Court again with no expanded visitation and now mediation

[sargon]

I pray she does not get " sole custody " as I will be told what to do as I am now. There is no readon for courts to grant her this and I have shown I will be involved.

 

You're completely mistaken on this part. This has already been explained to you by me, and several other posters who know what they're talking about and yet you keep saying the same thing over and over again about how because you are a concerned parent who wants to be involved in your child's life that you will naturally be awarded joint custody.

 

In fact, there IS good reason for your ex to be granted sole custody. Lots of reasons. She's the primary caregiver, you have already been limited to about a half dozen hours per week visitation to which you have apparently AGREED TO in mediation. Why you agreed to this is beyond me but it's a huge strike against you. I have asked you several times how this came about that you are only seeing your daughter 4 hours each weekend and a few more hours on alternate weeks, always supervised and you have failed to provide an answer which raises my eyebrows and makes me wonder what you're not telling us.

 

Regardless.. The courts will not award joint custody in a high conflict divorce for reasons that should be obvious- if the parents do not get along they cannot effectively coparent!

 

You need to be realistic. Just because you want to be an involved father and you know how to change diapers and deliver babies is not enough. And like the poster above said, bugging her and whining about not having enough time is NOT going to get you anywhere. Everything is about negotiation. She is NOT going to give you something for nothing, just because you are asking her for it.

 

I suggest you go to this link and read it. And keep an open mind. It's not about what you think is fair, it's about what the courts think is in the best interest of the child. After reading this, if you're honest with yourself, you will realize that you don't have a reasonable chance at joint custody.

 

link removed

[ynguns251]

We do not have a signed agreement and the mediation was a temporary verbal one. The reason I cannot see my daughter is not because I don't want to but it is her and her attorney using her breastfeeding as an excuse to keep me out. There is no reason I cannot have my daughter at my house as i am not a criminal. I don't care if she is the caregiver or not the fact is I was never allowed time to see my daughter enough to bond and this is on her and her attorney. I have asked and so has my attorney and it is always set for a continuance as her lawyer says " we need time to review options " It is basically played out right in front of everybody that she does not want me involved and the courts will not look at my lack of time of parenting in not being able to make decisions for my daughter and should look at why a scorn woman is keeping a child out of her fathers life for the wrong reasons.

 

 

Begging and whining? I am her father am I not? I pay support provide insurance and want to be involved. I have every right to be upset about this prude of a woman who thinks I ruined her reputation and is doing this to me out of spite. I can be civil or I can be very vengeful and if she keeps this up I am going to file a civil alienation of affection suit on her in my state ( which I found out I can do ) and my cousin does criminal law in Indy and will represent me for free. It will cost her thousands to hire an attorney and I don't want to resort to this but I need to be involved more then 8 hrs a month ( ridiculous ). We are seeing a therapist together on the 3rd of August on co-parenting and I wonder what her excuse will be in the office as why we don't get along? because if asking for visitation and to have her see my family is wrong then you tell me what the heck to do?

[ynguns251]

Sargon I am a professional firefighter and I have no criminal offenses nor and misconduct anywhere. I have no freaking idea why I am allowed so limited time with my daughter and I really thought the courts would say this is ridiculous but that did not happen. In mediation the mediator advised her that she is only hurting our daughter but her response was " He put us in the courts " and this basically shows you that this is her revenge on me. On Sunday when i seen her she said I am basically paying her lawyer bills and I am paying to keep myself away (noted ) and her piece of crap dad was also there and upstairs. She told me about 50 times that day " You really can't expect a 1 y/o to be sitting in a car for 40 minutes Jim can you? I said I would meet her half way and she then rolled her eyes as if I was an idiot. I am glad to have good parents who are very well-off and if we have to take this to trial " So be it " but I am not backing down from being able to have overnights and also decision making when it comes to my daughter.

[Seraphim]

LOTS of one-year-olds sit in the car for 40 minutes. She doesn't even know what she's talking about. And a one-year-old she can't use the breast-feeding excuse because a one-year-old does not breast-feed every two hours anymore. Heck a one-year-old should be drinking out of a cup. So she can't use that excuse anymore. In fact most one-year-olds are drinking regular milk or water.

