It's Not the First Date, That Kills, it's the 2nd.

[IAmFCA]

OLD aside, let's just all have a meet-up in town. Next Wed at 7pm at the restaurant on the river? You're good bunch I'd enjoy meeting.

 

I guess we'd use our screen names and wear our avatars, though, or it would be quite confusing.

 

Great idea.

[youareworthy]

OK, Journeynow and IThinkICan, let's see:

 

First we have to pick a continent.

 

Then a country.

 

Then a city.

 

Then a river (my city has 2 of them).

 

Then a restaurant.

 

Then someone has to make the reservation. (Sportster, would you call for us please? Tell them to expect a party of 400.)

 

But never fear! We are a resourceful lot. Surely we can resolve all these minor details AND arrange transport, AND dig ourselves out of the blizzard by Wednesday at 7 pm!

 

Calling my travel agent now...

[IAmFCA]

OK, Journeynow and IThinkICan, let's see:

 

First we have to pick a continent.

 

Then a country.

 

Then a city.

 

Then a river (my city has 2 of them).

 

Then a restaurant.

 

Then someone has to make the reservation. (Sportster, would you call for us please? Tell them to expect a party of 400.)

 

But never fear! We are a resourceful lot. Surely we can resolve all these minor details AND arrange transport, AND dig ourselves out of the blizzard by Wednesday at 7 pm!

 

Calling my travel agent now...

 

My running coach taught me, Where your mind goes, your body will follow. Think that applies here?

 

[Capricorn3]

AND dig ourselves out of the blizzard by Wednesday at 7 pm!

You should come to my end of the world - no digging out of blizzards, but you may fry and die of heatwave instead, lol.

[IAmFCA]

You should come to my end of the world - no digging out of blizzards, but you may fry and die of heatwave instead, lol.

 

Sounds perfect.

[Ms Darcy]

I find that women that cold have lots of options tend to have the strictest criteria. On Match very attractive women want the younger men who are athletic, tall and make more money. Many women in my age make good money and I can understand income equality. But many simply want men that make more. What I find interesting that once you get over 6'5" you are looking at only maybe 5% or 10% of the population. I don't remember the exact numbers. Here the median family wage is 60ish k. Women in my age group list over 75 or 100k as their preference. Consider many men in my age group are paying family support and even the wealthier ones can struggle. And finally the local area here maybe has a total population 350k. And there are more women here than men. If you do the math these attractive women are whittling down their potential pool to a tiny amount.

 

This is not a complaint. It's an observation. My friends in the enemy fort report that men who have looks, status and are athletic have demanding criteria. And even some that are pretty average.

 

If you suggested to these people they could increase the size of their dating pool by being more flexible they would sneer and say they refuse to settle. Which is not to say people should settle. But often that is just an excuse to not get over your ego.

 

So I guess many people appear to be self limiting their 'numerous options'. When I was a young man of 45 I would only date younger women. It had nothing to do with settling, and everything to do with a man struggling with getting older and ego. Perhaps other people are limiting their potentials for the wrong reasons.

 

Do you really care if the person holding your hand while you die is too short, or maybe a couple of years older?

 

I think you give a very nuanced response here. Very well done.

 

I applaud you for having the insight to recognize the impact of ego on your earlier choices around dating younger women.

 

I feel like there is some sort of ... tipping point for different people in the dating journey. I have a couple of super hot/attractive female friends who sought and secured the love and affection of attractive and financially well-off guys. I sort of saw that as a fair exchange. One of my friends (Charlene) had a rep for being the "hottest" girl at our campus (and was very nice to boot!) She ended up with an equally nice guy who is also a millionaire. And dammit if they aren't the nicest people! She limited her dating pool and had a goal of falling for a well-off guy while not being financially that well-off herself (goal to be a teacher). BUT her fortunate looks and temperament made it pretty obvious that she would have a pretty big pool with the "good looking, well-off" crowd as well.

