ssgirl1010 Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 oops sorry complete misunderstanding on my part Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Did you read what he wrote? " the women of an are thoughtful, caring and selfless as well as a great many other wonderful traits". How are those horrible assumptions? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I agree that's how I use the site as well. I got to a phone number yesterday faster than ever before from a profile with NO profile information filled out, but good answers to a few of my key questions. I just commented on her name, 5 minutes later she said she'd rather text than chat on the site, and we went from there and had a really nice text conversation. It was actually refreshing NOT to know so much about someone before chatting. I think we will have a first date at least. Who knows about the 2nd... There are some things that are coming up already that might point to concerns. I'm worried she might be closed off, but I have things in my past as well. I'm excited because usually it is so hard to even get a response from someone, but can't turn my head off. Glad to see you're getting out there Saluk! We'll want a full report. . a journal too maybe Nice to see you John John. .Your contributions have been missed. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 I can agree that it can be very brutal over time. I also think "very beautiful women with athletic figures that have all their stuff together" have plenty of options period. Whether they choose to pay attention to the real life options is their choice. I think when we get into these conversations, sometimes (not always) there is this implicit (and sometimes explicit) admonishment for people having options. Very handsome men with athletic figures that have all their stuff together have numerous options. Whether online or not. I don't know if there is resentment with that. But I have the feeling that folks who are decent looking feel really upset that the men or women they may be attracted to pass on him or her. And I kinda think that's unfair. I find that women that cold have lots of options tend to have the strictest criteria. On Match very attractive women want the younger men who are athletic, tall and make more money. Many women in my age make good money and I can understand income equality. But many simply want men that make more. What I find interesting that once you get over 6'5" you are looking at only maybe 5% or 10% of the population. I don't remember the exact numbers. Here the median family wage is 60ish k. Women in my age group list over 75 or 100k as their preference. Consider many men in my age group are paying family support and even the wealthier ones can struggle. And finally the local area here maybe has a total population 350k. And there are more women here than men. If you do the math these attractive women are whittling down their potential pool to a tiny amount. This is not a complaint. It's an observation. My friends in the enemy fort report that men who have looks, status and are athletic have demanding criteria. And even some that are pretty average. If you suggested to these people they could increase the size of their dating pool by being more flexible they would sneer and say they refuse to settle. Which is not to say people should settle. But often that is just an excuse to not get over your ego. So I guess many people appear to be self limiting their 'numerous options'. When I was a young man of 45 I would only date younger women. It had nothing to do with settling, and everything to do with a man struggling with getting older and ego. Perhaps other people are limiting their potentials for the wrong reasons. Do you really care if the person holding your hand while you die is too short, or maybe a couple of years older? Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 Nice thought Lost...but I don't think the ladies of ENA are selfless, but self aware. And THAT attribute may be missing on the OLD profiles! Unless you're being paid to be here, you're being selfless. Sheesh why can't women just take a darn compliment Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Women in my age group list over 75 or 100k as their preference. Consider many men in my age group are paying family support and even the wealthier ones can struggle. Sportster, call me naïve or whatever. But do women really list a certain income of a potential partner as a preference? Wow, sorry I am truly speechless! That must be a tough game for you men out there! Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Unless you're being paid to be here, you're being selfless. Sheesh why can't women just take a darn compliment Thanks Sportster and Lost of course! Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I am one of those women with options and have been thinking about this question of being too picky. I look for values, looks, athleticism, writing ability, appreciation for himself, and proximity. This brought me on a date recently with someone who was not great looking but I liked him anyhow - until there turned out to be a self esteem issue. OLD has led me to numerous dates with men who tried to use their money or power to attract me, or who assume their lack of same repelled me. Neither was true: assuming money was the key detail told me what they value about themselves. I am finding it difficult to find a man who doesn't objectify himself, yet who is both accomplished and sexy as a result of his pursuits. The man I maintain an interest in remains on my dashboard because he doesn't devalue himself this way, though he has money, abs, and smarts and so he could if he wanted to. Finding humanist values in a capitalist package - not easy. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Unless you're being paid to be here, you're being selfless. Sheesh why can't women just take a darn compliment Why thank you sir Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I somewhat fit the demographic you describe. I'm tall, make a good salary, reasonably attractive (on a good day )and stable. It's interesting to be on this side and to tell you my male equal might want someone younger where as you assume (it's fair) that I might want someone younger as well. No, no. Funny, the man I'm dating is 4 years older and assumes I'd prefer a younger man as well. My equal is typically paying out to support ex's and offspring or is in the process of starting over again and rarely ever catching up. That's life. In all honesty I would like my equal, age, income and alike. But I'd honored to be with a man who has integrity, likes to get out and explore, that I have an amazing connection with and I am attracted to. It's all very subjective. The rest is just extraneous details Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I somewhat fit the demographic you describe. I'm tall, make a good salary, reasonably attractive (on a good day )and stable. It's interesting to be on this side and to tell you my male equal might want someone younger where as you assume (it's fair) that I might want someone younger as well. No, no. Funny, the man I'm dating is 4 years older and assumes I'd prefer a younger man as well. My equal is typically paying out to support ex's and offspring or is in the process of starting over again and rarely ever catching up. That's life. In all honesty I would like my equal, age, income and alike. But I'd honored to be with a man who has integrity, likes to get out and explore, that I have an amazing connection with and I am attracted to. It's all very subjective. The rest is just extraneous details Well said. Thank you. