My strechhmarks and my boyfriend's opinions.....

[Jaydedgirl]

So the other day I went on a date with my bf. I was really excited about this and although I have stretch marks i decided to be a little girly and wear a short floral dress. It wasnt really short,it ended just above the knee. Now I am really self conscious about my stretch marks behind my knees but I decided that im only young once so why not wear a dress since ive been hiding my legs in jeans and leggings all my life.

 

When i was younger I used to be real chubby so when i grew older and lost the weight,the strecthmarks developed. I tried bio oil, various creams and ointments but nothing has worked to remove it. I dont have much money for a laser treatment either..

So i decided to just accept my body the way it is.

 

So anyways I decided to wear the floral dress,although my stretch marks were visible I didnt really care. So when my bf saw me in the dress,he was shocked but didnt say that i looked great or stunning. I asked him so do u like my dress and he said "yes". So we went to the mall and he said that my legs looked dry and that i should put some lotion on them...so we actually went to a store to buy a tube of lotion so i could apply it. Then as we walked around the mall,i noticed he walked behind so he can have a peek at my legs but I felt more embarrassed than anything when he said that I should wear stockings or leggings with the dress. I got pissed then and offended since i knew he thought my stretch marks were bad. I wanted to cry but held back the tears..after that I havent worn a dress,Im gone back to jeans and what not to cover my stretch marks.

 

Yet when I look at other girls wearing their pretty dresses with their bfs,I feel jealous and they dont have hideous stretch marks on their legs like mine,what can i do to remove these stretch marks?? i really love pretty dresses but I look like a complete idiot in them.. Also my knees are dark so I want to make it lighter.

[tiredofvampires]

I go walking nearly every day where I see couples of all shapes, sizes and colors.

 

And I see a lot of girls wearing things that look like they took a sheer dare, given a particular imperfection.

 

And their boyfriends are holding their hands or sweetly caressing their shoulders while they sit on a bench.

 

The problem is your boyfriend, not your stretch marks.

 

But wow, that story is enough to shake any woman. Just reading it makes me re-question the men who say, "It's really about attitude!"

 

If it wasn't for the fact I see evidence all around me that people can and do look past such things and still find their partners attractive, I'd be inclined to believe the worst. But as it stands...his behavior is only one type of reaction to your imperfections.

 

The type you don't really need to have in your life.

[greywolf]

You don't need to get rid of your stretch marks. You need to get rid of the boyfriend. What's he going to think if you two decide to have a child? Stretch marks are pretty much inevitable.

[Oneironaut]

Your boyfriend sounds a bit shallow and unappreciative. You tried to dress up and look pretty, and all he could do was criticize you.

 

Run away now...it won't get any better, since as greywolf said, stretch marks are inevitable.

[greywolf]

My ex-bf had stretch marks. I loved them. They added character to his skin.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

I dont know how long you've had your stretch marks, but after a while they do fade from red to a silvery colour, particularly if you say youve lost weight as they wont be being 'stretched'.

 

When they've gone silvery (I'm trying to think how long mine took) about 1 or 2 yrs maybe?? anyway, they look a lot better then and tbh, I dont think you can really notice them. Put it this way, no ones ever mentioned mine and my eldest child is 20 so I've had them that long and I wear a bikini.

 

I think if you just give it time they will fade. In the meantime, only you can make a decision what to do about your b/f but if he's that self conscious about your looks he sounds a bit shallow and immature

[Jaydedgirl]

I dont know how long you've had your stretch marks, but after a while they do fade from red to a silvery colour, particularly if you say youve lost weight as they wont be being 'stretched'.

 

When they've gone silvery (I'm trying to think how long mine took) about 1 or 2 yrs maybe?? anyway, they look a lot better then and tbh, I dont think you can really notice them. Put it this way, no ones ever mentioned mine and my eldest child is 20 so I've had them that long and I wear a bikini.

 

I think if you just give it time they will fade. In the meantime, only you can make a decision what to do about your b/f but if he's that self conscious about your looks he sounds a bit shallow and immature

 

Hey there, you see Ive had my stretch marks from 16 years old and im now 24. So they haven't been going away and I have tried lots of things to make them disappear. I have a brownish.olive Indian skin tone and thats why I think its more noticeable, also my knees are dark and theres nothing I can do about that either. My bf always says im beautiful and stuff but when I wore the dress he just started commenting but not in a good light.