 

So for a woman like Charlene, I totally get her selectivity. I didn't like it if anyone suggested she was superficial. It's not like those people who would stop her on the street and ask her out (yes this happened!) were interested in the fact she speaks three languages. They were into her looks. And for her to have criteria about the looks and income of her partners, especially that they hopefully make a good amount of money, I didn't think it was a big deal. She was dating pretty good looking guys who were well-off and everyone was happy. No big deal.

 

But Charlene got married at 27 and has been happily married for nearly a decade.

 

Now, for ME on the other hand (average in looks and hopefully intelligent), I have always been more realistic about my options. I was a lot more open about income, fitness, etc because I recognized that a) I'm not a model and b) I can have good chemistry with a lot of different people. If I was waiting for some handsome rich dude, I'd be waiting forever.

 

I think, if I were advising people, there has to be some level of shrewd realism in understanding your options. Hopefully the realism comes with age. As I got older, I matured and started to recognize more things were "nice to have" versus "need to have" in relationships. I think that is where sometimes people can falter. Now some people don't care at all about looks or money and more power to them. I also think, it's OK to care ... just recognize that if you are too unrealistic you might be single for a long long time.

[Realitynut]

When I was young...the only criteria I had, was if they asked me out!!!

 

Now it's.....ummm.....where are the men???

 

It's much easier to be attracted to a 28 year old man...then a 68 year old man!!! *sigh*

[Sportster2005]

I think you give a very nuanced response here. Very well done.

 

I applaud you for having the insight to recognize the impact of ego on your earlier choices around dating younger women.

 

I feel like there is some sort of ... tipping point for different people in the dating journey. I have a couple of super hot/attractive female friends who sought and secured the love and affection of attractive and financially well-off guys. I sort of saw that as a fair exchange. One of my friends (Charlene) had a rep for being the "hottest" girl at our campus (and was very nice to boot!) She ended up with an equally nice guy who is also a millionaire. And dammit if they aren't the nicest people! She limited her dating pool and had a goal of falling for a well-off guy while not being financially that well-off herself (goal to be a teacher). BUT her fortunate looks and temperament made it pretty obvious that she would have a pretty big pool with the "good looking, well-off" crowd as well.

 

So for a woman like Charlene, I totally get her selectivity. I didn't like it if anyone suggested she was superficial. It's not like those people who would stop her on the street and ask her out (yes this happened!) were interested in the fact she speaks three languages. They were into her looks. And for her to have criteria about the looks and income of her partners, especially that they hopefully make a good amount of money, I didn't think it was a big deal. She was dating pretty good looking guys who were well-off and everyone was happy. No big deal.

 

But Charlene got married at 27 and has been happily married for nearly a decade.

 

Now, for ME on the other hand (average in looks and hopefully intelligent), I have always been more realistic about my options. I was a lot more open about income, fitness, etc because I recognized that a) I'm not a model and b) I can have good chemistry with a lot of different people. If I was waiting for some handsome rich dude, I'd be waiting forever.

 

I think, if I were advising people, there has to be some level of shrewd realism in understanding your options. Hopefully the realism comes with age. As I got older, I matured and started to recognize more things were "nice to have" versus "need to have" in relationships. I think that is where sometimes people can falter. Now some people don't care at all about looks or money and more power to them. I also think, it's OK to care ... just recognize that if you are too unrealistic you might be single for a long long time.

 

Practicality can't be removed when selecting a partner. Like the old saying says "love doesn't pay the rent".

 

Your example of Charlene brings up some interesting questions. Did the man she is with now know she spoke three languages when he initially approached her? Did he approach her for the same reason the guys on the street did? Sometimes we may never learn about someone until we are initially attracted to them for nothing more than looks. I stress, initial attraction. I don't think it's shallow to approach someone based on looks. In real life anyways. It's shallow to continue if looks are the only thing you are interested in. I should mention there is another class of very attractive women online. They don't have picky criteria. They have no criteria. They have nothing in their profiles. Instead they just upload some photos and wait for attention. Sadly they probably get it it. Which is a statement.

