northpickle Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Yay North!! So glad to see. You're doing great!! Keep it up, Best, D Thanks D - I am making progress definitely, it's morning time now and yes, I had a crippling dream about him last night which woke me up (it was a romantic dream-like setting ) and yes, I'm finding that "our songs" or music that reminds me of him seem to be popping into my head a lot, but it's bothering me far less, as a whole. I have a full day of activities planned, right up to about 9pm this evening. There's still that little bit of sadness there, I'll be truthful. But I can't be waiting around for him, it's true. It's been a week since I saw and heard from him so maybe it might play on my mind a bit today, who knows? I was getting a little bit of the anger again yesterday, part of me wanting to contact him and say "WHAT DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT?!" but I didn't, of course. Plenty of fun to look forward to today though. I am awesome and lots of people want to be around me, so he's the one missing out Link to comment
ElleBelle Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Aww, this is so great to see. Have a great day today! Link to comment
northpickle Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Aww, this is so great to see. Have a great day today! Thanks I was doing OK today but...on a downer again. I met up with a friend and have come home at 8.30pm, just when the rest of town is going out to start their weekend. I just want to be on my own at home, if that makes sense. I'm not really sad, just a bit downbeat. I miss him, to be truthful. He's at a "lads' barbecue" type gathering tonight, according to friends. Ugghhhhh... Link to comment
ElleBelle Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Well it is good that you are hanging with friends though. I know what you mean about feeling downbeat -- I have been pushing myself though to go out--like yesterday I did an internet search for music shows in my area and found some, and decided to go check one out. It always takes a lot of effort for me to get out of the house, but as it turns out I had a really great time, and the music was wonderful. Is it a good idea for your friends to keep you posted on his whereabouts? Idk if I would like that so much for myself--it would just make things harder for me... Try to have some fun this weekend.:star: Link to comment
northpickle Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Hi! Yeah, it was just a slip of the tongue really, I wasn't really thinking about where he was but the conversation had turned to me worrying about seeing him tonight, the friend said "Oh, he's at such-and-such a party, don't worry" She had seen it on Facebook. So she was trying to comfort me in a way! I had a great day today, the weather was unseasonably beautiful and spent some time with another friend in cafes and had lunch. I rather sadly wished I was spending time with the ex though, if you know what I mean. But I had a great day. It's the evenings which are really hard. I'm trying my hardest not to think about what he is thinking, really I am! Although we agreed on LC we haven't spoken for a week and I'm keeping my distance, but this is really hard. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Have you heard of Al Turtle? Google him and read his stuff. It will open your eyes a bit to why your relationships have gone the way they have. Peace. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Have you heard of Al Turtle? Google him and read his stuff. It will open your eyes a bit to why your relationships have gone the way they have. Peace. Hi there! I have read a few articles by Al Turtle that I have seen linked to on various threads here, thank you. I'm up in the middle of the night again so will have a look through some more I'm actually feeling OK just now (despite it being 3am!). I just got myself worked up a little bit but I've had some sleep and feeling much better. What is with the horrible dreams though? I just had a long-drawn out epic where the ex had caught some very serious skin disease and it was like watching him die slowly in front of me, although he was carrying on with his life. Awful awful dreams. I wish I could clear my mind whilst sleeping as well as I'm learning to during the day. Link to comment
ex sweatheart Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Hi Northpickle, i have been reading your thread and its like im reading my own,I also have a daughter who is 12 now so i can relate to being at home alone feeling emotional and trying to keep it together for your child... feels like extra stress added to an already fragile mind space but also a great distraction The difference between us is i was the one who BU the relationship but i felt like i had no other options, over 1 and 1/2 years with a man who made me feel the same way you do, at first he was very attentive and loving then it started to disappear, i was never put first or second or even 3rd, i have not been a priority, he goes out with his mates twice a week and on every other wknd has his kids... didn't leave much time to be together, i was only allowed to be part of a section of his life, he kept one side for himself and one for us. There was also a lot of other issues, him feeling depressed and despondent and me copping the brunt of it, which i was happy to do to be supportive but in the end you spend so much time making sure your partner is happy that your drained and you have nothing left to give... all of this lead to me burying the emotions down and blowing my top when we had been out having a few drinks, it becomes a pattern, bury... stew... blow up after thinking and thinking about why i do it it , its because i don't feel like i can share feelings of dissatisfaction in my relationship out of fear of abandonment but i get to a point of no return ( a few wines doesnt help) and BAM, do you possibly feel that way ? i admire your strength staying NC for so long, im completely hopeless, same with FB hopless again, im on the emotional roller coaster with you as all of us here are. Keep your head up and smile , you deserve a man that will give you love freely and unconditionally Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Hey Ex S Hope you're well. Thanks for reading my very long and rambling thread! I'm surprised how strong I have been with the NC but it's biting me a bit now, now we've agreed on the LC it's harder! I do feel like I've lost my best friend. Im not sure who is meant to contact who, and when! So I'm just not contacting him, some of the best advice I've ever read on here is "If you're not sure what to do, do nothing". Like you we always gave each other a lot of space in the relationship, so for him to want for more space now...when we started dating it was like I was the centre of his world almost, he would drop everything if I had a unexpected window of free time to see me. And to be fair to him he would do the same towards the end, not drop everything but if I could stay at his house on a day besides the weekend for example, although I felt like he was doing that for my benefit and not his own. I understand the point of no return thing - definitely! I thought he loved me for who I was, and I think he does in some ways, but both of us bottle small things up and react terribly when things get mentioned. And I mention them at the wrong time! Take care of