sargon Posted September 14, 2015 Share Posted September 14, 2015 I'm surprised that the attorney didn't prevent this from happening. Well let me rephrase, it's no surprise that an attorney would let something like this happen because there are a lot of incompetent attorneys. Unless Jim totally took the attorney by surprise when he stood up to the court and said 'I'm just not comfortable...". Because it's the attorneys job to make this sort of thing happen, not to have their clients buckle and give up all the hard earned gains with 4 ill spoken words at just the wrong moment. If this is how it went down I could see the attorney smacking his own forehead and rapidly scribbling notes on his big yellow pad to the effect of "counsel client prior to entering court room next time" Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 Very true on the feeling comfortable, but I am listening to advice not from kelly but more so the therapists I and we have seen. Avery is very happy around me and even calls me " Daa " and I have not until recently been able to feed her, bathe her, and rock her to sleep. I do blame Kelly for not giving me more time as the judge had even said to her " The only person going to be affected by this is your daughter " and I think even she in her own little weird way feels she had let Avery down by not allowing me to see her. She had called me Thursday night and was telling me that she may have acted wrongfully before and was more set on getting back at me for putting this in the court system and not listening to her heart as having me involved. I am not perfect and admit to my faults and this is why i have been in therapy and the thing is with her is that she never says she is wrong for anything and projects her fears and problems onto me as well as others. I am happy her sister was telling her when we were all talking in courthouse last Friday to " Zip it " and listen to me and what I have to say as it makes sense and that this is about being a team not about who is right or wrong. I am doing the best i can with what I have and will continue to do just this and make sure I am a good father for Avery. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted September 15, 2015 Author Share Posted September 15, 2015 This was decided by both me and kelly ( overnights ) and the judge was happy that I am agreeable to doing the best for Avery and even applauded me for sticking in this so long. My attorney was against this but due to the previous lack of visitation it may have caused emotional distress to my daughter as we were eve told from the counseling sessions we have had together. Link to comment
sargon Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 This was decided by both me and kelly ( overnights ) and the judge was happy that I am agreeable to doing the best for Avery and even applauded me for sticking in this so long. My attorney was against this Ok, your attorney is smart. He sees the foolishness in giving up overnights that the court was ready and willing to award you. You are completely glossing over the problems you continue to cause for yourself for no good reason. You keep saying it's best for your Avery and Kelly is agreeable and blah blah freaking blah. It's not best for your daughter to be cut off from your for all but a few hours per week, don't fool yourself into believing otherwise. "My therapist said it's a good idea not to have overnights because I'm not ready". "Disagreement between me and Kelly is causing our (one year old daughter) emotional distress!" Give me a break. I'm really surprised that you would do this given that you are prepared to fight so hard for access to your daughter- and you let a bit of possible "discomfort" cut down your gains to the point that you won't take your daughter on overnights. You are being very foolish and this is going to cost you in ways you cannot even imagine. Stop making excuses and do everything you can to get as much access to your daughter as quickly as possible. I am doing the best i can with what I have and will continue to do just this and make sure I am a good father for Avery. You have refused overnights granted to you by the court. You "had it" and you did nothing with it. You are certainly not doing the best with what you have- you are in fact doing the WORST. You want to be a good father, then spend overnights with her and stop being afraid of what could happen just because some marginally competent therapist told you not to. This was decided by both me and kelly ( overnights ) What does this even mean? We get that you decided you weren't comfortable. So what that Kelly also agrees that you shouldn't have your daughter overnite. Given Kellys actions to date, which is to try to alienate you from your daughter to the point of trying to completely cut you out of your life, is it any surprise that she "agreed" to not letting you have your daughter on overnites? Stop being Kelly's pawn, stop listening to her when she cuts down your visitation, and learn to stand up for yourself and your rights that have been GRANTED TO YOU by the courts! Get this fact through your head: If you leave it up to Kelly you will never, ever get your daughter for overnite visitation. Regardless of what she may tell you when she's being "cooperative". the judge was happy. The judge was happy to award you overnights which you then threw back in his face by saying you weren't ready for them. Like I said earlier he was probably shaking his head thinking is with this guy voluntarily giving up court awarded overnite visitation while he's asking for joint custody, because he doesn't trust himself alone with his daughter. Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm glad I'm not the only person who sees Kelly's "niceness" as being entirely fake. Personally I see the woman as a fruitcake booby hatch. Don't trip all over yourself on her "niceness." It is fake. Link to comment
sargon Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 I'm glad I'm not the only person who sees Kelly's "niceness" as being entirely fake. Personally I see the woman as a fruitcake booby hatch. Don't trip all over yourself on her "niceness." It is fake. This could be the first time I've ever agreed with Victoria66 on anything. Kelly is extremely manipulative and there's no doubt she's being "nice" because they both agreed not to let Jim have his daughter on overnites. Hey Jim here's something you can try.. next time you and Kelly are in a cooperative place, and she's being nice and agreeable, tell her that since Avery is comfortable falling asleep in your arms, and you have plenty of help from female family members in the unlikely event that you need it, and you'd like to do a trial overnite and see how she does, without going through all that legal stuff, which will both cost you money unecessarily, since you both seem to be in agreement about overnites when you feel ready. What do you think her response will be to that Jim? Because I'm fairly sure that she'll go from "nice and agreeable" to becoming a spitting, biting sabertooth tiger. And I think you know this Jim. Are you afraid of Kelly and trying to placate her by not taking too much responsibility for your daughter too soon? Because I think that's exactly what's happening here- on one hand you're fighting a legal battle to obtain maximum access to your daughter and you're winning and making strides, but on an emotional, psychological level you're waving the white flag and begging the enemy (Kelly) for mercy. I don't think you need to be told that you need to fight a consistent front, you cannot be "half" in. Link to comment
