Would you marry someone who proposed with no ring?

[_Asti_]

It always seems a little strange to me that when a relationship has gone so far as to start wedding planning that a formal proposal seems required. Seems too much like playacting.

 

I'm not talking about going and booking a venue, talking to a florist, etc.

Discussing a season, or time of year, sharing our vision with each other of how we see our wedding day playing out.

What took his formal proposal so long was he was having the ring made, but the excitment for him was overflowing and couldn't help talking about things.

His proposal was a complete surprise of how and when he did it, and the ring was special and the moment was wonderful.

 

We weren't going around telling people a wedding date and then he proposed long after.

[Firiel]

Considering most cases of a no-ring proposal are due to a spontaneous, unexpected proposal, I probably wouldn't accept... that kind of on-the-spot pressure would probably give me an aneurysm. I make decisions very slowly and with great difficulty, so a boyfriend proposing out of the blue would put me in a terribly awkward position, and since I couldn't say yes in good conscience without thinking about it for MUCH longer than a few minutes, I'd be forced to decline.

 

That said, if boyfriend and I had decided to get married (which is basically a proposal thing, but the actual act of "proposal and acceptance" is too fun to skip out on), and he couldn't wait to get a ring (which I would want to help pick out anyway... gosh, I sound like a control freak!) to be "officially engaged" and proposed out of the blue later, then I would accept. But like I said, it seems most cases of no-ring proposal are more like the former than the latter. And I couldn't do the former.

[rocio]

Really? Why?

 

Meh, I don't know. I just thought that was the point. I'm extremely frugal and hate to see money wasted on weddings and all that commercial junk. But I was sort of under the impression that the ring was supposed to require a bit of a sacrifice. It's not smart to put yourself in debt over it, but you should at least have to scrimp and save for a couple months, no? I think my husband is waiting for several thousand dollars to randomly fall in his lap and then he'll go out and buy it.

 

You have to realise, our household income is about 3x the average and I would be perfectly content with a $1500 ring. It's just a bit of an insult that he even pretends it's important to him anymore.

[Seraphim]

See my husband is like you,every decision he makes is so painfully slow, it is agony to me.So for him to propose spur of the moment stunned me........lol. I am more quick with decisions.

[DN]

Meh, I don't know. I just thought that was the point. I'm extremely frugal and hate to see money wasted on weddings and all that commercial junk. But I was sort of under the impression that the ring was supposed to require a bit of a sacrifice. It's not smart to put yourself in debt over it, but you should at least have to scrimp and save for a couple months, no? I think my husband is waiting for several thousand dollars to randomly fall in his lap and then he'll go out and buy it.

 

You have to realise, our household income is about 3x the average and I would be perfectly content with a $1500 ring. It's just a bit of an insult that he even pretends it's important to him anymore.

I am not sure exactly what you mean, but I would be wary of a woman who expected me to make a financial 'sacrifice' to buy a ring. It seems to have unpleasant overtones.

[rocio]

I don't know why it's difficult to understand how it would be seen as an insult when a man postpones purchasing the ring for 5 years, when he's perfectly able to afford it.

 

It's similar to a woman "letting herself go" once she's got the man. Or giving up sex once she's got the man.

 

It feels insulting when someone loses their motivation to contribute something important to the marriage, because they've already secured the deal. The ring isn't even important to me - it's something HE insists that he wants me to have. Given that HE sees it as an important part of the marriage process, it is extremely insulting that he thinks he can put it off for several years until it just falls into his lap.

 

Yes, I do want to see him make some kind of sacrifice for it. Anything less than that is just laziness.

[DN]

OK, well, I guess we have differing ideas about marriage. I like to think of it as an equal partnership, not one person making financial 'sacrifices' not required of the other.

[rocio]

Given that you're about to merge finances (or have already done so), it's more of a joint expense, isn't it?

[rocio]

You'll have to excuse me, DN. I'm the the early stages of pregnancy and clearly very hormonal. I don't know why I'm getting so upset over this, given that I actually prefer my elegant white gold band over a flashy rock.

[Huntress0527]

Yes I would. I do have a ring that I love that we picked out together and we're paying for it equally. I think a lot of couples jointly pay for the ring now at least most of the ones I know.

[DrKitten]

Yes I would. I don't think I even want an engagement ring. Just our matching wedding bands that we'll both wear for a much longer time.

