cbh1979 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Just out of curiosity, what are some of your dealbreakers when considering dating someone? What are some of the things they could say about themselves, their past, or do, that would cause you not to date them (or date them anymore)? To start, I'll list a few of my biggies: -Smoking -Drugs -Heavy drinker -Materialistic -Still living at home (at least at a certain age) -Doesn't like dogs -Unhappy with life What about you? Link to comment
greta96 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Some of my biggest ones are: - drug use (including pot) - alcoholic - history of cheating (few would admit to that though, so if I was to find out about it, it wouldn't be upon first meet unfortunately) - crazy ex - thinks women are put on this earth to serve men - clingy and jealous, controlling - no job, no efforts to look for one, content with sleeping all day and playing games on his couch - cheap (the Scrooge type) - mental illness Link to comment
WithLove Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 -Smoking -Drugs -Heavy drinking -Doesn't like family Link to comment
JA0371 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Abuse...physical, emotional, mental Drugs Uncompromising Unreliable Unstable Unhappy with life No ambition/ lazy Moocher Link to comment
happyplace Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 My big deal breakers with women are: Cheating for whatever reason Lazy, no work ethic Constant talking about nothing (this goes for anyone in general too I can't stand people who just ramble) Like, not, like, being able to, like, talk properly and stuff (also goes for anyone in general) Excessive drug or alcohol use If she says "she only has guy friends" that's a red flag too If the conversation is forced or dull (whats your favorite movie, whats your favorite color, lovely weather were having) Being on the phone at all during the first date (unless sick grandma in the hospital) Also, and maybe its because I'm old school, but not saying thank you for dinner/drinks/whatever. I'm gonna pay for her regardless but just showing that she appreciates the gesture with two words really shows a lot about her character. I think thats about it for my deal breakers Link to comment
Jacobah77 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Most men are good actors, they will look fun, sweet, cool and nice to catch the bird. More often than not comes the actual person behind the persona, which is mostly a desperate lonely being with no clue of what to really do with his life. Boo. Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 Yeah, I forgot about things like cheating and lying...those would be dealbreakers for me, too. I should add that being good with money is important to me. If they're not, maybe not a dealbreaker per se if I'm really into them otherwise, but if it's clear they don't know how to manage money that's a big red flag to me. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I don't date women that are smokers (pot included) drug users not happy with life not content not genuine not honest not caring selfish covered in tattoos not good mothers materialistic live more on social media than their real lives gym rat (keeping in shape is important but overdoing it the point of obsession is bad) that don't know the name of the current vice president (know more about the Kardashians than who is vice president) more than 3 kinds of crazy has poor work ethic and ambition racist Lost Link to comment
cbh1979 Posted March 18, 2015 Author Share Posted March 18, 2015 I don't date women that are smokers (pot included) drug users not happy with life not content not genuine not honest not caring selfish covered in tattoos not good mothers materialistic live more on social media than their real lives gym rat (keeping in shape is important but overdoing it the point of obsession is bad) that don't know the name of the current vice president (know more about the Kardashians than who is vice president) more than 3 kinds of crazy has poor work ethic and ambition racist Lost Yes, I agree with those. I look for someone down to earth. Warm and affectionate, too. Link to comment
Clinton Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Deal-breakers are Likes the New York Yankees Likes the New York Mets Likes the New York Knicks Likes the New York Rangers Likes the New York Islanders Likes the New York Jets Likes the New York Giants Brooklyn Nets are Ok though even if they do suck Link to comment
Denguin Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Interesting question! The biggest one for me would be immaturity. I generalize that into a bunch of things that appear in most of people's lists, so I won't bother listing them. Nothing is more undesirable to me than that... Except maybe someone with a drug/alcohol problem (smoking included). Link to comment