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 Sportster, call me naïve or whatever. But do women really list a certain income of a potential partner as a preference? Wow, sorry I am truly speechless! That must be a tough game for you men out there! Yes, on Match you can list your income and specify a preference for income. I don't specify my income. One woman winked at me. She was very attractive and well spoken. I emailed her. I said I would very much like to chat with you, but I don't meet your income criteria. She said that was too bad. That's what she made so she thought it was fair. Our combined incomes would leave us very comfortable. Not comfortable enough apparently Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Yes, on Match you can list your income and specify a preference for income. I don't specify my income. One woman winked at me. She was very attractive and well spoken. I emailed her. I said I would very much like to chat with you, but I don't meet your income criteria. She said that was too bad. That's what she made so she thought it was fair. Our combined incomes would leave us very comfortable. Not comfortable enough apparently Her values are different than yours anyway; her decisiveness saved you time. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 It's interesting to be on this side and to tell you my male equal might want someone younger where as you assume (it's fair) that I might want someone younger as well. No, no. I don't assume. Women online are explicitly saying it. I suspect, and some research suggests, we end up with someone close in our peer group. The woman who is the subject of this thread is very much like me. Same income, three years younger, similar fitness level. I run more, she swims more. Same values. We even have the same color of hair. And on POF she was ranked my number one prospect. I don't know if there is cause and effect at play. If she was 45 and all else equal I would date her. If she was 58 even 60 I would date her. If she made more, or less, same thing. But maybe because we were so similar we clicked easier. We simply understood each other better. Well, at least I clicked She did briefly. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I'm tall, make a good salary, reasonably attractive (on a good day )and stable. Scratch Tall, good salary, and stable....and I'm almost your equal reinvent! Think I'm a good dating prospect??? lol Oh...plus I'm not sure how old you are...but LOTS of guys older than me, haven't figured out HOW to even use the computer yet...much less OLD...(foot in grave) Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I was on an online dating site here in Europe 9 years ago and before you could create your profile, you had to go through tons of questions and you would also state your income range. There was no option to state a desired income range of a potential partner. The income was not displayed anywhere, but it was used to match people, which I can understand. If you state your own income and then you state the preferred income range of a potential partner, o.k., that I can understand. But as a woman, I would never put my income visibly for everybody, no way. Just out of interest, do most women state their own income when having a preferred partners’ income? Link to comment
Realitynut Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 We simply understood each other better. Well, at least I clicked :smile: She did briefly Just txt her....Gol dang it! Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 Her values are different than yours anyway; her decisiveness saved you time. Exactly. If someone contacts me and they have an income preference, I'm disinclined to respond. Even if I make the money they are looking for. Money is important, yes. But how high a priority is it? That's what I like to focus on. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 I NEVER put mine.....lol. Would really scare them away. And I think my income criteria was 'employed'..... Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 If someone contacts me and they have an income preference, I'm disinclined to respond. Yeah, I think I would push the “next” button. Link to comment
Blue_Skirt Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 This is the way I see things. I make a living of my own, always have. I have always worked hard and have spent my money wisely. I am not high maintenance and I don’t need a man to sponsor my life. I apply the same standards for a potential partner. Link to comment
mhowe Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Thanks Sportster...I can take a compliment but being here isn't selfless. We teach what we need to reinforce! Also, I think of it as paying it forward as ENA veterans pulled me through me break up/reconciliation. However, your gratitude/thanks is appreciated. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 23, 2016 Author Share Posted January 23, 2016 We simply understood each other better. Well, at least I clicked She did briefly Just txt her....Gol dang it! Imagine for a moment a conversation like this. Me "Hi N, it's been a while. Hope you're dad and family are O.K. Would love to chat sometime, and go on the third walk, I really enjoy your company". Her Complete silence, or Her "Thanks Mike. Things are fine. I'm surprised to hear from you. After you went silent I met someone else", or Her "Thanks, Take care", or Anyways you see where I'm going with this. It's been too long. Contact now would just be creepy. I actually had something similar happen once. Sent an email to a woman that I thought lost interest. She responded saying she was very interested and was surprised and disappointed I stopped calling. By then though she just started dating someone. They were together almost two years. She's single now. We are meeting tomorrow. Not a date. She wants me to do some photo work for her. And I'm pretty sure %90 I'm reading my current situation correctly. If I run into her I will ask her. And if I'm wrong, oh you know there will be a posting on that. Complete with angst and tears Link to comment
youareworthy Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 Dear Sportster. What has it been? Less than a month? NOT creepy, IMHO. She wanted time to be with her dad. If she gave you one of the above responses, they would be no more than you expected, and you would finally have a definite answer. But you are too pessimistic! She could also respond with, "Thanks, Mike. My dad got worse for a while, and I have been really busy. But I would like to see you again." "I was wondering why you had dropped off the face of the earth! You deleted your profile so I thought you were seeing someone else." "Hey, I am still swamped with my dad's situation, so I couldn't spare a whole afternoon, but maybe we could have an hour at Starbucks?" Just sayin'. You are a catch, Sportster. Youareworthy Link to comment
journeynow Posted January 23, 2016 Share Posted January 23, 2016 OLD aside, let's just all have a meet-up in town. Next Wed at 7pm at the restaurant on the river? You're good bunch I'd enjoy meeting. I guess we'd use our screen names and wear our avatars, though, or it would be quite confusing. Link to comment
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