[OptomisticGirl]

I did. We got engaged while we were apart - after a trip - and for the first six months my promise ring was my temp engagement ring.

[-Sanguine-]

I would still say yes. Not to say I wouldn't want a ring eventually but it is not necessary on the spot.

[Batya33]

I offered to buy my husband an engagement watch (offer still stands!) and I bought his wedding band (mine was originally his grandmother's).

[DN]

I offered to buy my husband an engagement watch (offer still stands!) and I bought his wedding band (mine was originally his grandmother's).

I have heard of a number of people who do that (an engagement watch). Seems like a nice idea.

[Batya33]

I have heard of a number of people who do that (an engagement watch). Seems like a nice idea.

 

From what I understand that was what was done very often in the 1950s - my mother told me (she got engaged then). I just now reiterated my offer to my husband and he actually has a watch in mind he said. So this thread was good timing(bad pun).

[truegrit]

After 3 marriages with never an engagement ring I would have to say it doesn't matter in the least to me. Just an added expense, course I don't believe in spending much money on weddings either (never had a wedding, just JP marriages). Have always had just a plain gold band and that's more than enough for me. I'm a real easy keeper

[sophie274]

I would say yes if I wanted to marry the man - though I would only want to be proposed to if he is/we are ready to set a date and go forward with the plans. I would be upset if I never got an engagement ring ... I would not understand a man who, knowing I wanted one, did not buy me one (not THE ONE, just one). Of all the things we do for our partners, buying a ring is one of the easiest. And I think marriage often does involve a lot of sacrifices - when I think of my parents, my mother giving up a career because they moved very frequently and my mother followed my father, moving to new countries far away from family and learning new languages. To me getting a ring is SO EASY compared to that, why wouldn't you buy it if you knew it meant a lot to your partner and you could afford SOMETHING?

[DN]

I think the difference with sacrificing for a ring is that it is sacrifice that is only expected to be made by one partner and even the price of it seems to be determined by either the couple together or some arbitrary amount like 'three months salary' rather than the man being able to decide what he can afford on his own. The other sacrifices that you mention can be made by either one. That is why I like Batya's idea about a watch.

[Fudgie]

If he was the one for me, sure I would.

 

I honestly don't care much about engagement rings. I think it's silly, actually, and I would rather he not waste his money. I'd rather us just get matching wedding bands when we actually marry.

[sophie274]

I would be fine with buying an engagement watch or whatever my boyfriend would want. I can't imagine getting engaged to someone without us having heavily discussed marriage beforehand, in which case he would know that I would say yes, and I would like to be in a marriage where we merge our finances completely, so like rocio said I see the engagement ring as affecting OUR finances (what's to be our finances in the near future). But to be honest I also don't see why is it so important that it is a one-sided expense. I know you can say that's because I'll never have to foot that expense, but I fully expect that there will be many times in our marriage when I will be footing the bill, when I will do something for my husband simply because it is important to him.

 

Of all the inequalities that arise in marriages I think this is the tip of the iceberg I guess.

[Seraphim]

From what I understand that was what was done very often in the 1950s - my mother told me (she got engaged then). I just now reiterated my offer to my husband and he actually has a watch in mind he said. So this thread was good timing(bad pun).

 

I got my husband an 18 K Omega watch when we got engaged, it was more than 3 times what my ring cost, so it is not like he had nothing. Like you I liked the watch idea. Since got married though he has lost about 3 wedding bands.

[Sparkly Eyes]

You'll have to excuse me, DN. I'm the the early stages of pregnancy and clearly very hormonal. I don't know why I'm getting so upset over this, given that I actually prefer my elegant white gold band over a flashy rock.

 

I would get upset too...I agree, it's his laziness and perhaps not caring enough about you.

 

I think a guy taking his time to buy a nice ring for his girl and not just ring, choosing gifts carefully on birthdays etc really says something about him. I always used to buy little things for my exes and took so much joy in making them happy. Yet for them it seemed like too much work to get me something to make ME happy.

[rocio]

I would get upset too...I agree, it's his laziness and perhaps not caring enough about you.

 

No, he does care. He brings me roses on a regular basis and bought me a nice car. He's just frugal and practical, but then I am too. It's one of the things we like about each other.

[Sparkly Eyes]

No, he does care. He brings me roses on a regular basis and bought me a nice car. He's just frugal and practical, but then I am too. It's one of the things we like about each other.

 

Well, have you told him that you want a ring? That although it's not "practical", you would rather have it?