Lonely With Her: Ramblings of a madman.

[boltnrun]

If you can't get ahold of your anxiety, maybe you shouldn't date a woman who's in the public eye. Because it doesn't seem like she's going to quit her job to appease your fears.

 

Do you think you aren't "enough" for her ?

[Coldarmy13]

If you can't get ahold of your anxiety, maybe you shouldn't date a woman who's in the public eye. Because it doesn't seem like she's going to quit her job to appease your fears.

 

Do you think you aren't "enough" for her ?

 

I very much understand and appreciate the bluntness. I just feel it’s irrational for me to worry this much and would really prefer to work through this internally. I know isn’t reasonable and I’d rather try to really get past it. She’s very special and I’m pretty invested by now.

 

I don’t want her to quit anything on account of me, of course, nor should she consider it at all. I’ve thought a lot about it maybe being a self esteem issue and that could very well be. I’m aware to not put her on a pedestal as well. These emotions didn’t come up until my feelings really grew.

[Coldarmy13]

Maybe posting here isn’t the best way to worry less. Just needed to get that out.

[boltnrun]

I think you tend to sell.yourself short, maybe because of your dating history. But you have much to offer a woman. And she certainly seems to like you a lot.

 

Maybe you can give yourself a break.

[Coldarmy13]

I think you tend to sell.yourself short, maybe because of your dating history. But you have much to offer a woman. And she certainly seems to like you a lot.

 

Maybe you can give yourself a break.

 

If I do it’s only because I don’t have any reason to doubt her, she has really been fantastic. I only get frustrated when I get hung up on something in the past instead of living in and enjoying the moment.

 

I’m sure it may have something to do with my dating history despite me logically knowing it’s never a good idea to compare an old relationship to a current one in any way. I logically know what I need to do but somehow find it difficult often once I really start to love someone. It’s been maybe three months and we both are crazy for each other.

 

What’s funny is she insisted she was more crazy than me but she sure doesn’t seem to show any of it like I do.

 

Thank you by the way.

[reinventmyself]

Just give it some time. Relationships, even really good ones tend to feel fragile in the beginning. If she's consistent and you two keep communicating this anxiety might lesson.

 

My bf of one year is extremely outgoing, will talk to anyone, innocently flirtatious? and just quite a character all around. I had to talk myself down a few times during the first few months of dating. Now when he does it, I just shrug and give him the room. It's pretty funny, women typically look at me for my reaction. I just shake my head. This is only after repeated exposure to his antics. At the same time he's very trustworthy and transparent. Without that, it wouldn't have worked.

 

I am a little late with my response.

Wondering how you are doing 3 days after posting this?

[Coldarmy13]

Just give it some time. Relationships, even really good ones tend to feel fragile in the beginning. If she's consistent and you two keep communicating this anxiety might lesson.

 

My bf of one year is extremely outgoing, will talk to anyone, innocently flirtatious? and just quite a character all around. I had to talk myself down a few times during the first few months of dating. Now when he does it, I just shrug and give him the room. It's pretty funny, women typically look at me for my reaction. I just shake my head. This is only after repeated exposure to his antics. At the same time he's very trustworthy and transparent. Without that, it wouldn't have worked.

 

I am a little late with my response.

Wondering how you are doing 3 days after posting this?

 

Good to hear from you.

 

Things are going okay. I had a few spats if I guess jealousy/insecurity about things that happened at her job that affects how I feel about her jobs going forward. We did come together each and every time after my issue and talked about it and worked it out. It gets a little easier each time. She gets a little defensive since her last relationship with the father of her five year old made her feel guilty every time she would go out.

 

Each time she’d get a little defensive at first then tell me she gets it and then reassured me about how me she feels about me. They are very vey strong. I know if I don’t get myself in check it will eventually be too much. She always tells me that she loves me and a lot of other gushy stuff and knows it’s just a new relationship and it’s about us ironing out the edges and learning more and more about each other and being together with each other.

 

So all in all, I had a couple of very weak moments in the last couple weeks that actually embarrass me when I think of them, even an hour after the fact. Which is where I apologized and explained my reasons for being uncomfortable. She reassures and we talked and ironed things out within the same day each time.