[Cheetarah]

One year olds are not on the boob constantly, at this point is when people start introducing cow's milk or other kinds of milks. Not only that, but she should be eating solids, as well. There's plenty of 'non boob time' available.

 

I'm having a hard time believing the breastfeeding thing is still flying at 1 year. It is no longer their main source of nutrition. Jim, do you know this? I'm not trying to be snarky, but I really want to know if you realize this.

[chitown9]

I am going to file a civil alienation of affection suit on her in my state ( which I found out I can do ) and my cousin does criminal law in Indy and will represent me for free.

 

Sadly, there has been no indication that she is going to change her ways. You can go the the August 3rd meet up and make a determination from the outcome of that, but if there is no change for the better, it is time to go to the mattresses. This has been dragging out for a very long time, and being that you have the option that you mentioned, I would go for it. chi

[lukeb]

You really are summing up your problem here from day one, and why you are not getting anywhere, especially in your last sentence "decision making when it comes to my daughter." You have proven time and time again that you are not capable of joint custody with your ex. Your ex for obvious reasons is not interested in co-parenting with you regarding her daughter. You still seem to confuse co-parenting and custody with visitation rights like they are one and the same. You could have 50/50 visitation rights and primary custody still be with one parent. That is a very simple concept you do not seem to be able to grasp. That makes you the problem, not your ex.

[chitown9]

You still seem to confuse co-parenting and custody with visitation rights like they are one and the same. You could have 50/50 visitation rights and primary custody still be with one parent.

 

The problem is that the OP is not getting sufficient visitation rights. I think he is fighting for that primarily; is that correct Jim? chi

[22n32]

im sorry buddy, for what your going thru its the worst feeling ever, but your case is so text book for parental allination like what im going thru, they can and will use the breastfeeding up to the age of 2 sometimes ive seen it till 3, then when u get your every other sat and 4 hr wed night which i think is still pathetic it moves on to im running late or this is going on and your 4hrs visit is now 2hrs, and back you go to court for contempt of court which drag on for weeks if not months more wasted time and money and judge will say to the mother why did you do this she will come up with bull excuse and judge will say dont do this bamm she got away again, before you know it your daughter is 6-7 having very little time with her and you being no more then just a babysitter here and there..

 

only way i have ever seen it work, and im talking like 3-4 cases of 1000s, is when you signifinlity out spend the other parent in lawyers and courts, im talking her 50k is your 250k, because this will unfold over course of yrs , everytime she witholds or breaks rules back to court you have to go with a solid strategy to bury her in her awfull actions. and over the course of yrs and yrs there will be stack of negative against her, and like i said very few cases i have studied this resulted in getting the joint custody allowing for more time or in some cases it yielded the custody of the child to go to the father becuase the mother played the parental allienation which some judges and courts see as child abuse very few though.

 

stay strong and never ever stop loving your daughter. remember you wanna win the war not a battle here and there. one day it will come together in one way or another. your daughter will ask and want to see you..

[ynguns251]

How am I to make decisions when I cannot see my daughter for more then 8 hrs a month. I am going all in now and had it with her. I have shown that I am a perfectly good father by my actions and the problem here is she is a miserable scorn woman who is selfish and spoiled. She has no empathy for anyone or anything other then herself.

[TMifune]

How am I to make decisions when I cannot see my daughter for more then 8 hrs a month. I am going all in now and had it with her. I have shown that I am a perfectly good father by my actions and the problem here is she is a miserable scorn woman who is selfish and spoiled. She has no empathy for anyone or anything other then herself.

 

Just remember, that the passion you have for caring for you daughter is a positive thing! But your emotion is a trap! If you lash out in anger or bitterness in any way that she can record or do it in front of the court, it will be used to damage and discredit your claims

 

Keep your head about you, it's an uphill battle!

