Would you marry someone who proposed with no ring?

[Saffron_]

Aww you never know, your love might you know!

 

Well, he owns his own home, he's settling into a career, he's 30, many of his friends are marrying, we've been together 11 years (with one break a few years back) and he's very negative about the whole idea! So...I'm about 99% certain that he won't. Ach well...

 

It'll be fine. I suppose on the bright side I'll never be divorced!

 

Funny enough, this thread has got me thinking about buying a ring for myself. If he won't buy me one, I'll buy me one! It'll be my gift to me. I hope that doesn't sound sad and pathetic.

[redrose85]

Not sad or pathetic at all. When I broke up with my ex I replaced a ring he gave me (a sort-of engagement ring) with one just for me. I treasured it because it was my little gift to myself

[Seraphim]

Well, he owns his own home, he's settling into a career, he's 30, many of his friends are marrying, we've been together 11 years (with one break a few years back) and he's very negative about the whole idea! So...I'm about 99% certain that he won't. Ach well...

 

It'll be fine. I suppose on the bright side I'll never be divorced!

 

Funny enough, this thread has got me thinking about buying a ring for myself. If he won't buy me one, I'll buy me one! It'll be my gift to me. I hope that doesn't sound sad and pathetic.

 

No not at all! It is strange though he negative about marrying, but you live together? I mean that is almost the same thing at this point. I would buy a ring for myself too if I was you.

[Fudgie]

Saffron,

 

Not sad or pathetic at all. All pieces of jewellery can mean what you want them to, and you can always buy them for yourself. I love silver rings and have worn them when I've been both single and with someone, and I always buy them myself. I even wear rings on my left hand sometimes on my ring finger, just for kicks.

[Saffron_]

Thanks ladies! You've convinced me

[Snny]

Too much to read on this forum. In response to the question, I would not accept a proposal without a ring. I got my personal reasons behind it.

[redrose85]

Saffron,

 

when you buy it, post a pic

[Seraphim]

I bought my own after I lost my first engagement ring. I bought the engagement ring with some of my retirement money from the army and the band I got with the money my in-laws gave me for Christmas that year. I got them at a place that had 80% off for a store closing.

[piruru]

Would you accept?

 

Ring or no ring, I would accept. It is the marriage and commitment that I want/need, not the piece of fancy jewellery. Hell, if my boyfriend proposed to me now I would be over the moon but alas, it is the furthest thing from his mind. -_-;

 

That being said, a ring is always nice and if he didn't get me one when he proposed initially, it would be nice if he did in future as a present or whatever.

 

I would also question why he wouldn't get me a ring though. If the reason was purely financial then I would understand and have no problems. If not though, I guess I would need to stress that it is something I would appreciate and would like to have in future as a token of our love.

 

I like the idea that someone posted earlier too about buying yourself a ring. It does seem like a nice idea and I think I may have to do that for myself sometime since it doesn't look like I'll be married for a while.

[DN]

It seems you are a little confused over this issue. I don't think that you can logically say you don't care but you do at the same time.

[OptomisticGirl]

It seems you are a little confused over this issue. I don't think that you can logically say you don't care but you do at the same time.

 

Actually, you can. You can on a unemotoinal level not care if you have one but eventually want one (even if it is 10 years down the road). And why you don't have one can factor into whether you care or not. We couldn't afford the one we wanted me to have at the time we got engaged and that didn't bother me. Now if we could have afforded it and we didn't get it, I'd wonder why.

[Saffron_]

Yeah, I didn't think Piruru seemed confused. The way she articulated her feelings on the ring issue made sense to me.

[DN]

Well, it's the reverse of if a man were to propose with a promise of buying a ring later only to renege and say he didn't think a ring is necessary.

[OptomisticGirl]

And that's why I think it's something that should be discussed openly and honestly about how you feel about it. I don't have a e-ring and I'm fine with it. The only reason I'd eventually want one is I love rings with gems and my birthstone just happens to be that of a diamond. However I told L I was perfectly fine with not getting one until 10 or 20 years from now.

[Fudgie]

Actually, you can. You can on a unemotoinal level not care if you have one but eventually want one (even if it is 10 years down the road). And why you don't have one can factor into whether you care or not. We couldn't afford the one we wanted me to have at the time we got engaged and that didn't bother me. Now if we could have afforded it and we didn't get it, I'd wonder why.

 

My mother followed this line of thought. My parents were as poor as crap when they got married and did not get an e-ring at all. My mom got her rock years later (10th anniversary, I think, I remember being 5 with her when she picked it out herself). Only when they could afford it. She wears that rock and I know it's important to her, to have that, but she obviously was okay getting engaged without it.

[DN]

I think there is a difference between saying (agreeing) "can't afford it now so we will wait until we can" and saying "I don't want one" when you actually do and know you will ask for one later.

[Fudgie]

I think there is a difference between saying (agreeing) "can't afford it now so we will wait until we can" and saying "I don't want one" when you actually do and know you will ask for one later.

 

 

Yes. The latter is pretty manipulative and back-handed. If you don't want ring, that's totally okay but don't lie about it. If someone did that to me, I'd tell them that they are free to purchase it themselves.

 

Now, some may change their mind, okay, but they should still probably get it themselves.

[OptomisticGirl]

I think there is a difference between saying (agreeing) "can't afford it now so we will wait until we can" and saying "I don't want one" when you actually do and know you will ask for one later.

 

Obviously. The latter is very manipulative.

[shadowplay]

Yes, I would. I find the whole propose with a ring-thing a bit old fashioned, maybe it's a cultural difference.