Why won’t partner work despite many attempts to be helpful and understanding?

[milk45wentout]

How is it reasonably favorable to you?

 

Don't feel bad about the past. You cannot change that. All you can do is work steadily and quickly to dissolve this marriage while minimizing your financial hit.

 

I'd prefer not to write to much here on the financial aspects, however; If an asset is funded by pre-marital money or equity from a previous property then that portion and any equity that specific portion generates during a marriage remains solely with the person funded initially. Meaning it wouldn't be a 50/50 spilt. In my case and I would need to do the numbers but more like 90/10 maybe even more in my favor. Alimony would limited to around 12-18 months but relief could be sort if there is simply no income to support it.

 

Sadly my startup patent, trademark etc. would be 50/50 but that may never make money and then again it might and I would be due to provide for the lifetime of the startup and provide 50% of the sale. I could kill off the startup and rebuild as something slightly similar at a later date but will worry about that another time.

[milk45wentout]

I should add that there would be a 50/50 split of the non-pre-martial equity, thus why its gets to about 90/10.

[Ms Darcy]

I'd prefer not to write to much here on the financial aspects, however; If an asset is funded by pre-marital money or equity from a previous property then that portion and any equity that specific portion generates during a marriage remains solely with the person funded initially. Meaning it wouldn't be a 50/50 spilt. In my case and I would need to do the numbers but more like 90/10 maybe even more in my favor. Alimony would limited to around 12-18 months but relief could be sort if there is simply no income to support it.

 

Sadly my startup patent, trademark etc. would be 50/50 but that may never make money and then again it might and I would be due to provide for the lifetime of the startup and provide 50% of the sale. I could kill off the startup and rebuild as something slightly similar at a later date but will worry about that another time.

 

That's good!

 

And yeah, if I were you I would kill your current start up and rebuild as something different. It would be ridiculous to give her half of something she had nothing to do with, the mooch.

 

So what are your next steps?

[Wiseman2]

The house was yours prior? Can you proceed with a legal separation to begin severing finances/assets/debts?

I should add that there would be a 50/50 split of the non-pre-martial equity, thus why its gets to about 90/10.

[milk45wentout]

The house was yours prior? Can you proceed with a legal separation to begin severing finances/assets/debts?

 

Its not but if any of the funding for that purchase came from a former non-martial property or otherwise then you are fully entitled to keep that portion. As I had funded 100% of the purchase with equity for my own property and additional borrowing which both of us are on the current mortgage. Therefore I get 100% of the amount I put in, plus 50% of the additional borrowed amount. I also get the equity growth of that combined portion.

[j.man]

It's a shame she's entitled to any alimony at all (not opposed to the concept, just the disservice this woman in particular does in contributing to the stigma of it), but I honestly expected worse. Even if you do end up taking a hit supporting her for a year or so, it will be much better than doing so on a permanent basis. Appreciate you keeping us updated! Hope you're getting some relief and clarity through all this.

[milk45wentout]

It's a shame she's entitled to any alimony at all (not opposed to the concept, just the disservice this woman in particular does in contributing to the stigma of it), but I honestly expected worse. Even if you do end up taking a hit supporting her for a year or so, it will be much better than doing so on a permanent basis. Appreciate you keeping us updated! Hope you're getting some relief and clarity through all this.

 

I'm not opposed either, I have no idea where it will come from and I could apply for some form of relief it would mean that I was bankrupt because of it. We'll see.

 

Yes, I expected worse, now I know my legal position I will now implement the next phase. Firstly I need to clean up the financial aspects, passwords to accounts etc. and remove bank statements from the property; all of which could be used against me at a later date.

 

I need to work out what to do with the startup. I may need to divide it into non-voting shares and allocate via the c-corp. I will take advice on that.

 

For the moment I'm putting the emotional aspect to one side as I deal with the practical.

[Ms Darcy]

Yeah, hopefully you don't have a shared account because she could clean it out.

[Wiseman2]

What did your attorney advise about filing for divorce and how long before that filing they go back and look through your finances to ascertain if there were attempts at hiding assets?

[boltnrun]

Yeah, hopefully you don't have a shared account because she could clean it out.

 

Be sure to take care of this asap.

 

My brother's ex wife didn't work, and before he actually filed for divorce (although he told her he intended to) she took a credit card that had both their names on the account (but which had a zero balance) and used it to put a $10,000 down payment on a new truck for herself. He ended up having to pay it himself because the purchase took place before he'd filed.

