Dating Journal

[Batya33]

Ya, every guy that I have dated who wanted to see me again after the first, was pretty much booking that second date or at least talking about planning it, before the first date was even over.

 

I think too, if you are somewhat on the fence about someone, or need to take some time to let the date sink in and see if you are still interested, it's a bit more fair to be non-committal during a goodbye.

 

personally though, if the rolls were reversed, I would not have given a gift at goodbye if I had no intention of talking to the person again....that's just me.....I'm just going to assume that he was being polite.

 

There were a few times the guy gave me something he promised to bring me (small things -a biscotti once, a flower, a doughnut) and didn't call again.

[happpybear]

hmm, ya, I'm just gonna assume he was just being nice. It's confusing though...It's kind of a chivalrous act--I had no idea he was going to give me a gift, but then to follow it up with a vague "keep in touch"...just the two actions seem at odds. Oh well, not going to analyze it. It is what it is.

 

Date tonight with M, coffee this time, I am keeping this one to a 1 hour maximum...I cannot do another 3 hour date tonight, it's too much for a first meeting.

[quirky]

Maybe he was a bit shy, awkward or needs to reflect. Let's see if he contacts you and you take it from there. For now you need to focus on what's in front of you.

 

Testcase- I think most women wouldn't kiss on the first date. The only times I did was when there was intense physical attraction to the point I could hardly listen to the guy because all I was thinking was sexual thoughts and alcohol was involved. 3 times I kissed someone on the first date, 1 I was sober and knew straight away he wasn't relationship material but the chemistry was maaaad. The other 2 I dated for a bit. But don't let a kiss on the first date be a judgement on whether there is real potential!

[testcase]

I've been on the site for probably 6 months and I think I've only gotten one date. That's more on me though. I started dating people from outside the site seriously shortly after I joined. Now I'm back on it and it may be the new year or something but it's seeming pretty easy to get dates this time around!

 

Whoops just say quirkys post! Well in my defense alcohol has been involved in just about every first date I've ever had. It just seems like the kiss at the end of the night gets all the questions we're asking now, ie is he interested or not, out of the way. If I got a kiss I'd assume interest, if not I'd probably move on.

[Batya33]

I've been on the site for probably 6 months and I think I've only gotten one date. That's more on me though. I started dating people from outside the site seriously shortly after I joined. Now I'm back on it and it may be the new year or something but it's seeming pretty easy to get dates this time around!

 

Whoops just say quirkys post! Well in my defense alcohol has been involved in just about every first date I've ever had. It just seems like the kiss at the end of the night gets all the questions we're asking now, ie is he interested or not, out of the way. If I got a kiss I'd assume interest, if not I'd probably move on.

 

But this isn't a date-it's two strangers meeting for the first time. I don't think kissing on a real first date is necessary either to show interest. How about "I had a great time -I'd love to see you again!"

[happpybear]

ya, testcase, I think you need to rethink your first date kiss policy because you could be weeding out a lot of girls that are actually into you, but not comfortable with that level of intimacy with someone they just met...even with alcohol, I don't kiss a dude I just met an hour ago even if I really want too..doesn't matter what I drank.

 

Date with M was pretty boring--I wont be seeing him again even though he wants to take me to the aquarium. He was nice, though, but it was pretty dry--and he took a phone call! I was much more chatty and witty on this date though...brought my A-game this time...lol...gawd..

[reinventmyself]

The initial meeting is for the purpose of seeing if you would actually consider going on a date with that person.

For that reason I typically turn down offers for dinners or any sort of commitment that involves spending more than an hour or two together

Kissing them?. . .out of the question!

I once had a guy that cornered me for a kiss on the lips, I ducked and went under his arm and bolted.

 

Testcase, I am assuming you mean a legitimate first date and not an internet meeting?

[notalady]

I once had a guy that cornered me for a kiss on the lips, I ducked and went under his arm and bolted.

 

This made me laugh haha!

 

Of all my online dates, I've only met one guy who attempted a kiss on a first meet, thank god. I gave him the cheek and I wasn't even comfortable with that. I'm not a touchy person and I dislike close physical contact (eg hugging, kissing even on the cheek) with people are not my friends or family or bf. I may be open to a kiss on the first real date (ie second meet) with someone I meet online, but generally it only happens after 3-4 dates (inc first meet). I'm with the other ladies that if you take the lack of a kiss on a first meet as lack of interest then you would miss out on a lot of potentials. I would definitely not be comfortable with kissing someone who I just met a couple of hours ago (and my dates generally involve alcohol too but that is irrelevant).