yourself Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 OK, I'm confused. Just had a text message from a friend, asking whether we could meet up soon (I haven't seen her for ages!) and saying "looks like your lad is in a bit of bother". She obviously doesn't know we have separated so I decided to phone her back and tell her. And I was a bit confused to what she meant. Anyway, I phone up and it transpires that there were a few pictures taken at the party he was at yesterday afternoon and evening and someone put them onto Facebook (yes, the evil website of doom!). Problem was, he had taken a day off work on the sick, and his supervisor has commented somewhere (not sure where, I have activated FB but have the ex blocked) a very sarcastic comment about him feeling much better to attend such a party. Now I KNOW I shouldn't be thinking or caring about what he is doing but what the heck is he up to? This is so out of character, he has a very good job which he loves and to lose it would be to lose his livelihood, he has a mortgage and car and so on. He's not one to take days off work to get drunk! I am looking after myself and taking care of myself now, but I care deeply for this man and I'm worried about him and his behaviour. Link to comment
DN Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 Of course you care about him and are worried but this is not the time to say anything. What was he thinking? Probably that he wanted to skive off for the day and, like many people, forgot about the dangers of Facebook. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Hey, It's just so out of character though, that's why I'm worried. He's 32 years old, not 12. It's just a bit odd hearing that he's behaving strangely, although I'm on the sidelines. His job is very important to him, he never took a day off sick whilst we were together, even when he was genuinely ill! I think I'm going to go out a bit later, it's a friend's birthday and will know a lot of people who will be out. I've gone through concern to anger to love to indifference with him today! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 Had a GREAT night out, talking to old friends and some new people. Yes, a few people asked where my boyfriend was (one bloke said "What?! He was only saying a few weeks ago how much he loved you?!" which was interesting to hear!) but it didn't bother me at all. I had lots of fun and didn't feel sad at all, which is the first time I've been out with friends and truly enjoyed myself in over a month. Progress I did get a lot of male attention last night too, just blokes trying to chat me up, which I'm obviously not going to follow up on! But it was a great confidence boost, I've forgotten how much attention you get when you're single! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 I miss him right now, I'm worried about him. It's been just over a week since we were in touch and we agreed to catch up with each other "once a week or so". I feel like I'm not being myself, he fell for me because I was an open. honest and sensitive person. This is very tough. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 3, 2011 Author Share Posted October 3, 2011 Feel a bit poorly today, an upset stomach, so not really feeling like doing much! I'm OK though, and I'm glad it's Monday, the working week is a lot easier to deal with than the weekends. I did manage to enjoy myself this weekend at times though, so this is a definite plus! Still haven't heard from him, that's 9 days without contact. But life goes on, pretty slowly today, but it's going on regardless! Trying not to wonder when he's going to get in touch, or even if he is at all...I need to make some plans for this week as my diary is pretty empty! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Me again! I'm doing splendidly this week, I had *another* silly dream about him just before I woke up this morning which stressed me out a little bit for an hour or so, but I'm cool now Have some online tasks to do today for the political organisation I'm with so that will keep my busy for a few hours, have plans for tomorrow too. I'm wondering whether now is the right time to contact the ex - for those who don't want to read back (long thread!) it's been 11 days of NC again, we agreed on LC (an email once a week for example). When I last saw him 2 weeks ago some of the things he said and did made me think we could give things another go. But we agreed to give each other time and space... Not sure what to do! Link to comment
superfox Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Keep on NC, you are doing great! X Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Keep on NC, you are doing great! X Hey, yeah, my head is telling me to keep NC but my heart...well...you know what the heart thinks! Link to comment
superfox Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 Haha! Yep! Ignore your heart and get some chocolate down your neck! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Great minds think alike - currently eating Jaffa Cakes... Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Really really upset. One of my male friends from years ago has found out about the BU, and he's been texting me today, calling me "beautiful" and all that, and just confessed he has feelings for me and has done for a while. WTH?! I feel awful, I don't want anybody else. I can't stop crying. It's spurred a whole wave of emotions, every 30 seconds to loving to hating to being angry with the ex... I just want to be with the ex I haven't cried like this for weeks Link to comment
Kaytie Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 So sorry to hear you're so upset I'd like to tell you that healing isn't linear and that you'll have triggers every now and then, but when you're in the thick of it that doesn't always mean/comfort much! Big hugs to you! Link to comment
KronicMan Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 north pickle i know youre upset, but just try to think how there are other people out there who think you are beautiful and want to be with you! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 Thank you Kaytie - I don't think he means bad, I think in his own way he's trying to boost my confidence but I really don't need anyone coming on strong or anything - he said he would give me a call later so I'll tell him then if I think he's being out of order. I've already told him I still haven't given up hope yet of sorting things out with the ex eventually, although I'm moving on with hope in my heart. I'm not attracted to this friend in any way, I never was. Although he's a nice person, that is all he is! But seriously, chatting up someone who is still very heartbroken is a no-no! I was chatted up last weekend but that gave me a confidence boost, this has just crippled me today. How bizarre the mind is. I just need a huge "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" sign hanging from my neck, I think! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 north pickle i know youre upset, but just try to think how there are other people out there who think you are beautiful and want to be with you! Thank you That's very sweet, I'm just very much in love with the ex still, no-one else interests me right now, I feel guilty talking to men who find me attractive, in case it seems like I'm emotionally cheating on the ex, even though we're not together. Link to comment
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