Is it wrong to lose your virginity to a prostitute?

[bertdru]

Arranged marriage is typically something you're born into. MD can't arrange his own marriage, well, he could...but I don't think that counts. It's a cultural thing.

 

Even high class girls (which is honestly what I think of when I think of prostitute) and legal ones, probably won't give you the satisfaction you really want. It could be really disappointing and you could feel guilt or shame if you're doing this out of desperation rather than want. If someone really wants to go see a prostitute, they probably will find it an enjoyable experience if safe. But, it seems like these guys aren't too keen on it.

 

Yes, the arranged marriage thing is unique to certain communities. But what I was asking is - would he be ok with a setup like that? Or would he like to give love one more shot?

 

Regarding the high class prostitute thing, I recommended it since it doesn't have the usual issues with female trafficking and all. So the guilt factor is less. There are some differences. For example, there are some women who look high class and are exploited by pimps. They come from some poor background. I don't mean these girls. I mean women who are actually from rich backgrounds, who study college and all and come to this job for pocket money. There are a lot of them btw. But they charge much higher. Obviously it would not be wrong to have sex with these women.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yes, the arranged marriage thing is unique to certain communities. But what I was asking is - would he be ok with a setup like that? Or would he like to give love one more shot?

 

Regarding the high class prostitute thing, I recommended it since it doesn't have the usual issues with female trafficking and all. So the guilt factor is less. There are some differences. For example, there are some women who look high class and are exploited by pimps. They come from some poor background. I don't mean these girls. I mean women who are actually from rich backgrounds, who study college and all and come to this job for pocket money. There are a lot of them btw. But they charge much higher. Obviously it would not be wrong to have sex with these women.

 

I think this might be a cultural thing as well. It sounds like well bred women from well known families do this for fun and extra money in your culture. Here (in the United States), they are not so looked up upon. Is it legal where you are from? That's probably why. There is a lot of stigma and shame, no matter how high class.

[MD Geist]

Let me ask you something, MD. What do you want from women? Your opinion of women is so low that I can't understand why you want anything to do with them. Why do you want to have sex with people who have the devil in them? Or have a relationship with people who are stuck up and only looking for attention? If women are that awful, then forget about them.

 

I want an honest unconditional relationship just as most people in general do.

 

But that seems to much to ask these days instead I often find myself being criticized by others and being asked to compromise the simple things I want.

[MD Geist]

I have a question - would you be ok with an arranged marriage? I know marriage is a big step and all but would you be open to an arranged marriage? Something is better than nothing right? I am in the same position as you and I feel I would rather wait for 2 more years and get married (when I would be twenty eight). Would you be open to that?

 

To be honest, regarding prostitutes, you should check out the high class ones. The high class girls are mostly from good families. For example, there are some women here who are from well to do families who do this job as a side thing. They charge very high amounts but they are supposedly worth it. I can't afford them btw.

 

Marriage is something I wanted from the beginning but I just don't see that happening in my life.

 

Id be opened to an "arranged marriage" although I'm not sure what it is. It sounds like a good possiblity for something good.

[The Wire]

Man some of the posts over the last few page have been utter garbage.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Man some of the posts over the last few page have been utter garbage.

 

Can you give examples and why you think they are garbage?

[greywolf]

I want an honest unconditional relationship just as most people in general do.

 

But that seems to much to ask these days instead I often find myself being criticized by others and being asked to compromise the simple things I want.

 

How do you expect to find an honest unconditional relationship with someone who doesn't deserve any respect from you?

[jenny_mcs]

WOMEN HAVE THE DEVIL IN THEM AND THEY IN GENERAL ARE STUCK UP, IF EVERY GUY IN THIS WORLD COULD STOP SUCKING UP ON WOMEN AND GIVEN WOMEN ATTENTION THEN WOMEN WOULD BE MISERABLE AND HOPING FOR SOME GUY TO TALK TO THEM AND THEY WOULD ACTUALLY BE CHASING AFTER US INSTEAD OF US IDIOTS CHASING AFTER THEM.....The sad part is that many men are so dense that they don't see the reality of the situation. They don't realise that women are taking them for a ride.

 

The best way to impress women is by ignoring them...

 

LOL. I have never seen a more perfect, real-life example of this:

 

link removed

[The Wire]

Can you give examples and why you think they are garbage?

 

Because all I've read amounts to whining 'woe is me' and 'women are evil' stories from some guys who can't get laid.

[perth_man87]

Because all I've read amounts to whining 'woe is me' and 'women are evil' stories from some guys who can't get laid.

 

I think cc thought you meant the people who have been arguing against those "women are evil" posts when you said those posts were garbage.

