testcase Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 Haha I'm going to have to sign up for this site! There's a ton of people with beards in my city. I've had one for a few years but I grew it mostly cause I shave my head. I felt like I needed some kind of hair. Bald, bearded and beautiful I suppose! Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Do it, testcase!! So I have heard nary a peep from The Lumberjack since Friday evening. Despite him saying that he would "keep texting" he sorta left me hanging on Friday evening, didn't respond back to one of my messages and didn't "end" the convo either.. He was working (so he said) so I didn't think much of it...but he has not contacted me to reschedule the date he canceled. I'm starting to think the ship has sailed... Darn, because I was genuinely interested in getting to know him better, So part of me is torn. Part of me wants to just shoot him a message, just to say "hope you had a good weekend" and see what happens...because, hey what the heck do I have to loose, right? Because the way he responded on Friday, made it really seem that he was disappointment to not see me, and that he would let me know when he is free, so if he was honest, then why the radio silence? And if he really is blowing me off, then I will know for sure when he ignores my message, or replies to tell me he's not interested going out.... I have a date with MO tomorrow at 11am....I'm actually not really into this date, initially I was excited to meet him, but then he ruined it by calling me twice in a row and then texting me to tell me that he had called, and then calling again the next day...which creeped me out a bit...But I had already agreed to meet him so I felt that I needed to follow through...maybe I will be pleasantly surprised. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Take the silence as non-interest -this is someone you only met once. He knows you are interested in seeing him again and have the silence be your closure. What you have to lose is on the chance that he is still interested, first impressions are fragile and he might see the text as pushy and be turned off even though he was interested in seeing you again. He said he would keep in touch and he hasn't. I'm sorry it's disappointing but that's my strong opinion. Many people change their minds after a first meet and while in a perfect world they should not cancel a first official date at the last minute some people are less considerate than others. See how MO turned you off by calling too much? Same issue with A if you get in touch again. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Oh, I didn't write it, but I'm not actually going to contact him...but part of me wants to, but I know that it can have the complete opposite effect. I'm mostly just thinking out loud on here. So far I am taking his lack of response as non-interest. it's just the simplest way to see it, simple is always better. It's the only way to think about it, because I know that sometimes people say crap that sounds really nice, so if he isn't calling he isn't interested despite the stuff he wrote. Link to comment
testcase Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Dang that sucks. Seems really weird to me. If I ever had a first date I wasn't feeling I wouldn't keep talking after the date and I certainly wouldn't set up a second. I know you have to judge him by his actions here... just seems odd. Keep on looking forward. Who knows.. maybe you'll hear from him again. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Oh, I didn't write it, but I'm not actually going to contact him...but part of me wants to, but I know that it can have the complete opposite effect. I'm mostly just thinking out loud on here. So far I am taking his lack of response as non-interest. it's just the simplest way to see it, simple is always better. It's the only way to think about it, because I know that sometimes people say crap that sounds really nice, so if he isn't calling he isn't interested despite the stuff he wrote. Very wise and insightful analysis. I'm sorry he hasn't been true to his word. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Dang that sucks. Seems really weird to me. If I ever had a first date I wasn't feeling I wouldn't keep talking after the date and I certainly wouldn't set up a second. I know you have to judge him by his actions here... just seems odd. Keep on looking forward. Who knows.. maybe you'll hear from him again. Why not? People can change their mind -they had a first meet and he obviously felt enough of a connection to plan another date. After that he might have met someone he clicked more with and if he'd been considerate he would have called and canceled before the last minute. I don't think he handled it well but it's very possible he was interested at the time he planned the date. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 ^^Right? that's what i think too! It's just...odd. It's the insincerity that bugs me--if in fact he is blowing me off. I thought I would have heard from him by now, but maybe he is just super busy, or something bad happened...who knows....all I can logically think is that he isn't interested in contacting me... Sooooo, I just turned the eH matching back on. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I was excited about A. Jerkface, he should do what he says he's going to. It sucks, but yeah, get back out there. There will be (unfortunately) many A's on the road to future husband finding....well, unless you end up a statistical anomaly and meet your guy next. I'll cross my fingers for you...but all these disappointments make it so much more special when you meet that amazing guy. I hope. At least that's what I tell myself Link to comment