[happpybear]

So, good news!!!

 

A texted me at 8;30 this morning to tell me that he had a really good time the other day and that we should do it again!!! Whew...I must of done something right!

 

So we are going to go to the museum next week, which should be loads of fun, and easier to keep the convo going if I get all quiet again...

 

So this made me smile this morning, because I have to admit, there is something about this guy that sticks...yesterday i was wondering what it would be like to kiss him...so I'm glad to hear from him again.

 

Date tonight with R, I am excited about this one too, he seems interesting.

 

So a good day today

[Batya33]

Great -hope you have a fun time with A. One date at a time. Hope you enjoy meeting R!

[happpybear]

Date with R was a bit of a let down.

 

He was nice and chatty, also funny. But he dominated the conversation, and talked mostly about his life. he didn't ask me too many questions. I had to volunteer most info about myself and when I didn't there would be an awkward silence and then he would jump into talking about himself again.

 

He talked a lot about money. He seems to be living a fabulous jet-set life. Nice penthouse condo in the ritzy part of town. Nice cottage up north with three speed boats and a sail boat. The exclusive box at the tennis courts in Monte Carlo for his yearly vacation during the tennis tournaments. His antique Tudor furnishing imported exclusively from Europe, impromptu vacations to places like Finland 5+ times a year....

 

Toooooooo rich for my blood. Gah! No, even though this sort of life is not my reality and my first instinct is to just not even bother dating people like him....I would date someone with wealth but only if they were humble about it. But I would never seek this sort of person out.

 

R skipped the question process and messaged me directly...had we have gone through the process I would have weeded him out, because I can't date someone that travels this much. 5+ times a year!!! I can't do that. I don't want to do that.

 

And he had an irritating voice.

 

Though he did compliment my hair. This is the first guy to actually pay me a compliment. So that was nice.

[happpybear]

and another thing, these "meets" are like full-on dinner dates!....R also ordered dinner--even though I thought we were just meeting for a drink....like, I ate beforehand and this time I didn't even bother ordering an appetizer because there was nothing on the menu that I could even eat. This turned into another 3 hour thing. What is up with this.? because when we message to arrange the "meet" we use that word (not "date") and I always assume it's going to be a shorter timeframe....but it's always the dudes that are eating and keeping us there longer....

 

only with M did I get out of there early at 2 hours...but even then I had to repeatedly tell him that I had to get going, because he wanted to continue over dinner at the sushi restaurant next door!

 

I guess I'm going to have to start stressing a time-limit or something...so far I have been using my dog as an excuse to get out.

[testcase]

Haha well if it's over two hours it's a date and you can kiss! Seriously though my first dates were usually a few hours over a few drinks. Maybe if you just want to do a meet you should do a coffee shop during the day or something. I feel like dinner, or happy hour, is a date.

 

Well sorry to hear it didn't go too well. Maybe you should be friends with him cause speed boats are awesome!

[Batya33]

My first meets were usually at a coffee place for about an hour or over lunch during the day so we both had to get back to work. Of course it has nothing to do with how much money R has -people with no money can be arrogant and self-centered too of course.

[faraday]

One of Jay's friends has a wealthy family, so he talks about going to Switzerland on their private jet, and how he's living in their 4 million dollar condo dt...and about the $200 shirt he bought yesterday....and...I have a very short span that I can hang out with him before I start rolling my eyes. He's cute, funny, smart...I wanted to set him up with friends...but then he talked WHY DO THEY TALK???

[Batya33]

One of Jay's friends has a wealthy family, so he talks about going to Switzerland on their private jet, and how he's living in their 4 million dollar condo dt...and about the $200 shirt he bought yesterday....and...I have a very short span that I can hang out with him before I start rolling my eyes. He's cute, funny, smart...I wanted to set him up with friends...but then he talked WHY DO THEY TALK???

 

Because he's an insecure person who needs approval. He would be like this regardless of his income or possessions.

[happpybear]

Ya I am gong to try to start booking dates only on weekends--and keep it to a time limit in a location that doesn't serve food, this weeknight thing is nuts.

