Kaytie
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Posts
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You can turn that feature off in iMessage and it will just say it's delivered instead. Then he'll never know.
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I understand. That part is hard. What I do is try to keep things in perspective. So when I think of the good times, I try and balance that with the reality of what wasn't working in the relationship. If my mind puts her on a pedestal, I take her off and remember how she had crappy conflict resolution skills, and anger issues, etc. I force myself to see the reality.
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Oh, disregard my previous post then, lol. That's great!!
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I think it's great you are realizing that you deserve better. But honestly, you need to stop looking at his social media entirely. For YOU. You may be no contact, but you are keeping the attachment alive by seeing what he's up to and who he's with. If you stop that you will heal much faster. Trust me. My ex and I split a month ago and I blocked her from all social media instantly. For ME. I know that's the right thing to do and I'm so glad I don't have to see what she's up to. It's made it a lot easier.
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I'm sorry. Please don't message him anymore. He has moved on, and you need to as well. He can't have you in his life at his convenience. That's not fair to you and you will not heal that way either.
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I understand! Yes, hit the gym. It does wonders
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You really, really need to stop checking his social media. I know it's hard - I know - but you are only hurting yourself. As painful as it is, if he wanted to be with you, he would be. You need to heal and focus on yourself now. Once you stop looking at things he posts it starts to get easier not to do so. And don't think he isn't hurting just because he's hanging out with another guy either - that could easily be him covering up pain with a distraction. The constant 24/7 thoughts of him will decrease over time. Keep telling yourself that the pain is temporary and the obsessive thoughts are temporary. Busy yourself with other things when you feel the urge to check up on him. It's only going to prolong your pain. Trust me.
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Of course it's making you a mess! You were just trying so hard to shift gears emotionally and let him go completely and then he calls. And holy drama indeed. I think you need to hang up on him when he calls. That's the only way you're going to be able to heal properly and stick to NC.
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Oh no. Did you end up picking up?
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DreamySkies - you are awesome!!! Good work maintaining your boundaries and staying strong.
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I'm sorry the day was hard, but it's so good that you are trying your hardest to put things into perspective and remember why you deserve better! I am doing the same Having your Mom near you will do wonders. I spent the day with my parents and it was a godsend to have something else to talk about, even mundane things!
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So yeah. As I was warned, that high that I felt last night because I was angry and got *some* kind of closure faded fast. I woke up today feeling extremely low, then subsequently ended up trying to call her. This is after I specifically told myself last night that I was done. A good friend reminded me contact is like addiction: you get your fix and then get false hope or at least a temporary reprieve from the pain. I stupidly allowed myself to hope again today, just hours after I thought I was convinced I would never cave. When I came to eNA four years ago I never caved once. Not once! And I lived with that partner then and was with her for 12 years! This was a three year relationship and we didn't live together - in fact, we only saw each other for half the week. So either it's because I am not as strong as I thought, or the coping skills I had in the past were better, OR I've just lost my mind entirely. And this time I'm in therapy too (well I've only had two sessions so far) so it should be better. Why does it seem so much harder? Maybe my self-esteem is lower? Either way, I've recommitted to no contact. She knows how I feel after sending that accidental email (!) and she doesn't deserve me anyway. It's amazing how the fears can grip you in the darkness though. For me it's fears of being alone, of starting over, etc. Maybe I will finally start a journal here.
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So glad you didn't contact him and that you have your best friend with you. It will be a good distraction.
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Thank you. I know it isn't going to be linear. I know there are rough days ahead, but at least she showed me who she really is and I don't have regrets anymore. I just hope I can maintain this mindset. How are you doing today?
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^^ And you know, I actually believe all that I wrote too. Yay me!