22n32 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 my father said the same thing, any normal.women woukd see thst this is so wrong on many levels.. and even for whatever reason it didnt work.out both should be working Together for the sake of our child because she is the innocent one in this.. i.too am just ready to be a father, evrrytime i see a father and daughter in public i.start tearing up and kills me inside. i dont know what the answer is, i dont feel right walking away, but i dont know if a lifetime of few hrs hrs and broken rel is right either. i just want a proper real rel with my daughter, kiss in the morning good bye, come home and play with her, help her with her homework and kiss her goodnight. i know tjst will never be unless the mother allows it. its awfull feeling thst i dont wish on.anybody Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Share Posted July 15, 2015 I do not understsnd either Sargon. I am not a freaking criminal and 38 miles is not that far but as you said it is carefully executed for sure and by her and her attorney. She really is a narcissist and she always brings up about when my mom told her " you don't get engaged because of a child you get engaged because of love " and went to tell her we need to spend more time and grow into this but ( no way ) was she having any of this as it was " Now or never " her reputation was on the line. Link to comment
MisUnderstood9 Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I am happy to hear that everything is starting to move along for you ynguns! I've been following the story since your first post and I have always been 100% supportive of what you are doing! As a single mother, I still to this day do not understand your exes deal is! I fought and am STILL fighting for the last 5 years to get my sons father to be apart of my sons life. I have been over accommodating, nice, a doormat for sometime when it came to my ex all because I just wanted my son to have his f**king father in his life because I thought it was the right thing and I thought that I had to do it on his terms in order for that to happen but, in the end my son still doesn't have a proper relationship with his dad because my ex is a selfish pr**k. I HATE women life your ex with a fiery passion! They have good men!! Men that are fighting, helping, WANTING to be fathers and these stupid women try to do everything they can be f**king c**ts and alienate the fathers. Pisses me off! They should walk a mile in the life of a mother like my self who has spent 5 (almost 6 years) in court trying to get the father to just SHOW UP to the visitations, to show up to sports games, to show up to school things, to show AT ALL and watch the disappointment and sadness come accross their child's face because the dips**t didn't show up again!!!! Seriously think they would see that they are lucky to have men like yourself in their lives. Men like my ex are men who do not deserve relationships with their children, not men like yourself! Keep fighting! One day you will get what you want and there will be nothing your ex can do about it. Link to comment
sargon Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 I am happy to hear that everything is starting to move along for you ynguns! Moving along? What did miss? Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Share Posted July 16, 2015 Things are moving along but at the rate of a growing cactus, but I do have 3 more hrs a month ( woo hoo ) I guess feeding is really tough especially when I seen cases of Similac in her garage ( noted ) but it is what it is and as many people say " Even if she has an order to follow that does not mean she has to in her eyes " and then back to court we go like fools. Link to comment
lukeb Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I feel for you, I really do. My brother right now is trying to get 50% custody of his 3 daughters. There is a difference of course between custody and visitation rights, I am not sure that is always made clear in this thread especially not by yngguns. Also in many places there is a connection drawn between financial support and visitation rights and having custody, sometimes I notice that I myself am guilty of that, (I am not perfect) there is actually no connection to any of them. They all need to be considered independently, and whatever should happen in one area should not have bearing on the other. Link to comment
sargon Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 I seen cases of Similac in her garage ( noted ) . Well if she's got cases of Similac in her garage then the baby is certainly not subsisting primarily on breast milk. That makes your case stronger for longer visitation because it undermines her claim that she needs to be around to nurse the baby. Take a picture of the cases of Similac. See this is the way you need to be thinking. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 Sargon I caught her red handed but never told her i just told my attorney. I can subpoena her bills and if Similac is on there I have a really good case of perjury as why she kept me away. I need to start dating again as I am tired of being all alone all the time. I am scared I will never find any woman now because I have a child and I don't want a woman who is a partier or one who does not like children. I have done all I can and I see that she never called the counselors as we were advised to do in mediation. I talked to my therapist and he told me not to even communicate with her as it gets me nowhere and I cannot make an evil person good so I just need to focus on what is right for my daughter. I know for a fact that IL wont deviate from standard visitation regardless as I am not a criminal or a drug user so I at least have this going for me. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I am scared I will never find any woman now because I have a child Not a problem at all. I think that it would be a good thing for you to get out there and meet someone that meets your criteria. It will not be that hard. chi Link to comment
