Batya33 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 No reason to have a text chat buddy. Simply tell him that you don't want that and then act on it. Make sure he knows you are interested in seeing him again. He would not be on a dating site and in touch with you if he did not have time to get to know someone for dating. He put in the effort to write a profile and meet you and others in person. You might have to be a bit more flexible with your sleep and dog walking schedule if you want to date someone with a schedule like his. From past experience I can tell you it's worth it to be more flexible in that way in order to spend the time getting to know someone in person (my husband and I were long distance for a few years). Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Ya that's definitely true, I suspect that his schedule being erratic and hectic like this is not actually the norm, I think it's a one-off actually. Well, I hope so, at least! Ya, He asked me too the Museum, but it's not really practical. I am going to suggest other date ideas aside from the Museum...it's only open late one day a week--Fridays. I'm going to suggest we meet somewhere closer to him too, so that he doesn't have to hustle downtown. It's not really fair, and I don't mind meeting closer to him. Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Darn it! I was looking forward to your date, vicariously! Don't stop talking to other men in the meantime. I get really burned out doing just that but it kept me from becoming over invested in just one. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Crap I know right!!! I exfoliated my lips and everything (to prepare for smooches) Ah well. Last night MO called me twice and then texted me!!!!....I found that a little weird actually. He called once and I didn't get to it in time, he didn't leave a message.. Then an hour later he called again, left a message..then half an hour later he texted and said he had previously called and wanted to know how I was doing....overkill? I'm sorta turned off by it actually...geez...We have never met and only talked once briefly for 10 minutes on the phone... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Crap I know right!!! I exfoliated my lips and everything (to prepare for smooches) Ah well. Last night MO called me twice and then texted me!!!!....I found that a little weird actually. He called once and I didn't get to it in time, he didn't leave a message.. Then an hour later he called again, left a message..then half an hour later he texted and said he had previously called and wanted to know how I was doing....overkill? I'm sorta turned off by it actually...geez...We have never met and only talked once briefly for 10 minutes on the phone... Meh. . meet up with him for drink . .harmless distraction Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Let him step up to the plate and figure out a plan that works with his schedule and that he can keep short of an emergency. I had a crazy schedule like him 14 years of my 24 years of on and off dating and I warned people in advance I might have to cancel last minute because of work but I also minimized that by making plans I had a very good chance of keeping. Also when you are first dating someone it's so important to keep the momentum going -seeing each other regularly - and to minimize cancellations because it can give the wrong impression when it's done early on. This is a good way to see how serious he is about making time to date and about behaving in a reliable way. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 Lol, ya so he just called again!!! just now. So I answered, and apologized for not having called him back last night...So I scheduled a coffee meet on Tuesday during the day. We work in the same area of town so meeting up for a quick coffee will be easy. And it won't interfere If I make evening plans with A on that day. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 16, 2015 Author Share Posted January 16, 2015 "Also when you are first dating someone it's so important to keep the momentum going -seeing each other regularly - and to minimize cancellations because it can give the wrong impression when it's done early on. This is a good way to see how serious he is about making time to date and about behaving in a reliable way." Yes very true--he was very apologetic...and I think the "I'll keep texting" is his way of not letting the connection completely drop until we actually do get to meet again. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Yes that sounds good as long as you have a time/place plan set up to meet- otherwise the more you text the less he'll be motivated to put in the effort to make a plan. For example, when my husband and I started dating again (after almost 8 years apart) he made a plan two weeks in advance because he was going out of town and wanted to make sure I'd be available for a Saturday night date as soon as he returned. I don't say that to "brag" -I think it should be the type of impression people strive to make when they're first getting to know each other. Link to comment
faraday Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Why didn't you guys just meet up tonight at 8 or 9 for a late dinner/drink kind of thing instead of cancelling all together? Is he working all night? Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Yes that sounds good as long as you have a time/place plan set up to meet- otherwise the more you text the less he'll be motivated to put in the effort to make a plan. For example, when my husband and I started dating again (after almost 8 years apart) he made a plan two weeks in advance because he was going out of town and wanted to make sure I'd be available for a Saturday night date as soon as he returned. I don't say that to "brag" -I think it should be the type of impression people strive to make when they're first getting to know each other. Oh yes, I totally agree. A friend of mine had a similar experience when she first started dating her husband, they had their first date and then he flew out of town for 3 months for work, every two weeks he flew back to check on his house and take my friend out on a dates. In between, the called and texted to keep the momentum, but he always made it crystal clear when he was coming back to take her out again. This is what I expect too, and while he was apologetic and wanted to reschedule...I am aware that he has not come up with a specific date and time yet. Maybe he isn't sure his schedule yet, but ya, I'm not too keen on communicating electronically a lot if there is no actual date to look forward too. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Why didn't you guys just meet up tonight at 8 or 9 for a late dinner/drink kind of thing instead of cancelling all together? Is he working all night? I think he is working really late into the night. Apparently he has been for the past few days. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Oh yes, I totally agree. A friend of mine had a similar experience when she first started dating her husband, they had their first date and then he flew out of town for 3 months for work, every two weeks he flew back to check on his house and take my friend out on a dates. In between, the called and texted to keep the momentum, but he always made it crystal clear when he was coming back to take her out again. This is what I expect too, and while he was apologetic and wanted to reschedule...I am aware that he has not come up with a specific date and time yet. Maybe he isn't sure his schedule yet, but ya, I'm not too keen on communicating electronically a lot if there is no actual date to look forward too. Sounds good. I'd give him another chance to behave reliably -I don't think he made enough of an effort to make the plan a bit later so he could meet you and it sounds like he cancelled the whole evening because of work when the deadline is not till Monday. But time will tell. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 Ya, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I also am not all that impressed with what happened. There is an entire weekend here--lots of time--but who knows maybe he is really swamped.... I don't want to start thinking that he was actually just blowing me off, but anything is possible. I think if I he hasn't set up a new time/date by Sunday night--and I'm not going to prompt him either--then I will log back into eH on Monday and start the matching again. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 I don't think he is blowing you off - I think he is trying to juggle meeting different women which is ok but then he got very busy at work so he decided to try to reschedule you so he could get his work done and not give up meeting the other women . The part I don't buy is "well since I can't make it to the museum then I can't see you at all tonight or this weekend". Time will tell if this is a one time thing (look, he doesn't know you well so it also could be that in addition to work he has some kind of stomach trouble or similar and he doesn't want to tell you that so he's making an excuse). Link to comment
testcase Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Damn I'm sorry to hear that! I give people, shut everyone, the benefit of the doubt. Then again I'm going on a month to get another date so I'm probably the last person you should listen to. Maybe you should try to set something else up for Sunday? It's MLK day weekend after all. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 ^^haha, aw testcase, I think you should definitely close the chapter with J. She's not there for you. We don't celebrate MLK day in Canada, so no long weekend. I am not going to try to set anything up, it's on him. I would be surprised if he didn't, however anything is possible Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 When I did this (for years!) I had the mindset that unless there was another time/place date set up there was no next date. From a realistic, not a negative perspective. TI was pleasantly surprised if the person called and that way I wasn't "waiting" and could continue my search right away. Obviously after we regularly dated for awhile then it became more understood that we would see each other regularly. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 17, 2015 Author Share Posted January 17, 2015 I got ANOTHER eH message from I today. This is the THIRD message--yet I have not responded to his other two messages because I haven't logged in to read them.....so I don't know what he has written, but why on earth would you keep writing messages when someone hasn't responded to the previous ones? We have also never met or communicated in any way off of the site. And if he looked at my profile--he would see that I have not been active in two weeks. Does anyone else find this odd? Like some of the guys that I was messaging did stop responding to me and I just let it go. I Did not send another message--you have to volley back and forth, well that's what I do anyway. If I volley and he doesn't respond I move on. If it was someone that I had already had a date with and liked, I would probably sent one message to say hi as one last try, but if he didn't respond to that I would close the case and move on. Same with MO, when he called 2 times the other day and then texted I didn't respond to any of it. Then he called AGAIN the next night.....we have also never met....it just seems...desperate like? Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Dunno. . Same here. My profiles been hidden for a couple weeks and some had a daily one sided conversation w me for a week before he gave up. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 I discovered link removed--the social beard network with the description: "There are many people with beards who like to have them stroked. And there are many people who don’t have beards, but would like to stroke them. Bristlr is the link between the two." I do enjoy the bearded men ....but I wasn't sure if it was a dating website, sooooo I joined to check it out... ahahaha it's pretty awesome! Link to comment
faraday Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I discovered link removed--the social beard network with the description: "There are many people with beards who like to have them stroked. And there are many people who don’t have beards, but would like to stroke them. Bristlr is the link between the two." I do enjoy the bearded men ....but I wasn't sure if it was a dating website, sooooo I joined to check it out... ahahaha it's pretty awesome! Hahahaha that's AWESOME! If I didn't know jay, I would totally sign up for that. I love beards. So hot. Jay doesn't have a beard he doesn't like having facial hair. Stupid bf. I shave my legs for him! He can't not shave for me?? That's weird about I....I would close him...he's either really attached to you (which is unhealthy boundaries) or socially inept...which...is undateable (imo). Hmm...My iPad doesn't like imo and wants to change it...to imp or IMAP....whatever that is Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 Aw that's too bad that Jay won't grow a beard. I have never had luck convincing my previous BF's to grow a beard either. Even a few days growth was too much for them...I really like a few days growth too, so hot...Though I also enjoy men who shave but still have that perpetual shadow...that's also hot....hahaha, yay facial hair in all its glory! There are quite a few dudes on Bristlr in the Toronto area that have really awesome woolly beards...hahhah. I haven't put up a profile pic of myself yet, I feel a bit silly actually, cause this site seems like a joke for the most part. But maybe next week I will get brave and message a few of these guys.. Ya, when I log back into eH I am going to block I....it's just too weird.. And to be honest, I kinda want to avoid MO too, because he was also weirdly persistent....but I already planned a date for Tuesday, so might as well just go anyway... Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 18, 2015 Share Posted January 18, 2015 I discovered link removed--the social beard network with the description: "There are many people with beards who like to have them stroked. And there are many people who don’t have beards, but would like to stroke them. Bristlr is the link between the two." I do enjoy the bearded men ....but I wasn't sure if it was a dating website, sooooo I joined to check it out... ahahaha it's pretty awesome! I am with you ladies, love facial hair. I can't think of any my friends that agree. . but I love it. Link to comment
happpybear Posted January 18, 2015 Author Share Posted January 18, 2015 bahaha bristlr makes me so happy!! There are some very very silly pics on there Link to comment
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