missmarple Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I've changed my mind after a first date many times, especially when the guy keeps calling/texting etc but also because I had met someone I was more interested in. Except I never fade out, I hate that. If I see that the guy is interested and I'm not, I tell them...unfortunately, most guys don't! Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Thanks guys I just want to say too, and what makes it a bit confusing, is that most of our communication has been initiated by him...he started the majority of our text convo's...including ones on Thursday and Friday leading up to him canceling. on Thursday he was sending me pics of his dog...like, this is what gets me--because he seemed really keen. I don't think I was going overboard with the texting, I was mostly responding. One of my friends told me to check his profile to see if he has been on, but I won't. I'm assuming he has been But anyway, none of it matters. so moving on. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It's easy to type to someone especially when you know that someone is so interested in you. Harder to make a plan and stick to the plan. 80% of showing interest in the other person is showing up. He didn't show up. I knew that someone was interested in dating me when he asked me out on dates and was reliable about going on the dates and asked me out again. The phone calls in between were positive of course but I saw them as completely irrelevant if he hadn't asked me out for another date. People who are interested in romantic relationships or potential ones are very motivated to see the person in person and if they cannot due to illness or being out of town they make sure the other person knows they can't wait to see them -usually by making a specific time/place plan in advance if at all possible. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 I prefer to think of occasions such as this that the other party who initially showed interest probably had some momentum with someone else and chose to pursue it. Especially if the date went well and the communication was easy. That way you can write it off to -timing- You'll be on the other end of that at some point. . gaining momentum with one while trying to meet others. Try not to take it personally. . and yes it would so much better it they would come right out tell what's up or give you feedback. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 so I met with MO, and was pleasantly surprised actually. I'm glad I didn't write the guy off actually.. We met for 30 minutes. Had a pleasant conversation...he looked better than his pics and has really soulful eyes and nice smile. Though, he's another one that totally lied..er..was "confused" about his height on his profile...he said he was 5'11"...so I wore a pair of 1.5 inch heels (so i was probably 5'9" at the most) and I was towering above him...he is probably around 5'7" at most...anyway, not that the actual height matters, but it's the misstatement on the profile that bugs me...don't know how one could possibly think they are 5" taller than they actually are, but anyhoo. He originally said he could only stay for 15 minutes...within 10 minutes he said that he wanted to meet-up again, and he ended up staying for half an hour. We made a tentative date next Sunday, so like two weeks from now, to go to the antiques market--we can't meet-up this weekend because he going out of town. He asked if it would be ok to call me during the week to chat, which I said would be fine. Realizing that we have a date two weeks from now, I am fully prepared if he pulls a Lumberjack and disappears Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It does sound good! I would hate that extent of a lie -I was ok with 2 inch difference (that can happen especially with guys) but ridiculous to say 5"11 when you're 5"7. I agree another date sounds good and you have a healthy attitude about it! Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 S and R did the same thing...R was also about 5" shorter than he said on his profile...i just find it ridiculous. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 That's the best outcome. .when you go with low expectations and are pleasantly surprised. .Glad you went! I am 5'8" and I snicker at men that say they are 5'10" because for some reason - they never are. Much like you I took their height into consideration and a one time meeting one of the 5'10"ers, I wore a 2 inch high boot. I walked up behind and when he turned around he was looking at my chin. Yah. . awkward. As much as I prefer someone taller, height isn't a dealbreaker for me. . but first impressions matter and when I am looking at your bald spot it's not great start. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 It's funny....because the guys I was excited about meeting NEVER turned into anything good....but the ones that I was "meh" about...those are the ones I ended up dating. The kind of guys I like...wouldn't put effort into their profile...and they don't text...because they're busy doing stuff. I like driven men, and those guys...are focused on other things....so meeting them initially wasn't exciting...but I was often pleasantly surprised. But...I couldn't just date the "meh" guys assuming it would work because there were a lot of duds in there too. I just tried to not have expectations until meeting. Sometimes hard to do, because as human beings, were biologically designed to size people up: trustworthy? Safe? Dangerous? What are their motivations? And through email, text and phone...it's hard to get an accurate picture...but we do it anyway. Glad you had a good date with MO...antiques....museums....I like your dates. I think we'd be friends in RL if we lived closer....I want people to do stuff like that with....no one will go with me Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 The one I am currently dating I was definitely 'meh' about. We exchanged 2 emails each, he set up a time and place to meet. (I typically like a phone call or a little info before meeting, but also appreciated that he spared me the endless exchanges and cut to the chase) I went, total cold call, seriously forcing myself to go and almost cancelling last minute. I was mixed up about someone else and just making myself go as a distraction . .and surprise! Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 I am 5'8" and I snicker at men that say they are 5'10" because for some reason - they never are. It's funny, the only expectation I have now is that any guy I meet who is under 6", will be at least 2-5" shorter than his profile states. I am expecting a lie now..because of the 5 dates I have had, only one was honest and that was A-who was 6'5"--and really is that tall. Glad you had a good date with MO...antiques....museums....I like your dates. I think we'd be friends in RL if we lived closer....I want people to do stuff like that with....no one will go with me Ya we probably would get along really well IRL! Haha too bad you live far away, I could use a beard-spotting partner! I love doing cultural things, some of my friends are into that too but they never seem to have the time to do anything, so I frequently go alone to the museum/symphony/ballet. In the early stages, I don't like dates that involve eating and sitting face-to-face for 3 hours. And the less money spent, the better. I have never been with a guy that genuinely liked museums/art/antiques etc. and I really want to be with someone that shares that interest. A and M and R were all really into cultural things, R was a former pianist and composer and A studied archaeology. I don't know yet if MO is into that stuff because it wasn't apparent in his profile and he has ever mentioned it on the phone either...he has never been to the antiques market...so we shall see. I also really want to have a date at a board-game cafe...I think it would be so much fun, I love board-games!...too bad A disappeared because he was a board game aficionado The one I am currently dating I was definitely 'meh' about. We exchanged 2 emails each, he set up a time and place to meet. (I typically like a phone call or a little info before meeting, but also appreciated that he spared me the endless exchanges and cut to the chase) I went, total cold call, seriously forcing myself to go and almost cancelling last minute. I was mixed up about someone else and just making myself go as a distraction . .and surprise! Yeah, A and R were the only two that I was actually excited to meet....and both turned out to be duds... Link to comment
testcase Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Haha I say I'm 6ft in my dating profile. I'm probably 5'11"-5'11" and a half. Rounding up! For some reason I think height is a big deal for guys. It seems like most women want 6ft and above... so maybe shorter guys lie in hopes when they're actually met the date will go well so the height won't matter. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Haha I say I'm 6ft in my dating profile. I'm probably 5'11"-5'11" and a half. Rounding up! For some reason I think height is a big deal for guys. It seems like most women want 6ft and above... so maybe shorter guys lie in hopes when they're actually met the date will go well so the height won't matter. Maybe. . but if I dress according to your suggested height and I end up being taller. . makes for an awkward first moment. Just make sure you too are dating on a curve and choosing shorter women than myself . . Link to comment
faraday Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 Maybe. . but if I dress according to your suggested height and I end up being taller. . makes for an awkward first moment. Just make sure you too are dating on a curve and choosing shorter women than myself . . Ha! yeah. I'm 5'6 and I love dating guys around my height. I love wearing flats But I will wear sexy high heeled boots if I'm dating a guy 5'9 and a up...and there have been several times where I've towered above a guy in my 3 inch heels Not a big deal, I've dated guys shorter than myself too...I just...would have preferred to know what was going on ahead of time Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 20, 2015 Author Share Posted January 20, 2015 Had I have been wearing flats today MO and I would probably been eye level--though I suspect he may actually be around 5'6", so an inch shorter than me. I get that dudes under 6" are probably at a bit of a disadvantage--that being said, I don't really care, and I actually prefer guys that are closer to my own height. All the guys I have been with were 5'8" or 5'9". When a guy fudges his height, I wonder what else he has lied about, like his age, for example. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 20, 2015 Share Posted January 20, 2015 For some reason I think height is a big deal for guys. . Much like weight is a sensitive issue with women. How does a man feel when a women states she's `fit, athletic, thin or otherwise' and they happen to be curvy. . ? Or the opposite. .she says she's curvy and actually is not. There is someone for everybody. . all shapes and sizes . . Link to comment
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