Lonely With Her: Ramblings of a madman.

[Coldarmy13]

I hate to say this but it sounds like she is setting you up for another cancellation. "depends on overtime" which is a perfect out. I would wait to see if she follows through.

 

I agree for the most part. I didn't try to set anything up so so far there aren't any plans unless she tries to make them.

[reinventmyself]

I agree for the most part. I didn't try to set anything up so so far there aren't any plans unless she tries to make them.

 

Well. . It's good she reached out.

But she's definitely not locking anything down. Hmmm

 

Seeing she reached out, you might wait a few days and say something like, `Hope your week's going well . .Looking forward to hearing from you when you have some free time'

 

At least it clarifies in some small way who's on deck and you aren't second guessing yourself.

[Coldarmy13]

Fired her a message this morning. Went like this..

 

Me: hope your weeks going well. Look forward to talking to you again when ya have some free time.

Her: lol at least you don't text like a teenager I just got home.. So tired.

Me: I'm about to leave soon. How does a teenager text? Lol

Her: Lyke dis #imsofunny

Me: Oh god.. Anybody over 21 actually send messages like that?

Her: you'd be surprised

Me: Well you have to deal with guys so I can only imagine.

Her: bad grammar irritates me as well

Me: me too!

Her: I had to read many of them yesterday and I thought my IQ was dropping.

Me: that would be irritating to me too.

Me: well get some rest. Drop me a line if you'd like try to set something up

Her: ok have fun

 

Checked in and got out lol. Ball right back in her court.

[reinventmyself]

Fired her a message this morning. Went like this..

 

Me: hope your weeks going well. Look forward to talking to you again when ya have some free time.

Her: lol at least you don't text like a teenager I just got home.. So tired.

Me: I'm about to leave soon. How does a teenager text? Lol

Her: Lyke dis #imsofunny

Me: Oh god.. Anybody over 21 actually send messages like that?

Her: you'd be surprised

Me: Well you have to deal with guys so I can only imagine.

Her: bad grammar irritates me as well

Me: me too!

Her: I had to read many of them yesterday and I thought my IQ was dropping.

Me: that would be irritating to me too.

Me: well get some rest. Drop me a line if you'd like try to set something up

Her: ok have fun

 

Checked in and got out lol. Ball right back in her court.

 

Nicely done!

Now start talking to someone else too, will yah!?

[boltnrun]

Nicely done!

Now start talking to someone else too, will yah!?

 

This x1000.

 

Coldarmy, you do seem to get attached fairly quickly. It seems like what my mom called "putting all your eggs into one basket". It seems like you like a woman and within a week or two you're wondering and worrying over things that don't need to be wondered about and worried over at this early stage. Then, since you're attached, it's difficult to be objective about things like whether or not the two of you are REALLY compatible. Infatuation?

 

Are you able to multi-date? Or do you only want to focus on one woman at a time?

[Coldarmy13]

I can see how it looks that way, that's just the one I most interested in, since I haven't met any of them yet. Although I'm working on taking someone out this Friday, who said she'd love to go out sometime

[janut1]

I agree, you need to multi-date. Sounds like she really isn't all that interested in dating you right now or she would be setting something up or making suggestions. Im sure you don't need a chat buddy.

 

Also, Im far from a teenager, but I do shorten my text sometimes to make it quicker, Im sure that would drive her crazy. LOL

[Coldarmy13]

Im sure you don't need a chat buddy.

 

Definitely not, haven't really done much chatting though either. If she asks to go out, great. If not, bummer but not a huge deal.

[Coldarmy13]

Its all coming back to me now, the flake factor of OLD. I had a thing scheduled friday night and that was cancelled too. Work thing. Different girl. Its all good, left the ball in her court as well about rescheduling.

 

I think im perfectly okay checking out of the scene for awhile. At least until my work schedule goes back to normal and id probably like to get back in the gym more.

 

I guess im just posting for opinions on whether i did something wrong in this process? Small talk, few messages exchanged for a couple of days or so. Then take initiative and ask them out, and save all the other conversation for when i figure id see them in person. Dont really drop messages much after that, unless its to confirm the date the day before. Then they cancel, i excuse them, no worries and let them know to let me know about doing something another time. Sure, i know if they were really interested they would try to reschedule immediately or id hear from them but we've never really met, so how much interest could there possibly be? Neither of us has invested anything really. Should i be contacting one of them again to try to schedule a second time? Its interesting, i know i wouldnt agree to a first date unless i was very interested, in which case if something came up id try to reschedule since i cancelled. Both of their reason were completely reasonable, but neither tried to reschedule.

[Ms Darcy]

My opinion is not to over think online dating at all. I primarily tried to meet men in real life and used online as a secondary. Real life is better for filtering people who you have actual chemistry with anyway.