[reinventmyself]

Though I'd like to the think I handled the ending of my marriage fairly and with integrity. I will tell you that before the end was near I opened an account and set aside half the savings and withdrew half the checking account before he caught on.

Then began the scurrying of assets.

If I hadn't been preemptive about it, it would have all been gone.

 

And everything that happened between then and time we went to court made him look bad in the courts eyes.

So, don't underestimate this moment.

I can't begin to pretend to know how much you have at stake. Just trust me when I tell you, you do.

 

Fighting to get it back is expensive.

[milk45wentout]

What did your attorney advise about filing for divorce and how long before that filing they go back and look through your finances to ascertain if there were attempts at hiding assets?

 

I'm not hiding any assets nor attempting to, she is well aware of what I have and what I don't have. All that was advised was to clean up any old letters lying around which could be used against me at a later date. Meaning don't leave anything which could start out a drawn out battle over nothing.

 

I'm taking this week to do along with getting myself mentally prepared to file and serve and be strong. I've also arranged a alternate living plan for a short period. I prefer to me prepared that drop this when I not aware of all the facts.

[Fudgie]

I am just worried for you that she will try and clean out the joint bank account when she gets a whiff of what you're doing. Is she is aware now that you're preparing to leave her?

[milk45wentout]

I am just worried for you that she will try and clean out the joint bank account when she gets a whiff of what you're doing. Is she is aware now that you're preparing to leave her?

 

Considering that she refuses to work money has been so tight that we basically live month to month. In saying that I have been currently using any money available to clear out any old small lingering debts or monies owed coming up so I know it’s paid and that I don’t lose cash on a ‘clear out’. I’ve advanced paid a few bills as well.

[Fudgie]

I'm really glad you're keeping so calm and rational about this and getting your ducks in a row before you leave.

 

Something to consider (it's free), once she is made aware of what is going on, she will be scrambling. She will likely try to go to a divorce lawyer and try to get a sob story in so she can attempt to take you to the cleaners. Prevent this by getting in as many free consults as you can with local GOOD lawyers. Once they have a confidential consult with you, they can't represent her. She will have to settle for a mediocre lawyer that will be less likely to help her get what she wants. Nothing about this is illegal. Given that you're a man, I think you should do this to even the playing field a bit.

 

You need to protect yourself here.

[reinventmyself]

I'm really glad you're keeping so calm and rational about this and getting your ducks in a row before you leave.

 

Something to consider (it's free), once she is made aware of what is going on, she will be scrambling. She will likely try to go to a divorce lawyer and try to get a sob story in so she can attempt to take you to the cleaners. Prevent this by getting in as many free consults as you can with local GOOD lawyers. Once they have a confidential consult with you, they can't represent her. She will have to settle for a mediocre lawyer that will be less likely to help her get what she wants. Nothing about this is illegal. Given that you're a man, I think you should do this to even the playing field a bit.

 

You need to protect yourself here.

 

I don't doubt your attorney is qualified and gave you very valuable information but ultimately the court decides, not him.

Please know that your wife's attorney will tell her what she wants to hear as well.

Most things are open for negotiation

[boltnrun]

Yeah, my brother's ex wife is getting almost equal in spousal support to what she's getting in child support for 3 kids. And she never worked while they were married.

[Wiseman2]

Excellent, it sounds like this is long overdue.

I'm taking this week to do along with getting myself mentally prepared to file and serve and be strong. I've also arranged a alternate living plan for a short period.

[milk45wentout]

Just an update, things are still on plan. I now have the document from the lawyer which lists out my options vs risk etc. I plan on talking this weekend (to separate) and if it goes nowhere then to file next week.

 

As a little story to add to all the context; this week I left a work file on my home laptop. I had left in the morning for work and she was still sleeping. By 11am I made it back home to pick up the file. She was still in bed reading from the iPad!

[Fudgie]

What a lump she is. Time to cut that wart off.

[Annia]

Get ready for her:

 

- Lies and defamation

- Emotional blackmail and guilt tripping

- Her trying to get everything she can from you in the divorce

 

When parasites and abusive people like her get desperate and about to lose their "host", they get crazy and show their claws. It's possible that in the meantime you'll see her true colors... even more than now.

 

Move carefully and with a solid legal base and financial advise. Good luck!