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chewy21

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Everything posted by chewy21

  1. Are you claiming to know me better than I know myself? As I said, many people see the age difference and jump to conclusions. They see what they want to see at that point. I was in the relationship, and I know myself. I'm not looking to control anyone. An equal partnership is the goal for me. You can believe what you like. But to say there's no reason to discuss it further, then go on to do just that, and end your reply with a comment using my own admission as a jab seems like you've got an agenda to push here. I appreciate you taking the time to read my threads, but I'd caution
  2. She's the youngest person I've ever dated by far. My other relationships have all been women within 3 years of my age. I met her at work and we hit it off based on shared interests and mutual attraction. We didn't work together for most of our relationship, though. My other relationships, as you can tell, ended. Some amicably, some messily. There actually were no parent-child things going on here. Contrary to what another poster also had to say, it was often the exact opposite. I always stressed that I wanted us to be equal partners. She even came to me at one point to ask if I
  3. A 4-month long saga between me (37m) and my girlfriend of the past six years (28F) just came to an end last night. I'll say up front that I appreciate any advice, and if you wanna beat up on me for whatever reason, go for it. I know I'm not blameless, but I also know I'm not solely to blame. I'm just looking to move forward and learn to love and value myself again. There's a thread I started back in August that outlines the fight that started all of this, so you can read that if you want. I'll just pick this up from there because it helps me to write and work through it. She and
  4. My opinion? You hurt her twice. First by breaking up with her using a BS excuse, then again when she found out you lied to her and tried to get back with your ex. So she drowns her sorrows in the arms of another man. And when you catch her doing this, she wants to make you feel as bad as you made her feel, so she leads you to believe you blew it by snooping on her. And maybe you did. If she was talking about getting back together with you right beforehand, but then went ahead and slept with this guy, it was likely something she was doing to make herself feel better, to get even with you,
  5. Really sucks not being able to talk to you. The nights are the worst. Going from living in our awesome, comfy house to this tiny, cold one-bedroom apartment is driving me insane. I'm lonely. I feel like no one cares about me now. I don't know what to do with all this time. I used to spend it either with you or knowing you were close-by so that I could see you. Granted, our interactions toward the end weren't usually positive, but at least you were there and cared enough to argue. I miss you. I miss JoJo, the god of mischief. I miss How Heavy Are The Dumbbells That You Lift while sitting
  6. First off, thanks for the detailed response. I'll have to read it over a few times, but I really do appreciate the effort and thought that went into it. I also appreciate the perspective, even if there are particulars that I take issue with. For starters, it was never my intention to "grow" her in any way. Could it have been a subconscious thing? Sure, I could entertain that. In fact, the issues with my mother (very controlling, very authoritarian, very meddlesome) might actually have something to do with what I look for in a partner. Maybe I'm looking to "control before I can be controlled
  7. Blunt, but mostly accurate. However, if it were *nothing* but a misery for the majority of the time, I'd have left long ago. There are clearly feelings between us, and compatibilities that don't present themselves when describing negative issues. I mostly agree, though. I'm nearing the end of my rope with everything. Just trying to make sure there's not something I'm missing or just looking at the wrong way. Thanks for the reply.
  8. I'm not sure. She claims she is sure anytime I bring it up. I've brought up my uncertainty before, but it's always resulted in reassurances that we'd work on our issues and things would get better. I believe we have a real shot at that now that she's in therapy as well, but that seems to have brought a new wrinkle with it as well. So, as I said to the poster above, I plan to give it six months once we start doing couples sessions, and if there's no drastic improvement in the relationship, it's probably best to move on. Thanks for the reply.
  9. I agree, and I'm not saying she hasn't changed at all, but she's certainly not a completely different person as she'd like me to believe. The unspoken amount of time, for me, is six months after the couples sessions start. If things don't improve by then, I'll feel okay (well, as okay as one can after six years) about ending it. Thanks for the thoughtful reply.
  10. Good advice. We've come close to ending it a few times over the past six months, but wanted to give couples sessions a try before we made anything permanent. Those sessions will start in about a week. The change certainly hasn't been gradual, at least not in her mind. She believes, and expects me to believe, that she's become a different person in the last four months. While I'll admit she's made good progress and is generally more aware of her own feelings and how her actions impact me, she's far from a different person altogether. I had the same thought you did when she started all this "
  11. I'm not sure what leads you to believe I'm treating her like a child. Could you elaborate? The plan, originally, was marriage. I started looking at rings a few years ago, which prompted me to really dig into my own feelings about committing to her. Ever since, things have been too uncertain for me to consider making that commitment. Your last sentence is basically where I don't want to admit I'm at. Thanks for the reply.
  12. I (37M) have been with my girlfriend (27F) for just over six years now. Lately we've been arguing. A lot. We have several long-standing issues in the relationship that we're either working on or have promised to work on. For some background, I'll outline the big ones below: 1. We're not intimate often and rarely have sex. This is my biggest issue with the relationship, and for me, most of our problems come back to this one. For five years I struggled with what she told me versus how she acted. She was never really present during sex. It was like she just went somewhere else. She was phy
  13. Almost a year and a half since I wrote to you. A little pathetic that I'm revisiting this exercise almost a year and a half after I stopped, but I suppose the holidays this year are bringing you to mind. I don't really know what to say. I still miss you sometimes, but I can never quite tell if it's really you that I miss or if I just miss the intimacy that came with our relationship. I don't have a refuge anymore, but I also don't have the burden of having someone to please or worry about or keep happy in my decision making. I don't have to worry if visiting my family is going to make you f
  14. Since no one's really addressed this part of your post, I'd like to share my thoughts. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but for me, I love to feel needed. I feel priviledged to be the one who gets to see those weaknesses. I like to feel like the protector, but the converse is that I like to know she will give me refuge if I ever need it. And above all, feeling wanted is even better than feeling needed. Someone can need you without necessarily wanting you, but if it's both, that's the best feeling in the world. I enjoyed that feeling so much that it became part of my identity. I was
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