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leseine7 last won the day on June 25 2019

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About leseine7

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  • Birthday 01/12/1985
  1. Hi all, I've posted here before - around a year ago - about stress in my relationship with my husband since our daughter was born about a year 1/2 ago. We've had our ups and downs, but since COVID it's just been a nightmare and we have nearly split up many times. I'm not totally sure what the right thing to do is. Somewhere around Jan I started seeing a therapist after he refused to. I realized I cannot force him to see someone, even though I was deeply concerned about the amount of conflict in our relationship. Therapy was a wonderful help for me and I was able to really get a handle
  2. I had to quote this whole thing. You're absolutely right - he IS doing so so much more. He's currently on parental leave from his job to be home with our babe for these two months. (I had maternity leave for the first three months, his company is awesome and gives dads two months after that). He was always eager to be a Dad, but it's alarming and scary and I totally get that. He's always thinking about ways to keep her healthy and to engage her while I'm at work. It doesn't help that we live in a foreign country where he is the native speaker(Dutch) and so he defaults as the responsible pa
  3. This is something I looked into after it was suggested to me, and I am alarmed by how many of the boxes he ticks off. I am going to set up an appointment for us with our GP for the coming week.
  4. What a comfort this was to read. And wow, what a similar circumstance with the 3 months of 1 BR life with a newborn! I have considered hiring a cleaner, and probably will do so. Outsourcing can only help, I've learned :) I do think he and I need time to reconnect and to put - even a little - more attention towards each other. I am abundantly grateful I married someone who is at LEAST as infatuated and excited about being a parent as I am, but at the same time we probably will both sleep better at night knowing that we didn't sacrifice the years of joy and fun between us. Also, I do think
  5. I'm ashamed to say that I did not know (although I could imagine) that men suffer from PPD as well. After researching this a little, I am alarmed and actually do think he fits the description. The tricky thing is getting HIM to consider a doc, because after discussing my concerns with him as calmly and lovingly as I could, he still viewed everything I was saying as criticism and kept repeating, "I'm happy!!!" Which is probably TRUE, in theory, but I see a lot of concerning reactions/ behaviours (yelling and getting frustrated at the drop of a hat, etc.), that are completely unnatural for him.
  6. We have not had much - if any - time alone as a couple, which I suspect is an enormous factor. We both used to be VERY conscious of couple time and would prioritise that even during busy or difficult times. Part of the problem IMO is my husband seems to feel extremely guilty if we do anything without our daughter. I nannied for years before having her and I guess I might have a more relaxed view on things, because I fully adore and love her, but I don't have the same feeling of anxiety if we do something alone as a couple (obviously making sure she's in good hands in our absence). He's uber
  7. I really hoped I wouldn't be writing this, but I need to figure things out, so here I am. I had our daughter end of May, and for the most part the motherhood thing has been wonderful. I love her so much. So so much it hurts. I am so proud to be her mother, and I need to emphasise this because I feel so guilty about all the rest. I had a pretty rough labor and my body has struggled to recover. That's one thing. On top of that, my husband and I had planned to move to a house (from a one bedroom apartment) just a couple of months after she was born. The house is lovely and in the same villa
  8. What about just saying upfront that it's a deal breaker for you? You'll get an honest response from a decent guy, and most likely he'd be able to set it aside for the relationship. I am a girl who likes and watches porn occasionally - I am a decent woman, and my husband knows I do this - it does not hinder our marriage or our sex life. However, if he said to me that it was a deal breaker, I'd cut it out completely. There's a difference between enjoying some sexual exploration and having an addiction to it.
  9. I actually want to ask you why you feel like being honest with her, in what seems like a perfectly respectful manner, is "screwing up"? You are her partner, and the person closest to her. Are you not allowed to occasionally and gently give her feedback like this? While I commend you for your ability to see that perhaps you could've been more sensitive (if you were harsher than intended), my feeling is that in a marriage you should be able to discuss these types of concerns openly. It's not the same as putting her down or being unnecessarily critical. In fact, she might need to hear it from
  10. I have to agree with these other posters. Granted, I know nothing of the relationship you guys are in - if the intention is that you are technically co-parenting as partners and there is an equal balance of housework and childcare between the two of you. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't sound that way. It sounds like she was trying to help you out by nannying your kids one day a week and you are taking that miserably for granted. Let me be real: I have a three month old baby at home who naps for half the day and is portable - and can't mouth off to me yet other than screaming her little he
  11. Hate to re-open this thread (I might consider opening a new one, but I don't want to open this up to a huge debate just yet). I've been on maternity leave since May, and am about to return at the end of this month right on schedule. I met with my boss Friday to discuss my return schedule. As I mentioned in my latest update to this thread, I had sat down with him before my departure in April to talk over all the nitty gritty before I left. He'd made very clear how valued I am and how happy the company is with my work. He told me that when I returned, I would continue working with my direct
  12. Had an ex who pathologically (and expertly) lied to me the entire time we dated - for two years. I found out at the very end that he had dated two other girls the whole time we were dating. I'd asked him early on when we started sleeping together if he was seeing anyone else because he didn't want to use condoms (I was on the pill), and I wanted us both to be tested for STDs before we started sleeping together. When he finally confessed about the other women in the picture, he told me "But I used condoms every time. That was very important to me." I still want to vomit when I remember that con
  13. What's with the extreme amount of daily chats? This seems like an unrealistic (and unhealthy IMO) amount of contact during the day. I am normally a much bigger fan of in person chats than texting being the bigger vehicle for communication, but a phone call MULTIPLE times a day? Even in the pre-texting era, when I had a long distance relationship, I had one phone call a day, and that was more than plenty. So first off, have you told her you don't like calling that often? Has she explained why she is so text-averse? Is it literally for every single text you want to send, she requires a pho
  14. It's good that you are looking for professional help - I do not know Toronto well enough to make a recommendation for a specific service. I will say that lack of sleep is absolutely a trigger for unstable emotions. If you recognise that as a problem, then you should start there - try to start getting 8 hours of sleep a night, and if you struggle with insomnia then be sure to talk with your doctor about that and find ways of helping get more sleep. In terms of anger - what are the causes of your anger? Are you going through a particularly difficult time or a circumstance that's causing y
  15. Look, all we have to go on is your side of the story, but here's my take after reading your posts: 1. She left you, started a relationship with another man, and has made clear she is unwilling to work on the issues or talk with you about them. 2. You have had issues in your relationship going back awhile now. You seem to know what those were on your part. This is not one-sided - she has issues too. You are willing to work on them together and she is not. 3. She pressed charges against you for actions you state you never did. What you need to do now is focus on you, resolve the matter
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