northpickle Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Today - I have been mainly having fun and, amazingly, being myself. Chatting, laughing, discussing, making new contacts too! I have a few hours at home then currently making plans as I speak via text to go out with a friend for food and drinks this evening. And you know what, I haven't mentioned the ex situation to anyone at all today. Not one person Another minor success! Link to comment
superfox Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Fabulous! Have fun tonight! X Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Hello again ... Guess what... I got an email earlier tonight, about 4 hours ago. I've been out and enjoying myself but I'd like to hear people's opinions. Hi, How are you? I saw you went to the ************* event earlier today, how did it go? I'm having a reasonably quite weekend, went out for (quite literally..) for two beers last night but am going to see [a band] tomorrow night, so that should be good. I wondered if you fancied meeting up for a tea/coffee or lunch or something again next weekend? If you don't want to I understand. I hope you're well. EX Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Sorry, I forgot to add to the end, I have no idea what to do and what is going on... Link to comment
DN Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I don't either but I think you should go even at the risk of a set-back. Try to limit expectations. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I guess it depends....what do you want? Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 You have seemed so happy without this communication with him. If it were me, I would tell him that I would like some space while I move on and look forward to catching up in the future. Link to comment
professorplum Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 It may well set you back and there are likely to be consequences to deal with however well it goes. However, I strongly feel that you will regret not going and will be forever wondering what might have been. He may well ask you again in the future. But supposing he never does, you have the space yes but what are you are going to do with it? If you can successfully move on to better things then fine but I suspect from your posts that you will dwell and brood (we have all been there) and in spite of what he has done, part of you wants to hear him out and give him another chance? Only my take but you need to meet him. This will run for months yet whether you get back together or not so my suggestion is to agree but to have no expectations that it will necessarily be a happy ending so you can at least partly protect yourself. Good luck. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Thank you so much for all the replies, I got the email on my phone quite soon after I went out last night, but it didn't spoil my night or anything. Had plenty of sleep and giving myself today to decide what to do. Thank you very much for this. The problem is yeah, this could last for months and months ad infinitum. I told him when we met last time that I couldn't just be a friend and he knows that I want to sort things out between us eventually if we can. I am a massive dweller and brooder, haha! Thank you. The time and space is definitely helping me although I have had a few bad moments! I'm not sure. A big part of me wants to see him, see how he is and see what he wants to say, a smaller part of me (which is ever growing) doesn't want to be in the situation where we meet up every few weeks for months and months. That's not what I want from him. I want a commitment from him that we are definitely going to start to work on things OR he has to be out of my life so I can move on. Thank you. Like I say I'm going to give myself today to decide what to do. Link to comment
DN Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Remember that if you do want him back, not talking to him will not get that accomplished. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Remember that if you do want him back, not talking to him will not get that accomplished. You're completely right, I am going to reply, just not sure what to say. Link to comment
professorplum Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 I like the way DN always gets to the heart of the problem so quickly and efficiently. He is right though so I suppose you now have to decide if you really do want to try and give this another go. He may not still be in a position to do so but that is beyond your contol anyway. If you do, then turning down this opportunity seems unwise given how seriously you have been affected over these last weeks. Wishing you clarity and support in your deliberations. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 DN has been my internet saviour the past few weeks, and many other people have helped me so much, and I'm truly grateful to you all I'm going to send him an email now, saying I'm free to meet up next Saturday, answer his questions and pop a link in there too. The 10K race I mentioned we took part in just before we broke up was on TV this morning and it's available to watch online. There's actually a shot of us both together smiling doing the warm-up Not that I'll say anything about that! Just so he can watch the show. Does that sound OK? Link to comment
DN Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Sounds OK. Remember to keep your expectations low (I know that is very hard). If he does mention getting back together be receptive but ask for specifics as to how that might be done. if he doesn't but just wants some sort of friendship then I advise telling him that is not in your best interests. It may be that some time later that might be OK but not for the foreseeable future. Link to comment
professorplum Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Sounds good to me. Try then to get on with other things for the rest of this Sunday so that you are not constantly checking for a reply etc. There is nothing worse than looking at your mobile / email every few minutes and being disappointed. I look forward to reading your updates in the coming days. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Thanks, will send the email shortly. I'm actually online for a lot of today doing work for my political organisation but to be honest, he'll reply when he does and I won't be obsessing too much, I know him very well, I think if I reply to him soon then he'll email me back this evening! My daughter will be coming back from her dad's in a few hours too so looking forward to spending time with her, we were meant to be going to see my grandparents but my grandma isn't feeling too well and is in bed. She's OK, just has a cold and she's 86, so has to take it easy! As far as mentioning getting back together, I can't worry about that until I actually see him next week I suppose. But I don't think he's coping with this very well which makes me wonder. He was just so adamant it was over... Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Well, he hasn't replied yet and guess he won't today as he'll be off out to that gig. We actually talked about going to this gig together before we broke up but Sunday nights are tricky for me with having my daughter at school the next day. It's a band I really like. He's going with a couple we know. Urgh, feeling sad again now and crying I know he will reply obviously, but it looks like it will be tomorrow. I have plans during the day tomorrow anyway so won't be sat waiting around. I miss him now, I can't be his friend and I told him that. Urrggghhh Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 And I've just realised something...my period is late...about 4 days...oh my God. It might just be the stress and everything...oh God... Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Well, he hasn't replied yet and guess he won't today as he'll be off out to that gig. We actually talked about going to this gig together before we broke up but Sunday nights are tricky for me with having my daughter at school the next day. It's a band I really like. He's going with a couple we know. Urgh, feeling sad again now and crying I miss him now, I can't be his friend and I told him that. Urrggghhh I suspected you might feel this way. I know like space will feel like it's going to jeopardize getting back together, but YOU are your number one priority. Feel better. Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 I'm OK again, had a little wobble. Now just slightly concerned about my period being late...I was taking the contraceptive pill when I was with him but stopped the day we broke up (didn't seem much point)...I seriously hope this is just due to stress or whatever... Link to comment
superfox Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Stress sweatheart! Remember we were talking about chocolate last week? I imagine your period is just giving you a break! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 9, 2011 Author Share Posted October 9, 2011 Yeah, I think it is, I'm just worrying too much. I came off the pill, had a withdrawal bleed (sorry if TMI!) but that was about 6th / 7th September. So I'm pretty sure it must be just stress or whatnot. Link to comment
superfox Posted October 9, 2011 Share Posted October 9, 2011 Yep and I bet you've lost weight too, it all shakes things up! Link to comment
northpickle Posted October 10, 2011 Author Share Posted October 10, 2011 Still waiting for a reply...over 24 hours later...hmmmm... Link to comment
DN Posted October 10, 2011 Share Posted October 10, 2011 Give him one more day and if he hasn't responded then assume he isn't going to. If he should message you after that tell him that since he didn't respond you have made other plans. And then go total NC because clearly he doesn't want to get back together if he is treating you in such a cavalier way. And even if he does he should be making more of an effort. Don't waste time on this guy - he has one shot only if he wants to get back and so far he isn't doing it very well. This is assuming there isn't a good reason for the delay in reply. Link to comment
.jpg.1626fbc48c04fd9021fd315819807524.thumb.jpg.882936eb5901fa05cf31c75617acde2e.jpg)
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.