[sargon]

only way i have ever seen it work, and im talking like 3-4 cases of 1000s, is when you signifinlity out spend the other parent in lawyers and courts, im talking her 50k is your 250k, because this will unfold over course of yrs

 

Right. Proving parental alienation, even when it's obvious, takes years of litigation and socalled expert witnesses and lots of money. And yes, she'll be doing the same thing he's doing with her own team of attorneys and professionals, so it usually comes down to whoever has the most money, wins. It's rarely about the true facts, and even in the rare cases when it IS decided fairly, it takes so long that by that time there is so much damage done things will never, ever be what they might have been.

[TMifune]

Right. Proving parental alienation, even when it's obvious, takes years of litigation and socalled expert witnesses and lots of money. And yes, she'll be doing the same thing he's doing with her own team of attorneys and professionals, so it usually comes down to whoever has the most money, wins. It's rarely about the true facts, and even in the rare cases when it IS decided fairly, it takes so long that by that time there is so much damage done things will never, ever be what they might have been.

 

Unfortunately the only people who really "win" are the attorneys.

[lukeb]

My advice is to give your ex what she wants which is really what you should have done from day one. Sign away your custody rights in exchange for expanded visitation. She has full custody right now but it might be worth something to her to have you not fight her on that front. This would have a lot better chance of success at the beginning but it is still worth a try. That is if you are even interested in working anything out. (which I am beginning to doubt)

[ynguns251]

She only has custodial custody as it sits and heck no I will not give up my rights to her just because it is what she wants. She set me up and if she was so concerned on the well-being of our daughter she would want me to be there more then 8 measly hours a month. I dont have supervised visits fyi and I will be enforcing my rights come the 28 th of August when we have a hearing. If the courts cannot see my involvement and how much I have done with my ex during thr pregnancy it will be a shame to allow her sole custody. And if money is the key I definitely have more to use then she does as both her parents are idiots and have been unemployed for over 15 years and just turned 65. Who does not work for 15 years and complains of money when they both quit their jobs. Her dad cheated on her mom and she would always cry to me anout this and think she has psychological problems as even my therapist stated. I used to compliment her by saying " you look beautiful " and she would reply " are you guilty of something? ". This is a crazy woman.

[sargon]

I dont have supervised visits fyi

 

Then why are you not visiting with your daughter ALONE?

 

You have given the impression that she must be there the whole time. If there is no order requiring supervision then why not just take your daughter and go?

 

Is there an order limiting you to a certain number of hours per week or have you just verbally agreed to this?

 

If there's no written order than freaking go get your daughter and take her away for a weekend or something.

[lukeb]

That would be an exceptionally bad idea to just take "his" daughter. His ex would undoubtedly call the cops on him and have him charged with kidnapping, and rightly so. I think that if any judge could read the OP's last post most would consider taking the 8 hours away and probably recommend the ex getting a restraining order against him. I never really believed this was about trying to be a good father, that was just a cover. His last post confirmed it for me. I hope his therapy is working for him.

[sargon]

I didn't read anywhere that there is a court order prohibiting him from taking his daughter anywhere he wants to.

 

If there's no court order then he has just as much right to spend just as much time with her as she does.

 

I think it's time to play hardball.

 

Now "if" there's a visitation order in place, I do not advocate violating it, that would be contempt of court. But he hasn't posted anything about there being an order in place, at least not that I recall seeing on this thread.

[Cheetarah]

I believe they have a temp order, if I am not mistaken. Jim, do you? And what does it entail? Straight off the paper, if you will.

[lukeb]

I didn't read anywhere that there is a court order prohibiting him from taking his daughter anywhere he wants to.

 

If there's no court order then he has just as much right to spend just as much time with her as she does.

 

I think it's time to play hardball.

 

Now "if" there's a visitation order in place, I do not advocate violating it, that would be contempt of court. But he hasn't posted anything about there being an order in place, at least not that I recall seeing on this thread.

 

Though I'm no legal expert, I doubt you are right, his ex has full legal custody so she gets to make all the important decisions including where her daughter stays in the absence of any court order. Setting all that aside I also think you have lost sight of what is really important.

