How goofy is TOO MUCH goofy?

[Dougie_D]

I'm an incredibly goofy guy. That's most where my humor comes in. I just act like a goofball all the time. But I honestly don't know if my goofiness is hurting my chances with women.

 

What would be examples of too much goofiness? Or am I just overreacting?

[Tanzi]

Well it depends what you mean by "goofy" but I think overdoing ANYTHING can be really annoying.

 

Nevertheleless, let's say, for example, someone is trying to have a serious conversation with you or is feeling down and just wants to hear some comforting words and you are behaving all goof like .... well .... it probably won't go down too well.

 

Acting goofy is OK but you need to know when it's not a good time to NOT act goofy. People need to know you have a sensitive side too.

[DoF]

"NOTHING is good when taken to the extreme"

 

Keep it limited, we are all goof balls at times, heck I'm a goof ball quite a bit, but there are times when my wife finds it annoying and I try to back off. DO NOT do it early on while dating or relationship (ease into it and see if makes the person happier or if they think you are weird). Adjust accordingly.

[Seraphim]

I don't like goofy. I find it extremely annoying. But then another woman might like it.

[j.man]

I'd say as long as you're paying your bills, exercise some ambition, and know not to treat a funeral as a venue for your latest comedy routine, you can probably find a woman who will dig you for you.

[Dottieflanogon]

It's fine to have a good sense of humor but it sounds like you are trying to be continually funny and that will turn people off after a short time. There's time for fun....... .there's a time for serious. The problem is knowing when to be what......Leave the clown act for the circus.

[Doc Blaze]

you dont want to be the guy who is "trying to hard"

 

like they say everything is good in "Moderation"

 

 

you cant just be always goofy

 

 

I am a very sarcastic person and people love it but

you can also sit down and having a meaningful convo if needed with me.

[BigKK]

When you meet a girl, and you do the "I got your nose" bit... it might hurting your chances.

 

But as j.man says... as long as it's not incredibly inappropriate...you'll be okay.

[ParisPaulette]

When you act like an eight-year-old being egged on by everyone and disrupting the entire class it's too much. Some goofy is great though. My husband will silently make exaggerated faces when we're driving and then say, "What?" when I start to laugh. He'll only do it now and again too when he knows I can see him. Love it.

 

Another guy I used to date had sort of bushy eyebrows and if someone said something really dumb or lame he'd turn, look straight at me, then wiggle his eyebrows at me where only I could see. He got me into trouble more than once doing that, because I'd start laughing out loud and couldn't stop.

 

In small doses I dig goofy, just not over the top and don't keep doing it once you get a laugh.

[reinventmyself]

Oh Dougie.

You can figure out a way to ask the same question in a different way about once a month! . .lol

[Heather Dawn]

Goofy is great in moderation when it comes naturally, but someone being "on" all the time is a HUGE turn-off - and if a person can't stop being goofy when a moment calls for a more serious tone, then that's also a problem.

[missmarple]

Goofy is fine when someone knows when he needs to be serious, too.

[browneyedgirl36]

Goofy is fine when someone knows when he needs to be serious, too.

 

This. I like a little goofiness, but...when someone is constantly cracking jokes, acting the "class clown" type, etc., that's off-putting, particularly in a setting where goofy may not be appropriate.

 

I am currently seeing someone who has a nice balance of those things. He's hilarious -- but appropriately so; he knows when to be serious.

 

Doug, can you give examples of what you mean by "goofy"?

[Capricorn3]

Goofy is fine when someone knows when he needs to be serious, too.

This.

 

It does get very very annoying when you have a 30-40 year old person who constantly acts like like he's 8 years old and can't conduct himself as an adult. It's gets old very quickly.

[Batya33]

The problem is that it sounds like you are goofy because you feel like being goofy all the time without regard to the context/your audience/the individual you are speaking with. People in general don't like when the person they are talking to is basically delivering a monologue, whether goofy or serious, and not trying to establish rapport/connection. It's a give and take in a healthy conversation where both people try to find common ground and if appropriate empathize, or laugh together,etc. If I want to hear a comedic monologue I'll go to live theater or a comedy club.

[Dougie_D]

This. I like a little goofiness, but...when someone is constantly cracking jokes, acting the "class clown" type, etc., that's off-putting, particularly in a setting where goofy may not be appropriate.

 

I am currently seeing someone who has a nice balance of those things. He's hilarious -- but appropriately so; he knows when to be serious.

 

Doug, can you give examples of what you mean by "goofy"?

 

I think my goofiness is when I get excited about things or I am so bored I have to amuse myself. I won't do "acts" in public places though. I'm not trying to get people's attention.

It's usually some sort of dance movement. At work I just start dancing (like I'm making fun of the song) and my co-workers laugh.

When I speak, most people won't say I said something goofy but most likely say "that's the dumbest thing I've heard". I'm always trying to come up with a hilarious answer for everything. I'm not a serious guy. So I have to poke fun of everything to keep me insane. People say they actually don't like me when I'm serious. Because I'll make it sound depressing.

In college I use to randomly get naked at parties which was fun! Haha! Or I like to make perverted gestures around my friends because it's hilarious.

But when people who just get to know me through work or friends, they always think I'm going to act like how they met me when we go out. Then they realize I don't act like that in public and it confuses them I guess.