[Coldarmy13]

Two years later, this never gets easier.

 

The girl in question last left me last Monday. We had been living together for almost two years. I bought my first house and moved her and her girls in with me. Along with her cat and dog. Oh boy I loved her and we always got along so great. There were ups and downs while adjusting. Usually stress from the kids behavior. I took the youngest and sometimes older daughter to school for a year and a half. That allowed her to get a full time job working days and got her more stability that would help everybody.

 

Boyyy was it stressful and hard most mornings. Her youngest is a handful and more. She’s almost 8 now and acts half her age most the time. Especially to mom. I stuck with it because I thought it would be best for all of us on the long run. I never yelled at the youngest and was very patient in trying to form a connection. Both girls fathers are very much in their life though, which pretty much made me the fifth wheel in most decisions. Youngests dad took her Friday and until Sunday morning. The older of the two spent a lot of time at her dads. I’d say 4-5 days a week. Her dog, Alice is a eighty pound pit bull. Sweet girl but she is a big handful as well. Energetic and very very barky when outside. Never tested the fence but even babies in strollers and she’d bark like crazy. But such are dogs. Cat is a cat and I grew to love him too.

 

Hard to condense two years into a post. As we settled in I started to miss the few hobbies I had, in my case I enjoyed gaming at night when I could. During the school year I really couldn’t on account of waking up very early to get the youngest up for school. My girlfriend at the time didn’t like me playing it during the day. Now, this isn’t me getting home and playing and ignoring the family. It’s a few hours here and there after checking in with everyone about their days and what not. Also not close to every day either. When there was a quiet night of course my time was dedicated to my girlfriend. Long story short I forfeited it completely during the day to avoid the tension and only did it after she’d fall asleep at maybe 930 pm and that would give me a couple hours at night and that was ok with me.

[Coldarmy13]

Just wanted to post the first one and not lose it, being on my phone.

 

She mostly quit her karaoke gigs when she started working full time. She basically cut it down to every other Saturday. I did stop going though, because I didn’t think it was good for us as it caused jealousy and the like. I gave her my trust and just hope it all would be fine since she did love doing it and worked during the week so i figured that’s her hobby she enjoys. Work started really kicking my butt, and I’d be very tired most of the time with everything else. So I wasn’t down for going out to the bar for karaoke (when she wasn’t hosting) but she opted to take her girlfriend instead which I was ok with and wished her well. Naturally I’d be asleep when she got home but we lived together so I figured we see each other plenty it’s fine.

 

The last three months or so she did seem distant and complained often about me being distant, when I saw it the other way around. She went from complaining about my phone, to being on her phone far more than me. Even when I’d make a point to put my phone away when she was around since I heard that it bothered her. She’d still use hers while we would be watching something together.

 

She messaged me Monday while I was at work saying she wanted to talk to me. Oh no. That’s never a good thing and we’d be a bit.. not stale but not all over each other lately too. She basically said she thought I would be happier living here without them and that my “energy changes” when the kids are around or being bad. Now keep in mind, if I talked to her after bad or disrespectful behavior from her youngest about perhaps discipline or anything to teach her she can’t keep doing that certain thing. It’s not right for her to try to be the boss to you(girlfriend). She would almost always take that as me complaining about her kids or attacking them. I just couldn’t sit there while I saw things my parents would’ve never allowed me to get away with, not to mention repeatedly.

 

She thought that it would be best for all involved for her to start looking for a place to live and to break up. Over a very long discussion I understood and agreed with some of her points. Very much felt like she still loved me very much. Even if she wasn’t in love with me anymore as I was her, she was remorseful and we left it at that while being cordial. Monday through Thursday, when I wasn’t at work, we were very distant in the house. I’d go to my man cave and she’d handlebar daughter. I didn’t know what else to do, didn’t want to beg her back, didn’t want to make the kids uncomfortable by having emotional talks with their mom. Didn’t want to walk around upset and crying and all of that. Figured maybe the weekend would come and we could go back over things and talk again after some space over the week. Mistake, big mistake. Too late.