 

 

I also wonder how Charlene would do here. I think there are very few young good looking rich men here to compete for. It's a relatively small older population. Which would make it difficult for an educated beautiful women like Charlene. I can only imagine how well a young good looking millionaire would do here. But I guess that just brings up the bigger issue of supply and demand in dating. Which further complicates the criteria discussion.

 

 

Couldn't agree more. It often comes down to needs vs wants. Something that seems to plague a lot of people.

[IAmFCA]

I'm not a fan of the supply demand concept relative to dating, because I am in denial that it matters.

 

I have never lived anywhere where there weren't a plethora of peers and, particularly, peers who are more accomplished and more gifted than I. I am not sure I could do it.

[Realitynut]

Sometimes we may never learn about someone until we are initially attracted to them for nothing more than looks. I stress, initial attraction.

 

Sportster, I don't imagine that you have ever read Men are from Mars....but it says this exact same thing. And goes into great detail. It maintains that men MUST be initially attracted to a woman first, or it will go no further. Then, after he is attracted to her (physically) then it's mentally, then emotionally...etc.

 

For the woman, it's opposite. A woman (usually) is attracted to a man initially because of his "brain".....they say something witty, etc. That attracts them, then the emotional stuff. The physical stuff comes later. It said, sometimes not until they kiss. So the book goes on to say...so don't take too long to move in on the kiss!

 

The reason I remember this, is because my last bf...ya know....the short, fat, bald one....(snark) He was initially attracted to me (I think) cuz of my looks. Course...he said I came in and the place just came alive! *smiles* I never gave him a second glance, until the 5 time I saw him (in a social setting) and he came up and whispered something funny in my ear. My whole feelings for him changed. But I still couldn't get into him physically...until 10 months later when he kissed me! Woooooowza!

 

Now I find out he's a commitment phoebe......and only likes the chase. Once he had me....eh.

 

But anyway.....this isn't about me. (lol) Maybe she kissed you.....and didn't like it!!!

[IAmFCA]

I think physical is important both ways, though I agree with RN, it is often more important to the man. I have placed more of a value on initial attraction in my recent dating life than I did previously, and am glad for it.

 

All things in balance, of course.

 

I appreciate a man who expects to present himself to me in a physical way, and who is prepared to do that well. He may not have been born handsome or always been healthy, but if at midlife he is taking care of himself, that may be enough. Certainly its a minimum standard that matters to me.

[John John]

Ok....I'm just gonna come out and say it...as much as I don't want to admit it, and as much as others may not want to admit it.

 

When we date, we need bargaining chips...the most important bargaining chips (in the early stages of dating) are (sad to say):

 

Women: Looks. For Men, Attraction = Looks * (Personality + Interests + Career + etc). So if looks are a zero, there's no attraction. Simple.

 

Men: Height & Money/Status. For Women, the equation varies a bit more based on how much weight she gives to each variable, but height and money, followed closely by looks are usually the most important. A man might have a zero in some areas and be ok, but if a man has a zero in money or height, he might still be royally f*cked. Same for looks...women are a bit more forgiving, but care almost as much about looks as we do (but they'll often overlook a zero in looks for money, status, etc.). I have a zero in height (many women get their height requirements from the NBA, apparently), so I'm locked out of a lot of options unfortunately. But that's life!

 

Now I am NOT saying we all have be 10/10 in all variables to find love. That is not realistic and not the case at all. But like many in this thread have either alluded to or flat out said, we have to be realistic. Most of the time, we don't want the ones who want us, and the ones we want don't want us. Because most of us don't have all the above bargaining chips...those that do...are usually in living in the 90210 area code. And remember, looks are pretty subjective.

 

I'm toying with re-joining Match because I got 45 new emails, 20 winks and 15 photo likes in the past 48 hours (I made a slight modification, but can't email anyone back yet, although some of the emails I think are from pretty girls).

 

Even with all this interest in me...I have very little interest in dating. I have grown to absolutely despise it. I know, I know, it's my attitude that needs work (easier said than done). But...I guess if I don't want to be alone I gotta force myself. Ugh......