ParisPaulette Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Well, for me when I was dating it fell into two camps: immediate or initial deal breakers before I got to know a person included: *Racism or smack-talking others then claiming they're just "joking" *Treating people badly--anyone rude to a waitress, valet, store clerk, barista was immediately and promptly left sitting at the table as I tossed my portion of the bill at them then exited with a few choice words. *Talking about an ex and how terrible they were or how horrible one's overall dating experiences had been--again a big no. What do I look like, your therapist buddy? *Forgetting the wallet or worse handing me the bill and acting like I'm Mommy and will automatically pay it. I never minded splitting the bill, in fact I usually insisted that be done on a first date, but to act like it's owed them--nope. *Standing me up for dates more than once. Sure, I understand getting sick/work/etc. but if they made a date with me and canceled twice then I would end it right there and move on. Maybe that's harsh, but I always found that guys who had an SO somewhere else often did that, because they would have to try and line their schedule up to be able to sneak away OR they were dating so many women they would screw up dates OR their lives were just that hectic and scattered and who needs that. Not me, I already had enough time trying to corral three boys of my own, I didn't want a fourth. *Anyone who mentioned the words "I love you" or some form of it before they knew me. *Even mentioning the word "soul mate" and getting sappy and maudlin again before we even knew each other. *Anyone who began to call/text/make demands on my time in excess. Call me to set up a date, no problem. Call me 20 times then get upset when I don't answer right away as you want to hash out details of said date? Big problem and a big no. *Anyone who I sussed out or confessed they were "separated" or "in a relationship, but about to leave" After I'd been dating someone for awhile and they relaxed around me I added the following deal breakers: *Excessive and unwarranted anger, even if not directed at me, was an automatic no. *Jealousy and demands I stop seeing friends/family/smiling at the store clerk were an immediate red flag *Demands I change my hair/clothing/makeup/job or anything else really. *Dislike of animals that showed up after they felt safe enough to say things like, "I hate dogs, I hope you'll get rid of them now that we're getting serious." (True story, I got rid of him instead.) *Being best friends with an ex. I know, I know, where's the harm right? Well, the fact that two people were in a relationship and can't let each other go to the point they are still living in each other's pockets equals a big problem for you, a big third-wheel, something really unhealthy is going on problem there. And here you are in the middle, trapped and miserable. No thank you. Friends fine, best friends, no. Not for me anyways. *Lying about anything. I got really ruthless about this one. *Any of the above early red flags I mentioned. *Disliking my kids or having them dislike the guy. I smelled that and they were gone, because my kids generally got along with everyone and were pretty mellow about my dating. *Anything that made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. *Any form of physical aggression during a fight. *Hot and cold behavior that comes out of the blue and makes no sense. Boss yells at you, sure I get why you don't want to talk to me and instead want to sulk somewhere? Tell me one day you love me then out of the blue not take my phone calls for two weeks then say "I was busy" and act cold? Buh-bye. Link to comment
missmarple Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Apart from the obvious ones (drug user, heavy drinker, anger issues, liar), my major dealbreakers are: - avoiding questions..I only like mysteries in the cinema - bringing up his ex in every conversation - inconsistency...saying he'll do something and not doing it - too many compliments or no compliments at all - hating animals (I'm ok if someone doesn't love animals as much as I do but not if he can't even stand being around one) - being rude to waiters, etc - intellectual incompatibility (I can't imagine being with someone who can't spell or who thinks Steinbeck is a brand of beer) - being late for dates without a serious reason Link to comment
happyplace Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 Deal-breakers are Likes the New York Yankees Likes the New York Mets Likes the New York Knicks Likes the New York Rangers Likes the New York Islanders Likes the New York Jets Likes the New York Giants Brooklyn Nets are Ok though even if they do suck I'm a Giants and Rangers fan but I laughed my ass off at this one hahaha lemme guess....Boston or Philly? Link to comment