avman Posted September 15, 2015 Share Posted September 15, 2015 This was decided by both me and kelly ( overnights ) and the judge was happy that I am agreeable to doing the best for Avery and even applauded me for sticking in this so long. My attorney was against this but due to the previous lack of visitation it may have caused emotional distress to my daughter as we were eve told from the counseling sessions we have had together. Ok so in a sense I can understand that you want to do whats best for Avery and not make doing overnights a shock to her. Applause from me on that approach. However that's something that can be transitioned over a period of a couple of weeks and get you to overnight visits. Lengthen visits a few hours at a time until she's with you at bedtime and then poof, you've had her overnight. You can and should get to overnights relatively quickly here while still avoiding shock to Avery. I'm not going to rant on you here because I get the sense you want to do the right thing. But you do need to be your own person here and not "settle" for what Kelly will give you. The judge says you should have overnights, so go on and do it. It doesn't matter if Kelly doesn't like that. The judge is calling the shots here and not her. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted September 17, 2015 Share Posted September 17, 2015 Excellent advice! chi Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 Hi all I have had my first overnight ( it went well ). I am working towards better co parenting and you all should know the trauma it could cause my little girl as she has not seen me that much 111 hrs in a years time. This last Saturday we both agreed that she would bring her to my house at 3 and I bring her back on Sun at 11am. It was a little hard getting her to sleep ( kept crying for Moma, but then she started smiling and crashed out almost the whole night ( very cute ). I did not want to cause trauma to her and in IN the father gets no overnights till child is 3 unless mother agrees to it ( so thankful for this in being in IL ). Link to comment
Seraphim Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Your daughter will be fine Jim. She will be used to it in no time. Congrats! Link to comment
sargon Posted September 23, 2015 Share Posted September 23, 2015 Good to hear things seem to be taking a very positive turn for you. I'll admit I'm surprised Kelly allowed you to take the child overnight without being ordered by the courts to do so, it seems very out of character for her. I bet it was a tough night for her being without her daughter for the first time. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Be very careful. That's all I'm going to say. She didn't let you have your daughter overnight because she is suddenly a wonderful lady. Link to comment
sargon Posted September 24, 2015 Share Posted September 24, 2015 Be very careful. That's all I'm going to say. She didn't let you have your daughter overnight because she is suddenly a wonderful lady. It IS rather odd that she let him take their daughter but it sounds like she's conflicted and somewhat erratic. Maybe she's tired of the strife and the courts and has figured out that he's entitled to spend time with his daughter and he's not going to give up. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted September 25, 2015 Author Share Posted September 25, 2015 I agree, I am definitely being careful and also keeping a journal of the activities we had done and will do. I seen her on Wed too I picked her up and took her to Petsmart to look at the fish and she kept smiling and then when she saw a dog she would say " Duggy " ( my dogs name is Dug ) and it was a blast. Link to comment
sargon Posted September 25, 2015 Share Posted September 25, 2015 Journaling is an excellent idea. I did that during my divorce, I logged every contact I had with my daughters over a 3 year period. Figured it might be useful in the event of a custody dispute or whatever might come along. Now I'm 6 yrs post divorce, kids are almost grown, and I never needed it for anything. But you never know. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted September 26, 2015 Author Share Posted September 26, 2015 Yup. I make sure that I keep it all on file and it is also good for my own good as I can look back in my journal as Avery gets older. Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Hi everybody, I hope all is good in everyones lives in here. I have been so happy lately and hope it continues to stay this way ( fingers crossed ). I have had overnights with my daughter and have spent a lot if time recently with her. It is so awesome to see her smile and laugh and now I am so happy that I did the right thing in filing in court. I even get along with my ex and that is a good thing ( I dont want controversy ). Thank you all and I am very grateful for all of those who believed in me a saw my intentions !!!!!! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 That is great Jim! Your daughter will appreciate you so much. Link to comment
avman Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Oh I'm very happy to see this update. I do hope it continues along these lines and you continue to be a strong force in your daughter's life. Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Great update, Jim! Hope things continue to go smoothly for you all. Link to comment
chitown9 Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 We have all been pulling for you for a long time, Jim, so really appreciate the update. Please keep us posted as time goes on....:smiley_simmons: chi Link to comment
ynguns251 Posted November 20, 2015 Author Share Posted November 20, 2015 Hi all and good afternoon. I have to say that I am very happy with everything now. I have had a few overnights and even my ex is being kind to me. I love spending time with my daughter and I even was told by my ex that I am very kind to her and I am a great father I am hoping that we can come to a agreement and not have to go back to court ( fingers crossed ). Link to comment
Cheetarah Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 That's great, Jim. Very happy for you, hun. The overnights are in your court order, right? If so then awesome. If not - Well, just eyes open. Link to comment
avman Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Congratulations. I'm really glad things are working out and you are getting to see your daughter. Have a wonderful holiday season! Link to comment
Seraphim Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 This is so awesome Jim ! Link to comment
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