jimthzz Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 And there is no way in hell I'm the one to address it with her at all. My wife, her mom, found it while cleaning the girl's room, getting ready to shampoo all the rugs in house. They were having this big argument about it last night, of which i only heard bits and pieces as i was downstairs and usually tune out the mom/kid dynamic. While I'm annoyed that the kid was in our room snooping around, and stole such an intimate thing, I think at this point that she ought to just keep the darn thing. and no way should the wife retrieve it for further use. Trash it or let her keep it. But do I need to lock the bedroom door? How should my wife handle it? it's a given that I will not deal with it--other than to declare the bedroom off limits and maybe install a door lock. Is this one of those common issues with teens that doesn't get talked about? Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Invasion of privacy gets talking about. Taking what doesn't belong to her gets talked about. It doesn't matter it was a sex toy. And her budding sexual urges and curiosity gets addressed...by mom. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I don't even think it is so much about sexual urges, she is a little thief and that gets dealt with. Right now it's a sex toy, next time it's their gun or money or jewelry. Nope..... someone would be punished for years. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Age depends on the punishment, but theft, yeah, no Bueno. Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Well, this is simpler than you think. Both you and your wife sit your daughter down, look her in the eye and say, "It is not acceptable to go snooping into our bedroom. AND it's especially not okay to steal things from us or anyone that don't belong to you, and yes we all know what that "thing" (air quotes done here) was." "So stop it. By the way, you are grounded for (fill in time) and as an amends you get to do (fill in chore she really hates to do) X number of times before your grounding is lifted. End of story." Trust me, the mortification of having one's dad know what it is you did and took should more than make her want to never ever go into your bedroom again. The grounding and amends part of it, well that's just so the kids realize there are consequences involving actions and not just words. That's what I did with my kids anyways, still do except my youngest is such a boy scout that I haven't had to so far. (Knock on wood) Link to comment
jimthzz Posted December 15, 2015 Author Share Posted December 15, 2015 She is almost 16. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Then she's plenty old enough to know what she did was wrong. Personally ,I'd make her work for the money to replace the item and then make her go by the item. Link to comment
WithLove Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Then she's plenty old enough to know what she did was wrong. Personally ,I'd make her work for the money to replace the item and then make her go by the item. She's not old enough to buy this item. You have to be 18 to enter those stores. I'd go with ParisPaulette's suggestion. I'd make her get rid of the toy, as well. When she is 18, old enough to enter those stores (and old enough to work), she is more than welcome to purchase one with her own money. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 She's not old enough to buy this item. You have to be 18 to enter those stores. I'd go with ParisPaulette's suggestion. I'd make her get rid of the toy, as well. When she is 18, old enough to enter those stores (and old enough to work), she is more than welcome to purchase one with her own money. People can order online. She works for the money and buys online. People learn really well when they have to work for the money to replace thing. 15 is old enough to work. I see 11-year-olds doing paper routes for money. Link to comment
WithLove Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 People can order online. She works for the money and buys online. Then why not just give her parents the money for it? Technically, she's not old enough to visit a site like that, either. Link to comment
journeynow Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 For snooping overall, do you house rules that goes the other way, is snooping allowed by parents? I can imagine any teenager demanding they have all the privacy in the world, so it may come up. Be ready to make your standards clear (your house, your rules, her level of responsibility, her level of freedom). Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Then why not just give her parents the money for it? Technically, she's not old enough to visit a site like that, either. I don't mean to buy it for HERSELF. Work to replace her mom's item. Link to comment
WithLove Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 She's almost 16. She took the toy because she's curious about sex. She probably watches porn, too. I think allowing her to keep the toy, no matter what discipline she gets, encourages her to explore her sexuality. It's not a bad thing; I just think she's too young for it. Personal opinion. I didn't have sex til I was 20. I was always SO thankful I waited as long as I did, because in no way was I prepared to deal with the emotional stress that comes with having sex. I shudder to think what would have happened if I had done it at a younger age. Again, personal opinion. She's 16; if she really wants a toy, she will figure out a way to get one. But you can at least prevent her from getting one on your watch and likely from keeping it around your house. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Obviously, some form of punishment is warranted for stealing. Unfortunately, after she broke your trust to this extent, I wouldn't hesitate to keep your bedroom door locked. As for the toy, I'm sure she doesn't want that back! Link to comment
LC8328 Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I think that if she has been otherwise respectful of your space, then I agree with *WithLove* that it's about the sex, not the snooping. I was interested in that stuff too when I was quite young. I did a similar thing - not because I like to look through my parents stuff (as parents' stuff is generally boring, but depends on the kinds of parents you have lol), but because I knew where I could find magazines, etc. If it was about the snooping you would have found things out of place or missing. Have you? I wonder how the argument went between your wife and her. If she erupted in anger, maybe it was because she was embarrassed so she'd rather be a thief than a 'pervert' in her parents' eyes. For what it's worth I think your wife should have approached the subject by saying she realizes she's curious about sex, and is there anything you would like to talk about. But again, if she's generally disrespectful about everything and doesn't respect your space to begin with, then it's clearly a boundary issue and those boundaries need to be set. Link to comment
LC8328 Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Yeah, kind of gross to get that toy back after she'd used it. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Compartmentalize the two issues. Invading privacy and steeling. .doesn't matter what the item is. Pretend it was a watch she helped herself to and how might you handle the consequences for that Secondly. . maybe in a day or two, Mom should have a discussion with her daughter about her sexual curiosity. She shouldn't be shamed over something (curiousity, urges) that is normal given her age. Two separate issues. One normal, one not. The community toy goes in the trash. Mom gets a new one for Christmas Link to comment
abitbroken Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I would keep a lock on a nightstand. I would ground her. Invading privacy is not respectful and should be dealt with harshly. As far as the suggestions about she is too young to order a sex toy. I think its highly inappropriate for a parent to buy a minor child a sex toy. She can be curious about her body on her own and the parents should take no part in shaping or forming fetishes, masturbation styles, etc. Its appropriate to talk about hygiene, self respect, and the urges and feelings that she may be having that are health and normal, but to direct a child to use sex toys is out of line. Link to comment
Snny Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Am I the only person who is disgusted that she used a toy that has been used on her mom?! Gross! It's really unhygienic to share an adult toy with anybody, let alone your own child! Don't let her keep it. Address the theft. That is the most important issue to work on. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Jeezzz....no one said she used the toy. She stole the toy. Link to comment
Snny Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Who's to say she never tried to use it? Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 That thing should just be destined for the trashcan and just put a lock on your door. Address theft and address invasion of privacy and help answer questions she has about sexuality. Being curious is not inappropriate what she did with her curiosity was inappropriate. Link to comment
mhowe Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 Who's to say she never tried to use it? Who is to say she did? Adding part to the OP because it makes it tabloid doesn't make it true. She took an item from her parents room and her step dad wants to know how to handle it. Discuss. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.