don't give me the time to correct what I meant to say. So lots of of people are not silent for me.

I can play the silent game all day, but eventually it's painful to watch people assume I'm socially awkward or shy. Women are not attracted to men who can't participate in a conversation of have those leadership qualities.

I want to learn how to be a leader of a group.

 

Just be an active and interested listener with your body language and eye contact. "Tons of people?" - sounds like you might be exaggerating. It is rude for others to interrupt. It is unrealistic for you to expect to be the leader of a group -it's not a contest or competition. Women will find you engaging and charming if you are comfortable in your own skin and if your goal is to make others feel comfortable in your own skin as opposed to having the goal of being the leader of a group.

[Dougie_D]

Just be an active and interested listener with your body language and eye contact. "Tons of people?" - sounds like you might be exaggerating. It is rude for others to interrupt. It is unrealistic for you to expect to be the leader of a group -it's not a contest or competition. Women will find you engaging and charming if you are comfortable in your own skin and if your goal is to make others feel comfortable in your own skin as opposed to having the goal of being the leader of a group.

 

Im comfortable when I personally talk. It's only when other point out that they don't understand what I'm talking about which makes me annoyed. Then I start to lose self confidence in how I talk. Same thing with looks. I used to think I was normal or attractive until people pointed out my flaws. It's quite possible I'm just hard on myself and what I'm expressing on the forums is just an over exaggeration of what is really going on.

[tracyis300]

Yes, there is a difference.

Social is just that you are ether good with opening up to the community or not.

Communication is that you are ether good at having others understand what you trying to tell them or not.

In your case? It's "Communication skills" that you are lacking on. Just try not to over think the details you are trying to come across and give a back story for a example. That just leads you away from what you where talking about, as well as give others the chance to bump you and change the topic.

The key to explaining is to make it feel like a learning experience. Hand jesters also help you to better explain yourself, just don't do it too much or you'll look like a crazy person. Lol

[catfeeder]

Consider starting with the point you want to make, first, like a headline. Then you can tell the story, and it will be easier to follow because people will understand where you're going.

 

My Mom has started a habit of a lot of preamble (I'm not sure where I heard this, but I think it was the news...or maybe I read it in the Reader's Digest...I'm not sure...) and getting hung up on details (when I was out with the girls on Wednesday...no wait, it was Thursday because Wednesday I got my hair done...) and it drives everyone nuts. It takes her forever to get to the point after a lot of meandering, and it's serious work for a listener to pay attention.

 

State your point like a headline, and then tell the story leading up to your point.

[Blue Spiral]

I'm the opposite...I have very good communication skills, and very poor social skills.

[Dougie_D]

Consider starting with the point you want to make, first, like a headline. Then you can tell the story, and it will be easier to follow because people will understand where you're going.

 

My Mom has started a habit of a lot of preamble (I'm not sure where I heard this, but I think it was the news...or maybe I read it in the Reader's Digest...I'm not sure...) and getting hung up on details (when I was out with the girls on Wednesday...no wait, it was Thursday because Wednesday I got my hair done...) and it drives everyone nuts. It takes her forever to get to the point after a lot of meandering, and it's serious work for a listener to pay attention.

 

State your point like a headline, and then tell the story leading up to your point.

 

Wow! I'm definitely more like your mom! Thx. I think I'll treat it like a headline.

[Batya33]

Im comfortable when I personally talk. It's only when other point out that they don't understand what I'm talking about which makes me annoyed. Then I start to lose self confidence in how I talk. Same thing with looks. I used to think I was normal or attractive until people pointed out my flaws. It's quite possible I'm just hard on myself and what I'm expressing on the forums is just an over exaggeration of what is really going on.

 

Be happy that others are willing to be honest with you that you are not speaking clearly and/or concisely. I love Catfeeder's headline idea. Do you have a lot of verbal tics - um, you know, like? Get rid of them as much as possible.

[katrina1980]

You just said why I feel like people don't take me seriously at times. "Being silent so you can listen well makes the other person feel comfortable and respected". Tons of people don't give me the time to correct what I meant to say. So lots of of people are not silent for me.

I can play the silent game all day, but eventually it's painful to watch people assume I'm socially awkward or shy. Women are not attracted to men who can't participate in a conversation of have those leadership qualities.

I want to learn how to be a leader of a group.

 

How are you in one-on-one interactions?

 

I get uncomfortable speaking to and among large groups .... and that nervousness translates to inability to articulate my thoughts coherently, or as coherently as I would among a smaller group of people or one-on-one.

 

It's sort of social anxiety I suppose, but limited to only large groups. I am an introvert mostly, although I can be somewhat extroverted too at times (I enjoy meeting and talking to new people for example) but large groups unnerve me.

 

Can you relate to this at all?

 

Do you consider yourself introverted or extroverted?

 

That may be part of it too.

[katrina1980]

OP, don't know where you live but here in the U.S, there is a group called "Toastmasters".... they are all over the country and I am pretty sure internationally too.

 

Members are taught how to speak confidently, assertively and effectively... they are also provided with the necessary tools to become strong leaders.

 

I cannot attach a link, but you can Google it.

 

G'luck!

[Batya33]

OP, don't know where you live but here in the U.S, there is a group called "Toastmasters".... they are all over the country and I am pretty sure internationally too.

 

Members are taught how to speak confidently, assertively and effectively... they are also provided with the necessary tools to become strong leaders.

 

I cannot attach a link, but you can Google it.

 

G'luck!

 

Never tried it but know second hand that it is amazing - two friends did it- one to improve at work (making presentations) and the other, overall.

 

I also was going to suggest increasing one-one interactions in an atmosphere conducive to having a real conversation.

[Sportster2005]

Sometimes communication problems are rooted in listening, not speaking. Most people when hearing you are formulating a response, not listening to understand what you are really trying to communicate. You can't make other people listen. But you can tell who is, and who isn't listening. The interrupters aren't listening. Don't waste too much time on those that don't listen. And as you listen, seek understanding, before thinking about your response.

[Hermes]

Dougie:

 

You remark:

 

"I also have people that say to me I "OVERTHINK" situations. "

 

That is probably at the heart of the matter for you.

 

"Brevity is the soul of wit"

 

So, keep it short and sweet, to the point.

[Batya33]

Sometimes communication problems are rooted in listening, not speaking. Most people when hearing you are formulating a response, not listening to understand what you are really trying to communicate. You can't make other people listen. But you can tell who is, and who isn't listening. The interrupters aren't listening. Don't waste too much time on those that don't listen. And as you listen, seek understanding, before thinking about your response.

 

Sometimes interrupters are listening intently and are unclear as to whether the speaker is done or has paused - and they want the speaker to know they "get" it - it's not typically polite but certainly they may be listening.