 

My last post probably sounded a bit harsh but the OP needs to let go of his anger, and if he is not willing to work with his ex I don't see the point in him co-parenting. I am not all that convinced as everyone else here seems to be that his ex is this crazy psychopathic nutcase who is being completely unreasonable.

[sargon]

Though I'm no legal expert, I doubt you are right, his ex has full legal custody so she gets to make all the important decisions including where her daughter stays in the absence of any court order. Setting all that aside I also think you have lost sight of what is really important.

 

Where do you get that his ex has full legal custody? I don't see anywhere on this thread where he has specifically referred to any court orders. He's a parent he has as much right to see his daughter as she does.

 

My last post probably sounded a bit harsh but the OP needs to let go of his anger, and if he is not willing to work with his ex I don't see the point in him co-parenting. I am not all that convinced as everyone else here seems to be that his ex is this crazy psychopathic nutcase who is being completely unreasonable.

 

I'm not convinced his ex is a crazy psychopathic nutcase either. Her actions to date have been cool, calculating and effective, she's almost completely shut him out of his daughter's life in a very short period of time. Not wanting him around makes her unreasonable, it's not necessarily in the best interests of the child, but it dosn't make her a nutcase.

 

I agree that coparent in this extremely hostile environment is not appropriate. If he can't make things work more smoothly between the two of them, then she'll ultimately end up with sole custody and he'll get whatever visitation he can muster from the legal system.

 

But again, it's not clear that the legal system has made any orders at all up until now. The Op has been very vague on this matter.

[lukeb]

Someone can correct me if I am wrong but since they were never married the starting point is that his ex has full legal custody. If they were married the starting point would have been shared custody regardless who the biological father could have been. One hurdle to exercise any rights has been accomplished and that he has proven thay he is the biological sperm donor. We are still at the starting point where his ex has full custody, and for him to get anything he needs to press his case. You are assuming his ex automatically lost half of her rights and I don't think that's true.

[22n32]

Someone can correct me if I am wrong but since they were never married the starting point is that his ex has full legal custody. If they were married the starting point would have been shared custody regardless who the biological father could have been. One hurdle to exercise any rights has been accomplished and that he has proven thay he is the biological sperm donor. We are still at the starting point where his ex has full custody, and for him to get anything he needs to press his case. You are assuming his ex automatically lost half of her rights and I don't think that's true.

 

correct if your not married, the legal custody goes straight to the mother, and the father has to get a peternaity test to establish custody.

[ynguns251]

I had talked to my lawyer about this and she said that I am perfectly capable of having visitation anywhere but that Kelly refuses to allow Avery to leave her house as she states that " our daughter is not a ping pong ball and should not have to sit in a car for 45 min " which my lawyer said that I have shown to the courts and also to her that I have been very cooperative and now it is over a year so she can't use the nursing excuse no more. I know there is going to be some excuse she will come up with and I am prepared for the worst. I have a 3:30 therapist appt. with her on Aug 3rd on co-parenting. I can only hope that the therapist can make sense of all of this because I sure the heck can't. Kelly is very stubborn and rarely admits fault and or failure ( Narcissist ) is the exact definition I am thinking but will not say this in the session. When i seen my daughter on the 19th she called me a liar and said to me " You do not think of your daughters needs as she belongs with me, her mother " but I stayed calm and cool and said " Can I visit with Avery and not be called horrible names which are totally untrue and very hurtful ( she rolled her eyes ) and then shut her mouth.

[ynguns251]

Cheetah the order is very vague and says that I am allowed visitation of no less then 4 hours but nothing in there as to where and this is after the mediation because before as my lawyer asked for expanded visitation and to have her at my house she would go into court crying saying " I am breastfeeding an infant your honor " but that was the old judge and this new one is pretty direct and set her straight in the court. Her lawyer was asked " why has the daughter never been to the fathers house? " and she replied " My client is nursing a child and that I have had no parenting time and have not changed a diaper or gave a bath etc. " He looked pretty upset at her and said " anyone can change a diaper and if he does not do this why? as I have seen his petitions for expanded visits and states clearly to have mor hands on parenting" but she just stayed silent.