 

Like my dog is going bonkers because I haven't been home most nights this week.

 

I don't think R was actually being pretentious or pompous about his life. He was just very enthusiastic, I don't get the impression he was showing off, but more that he is just really into himself and into money and really nice things--and maybe a lack of awareness.

 

I don't think I have to worry about him calling me either. I probably bored him, I said "yeah" and "how nice" a lot--I just didn't really know how to relate to him.

 

MO called me last night to chat and set up a date time for Sunday. I didn't hear his message until late so I texted today to tell him that I would give him a call Tomorrow evening to chat.

 

Aside from the brief texting with A yesterday setting up our date next week, we have not texted at all this week. I like that, I think I would start to get turned-off if he was initiating huge text convo's like last week. I think though that maybe on Sunday or Monday I will send him a brief "just saying hi" text to check-in. Our date isn't until next Friday-- I would feel weird with no communication at all until then, but I don't want communicate all that much until I see him again

[faraday]

Maybe first meets are that themed around dog walks? Grab a tea and go to an off leash?

 

Just an idea. I made first meets do all kinds of weird things. I went costco shopping with one guy. Pick out paint colours and Home Depot on a different date...ikea on a different first meet (I needed a lamp shade)...and...people don't really care what you make them do if they like you. If they don't like you, you won't be able to do anything right anyway...so just live your life and see who can fit in with it.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[happpybear]

^^hmm I like the dog walk thing...in the spring/summer that would work better, so I will definitely do that. Right now it;s too freaking cold for a decent walk.

 

I'm meeting with MO tomorrow around 11, for a coffee. I told him that I have plans at 12:30 so I have to leave at noon (it's not true, but I think I am going to do this for all first meets, that way they know beforehand that I will not be able to stick around for 3 hours) He seems really sweet on the phone. Easy to talk to.

 

M texted me twice now, yesterday afternoon asking if I wanted to do something last night, and then today he tried to start a text convo. He asked me out for another date when we met up on Wednesday, but I never agreed to anything. Yesterday I ignored his message..I felt like an azz doing that....today I replied and said that it was very nice to meet him but I didn't think there would be another date, and all the best.

 

I turned off the matching and I am keeping it off until after my next date with A on Friday. I want to see what happens with that date before I dive back in.

 

Maybe that's "too slow" and maybe I should be ploughing through more profiles, but in all honesty, I feel sorta burnt-out after the past few weeks and especially this past week. I just need a breather to get back to my life again. I can totally see how OLD can completely take over your life.

 

I replied last night to my message from December 22nd. I haven't read it yet because I haven't logged into eH since Tuesday. Last night I resisted the urge to log on and reply to him. I needed to play with my dog and just chill. I bought some baklava from this awesome new bakery that opened...had a bath, ate the baklava and read a book for my book club--I somehow have to finish the book in a week, in time for our next meet. I haven't done any yoga all week until today...have a pair of mittens partially knit that I need to finish.

[Batya33]

Yes, you do want to avoid burn out - and it all depends what your goals are and how soon you want to reach them - you'll find a good balance!

[happpybear]

MO called last night to change our date from 11:30 to 4:30. I agreed, but told him that I had dinner plans so I can only meet for an hour. It's not really true, but now that the date is closer to the dinner hour I don't want to risk another 3 hour marathon with a stranger.

 

A texted last night too. I am starting to wonder if he just hates talking on the phone.....I would prefer a brief phone chat over texting. I dunno if I should ask--maybe it's to soon to ask for that, depending on how our date goes on Friday, I might suggest that he call me going forward. I suspect he is not a phone talker. I just am not keen on having text message convo's.

 

Anyway, it was a brief convo and he asked how my weekend had been going. He was working yesterday and will be today too apparently. Then he wrote that he had borrowed his sisters sewing machine and was going to start working on this craft project for his home when he finished work today, so I asked him what the project was, and it's pretty cool, totally something I would think up, so then we were throwing around some ideas to make it better......

 

Could I dig this guy any more? He's so cool! We have so much in common...this is why I always get sucked into the text chats...he is so interesting!

