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About chewy21

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  • Birthday 01/24/1983
  1. Are you claiming to know me better than I know myself? As I said, many people see the age difference and jump to conclusions. They see what they want to see at that point. I was in the relationship, and I know myself. I'm not looking to control anyone. An equal partnership is the goal for me. You can believe what you like. But to say there's no reason to discuss it further, then go on to do just that, and end your reply with a comment using my own admission as a jab seems like you've got an agenda to push here. I appreciate you taking the time to read my threads, but I'd caution
  2. She's the youngest person I've ever dated by far. My other relationships have all been women within 3 years of my age. I met her at work and we hit it off based on shared interests and mutual attraction. We didn't work together for most of our relationship, though. My other relationships, as you can tell, ended. Some amicably, some messily. There actually were no parent-child things going on here. Contrary to what another poster also had to say, it was often the exact opposite. I always stressed that I wanted us to be equal partners. She even came to me at one point to ask if I
  3. A 4-month long saga between me (37m) and my girlfriend of the past six years (28F) just came to an end last night. I'll say up front that I appreciate any advice, and if you wanna beat up on me for whatever reason, go for it. I know I'm not blameless, but I also know I'm not solely to blame. I'm just looking to move forward and learn to love and value myself again. There's a thread I started back in August that outlines the fight that started all of this, so you can read that if you want. I'll just pick this up from there because it helps me to write and work through it. She and
  4. My opinion? You hurt her twice. First by breaking up with her using a BS excuse, then again when she found out you lied to her and tried to get back with your ex. So she drowns her sorrows in the arms of another man. And when you catch her doing this, she wants to make you feel as bad as you made her feel, so she leads you to believe you blew it by snooping on her. And maybe you did. If she was talking about getting back together with you right beforehand, but then went ahead and slept with this guy, it was likely something she was doing to make herself feel better, to get even with you,
  5. Really sucks not being able to talk to you. The nights are the worst. Going from living in our awesome, comfy house to this tiny, cold one-bedroom apartment is driving me insane. I'm lonely. I feel like no one cares about me now. I don't know what to do with all this time. I used to spend it either with you or knowing you were close-by so that I could see you. Granted, our interactions toward the end weren't usually positive, but at least you were there and cared enough to argue. I miss you. I miss JoJo, the god of mischief. I miss How Heavy Are The Dumbbells That You Lift while sitting
  6. First off, thanks for the detailed response. I'll have to read it over a few times, but I really do appreciate the effort and thought that went into it. I also appreciate the perspective, even if there are particulars that I take issue with. For starters, it was never my intention to "grow" her in any way. Could it have been a subconscious thing? Sure, I could entertain that. In fact, the issues with my mother (very controlling, very authoritarian, very meddlesome) might actually have something to do with what I look for in a partner. Maybe I'm looking to "control before I can be controlled
  7. Blunt, but mostly accurate. However, if it were *nothing* but a misery for the majority of the time, I'd have left long ago. There are clearly feelings between us, and compatibilities that don't present themselves when describing negative issues. I mostly agree, though. I'm nearing the end of my rope with everything. Just trying to make sure there's not something I'm missing or just looking at the wrong way. Thanks for the reply.
  8. I'm not sure. She claims she is sure anytime I bring it up. I've brought up my uncertainty before, but it's always resulted in reassurances that we'd work on our issues and things would get better. I believe we have a real shot at that now that she's in therapy as well, but that seems to have brought a new wrinkle with it as well. So, as I said to the poster above, I plan to give it six months once we start doing couples sessions, and if there's no drastic improvement in the relationship, it's probably best to move on. Thanks for the reply.
  9. I agree, and I'm not saying she hasn't changed at all, but she's certainly not a completely different person as she'd like me to believe. The unspoken amount of time, for me, is six months after the couples sessions start. If things don't improve by then, I'll feel okay (well, as okay as one can after six years) about ending it. Thanks for the thoughtful reply.
  10. Good advice. We've come close to ending it a few times over the past six months, but wanted to give couples sessions a try before we made anything permanent. Those sessions will start in about a week. The change certainly hasn't been gradual, at least not in her mind. She believes, and expects me to believe, that she's become a different person in the last four months. While I'll admit she's made good progress and is generally more aware of her own feelings and how her actions impact me, she's far from a different person altogether. I had the same thought you did when she started all this "
  11. I'm not sure what leads you to believe I'm treating her like a child. Could you elaborate? The plan, originally, was marriage. I started looking at rings a few years ago, which prompted me to really dig into my own feelings about committing to her. Ever since, things have been too uncertain for me to consider making that commitment. Your last sentence is basically where I don't want to admit I'm at. Thanks for the reply.
  12. I (37M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for just over six years now. Lately we've been arguing. A lot. We have several long-standing issues in the relationship that we're either working on or have promised to work on. For some background, I'll outline the big ones below: 1. We're not intimate often and rarely have sex. This is my biggest issue with the relationship, and for me, most of our problems come back to this one. For five years I struggled with what she told me versus how she acted. She was never really present during sex. It was like she just went somewhere else. She was phy
  13. This is just one man's opinion, so take it or leave it. What you end up doing with your affair girl is the least relevant part of this story. If you have feelings for her, go for it. If you're starting to question those feelings, then only good things can come from that, so do what you feel is best. The more important parts are you and your long term girl (from least to most). You haven't done right by your long term girlfriend. She deserves to know the truth, regardless of how pointless you think it is. Knowing everything will help her to heal more quickly and more completely, becaus
  14. I'm not going to call you names. As you said, you already know what they are and which ones apply to you. You also already know what you want, and what you have to do to get it. You're just agonizing because you feel like you should. The bottom line is this: you have to come clean to your girlfriend (your long-term girlfriend). You think you're doing her a favor by not telling her, but here you are, having already cheated on her questioning whether or not you even love her, and on the fence about whether to leave her. She deserves better, and she'll find better. Oh yeah, she's gonna hate
  15. Let me stop you right there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You're a caring person who got taken advantage of. You're also obviously very talented, because you've created not one but TWO successful businesses (the one she squandered and the one that's making you rich). You're a catch. You're the guy the girls wanna bring home to meet their parents. Feeling heartbroken and wanting her back is not a flaw. But what might help you clear your head is to ask yourself a question: Do you miss her? Is it really her you miss? Or is it the comfort, security, and complete trust you h
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