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

ahh ok. I cant profess to be a skin expert or anything, but I would ask you if YOU felt nice in your dress, and if you did...wear it! your boyfriend may have his own issues which isnt your job to fix.

 

Also, I would say book in and see the doctor and he/she may be able to give you some solid advice about how they fade in relation to your skin type and/or if there is any sort of cream or other treatment they could suggest.

 

good luck, Hope x

[Jacanorie]

And their boyfriends are holding their hands or sweetly caressing their shoulders while they sit on a bench.

 

The problem is your boyfriend, not your stretch marks.

 

 

Agreed.

 

I think that love is about seeing (silly, little and really significant) flaws (if you can really call a stretchmark that) and still being supportive. He should be making you feel so special and beautiful, not making you doubt yourself.

 

I have a few too along with really visible veins, I'm by no means a picture-perfect model but my boyfriend makes me feel like the sexiest girl alive. lol. And to me, that's how you should feel around your boyfriend.

[Jaydedgirl]

Agreed.

 

I think that love is about seeing (silly, little and really significant) flaws (if you can really call a stretchmark that) and still being supportive. He should be making you feel so special and beautiful, not making you doubt yourself.

 

I have a few too along with really visible veins, I'm by no means a picture-perfect model but my boyfriend makes me feel like the sexiest girl alive. lol. And to me, that's how you should feel around your boyfriend.

 

Hey, yeah I know but he does make me feel beautiful other times,just that time when I wore the dress The thing is i dont really wear dresses,i just stick to plain jeans and leggings..i was getting bored of wearing it and i decided to wear the dress. I know my stretch marks are bad but i didnt think he would comment on it in that way.

[Jacanorie]

As to the lack of compliments, maybe he was a little thrown off? Like, a little surprised? (It sounds a little weak as an explanation but...) Maybe he is so used to seeing you in jeans that the sheer girlyness of the floral dress just made him unsure of what to say?

[Jaydedgirl]

As to the lack of compliments, maybe he was a little thrown off? Like, a little surprised? (It sounds a little weak as an explanation but...) Maybe he is so used to seeing you in jeans that the sheer girlyness of the floral dress just made him unsure of what to say?

 

Yeah maybe but he couldve said i looked nice or pretty instead of you know..

[Crazyaboutdogs]

So you have imperfect skin. Big deal. If you want to wear that dress, wear it. Your boyfriend will just have to deal with it..and if he can't then he can go find someone else. I have seen women walk around in spandex shirts with their fat rolls spilling out. It looks very unbecoming and yet their partners are walking hand in hand with them. Once upon a time pregnant women wore maternity clothes which were very large and muted the look of the large baby bump. Now pregnant women think it looks cool to wear spandex so that their huge belly is screaming for attention by the masses. Quite frankly it looks hideous..more hideous than a few stretchmarks near the knees which is much lower down than the eye usually notices. Yet nobody bats an eyelash because we are all supposed to think "oh wow, she is pregnant, good for her"....it would be politically incorrect to say that looks hideous, wear something that is more flattering. So if pregnant women can wear spandex tops, and very overweight women with tons of fat rolls can wear spandex tops and tank tops (with their boobs flopping to their knees), then I think the world wouldn't really care about your stretch marks near the knees. So next time your boyfriend complains, remind him of the spandex shirts that women of larger sizes parade around in and tell him if they can feel comfortable doing it then you should feel comfortable with a few stretch marks showing.

[lavenderdove]

You, who about people who have tatoos all over their bodies? Frankly, a bunch of tatoos can be uglier than stretch marks depending on how they're done and where they are.

 

The point is beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and i would be very upset if i had a boyfriend who wanted me to hide or disguise any part of myself because he thinks it is offensive or others think it might be offensive in some way. What are you going to do when you age and wrinkle, put a bag over your head to please your BF? Something is very wrong if he wants you to hide parts of who you are (or who you will become over time, since everyone ages, sags, wrinkles etc.).

 

I would reconsider whether this is the right person for you. He should be thinking about whether you are happy and enjoying yourself, not trying to cover you up and hide any thing he sees as your imperfections. People in love adore even imperfections, and to me this says he's not really loving and accepting who you are, which will lead to trouble in future on other scores.