[Capricorn3]

I'm toying with re-joining Match because I got 45 new emails, 20 winks and 15 photo likes in the past 48 hours (I made a slight modification, but can't email anyone back yet, although some of the emails I think are from pretty girls).

 

Even with all this interest in me...I have very little interest in dating. I have grown to absolutely despise it. I know, I know, it's my attitude that needs work (easier said than done). But...I guess if I don't want to be alone I gotta force myself. Ugh......

I must be missing something, but I just don't get this. Very little interest in dating. Absolutely despise it. Yet, you are toying with re-joining Match. WHY? What for? When you already hate it, have no interest, are clearly angry/bitter, you won't really achieve anything by dating (at this point) as it will all backfire on you because they will instantly feel your negative vibes and attitude etc, and not come back. (One can feel it strongly just by reading a post on the internet, so in real life I imagine it would be a thousand times worse).

 

There's nothing wrong with being alone. Alone does NOT have to mean lonely. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Right now, it probably would be a very good idea to be alone and stay alone for a good long while until you get into a better head space than where you are at right now.

 

OP, sorry, didn't mean to go off topic!! ~hands thread back to OP~

[John John]

Capricorn, thanks, but I'm well aware of how this sounds and I don't need the scolding And I've been going to therapy regularly for some other stuff. I'm doing my part.

 

I more meant that I just hate the proces of dating. It's exhausting. Unfortunately, as a guy, I can't rely on "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "you don't find love, love finds you." That applies to women, mostly. And I never said there's anything wrong with being alone. I've been mostly single for three years now, and I'm actually much better at it than my posts may sound. I was sort of venting because this thread (to me) was somewhat similar to what I've been feeling. I HAVE been taking a break, as I thought was able to be inferred from my post.

 

But at the end of the day, no one wants to be alone. So as much as I hate the process of dating, I just have to suck it up if I want a relationship. But to your point....Maybe I need some more time. I know many people who hated dating just as much, forced themselves out there, and are now married.

[faraday]

Capricorn, thanks, but I'm well aware of how this sounds and I don't need the scolding And I've been going to therapy regularly for some other stuff. I'm doing my part.

 

I more meant that I just hate the proces of dating. It's exhausting. Unfortunately, as a guy, I can't rely on "it'll happen when you least expect it" or "you don't find love, love finds you." That applies to women, mostly. And I never said there's anything wrong with being alone. I've been mostly single for three years now, and I'm actually much better at it than my posts may sound. I was sort of venting because this thread (to me) was somewhat similar to what I've been feeling. I HAVE been taking a break, as I thought was able to be inferred from my post.

 

But at the end of the day, no one wants to be alone. So as much as I hate the process of dating, I just have to suck it up if I want a relationship. But to your point....Maybe I need some more time. I know many people who hated dating just as much, forced themselves out there, and are now married.

 

I think dating is hard for both genders pretty equally women can't "just let it happen" anymore either..,,all of my friends that think I'm "sl*tty" or "desperate" for online dating (apparently stereotypes still exist) are all still single. Weird, right? But the view from the high horse is good so I just look up at them and smile "yup, I'm a total sl*t for having met strange men in coffee shops." (and go home and cuddle on the couch with my cute bf).

 

You have to put yourself out there no matter what gender you are. Women have to do the initial bit to get the guy to talk to her (it's very rare for a man to walk up to a completely cold woman that's ignoring him...and ask her out), she has to "drop her handkerchief" (so to speak)...like: ask him for the time, smile at him, make eye contact, some kind of "hey, I'm here and open to talking to you" thing...and then it's up to the guy from there. Unfortunately a bunch of you men folk are oblivious and so nothing happens or we sign up online and deal with penis pictures and guys inviting us to their homes "for dinner" as a first meet.

 

Idk...it's not easy on either side...and it's important to remember that. It's important to remember how hard it is for the guy to ask you out with the right timing, guessing your interest through text...knowing the last 3 girls stopped talking to him because his timing was off (too slow and she got bored, too fast and she thought he was a creep)...and it's important for men to remember that she is going through all the penis pictures, the guys with complexes about their height (and I only mention this one because your brought it up- my average date was 5"8), or the guys whose moms come over to clean their houses and do their laundry...and she's meeting you, a stranger, in the dark at some coffee shop...hoping you're not going to date rape her.