sargon Posted July 17, 2015 Share Posted July 17, 2015 I am scared I will never find any woman now because I have a child and I don't want a woman who is a partier or one who does not like children. It's not going to be a problem since you do not have full time responsibility of a child, most potential dating partners will not take an issue with that. I have done all I can and I see that she never called the counselors as we were advised to do in mediation. Do you find this surprising? I talked to my therapist and he told me not to even communicate with her as it gets me Well that makes sense. But how can you avoid communicating with her if she needs to be there to supervise your visitation? I cannot make an evil person good Not so sure your wife is "evil". I reserve that word for the truly insidious such as those who crash planes into towers killing thousands or behead people just to terrorize them. Your wife has an agenda and it doesn't include you. She may be your worst adversary and she's making life miserable but again, it doesn't make her "evil". At least by my definition. I know for a fact that IL wont deviate from standard visitation regardless as I am not a criminal or a drug user so I at least have this going for me. Don't assume anything, every case is different, courts have a lot of discretion, you've already set a precedent with your agreement in mediation to very limited visitation. I would be honestly surprised if you are granted standard visitation any time soon. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Share Posted July 17, 2015 I was never married Sargon. The courts have no reason to keep a father away and the only reason I have had little contact with my daughter is because of her and it is not in childs best interests. It is a shame but I will start dating now and just have to be careful on who I meet and find a woman who is inderstanding and has compassion. I dated a woman a few years ago who was 11 years older but such a sweetheart I like a fool should have asked her to marry me but she had two children and did not want anymore. I guess you learn from your mistakes and she left to pursue a job in San Antonio and we still talk to this day. She just is in shock by all this and always tells me how good a person I am but it does little to help my case. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 I dated a woman a few years ago who was 11 years older but such a sweetheart I like a fool should have asked her to marry me but she had two children and did not want anymore. I guess you learn from your mistakes No, not a mistake hon.....you differed in something that was very important to you. It is entirely possible for you to go on and have many children actually, but not with this woman. She was firm in her wants and you were firm in yours, and unfortunately, it was concerning an issue that was not negotiable. Believe it or not, there are good women out there. You will find one and have the blessings of your friend in San Antonio. I see a bright future for you actually....it is just that you cannot see beyond the forest for the trees. Continue to fight the fight, but get out there and have fun. You know the saying, "Life is too short?" Well, it really is! chi Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Thank you Chitown9 I really appreciate your kind words. I just need to be picky from now on as my daughter cannot be exposed to random women. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Hi everyone and Good Morning😊. Today my daughter is 1 and it is a special day for me but unfortunately I am stuck at the firehouse all day long. I seen my daughter on Sunday and brought her presents and also a Minion baloon ( which she loved ). Kelly was being rude as usual and kept calling me a liar and saying things like " how could you expect your daughter to be stuck in a car for 45 minutes to come and see you? and then how my lawyer was rude to hers in court by saying " he needs alone time at his house to get acquanted " but I stayed calm and cool and just played with little Avery. She keeps telling me that we can work this out amongst ourselves and to get this out of the court but I dont quite understand what she means. She explained to me that she basically wants everything however I will be able to visit my daughter. I am not some piece of trash and I certainly am not a deadbeat, she was insulting my mother saying she is not allowed there and when I asked her " why can't my mom see her grandaughter ? " she blames all this on her and it is really not true. We have an appointment with a therapist on Aug 3rd to go over some issues and I am really shocked she agreed to go as she does not like anyone to tell her anything constructive. The sad thing is as much as I try to be nice and civil I basically get nowhere and I asked her if I could have a diet coke and she said " I dont get people who are suing me pop !!! ". Link to comment
chitown9 Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I would not trust her to settle things out of court. I hope that you don't go for that. Just carry on as you have been....you are doing a good job. Keep it up. Next time take a cooler with you filled with pop. chi Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I asked her if I could have a diet coke and she said " I dont get people who are suing me pop !!! ". LOL. I'm not laughing at you, I just think this is the most ridiculous thing I have heard in awhile. She's not trustworthy to settle things outside of court. And you would be utterly at her mercy. I hardly believe she would let you see Avery. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 I agree. There is something seriously wrong with her and her way of thinking. She sits on the couch crying telling me " How could you put us in the courts ? " and I explained to her I had seen I was out of the pic long before my daughter was born as I always heard her mother and her make plans on where my daughter is going to school and when her mom is watching her and so forth. I had no choice as I asked her last year to at least hyphenate my name and she said " No way " saying " You never bought me a ring now you deal with it ". I recall last year this very day perfectly like I am living it now. I get a text at 8:15 a.m. saying " water broke on way to hospital " so I called her immediately and no answer and then called her mother and the same no answer. You would think that her mother could have at least called to tell me what room she was in at least but that is too much to ask. I arrived at the birthing room and knocked on door and was told " get out " so I walked away and a sweet nurse came to me and said " hold on this is wrong I will go talk to them " and then finally allowed in room. Your right I cannot trust her and for her to say to me I am a pathological liar is ridiculous. Link to comment