[SmilingKatty]

He seems like a jerk. Don´t take his attitude seriously.

 

And if you feel so down because of his comments (or if the situation repeats itself) you should consider breaking up with him.

[Sparkly Eyes]

I agree, your boyfriend is the problem, not the stretch marks. We all have them. This is a huge red flag...Do you really want to be with a guy who cares about other people's opinion that much?

[Seraphim]

I agree a few stretch marks behind your knees are nothing to worry about. MANY people have stretch marks. People get them as teenagers from growing very fast, from gaining weight,from being pregnant...almost anything. Also stretch marks are genetic...if you are going to get them you will. There is no perfection in life. Concentrate on what you DO like about yourself. I have a truck load of stretch marks on my tummy from being pregnant, *shrug* I am not too worried about it. Your bf has to stop looking at false model like advertising that makes people think women should be PERFECT...those pics are photo shopped. He needs to know REAL women have flaws but that they are gorgeous all the same.

[tinkerbellkj]

Ugh. This seriously annoys me. Your boyfriend mustn't have ANY flaws (other than a horrible and shallow attitude) visible to the human eye. He is not offering constructive criticism (for example, if my husband is not wearing something that matches, or has a horrible stain he might not have noticed, I will kindly point it out) he is doing nothing but bringing down your self esteem. IMO, that is NOT a sign of a healthy relationship.

 

I just had my first baby, and he stretched me to the point of almost ripping me in half, and now my belly is COMPLETELY covered in stretch marks. Do I like them? Not particularly. Does my husband remind me of them and tell me how horrible they are? Absolutely not. It's a part of life, it happens to the best of us. Stretch marks do not define us as a person, but his shallow, inconsiderate attitude? Well, that does.

[penelope13]

I got pissed then and offended since i knew he thought my stretch marks were bad.

 

Admittedly, he shouldn't have said anything about your clothing choice in a negative way, however are you sure he said that because of your stretch marks? I know in different cultures it's not accepted to show naked legs for whatever occasion except the beach, thus woman always wear stocking or tights no matter how hot the weather is.

 

What I am trying to get at: are you sure you are not projecting your own fear/ dislike for your stretch marks onto him? People do/say sometimes things for completely different reasons than we assume. Thus I would have told him that you don't appreciate his comment, but would like to understand where he is coming from.

[Silverbirch]

Hear, Hear . . . .

My boyfriend used to make me feel beautiful. Then he dumped me very suddenly, I think for another woman, a younger, prettier one with more to offer than I have. I stopped feeling beautiful because I had let my feelings of self-worth and attractiveness depend on my partner's feelings and regard for me.

 

Should I fall apart because I no longer have the approval of a man - I may never have again. When I look in the mirror, I don't feel as attractive as I used to. He would often tell me that I looked like a much, much younger version of Helen Mirren.

 

I know this is not right, just as I know what you are doing is the same, but I'm commited to changing this. Our problems and unhappiness are coming from inside of us, hardly anything to do with what are mostly relatively mild human blemishes.

 

I know I need to change on the inside and I hope you do too. Funny thing with men is that, let's face it Hon, we age and generally, we look better than they do. Come on. They are the ones who get hairy nostrils and ears. When they get older, they lose their hair, they usually get big tummies and shrunken winkies.

 

I think we should all embrace our Inner Goddesses and let that shine through to the outside.

[diamond78]

What the hell....This is the 2nd thread I'm reading about some bozo BF making inappropriate comments.

 

I would wear a dress or skirt everyday just to annoy him...lol

 

Actually, no because I can't be with someone who is critical of my physical appearance. That is a dealbreaker for me as I would never feel comfortable and like myself knowing this person had a problem with my body in some way.

 

Our imperfections are what makes us so unique! I hope you continue to wear dresses if you enjoy the way they make you feel. If you're confident within yourself and show that to the world, then no one will criticize you...at least not to your face.

[Chicklet]

what a douchebag. He obviously knows that they exist. He's your boyfriend. A true love would never care what other people thought.....and that's what I suspect, he's worried about what other guys (his friends) will think. Yah, he's shallow. He doesn't love you, for you.