 

Idk. When I talk to my bf about online dating, and he says, "I'm so glad I'm not a chick! How did you stay on there long enough to meet me?" And I hear his stories, and I say, "thank god I didn't have to deal with all those flakes, I'd go crazy! I never want to be a man."

 

Dating isn't for the faint of heart. But neither is anything that is actually worthwhile. You have to play the game. Put all your chips in. Risk losing it all. And some time you do. But you pick yourself back up again and try again. And sometimes you win. And that makes it worth it.

 

Idk...I feel like every jerkface that broke my heart, stood me up, made me cry, made me question why...has turned me into the person that's right for my bf. They led me down the road to becoming the person that I am today.

 

The road was hard. It sucked. And I could have become bitter. I could think all guys are a**holes...I certainly met a few that made me wonder at times lol...but I chose to let those experiences shape my boundaries...cultivate a thicker skin...learn to become more empathetic...those jerks made me want to become a better person...because the world needs more good people. Those jerk faces also taught me to date "nice guys". They drove it into me that while a guy with edge is hot, he'll also cut you with it. If I had met my bf 5 years ago...I wouldn't have taken a second look at him. He was too wholesome, too nice. Now...I know that's what I want.

 

Let the negative experiences in your life make you a better person. Stronger. Kinder. Better boundaries. More decisive. Let them shape you into the person that the person you envision yourself with...would want to be with.

[John John]

I think dating is hard for both genders pretty equally women can't "just let it happen" anymore either..,,all of my friends that think I'm "sl*tty" or "desperate" for online dating (apparently stereotypes still exist) are all still single. Weird, right? But the view from the high horse is good so I just look up at them and smile "yup, I'm a total sl*t for having met strange men in coffee shops." (and go home and cuddle on the couch with my cute bf).

 

You have to put yourself out there no matter what gender you are. Women have to do the initial bit to get the guy to talk to her (it's very rare for a man to walk up to a completely cold woman that's ignoring him...and ask her out), she has to "drop her handkerchief" (so to speak)...like: ask him for the time, smile at him, make eye contact, some kind of "hey, I'm here and open to talking to you" thing...and then it's up to the guy from there. Unfortunately a bunch of you men folk are oblivious and so nothing happens or we sign up online and deal with penis pictures and guys inviting us to their homes "for dinner" as a first meet.

 

Idk...it's not easy on either side...and it's important to remember that. It's important to remember how hard it is for the guy to ask you out with the right timing, guessing your interest through text...knowing the last 3 girls stopped talking to him because his timing was off (too slow and she got bored, too fast and she thought he was a creep)...and it's important for men to remember that she is going through all the penis pictures, the guys with complexes about their height (and I only mention this one because your brought it up- my average date was 5"8), or the guys whose moms come over to clean their houses and do their laundry...and she's meeting you, a stranger, in the dark at some coffee shop...hoping you're not going to date rape her.

 

Idk. When I talk to my bf about online dating, and he says, "I'm so glad I'm not a chick! How did you stay on there long enough to meet me?" And I hear his stories, and I say, "thank god I didn't have to deal with all those flakes, I'd go crazy! I never want to be a man."

 

Dating isn't for the faint of heart. But neither is anything that is actually worthwhile. You have to play the game. Put all your chips in. Risk losing it all. And some time you do. But you pick yourself back up again and try again. And sometimes you win. And that makes it worth it.

 

Idk...I feel like every jerkface that broke my heart, stood me up, made me cry, made me question why...has turned me into the person that's right for my bf. They led me down the road to becoming the person that I am today.