lukeb Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 You're still dwelling on your past relationship with your ex and I think its time to move on. I also notice you are being deliberately vague about a lot of things and mixing up the issues of child support, "I am not a dead beat dad". Issues with custody: "she wants everything" "plans on where Avery is going to school" "hyphenated name" etc. You are also talking about how you should be able to see your daughter which deals with visitation rights. These are all separate issues and one doesn't really have bearing on another. Just because you are paying for doctor's visits or you have her on your insurance doesn't mean you get to make medical decisions is just one example. One deals with child support and the other deals with custody. It is not always clear what you are talking about, and sometimes when someone respond with yes I think you should be able to see your daughter, you take that to mean you should somehow have joint custody. What are you even in court for? When you talk about specific things it sounds like you are only talking about visitation rights. Link to comment
TMifune Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Just because you are paying for doctor's visits or you have her on your insurance doesn't mean you get to make medical decisions is just one example. One deals with child support and the other deals with custody. I understand that this is the legal environment, but take a step back and think how the feels to a father. You will pay for what this child needs, but you will have no say in the decisions that effect this child. I mean it's the ultimate in reducing a man to a wallet. When parents are together is a committed relationship they have to argue and come to a compromise, let's say about whether to send the child to Private School or not. When they separate, all of the sudden one party gets to decide "Yep, private school" and the other party gets a court order demanding that they pay for it. God, as a man, I'm terrified of having children in North America. Link to comment
sargon Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I agree. There is something seriously wrong with her and her way of thinking. She sits on the couch crying telling me " How could you put us in the courts ? " A simple answer might be is "You're not willing to work things out in a reasonable way, therefore I have no choice. Now, if you're willing to give me joint custody then that's another story, but if not, why not?". Then again it won't get you anywhere never mind. Just keep the conversations short and to the point and business only. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 21, 2015 Author Share Posted July 21, 2015 Sargon I tried everything from asking her last year to go to counseling and trying hard to talk seriously but it is always a big " No " so on that I have no other alternative. She always makes me feel as if it is all my fault she had gotten pregnant but it takes two to do so but she is so darn stubborn and one thing I am sure thankful of is I never bought her a ring. I would love more time I asked her yesterday as my lawyer said that a good mother would want a father to be involved right? and it is not like I will be seeing her that often just my daughter as time progresses. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 You are being drawn into her ring and house crap again. Who cares that boat has sailed , long over. She is trying to distract you from the ONLY issue, which is your daughter. The rest is whiney BS noise. Link to comment
sargon Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 I asked her yesterday as my lawyer said that a good mother would want a father to be involved right? and it is not like I will be seeing her that often just my daughter as time progresses. You're wasting your time talking to her like that. Do you think she's suddenly going to say "Oh your lawyer is so right, thanks for making me see the error of my ways, let's split custody" Aint gonna happen. You need to minimize conflict, be reasonable, stop bugging her about wanting more time with your daughter because she already knows what you want and pestering her is just going to put her back up against you. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted July 22, 2015 Author Share Posted July 22, 2015 Right, but I was told to ask her for more time and see what she would say. I send via texts and if she wants to say I dont want to cooperate she needs to think very hard on this assumption. I just want to be a father and have my daughter at my house and spend quality time with her. I pray she does not get " sole custody " as I will be told what to do as I am now. There is no readon for courts to grant her this and I have shown I will be involved. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 Right, but I was told to ask her for more time and see what she would say. I send via texts and if she wants to say I dont want to cooperate she needs to think very hard on this assumption. I just want to be a father and have my daughter at my house and spend quality time with her. I pray she does not get " sole custody " as I will be told what to do as I am now. There is no readon for courts to grant her this and I have shown I will be involved. Asking her for more time means asking her at the next mediation, or writing a letter to her attorney - something formal. Asking doesn't mean "(whine) but I want to see my daughter more!" every time you give your daughter back. It could also mean "hey, I just found out that I will have every Monday off now going forwardd. I don't need a decision now, but just think about it - if I could take her sunday night and have her until monday lunch, you would have time to run errands, etc. I would be willing to give up my 2 hours on Tuesday so I am not distrupting your day in exchange. Because i know taht two hours sometimes you have to center your day around. Just food for thought.." (win win) Link to comment
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