[Coldarmy13]

I agree, pretty much throwing my hands up as far and the OLD scene goes. Although the girl that couldn't make it last Friday actually texted me this morning.

 

Funny, after mentally giving up on it for awhile, I reconnected with someone I worked with some years ago and she seemed really keen on going out, and it was clear it will be a date. Was supposed to be this Saturday but that's tentative, but she also made it clear she'd want to reschedule it the following weekend if she can't make it.

[LoveSoDeep]

For me with OLD I prefer when the guy reaches out just to say hello in between setting the date and confirming. Not all day every day non stop texting just a quick hello or how's your day and a few back and forth messages. If we set up Mon or Tues for Sat I think it's nice if he texts maybe every other day until Fri or Sat when he confirms. Otherwise I feel like it's more than a little possible that he's had 3-4 other dates since we talked and he has forgotten about me. Now if he doesn't that doesn't mean I'll cancel on Saturday....but if something else comes up I'd be more prone to think twice about going. That's just me though and I can't say that applies to every woman (or even most women)on OLD.

[thejigsup]

If a guy and I set up a date to meet and then he stops contacting me as much, I always think he's either full of himself or only after sex and not that eager to get to know me now that he has a date.

[IAmFCA]

I feel like the phone is an interruption.

 

Dangerous to gauge interest by how people communicate. Maybe they want to call but are trying to respect your space. Who knows.

 

If it were important to me, I would say "since our date is a week away, how about we talk by phone - Wednesday?"

 

Honestly, though, what's the rush. I'd rather wait till the in person meet to get to know you.

[boltnrun]

See, I'm the opposite. If a man I haven't even met in person yet is texting me to say hello it makes me think he's a Class-A clinger. I think, don't you have anything else to do? Why are you acting like I'm your girlfriend when we haven't even gone on one date yet?

 

A confirmation text the day of, that makes sense to me. But checking in days before to say hello, how was your day? Major turn-off.

[Ms Darcy]

For every woman who wants you to text them daily between dates, there is another who would feel annoyed by it. The best thing you can do is try to a) limit the time between dates so you are seeing the person, b) set the expectation that you are not much of a texter, and c) call. I know there are going to be some who say they would rather text, but you can get pretty far in showing interest by calling once a week versus texting every day.

 

As much as you can, establish that while you are interested, you are interested in getting to know the girl and not being a pen pal.

[Ms Darcy]

I feel like the phone is an interruption.

 

Dangerous to gauge interest by how people communicate. Maybe they want to call but are trying to respect your space. Who knows.

 

If it were important to me, I would say "since our date is a week away, how about we talk by phone - Wednesday?"

 

Honestly, though, what's the rush. I'd rather wait till the in person meet to get to know you.

 

I genuinely feel a lot of folks are not good conversationalists ... When I was dating, I was often up for talking on the phone. But I knew I was pretty good at conversing with anyone. My husband, when he first called me, was super nervous and stuttering at the beginning of our call. By the end, I had him laughing.

 

He even mentioned how great our first phone conversation in his wedding vows. Phone-talk while dating is a dying art.

[Coldarmy13]

All interesting views, and shows a lot of differences in opinion. Guess if it were easy this board wouldn't be as busy as it can be.

[Coldarmy13]

Well, have a date with a new girl scheduled Friday night. I almost stopped messaging her because her answers were pretty short and didn't really ask any questions either. Finally just threw out an invite to go out and she said "we can make that happen So I do wonder but she agreed to go so worth a shot. She also works Saturday morning so I was surprised she agreed to go out, but maybe that's a good sign. Or could turn into an easy excuse to flake but I just invited her to what I'd be doing that night anyway.

[boltnrun]

She might be like me. A short texter.

 

I only give necessary information via text. Why? Because, to be honest, I make so many typos that I get frustrated and just want to be done with it! LOL

 

I hope you have a nice time on your date.

[Coldarmy13]

Have a zoo date on Saturday with the girl I used to work with. Hadn't heard back from the OLD girl when I sent a confirmation message for tomorrow night. Again, no harm, no foul if it doesn't happen as I'll still be at the place I want to be even if she doesn't join me there.

[Coldarmy13]

About to head out for the evening. Sent a confirmation message yesterday and have yet to hear back from the OLD girl im supposed to meet tonight. Who knows if she's showing up, but ill be fine regardless.

[Coldarmy13]

Totally flaked, what a dummy. No cancellation, nothing.

[thejigsup]

It happens. It has happened to everyone. You still have your zoo date.

[Coldarmy13]

Things went well. Had some laughs and ended with a nice little kiss at the end. Also agreement in our next date, the activity no day yet.