 

I think just about everyone can agree that these generalisations about women are completely irrational and not representative of the whole of women as a gender. It's just people with these opinions will be much more prevalent on a forum that very often deals with heartbreak ect which can leave people very jaded towards the opposite gender. In fact you get that a lot more with forums in general because that's just how society works at the moment. I struggle sometimes thinking "Why oh why does that girl have to be with ____?" but it's just a matter of somehow convincing yourself again that "If she wants to waste her time with ______ you wouldn't be happy with her anyway." I am very insecure and jump to conclusions often but hopefully I'm a long way off from grouping all women into a sort of "spawn of satan" category.

[StrawberryYogurt]

How do I know this? Well from experience. I see it often, girls that otherwise didn't give a crap about me 10 years ago will find their way back into my life then they have a child and got out of a divorce and then they see a guy like me who has his S**t together and its like then they wanna give me the time of day. Why couldn't they have given me that shot 10 years ago when they had no kids and were debt free? It makes me question a lot with women.

 

10 years ago? Dude, you were 14, what the hell, the math ain't adding up. I would hope at 14-15 these women didn't have any kids and were debt free LOL!

[jonny15]

Remember what I posted above...you don't have to go around telling girls you're a virgin. It's not like you have an STD that you must disclose. It's not a deal breaker for MOST women. Really, I think if you get TO KNOW the woman first and you both get attracted to her, she's not going to dump over that. don't treat virginity like a freaking STD because it's really not. It's not as half as bad as you think it is.

 

I don' go around telling chicks i'm a virgin.

 

I've only told one female, and that was on hte phone and she acted weird and it was the last time I spoke to her.

 

 

See, I can read the insecurity right there. You don't BELIEVE in yourself. If you don't, who will? You need to take initiative now to improve yourself. And yes you CAN make yourself confident. In fact, only you can do that, no one else. People can make you feel good but true confidence comes from within, it comes from feeling secure with yourself as a person.

 

You don't have to be a supermodel to be confident by any means. I mean gosh, I'm an obese woman with acne on my face and a lot more hang-ups than most people. I'm by no means perfect or anything close to it. But you know what? I brushed myself off, got confident, and put myself out there. Took a while but I met a really great guy who loves me just as much as I love him. Despite my shortcomings, I KNOW that I am a good partner, and by that confidence, I work hard in a relationship and you know...I AM a good partner. I don't think my guy would like me if I had been so down on myself.

 

If you don't believe that you have anything to offer, who will? You are the most important person in your life, first and foremost. Work on yourself and improve and the girls WILL come, I promise you. But you'll need to get help. Find a therapist, or even someone to talk to. Join a social club, find friends (male or female) who stimulate you and encourage you to get out there, not sulk.

 

I personally don't know what I have to offer other than a bad sense of humor that is mostly perverted.

[StrawberryYogurt]

I personally don't know what I have to offer other than a bad sense of humor that is mostly perverted.

 

Then improve yourself. Aren't you fat? Well, work on losing weight and getting in shape, for starters.

[perth_man87]

 

I personally don't know what I have to offer other than a bad sense of humor that is mostly perverted.

 

I kind of felt this way too. I hate(d) (still not 100% comfortable with me atm) myself for not feeling like I was good enough for someone else to like me. I kind of got lucky that I got together with a friend. And things between us really were pretty good for a while (until I buggered it up but that's not the point). Finding someone who returns your affections truly does make it easier to be yourself. And while it doesn't seem like it now, you will have a lot to offer her.

[Wayfara]

Things don't work that way. Girls don't need to pay for sex regardless of who they are. If a guy has low self esteem he has zero sex but when a girl has low self esteem its the total opposite.

 

If a shy girl gives off the wrong vibe guys won't approach her, they'll look for someone who look more approachable. I've seen some girls with zero self esteem get ignored by guys because they look so nervous and guys are afraid they would break if they approached them.

 

But let me ask you this. How many girls in my group are still virgins?

 

I know some older female virgins but I agree that most girls your age aren't, but I don't think it's unrealistic to find a girl who isn't into casual sex. But if you start having sex with prostitutes chances that kind of girl won't be interested in you.

 

why should I remain in showroom condition when the chances are she's probably has done something about as bad as what I'm doing except money was exchanged on my part?

 

You are never forced to date someone, so if you don't agree with a woman's values about sex don't date her and don't ape her. You have talked so much about how you despise jerks, yet you are so tempted to be one. You don't sound like you agree with casual sex but yet you feel like seeing a prostitute would be worth it. A person with integrity acts according to his moral and ethical code even at personal cost. There is a quote from Erich Fromm that says: “Integrity simple means not violating one's own identity”. If you no longer believe being a jerk is wrong or value sex as something special, then by all means be a jerk and have sex with a prostitute, then you're at least not a hypocrite. My point is that you want your girlfriend to be nice and have conservative views about sex so obviously you do value niceness and you do value sex as something special because that's what you want your girlfriend to value, you just don't want to live by these values yourself.