indea08 Posted March 18, 2015 Share Posted March 18, 2015 I agree with pretty much all of those ^^ and will add: I need to experience the first argument. I need to know, is he the type that will just leave, does he say things to intentionally hurt, can he calmly talk through it...etc. If he's the type to just walk out of an argument, he's not welcome back. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted March 19, 2015 Share Posted March 19, 2015 I try to stay pretty open-minded and give people a chance to show me who they really are. But to even get that far, there are requirements. I'll leave out anything relating to physical attraction, as that's the given first step. Beyond that, here are my deal-breakers: - Cowgirl apparel - Religious apparel (church shirts) - Entitled or spoiled - Lack of intelligence (people can be funny and fun, but still stupid at the same time) - Conversations dominated by complaining - Pointless rambling (rambling with a point is actually a positive thing to me) - No sense of humor or irony - Smelly (not in a good way) - Anime voice (19 times out of 20 it's intentional, and it creeps me out) - Inconsiderate (we live in a society; we should act like it) Beyond that, the only other thing is just a lack of anything interesting about them. I could find someone who "ticks all the boxes", so to speak, but who is also exactly who I expect them to be. I don't necessarily like surprises, but I do like to be intrigued. If she's a cookie-cutter, grab-bag, same-as-everyone-else-in-her-position, xerox copy clone, that doesn't leave a lot of room for personality. But if there's something there that doesn't quite fit with the rest of who she is, that's interesting to me. There's probably a story behind it. I need something like that in order to develop a lasting interest. Link to comment
chewy21 Posted March 20, 2015 Share Posted March 20, 2015 Anime voice? Haha, yeah. It's very high pitched, almost childlike, but intended to be seductive. Working in IT, I tend to roll in pretty nerdy circles. Apparently it works for some guys, but it's an immediate turn off for me. Link to comment
sky09 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Do you all understand that by having these mental lists you severely limit the "applicant" pool? Get to know that person for who they are, instead of crossing them off your lists. We all know that saying about making assumptions, right? That's why things like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc, etc. still exist today... A lot of people are good actors, anyway. Check out our breaking up section... Link to comment
Jean-Luc Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 I agree with pretty much all of those ^^ and will add: I need to experience the first argument. I need to know, is he the type that will just leave, does he say things to intentionally hurt, can he calmly talk through it...etc. If he's the type to just walk out of an argument, he's not welcome back. After one argument? See this is what I mean about people and one mistake. That's all it takes. I get red flags, but if someone does something to you once(unless it's really drastic or dramatic) and that's all it takes...I don't know. I've stopped trying to figure society and people out anymore. No offense. Link to comment
Jean-Luc Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Hmmm....I guess this does prove that men can be just as judgmental as women. Sometimes. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Racism, homophobia, sexism. Regrettably, I've not been able to get past my aversion to a lack of height, so at some point height is a non starter for me ! 5'5"? I don't where the line is and I'm not proud of it. A lack of intellectual curiosity, a desire to play role playing games with friends, a general rigidity. Certain religious differences, because I am not strong enough in my own and would enjoy growing together in that way, if the opportunity arises. Oh, and falls in love with me, lol as if, right away. "You're the one." Uh, no, I'm not. Many things I've been able to work with that seem like non starters, including age, unfit, smoking though it is a non starter I've accepted it twice, untraveled, regular job hours... everything has a way of working depending on the person. Edited to add... the one date with the man in whom i expected to have a strong interest ended flatly when it became clear how bitter he remained towards his ex. Passive aggressive is a non starter, as is anger towards the ex. Hey, you married her. It wasn't a one way street. Link to comment
leseine7 Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Umm flakeyness, haha. Drinking a lot/ seeming to have a drinking prob drug use Any use of derogatory terms (had a guy call me 'cute as sh*t' and then 'cute as F***" on a date once. It felt trashy. He then also teasingly called me an a$$. it felt a little early for that but maybe I am uptight). Rude to servers. "Negging" (look it up). Psycho ex - or any ex baggage. Pushing for sex really fast. Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 Do you all understand that by having these mental lists you severely limit the "applicant" pool? Get to know that person for who they are, instead of crossing them off your lists. We all know that saying about making assumptions, right? That's why things like racism, sexism, homophobia, etc, etc. still exist today... A lot of people are good actors, anyway. Check out our breaking up section... Uh yes, I'm pretty sure the man who told me would send his son to a psychiatrist if gay but would tolerate in his daughter... oh, otherwise he was lots of things, but homophobia came out on date 4. Glad he never so much as got past the curb in front. Link to comment
j.man Posted March 24, 2015 Share Posted March 24, 2015 At least immediately... - Smoking - More than a couple pounds overweight - Rude to service employees (really just lack of common courtesy altogether) - Ex-talk Link to comment
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