 

The road was hard. It sucked. And I could have become bitter. I could think all guys are a**holes...I certainly met a few that made me wonder at times lol...but I chose to let those experiences shape my boundaries...cultivate a thicker skin...learn to become more empathetic...those jerks made me want to become a better person...because the world needs more good people. Those jerk faces also taught me to date "nice guys". They drove it into me that while a guy with edge is hot, he'll also cut you with it. If I had met my bf 5 years ago...I wouldn't have taken a second look at him. He was too wholesome, too nice. Now...I know that's what I want.

 

Let the negative experiences in your life make you a better person. Stronger. Kinder. Better boundaries. More decisive. Let them shape you into the person that the person you envision yourself with...would want to be with.

 

I love you faraday.

 

I used to be steadfast in my belief that women have it easier. I know it's hard for both sexes, I do. Still think women have it it easier in some ways...but maybe just different ways. I see that with my sister now. I'm becoming more compassionate towards the struggle of women.

 

Regarding height...I will say, don't put the cart before the horse. Men wouldn't care about height of women didn't have brutal height standards. I'm 5'8" and never thought I was short until online dating in particular.

 

I hope you're right ... That all we go through gets us ready for the right person. I hope you're right.

[IAmFCA]

every jerkface that broke my heart, stood me up, made me cry, made me question why...has turned me into the person that's right for my bf. They led me down the road to becoming the person that I am today.

 

Absolutely. I dated in part to find myself, improve myself, and identify what I want in a partner.

 

Now I think I am ready to date to actually find something I can sustain. Ironically, I have lots of opportunity but not nearly the same level of focus. I've reached a place where my needs are mostly met, and dating is just that - dating.

 

I would not be here without having traveled the path.

[IAmFCA]

I love you faraday.

 

I used to be steadfast in my belief that women have it easier. I know it's hard for both sexes, I do. Still think women have it it easier in some ways...but maybe just different ways. I see that with my sister now. I'm becoming more compassionate towards the struggle of women.

 

Regarding height...I will say, don't put the cart before the horse. Men wouldn't care about height of women didn't have brutal height standards. I'm 5'8" and never thought I was short until online dating in particular.

 

I hope you're right ... That all we go through gets us ready for the right person. I hope you're right.

 

Every relationship is a mirror into ourselves. If we use that information to shape ourselves, then with each rs we get closer to the self we envision.

[Realitynut]

My soon to be ex (off and on for 2 years) is 5'8"....230 pounds...with shoes and clothes....Bald. Lives in almost a shack by most people's standards. Only wood burning stove for heat...his choice. I pulled up his old rug and refinished the floors...plastered his walls, and painted his kitchen and cabinets (all at night while he slept!) But I had fallen for his humor....and the fact he was pursuing me relentlessly. He also has only taken me to two nice restaurants in my life. One was for boss's day...and he said cuz I liked to Boss him. (this was before we were a couple) and the other was for my birthday last yr.....and I asked him too! (oh...btw...he makes about $50,000 a year...just doesn't spend it on me...or house)

 

So tall, handsome men with money never found their way into my dating circle.

 

Now at age 31, I met my husband to be. He was 30, tall and handsome. Married him. He was a jerk.

 

Funny how age changes your standards....

 

(edited to let JohnJohn know...that I am now 'old'...)

[saluk]

I'm with you John John. I'm happy being single - but I still aspire to have a mate. I hate dating, but it's necessary.

 

Does anyone here love job interviews? They are very similar in my mind. You want the job, you have to do the interviewing process.

 

I think that for people who enjoy meeting new people or thinking about themselves or trying new things, that dating can be fun, and less like an interview. I prefer hanging out with people I know, doing things I already know that I like, and thinking about myself as little as possible because as an introvert I get enough of that in normal everyday life thank you very much!

 

But even a grouchy guy like me can still savor the anticipation of calling a stranger on the phone and being surprised at hearing her laugh at my bad jokes. So within the process, there are those exciting moments. When you can get excited about a prospect both being interesting to you and perhaps being interested in you, it can still be amazing. Even if it doesn't pan out.

 

I recommend everyone who is struggling with the process to watch Frasier season 4 episode 23: odd man out. It really helped me to get a new perspective on the benefits of the pursuit, regardless of the outcome.