[ferna3069]

well this guy clearly doesnt know how to appreciate a lady. as a men i apploligize for the way he acted. i can imagine how he would feel if you told him about something he didnt like about himself.sit him down tell him he hurt your feelings and if he makes fun of you in any other way that has to do with your body it might be best that you whent with some one else

[piruru]

Admittedly, he shouldn't have said anything about your clothing choice in a negative way, however are you sure he said that because of your stretch marks? I know in different cultures it's not accepted to show naked legs for whatever occasion except the beach, thus woman always wear stocking or tights no matter how hot the weather is.

 

What I am trying to get at: are you sure you are not projecting your own fear/ dislike for your stretch marks onto him? People do/say sometimes things for completely different reasons than we assume. Thus I would have told him that you don't appreciate his comment, but would like to understand where he is coming from.

 

I agree with this. It stuck out at me as soon as I read the first post. From the first post, the OP and her bf haven't seemed to have discussed the stretch marks properly and the conclusion that the bf was critical of the stretch marks comes only from a lack of compliments, comments about skin dryness and then suggestion of wearing tights. I don't think that's enough to say that your boyfriend has a problem with your stretch marks. Especially since he didn't specifically say anything about the stretch marks.

 

Are you really sure that your bf had a problem with your stretch marks? Is that the only possible explanation for his actions? Don't let your negative self image affect what he says about you. Sometimes you need to step back and make sure you're not making things worse by jumping to conclusions and assuming things. Making issues out of nothing, because it's an issue that you just happen to be very sensitive about.

 

First of all, have you told your boyfriend about you being self-conscious about your stretch marks? Is he aware that it is a big problem for you, and that you would appreciate his support where necessary? Is he aware that you have body image issues?

 

Secondly, there are several reasons for his actions re dress:

 

Skin dryness. Maybe your skin really did look dry? What's wrong with buying lotion together? Often times when I go out with short skirts/shorts, I make a point to put lotion on. It makes the skin much more radiant. I can imagine that if you're always wearing jeans/leggings, lotion would help a lot too.

 

Tights/leggings. Maybe your outfit really would look better with tights/leggings? Maybe he's uncomfortable with you showing so much skin now because he's used to seeing you covered up? Maybe it makes him jealous that other guys can see your legs and how hot you look? Maybe he walks behind you, not to judge your stretch marks, but simply because he likes looking at you from behind when you're wearing a short skirt???

 

Compliments. A lot of people find it hard to make compliments, but since you said he regularly makes you feel beautiful, then maybe he was just taken aback because he'd never seen you like that before. He might have been uncomfortable because you looked so good and he felt unsure of himself? Maybe he was too surprised by how great you look that he didn't know how to deal with it yet?

 

There are so many reasons why your bf did what he did. They're not all about your stretch marks and they're not all negative. From what you've said in that post, I can't be sure that he was really concerned about your stretch marks. Are you sure your self-consciousness hasn't coloured your perspective here?

 

It seems to me that the issue is bigger than just your boyfriend, but it's within you. A lot of the comments you've made in the OP relate back to other body image issues too.

 

Stretch marks are human. I have heaps. From my buttcheeks to my thighs, all the way down to my knees. It's like I wear stretch mark-printed tights. I've never had a boyfriend have a problem with it. Heck, it was after I had a boyfriend that I became more comfortable with my body because they made me feel so wonderful all the time. Even the most critical of my boyfriends who was very concerned with appearance could only say that I looked beautiful all the time. Boyfriends don't judge as harshly as we judge ourselves and half the time they're too busy seeing the beauty in us to look at those superficial imperfections. They don't give a damn about stretch marks. At the moment, I have chicken pox scars all over my body too -- my boyfriend doesn't care at all. He still says I'm beautiful. My point is that if there's anyone who has a problem with your stretch marks, it's probably you.

 

Getting comfortable with your stretch marks/colour of your knees/body image is something you might need to work on if it is affecting your relationship and/or clothing choice. No girl should have to wear jeans/leggings all the time. All girls look good in dresses, even some men look good in dresses. And the fact that you're jealous of other girls isn't healthy. Sad truth, but we only get one body. Be happy with it because it's the only choice that will help you.

 

If, after all this, your boyfriend still says outright that your stretch marks are disgusting or something like that, then by all means, put him in his place or give him the flick. But until you work on your self image, he'll never be able to make you feel comfortable about yourself.