[faraday]

I don't think it's too soon to ask him to call you. I think it's good to be authentic to yourself in the beginning so that you weed out the incompatibles (I mean, as long as you're being reasonable and not asking for daily phone calls or something). Jay hates the phone....but he knew I liked him to text more, so he did. Then when we got to the point where I finally liked talking to him on the phone (it took a while- two introverts on the phone can be pretty awkward). he started calling. When someone likes you, they don't mind doing small gestures to appease you. (Especially in the beginning- we all want to impress someone we think is cool, right?). What are you guys doing on Friday?

 

I hear you about the cold! I think you guys have it way worse out there this year...which is uncommon. We've had a ton of chinooks...it's -9 today....but we had a few +5 days last week...where everything melted during the day and would refreeze into skating rinks at night I think winter is over soon though, right? .....right?

 

A does sound like fun. What kind of project is it? I can't use a sewing machine....I break them. I've been banned.

 

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[happpybear]

I don't mind the texting if it's just to say hi, but last night he told me his project--a quilt-like thing to hang by magnets over his drafty back door to keep the cold out--with a "window" scene so that it looks like there is a window--does that make sense? It's so funny because I have been wanting to get into quilting for a few years now

 

We started throwing ideas around, writing novels via text about how to make it look cooler by re-purposing old sweaters instead of using cotton to make it warmer and more rustic, and how to adhere magnets...and how these would probably sell really well if he made them for retail....it would have been better to talk about it on the phone..

 

I think I am going to broach the topic on our date, if it goes well. He is an introvert too, he's a quiet guy, so I am not too surprised with all the texting. We are going to the museum. We both love museums and both studied archaeology in school, and for the same reason (Indiana Jones love--haha). It's going to be fun! There's going to be kissing for sure!

 

From now on I am referring to A as "The Lumberjack" He pretty much is one, he's a tradesman. And quite burly Yep...I have a crush...he wants to make quilts with nature scenes on them...how can I not have a crush on this guy...le sigh

 

I almost want to cancel my date with MO, Just because I'm crushing on The Lumberjack enough now --especially after that convo last night--that I think it will overshadow any date I have with another guy.

 

I hear you about the cold! I think you guys have it way worse out there this year...which is uncommon. We've had a ton of chinooks...it's -9 today....but we had a few +5 days last week...where everything melted during the day and would refreeze into skating rinks at night. I think winter is over soon though, right? .....right?

 

OMG honestly last week was the worst possible week to have booked dates because it was like -30 with the windchill everyday--what was I thinking!!! And the wind was so strong that my balcony door was making this horrid whistle every-time the wind blew! You guys are lucky with the Chinooks, ya I have been out in Calgary in the winter and man, it's brutal! But different, like you have so much sunshine--which is nice and it's not as damp.

 

Today is nicer though so I am going to venture out to run errands.

[happpybear]

Weird, the pic I attached on the post above seems to have disappeared??...

 

Anyway, I did not have a date with MO ysterday, he canceled because he had come down with a cold. He said he would get in touch later in the week. I'm relieved though...if the date with The Lumberjack is bad then I will schedule MO in for the weekend.

 

This morning I sent me another message. He sent me one on Friday--a really late reply. I have not read the Friday message nor today's. I have no desire to log into eH. I didn't think you could send someone 2 messages in a row without them replying to the first one first? I could swear that was something I read in their rules when I first joined...I'm going to wait till the weekend...

 

Another guy, Q, messaged me too. We had started the guided communication before Christmas, but hadn't gotten too far because I stopped responding, because I was out of town for a week and because this guy--while cute and interesting--lives kinda far away....maybe he commutes into the city?...if so then maybe that is possible...but I have no desire to spend 2 hours on a commuter train to get out to his city in order to have a date....nor would I feel good about having him come out to me....Anyway he skipped the questions and jumped straight to message.

 

I also never got back to T...I had told him that I would get in touch in early January...oops! Totally forgot that guy....

 

I actually have no desire to go on eH this week.

[faraday]

I've written out a response to this THREE TIMES!! It keeps getting eaten. So annoying

 

I have a crush on A now too!! I don't know why the lumberjack thing is so hot but it totally is lol. I've told Jay he's like a lumberjack multiple times. He gives me crazy looks. But...he has this burly, slight wildness to him... Then he bakes cakes. Burly, domesticated men are hot. I can't explain it.

 

I like the sound of A though...he sounds good Hope it goes well