 

Me being upset at work and home all week, Friday comes around and soo mad the kids were picked up by dads, she was on her way out to stay with her girlfriend that I know for the night. To “give us both space”. Saturday she comes back home in the early afternoon, takes a shower and changes and packs to go back out with the same friend to the casino is what I was told. I asked her if she was coming home that night. She stutter “I’m not sure, I’ll let you know”. She didn’t. You know where this is going..

 

I’m at work Sunday morning to the early evening. During my shift, a mutual friend of ours messaged me that he had seen her at a bar seven minutes from our house with a man dancing and making out. Left the bar with him too. That was the first night she left in question. When confronted with this information, I asked about why she didn’t mention the bar, she said she went for karaoke. I went into it more and she finally admitted that she was with Stacey where she said they’d be, but that she had a friend come over so she didn’t want to stay there anddisnt want to come home, so she contacted this man and asked him to come up and sing karaoke with her. We had been broken up onto a few days at this point. Basically after fighting with her for days what I gather is that she was with him most of the weekend and they had sex at the hotel room they got.

 

Im ripped to shreds. I’m not naive enough to think this was spontaneous and not at least in the works texting or something for awhile before that. This isn’t someone she just has been friends with I have no idea who he is. She says it isn’t cheating I insist it is. Also fought that she lied about her whereabouts and snuck around. She didn’t want to hurt me. Says she didn’t lie, just didn’t tell me. “Why would I tell you that?” “What would that cause?” She doesn’t know if they’ll be serious or not.. but what .. the actual hell..

 

So much love for nearly 3 years, 2 living together. So many ups and downs and stories and breakthroughs. Now, for nothing. Obviously I wasn’t meeting all her needs or she just lost interest or both. She is so cold since I busted her. Apologizing and giving the whole “you’re upset now but..” speech. I’m so pissed off and hurt and barely functioning. Feeling betrayed that I moved them all in and tried so hard to fit into the family and she just leaves me and is on a date three days later. Little to no empathy from her. I was okay with where she was coming from before I found out what was really going on. She has been away the whole weekend and with her youngest now elsewhere. All of their things are here and I have no idea when they’ll be able to move out. I could evict them but it was be a court date and all of that. Okay don’t want to do that with the kids, probably because I’m a sucker and . I don’t know how I can even look at her now. I’ve been a snotty awful raging mess for two days now. With her two pets in this empty house.

 

I don’t even know why I wanted to post about this since it is obviously over. Completely. No coming back from that with me, not that she’d want to. I’m 36 and I don’t want to date anymore.

[reinventmyself]

Hi Coldarmy,

I just read what transpired and I am so sorry. It's been 3 days since your update and I hope you are doing ok.

[Coldarmy13]

Hi Coldarmy,

I just read what transpired and I am so sorry. It's been 3 days since your update and I hope you are doing ok.

 

Good to see someone still around. Thank you.

 

It’s pretty rotten and feel pretty much stuck emotionally until she moves out. She’s definitely checked out emotionally awhile ago because she’s way ahead of me. New boyfriend probably doesn’t hurt either.

[reinventmyself]

Oh ouch.

I wasn't aware that you were still under the same roof.

[Coldarmy13]

Oh ouch.

I wasn't aware that you were still under the same roof.

 

Yeah it was only a week and a half ago. Im sure she didn’t expect me to find out about about the new boyfriend. At least not for awhile. I did ask her for a favor to not see him or go out all weekend in hotels with him (he lives with his mom) until she moves out. Ignored that request.

 

I was pretty pissy at her yesterday, through text of course because she wasn’t home like both weekends so far. Told her this can’t drag on for my emotional well being. Told me she’d know about a place she wants to rent by next weekend. But it’s in Mississippi close to her parents, so will take 3 or so weeks to move down there apparently so seems I’m stuck in this crap for October.

[Coldarmy13]

She said she’ll be moving out in a week or possibly two. I’ll be just happy when this is over and move on with my house by myself. Scary and money will be tighter but I’m determined to be okay and keep the house. Anxious to finally begin the healing process.