It's probably a reason why my friends don't hook me up. I do better finding dates when I'm less comfortable. The more comfortable I am, the more likely I'll have a burst of random dumbness.

[tiredofvampires]

What does it matter?

 

You're not going to change the way you are, are you?

 

I'm not making a statement for or against being goofy, I'm just saying that as per usual, this is happening:

 

DOUGIE TO ENA: "Is ______ hurting my chances with women?"

ENA TO DOUGIE: "Maybe. Can you describe more?"

DOUGIE TO ENA: "Well, I'm like this, and this and this, I like to do this and this and this, I don't like that and that and that."

ENA TO DOUGIE: "Hmm, sounds like some of that could indeed be a problem. Maybe do something different?"

DOUGIE TO ENA: "But I'm just like this, this is how I am. I've always been like this. I'm this kind of guy."

 

Just pointing out (again) that whatever you are or aren't doing to hurt your chances with women, it's unlikely you're going to change it, especially if you're okay with being this way and consider it part of who you are.

 

So it's senseless to ask, imo. Just keep on being Dougie, and que sera sera. "Que sera sera" being your particular remedy to all angst about women.

[Capricorn3]

This post is worth repeating.

 

That said, it is also worth mentioning and reminding everyone that Dougie has told us before that he posts because he is lonely and gets attention, not so much looking for actual advice on how to change or improve chances of getting dates etc.

[Batya33]

Right -it's all about you and how you're feeling at the moment. You don't care whether it's appropriate for the situation/timing and you don't attempt to figure out how the other person/people might be feeling or what they're in the mood to talk about. You're bored because you're not actually interested in learning more about the person you're speaking with and that's obvious to that person -and a turn-off. Serious doesn't mean depressing at all -it means listening to the other person and responding in an appropriate way whether that is humor or an opinion or a question - a variety of responses depending on the situation -no one size fits all and certainly not a self-absorbed "wow I'm bored, oh that sounds funny in my head so I'll just say it"

 

Work on finding people who you're comfortable around and if you are not comfortable make a different choice than saying something inappropriate or perverted. As far as the dance moves -sure, do that in the appropriate context -work doesn't seem like the appropriate context.

[John John]

(Heavy sigh)

 

Dougie, TiredofVampires already kinda laid out your schtick...but it's Friday, I'm in a good mood (you can't break my spirit on a Friday)...so here goes...

 

You have become the proverbial class clown, the court jester of your crew. For some people, this actually works. I knew a guy in college who was just like what you describe. He got girls, but on the other hand, many of us (and other girls) did not take him seriously, and felt he was kind of annoying. He was that guy that you'd say (only half jokingly), "Dude, we can't bring you anywhere." Not trying to be a jerk, but I can almost guarantee you that most of your friends and coworkers do not respect you. If anything, since I'm cynical about people sometimes, they are keeping you around partially because you make them look better. And you are playing into this. I feel like you feel you HAVE to be this goofball character because (to quote/paraphrase one of your past threads) you don't "bring anything else to the table."

 

You have some work to do in other areas as we have all tried to tell you. But acting like a child at your age should be on your list of things you need to work on. I mean, we are all goofy at times. I'm even a little perverted/inappropriate at times...but there's a time and place for everything. If I'm just getting to know a girl...I'm on my best behavior, while armed with my "early dating stages shield." You don't have to necessarily fundamentally change, but you need to dial the goofiness back (and your goofiness seems a bit extreme and a little too much "out there").

 

You don't want to be the guy that's never taken seriously. Trust me.

[Patrick974]

Try to balance your life and attitude. Being funny is a good thing but you got to draw a line not to become the court jester. Depressing when you are serious? There is a middle ground I think. Mood swings happens to everyone. Are you only ranting about you or actually looking for serious advices. I Read quite some threads from you and your prospects with women. You are not alone indeed but try to pick up the good advices here and there and apply them in real life.

[Dougie_D]

Yes, that's correct. I know a lot of people use me to make themselves look better. That's been my life, and I'm okay with it. I rather have company to spend with (even if I know they like to tease me) then hang out by myself.

The only times people take me seriously is when I'm talking or playing music. But since I'm not in bands anymore, I have less going for me. Even though I was still goofy in college, I had the band thing going for me where I think most people gave me more of a pass.

But now, people know less about my music side.

... So your friend still got girls? Was he just a better looking guy?...

[John John]

He was a good looking guy. Short, like 5'5 or 5'6"...but very well built (without being too big)...but that's not really the point...

 

He wasn't really taken seriously among anyone. Us and the mature girls we hung out with did not take him seriously after a while. He was the go-to guy to make a fool of himself by streaking through the dorms. Yeah, I guess that's college and stuff....but you're 34 man. You should not be ok with the fact that your friends have relegated to you to the group's token court jester. They (and the girls you are wanting to get with) aren't laughing with you, they are laughing at you. That is why they don't try to hook you up...they don't take you seriously.

 

Find a new crew and (like one of the nice lady user's here on ENA and in this thread)...reinvent yourself! You do not want to be the guy that's never taken seriously. Women can read through your charades and see a very lonely guy, and worse, they will think you are creepy. You can turn it around...but I don't know, you just seem stuck. Like you have this mental block. I don't really try to give you advice anymore, but I was in a good today and I knew a guy that's exactly like you describe yourself, so I chose to opine.

 

I hope you try to eventually change man.