[John John]

My soon to be ex (off and on for 2 years) is 5'8"....230 pounds...with shoes and clothes....Bald. Lives in almost a shack by most people's standards. Only wood burning stove for heat...his choice. I pulled up his old rug and refinished the floors...plastered his walls, and painted his kitchen and cabinets (all at night while he slept!) But I had fallen for his humor....and the fact he was pursuing me relentlessly. He also has only taken me to two nice restaurants in my life. One was for boss's day...and he said cuz I liked to Boss him. (this was before we were a couple) and the other was for my birthday last yr.....and I asked him too! (oh...btw...he makes about $50,000 a year...just doesn't spend it on me...or house)

 

So tall, handsome men with money never found their way into my dating circle.

 

Now at age 31, I met my husband to be. He was 30, tall and handsome. Married him. He was a jerk.

 

Funny how age changes your standards....

 

(edited to let JohnJohn know...that I am now 'old'...)

 

Lol thanks realitynut...I appreciate it I just know height is super important to many women, so it bugs me sometimes. I'm not that short but I know many women prefer taller guys. And it is what it is...everyone has preferences, and that doesn't necessarily make them shallow.

[journeynow]

a ll of my friends that think I'm "sl*tty" or "desperate" for online dating (apparently stereotypes still exist) are all still single.

 

I remember hearing that repeatedly in junior high school about some girl, any girl it seemed, that showed interest in a guy was "desperate". Not me, I was too shy to talk to boys, but add to that the stigma of appearing "desperate", and, well, it took me years to gain some level comfort talking to guys. It probably took graduating from high school and moving away to college, getting away from that competitive and catty social environment.

 

I do think it is hard for both genders, and sweeping statements about who has it easier are probably made with general stereotypes in mind.

[Sportster2005]

 

But anyway.....this isn't about me. (lol) Maybe she kissed you.....and didn't like it!!!

 

Let's not say things we can't take back I don't think it was long enough. It was just a bit more than a peck. We were in a parking lot in broad daylight. The romantic kisses come later. But then again, ya never know.

 

I was out tonight with someone. There's a thread about her here somewhere She is someone I dated and liked, and then thought she lost interest. But in her case I eventually followed up with a few weeks later. And sure enough she was surprised I stopped contacting her. Unfortunately she was seeing someone by then. Asked me to stay in touch because it was new and didn't know if it would work out. I decided not to.

 

So were chatting about dating. She believes men are dumb and women are crazy. It was all in good fun . So I said you're right. Remember how dumb I was? Then as I'm recalling the story to her I'm thinking maybe I'm making the same mistake. But it didn't last long.

 

When I first met her she was very open to dating and relationships. This guy, and other experiences have completely turned off of dating. And of course I'm sitting there completely firing on all cylinders, and she is 'not dating'. Pushed a little she said she is open to a relationship but was going to leave it up to the Universe. I might email her next week, ask her out, and sign the email "The Universe", hee hee.

 

I think there's a lesson in here. To be successful with women you have to be intelligent, but you can't think too much. Men that are good with women don't seem to spend a whole lot of time thinking.

 

I've never read the book. But I've read so many articles, synopsis on it I think I get most of the content. I'm from Jupiter though, so it's irrelevant.

[journeynow]

I might email her next week, ask her out, and sign the email "The Universe", hee hee.

 

Sportster, you could take the nickname Mr. Universe and run with it! ;-)

[thejigsup]

I enjoy job interviews, I really do. To me, it is akin to a verbal jousting match and I usually win. Fun. I've gotten more than a few jobs because I was having fun during the interview and not nervous. As far as tall goes in men, I have three iron clad rules. They must be tall (I'm tall and anyone under 6' is shorter than me when I wear any type of heel, not sexy. Intelligence is not negotiable. I get turned on by intelligence. My exes all had Doctorates and were very, very, mentally sharp. If a guy smokes, that negates all of the above. We are done the second I learn he smokes. People who smoke have that smell, and it makes me ill. How much they earn, if they're handsome or not, if they have kids or not, or if they've been married before, all matter nothing to me.