 

Following your own moral code isn't about getting recognition, it should be about being true to yourself and being proud over of the choices you have made, that in itself should be the reward. I'm not saying you should remain in showroom condition until you get married, I just mean that if you think sex should sex should be something special then wait until you find someone special.

 

then they have a child and got out of a divorce and then they see a guy like me who has his S**t together and its like then they wanna give me the time of day. Why couldn't they have given me that shot 10 years ago when they had no kids and were debt free? It makes me question a lot with women.

 

Some people who have just gotten out of a relationship get desperate for a rebound and hence try their luck with everyone who ever gave them interest in the past. It's a common practice, I've had guys I haven't spoken for years to call me right after a breakup.

 

I want an honest unconditional relationship just as most people in general do.

 

Well you can't hate women and then expect getting their love in return...

 

There's a reason why nice guys finish last because they sure as hell don't finish first.

 

Being nice or bad doesn't have that much relevance in finishing first or last, it's more about charm, social skills, luck etc, traits that both nice guys and bad boys might or might not exhibit. I've seen nice guys finish first just as I have seen nice guys finish last, the same with bad boys, bad boys with zero confidence and charm don't finish first.

 

But why be jealous about the bad boys getting their way with all these doormats and evil lovers? You aren't missing out. If you would rather have an abusive relationship based on fear and disrespect than being single, you don't have standards. I thought the point of having relationships was to add something positive to your life, not subtract your happiness. A bad relationship won't make you happy just as toy money doesn't make anyone rich. What are the chances of an abuser and a doormat having a happy relationship together? Happy long-term relationships happen between people who mutually love and respect each other so I bet that those who make are the nice guys-nice girls couples.

 

You really think its all about attitude

 

Have you tried having a good attitude and confidence at the same time? You have been bitter and angry for years, and before that, if I remember correctly, you have said you didn't have many friends and was socially awkward. You can't say having a good attitude doesn't work until you have tried it, and you should try it more than just a couple of hours at a time. Try having a good attitude for two/three years after you have moved out from that town where all women are single mothers. If the good attitude thing doesn't work, well no harm, you would still be single but continuing being bitter wouldn't have landed you a woman in your lap anyway so you haven't lost anything. You have everything to gain but nothing to loose by trying. Being bitter and angry is only making yourself miserable and the women thinking they dodged a bullet by not dating you.

 

I used to think that being a nice guy and doing the right thing will land me a girlfriend

 

Well if boyfriends and girlfriends could be earned by being nice we would all be prostitutes. How would you feel if a single mother could earn you as a boyfriend by being a nice neighbour? So be glad you that no one can earn or deserve a relationship with you. Mutual attraction is what will land you a relationship and being bitter will drastically decrease the chance of any quality girl getting attracted to you. So if you want to increase you chances you must drop your bitterness as otherwise your bitterness will completely overshadow your more attractive qualities to girls.

 

girls that otherwise didn't give a crap about me 10 years ago will find their way back into my life

 

Women have better chances and oppertuntitys than men do simply because they get to pick and choose.

 

Well it sounds like you have a lot of single mothers propositioning to you that you won't date for personal reasons. So how does that make you any different from a single woman who has her personal reasons to turn down the guys who has propositioned to her? She might have a pool of men that she's unattracted to to pick and choose from just as you have that pool of single mothers to pick and choose from. If she was physically and emotionally attracted to the guys interested in her she wouldn't be single. You can't really pick and choose if all your “options” are persons you don't want to date, that should you know who has been there.

 

And I don't think women get asked out nearly as much as some men think. I'm a woman, I think I'm attractive but I don't have guys fawning over me. I've had a few interested, but so have you, the single mothers you are talking about.

 

The best way to impress women is by ignoring them...

 

There is a bit of truth in that. Needy, clingy and desperate isn't attractive. To a certain degree a bit of ignoring can go a long way. Not answering when they talk to you is rude, but ignoring as in not giving her attention 24/7 isn't bad or wrong in any way. Just because a guy doesn't give a girl attention it doesn't make him a jerk as no girl is entitled to attention. If you get bitter about giving more than you get back that's a sign to cut back on the giving. Give as much as you get back. Maybe that would make you less bitter if you don't feel like you give a woman more than she gives back hoping that she'll pay back the difference in form of a relationship.

[Cognitive_Canine]

I personally don't know what I have to offer other than a bad sense of humor that is mostly perverted.

 

Yeah, this will turn almost all women off. And, Jonny, you talk about women like they are another species. You just aren't comfortable with them at all. You have to expose yourself, practice, trying talking to them more. This is how you get that comfort. Women are people with fears, insecurities, and doubts. Once you realize that, it gets so much easier to talk to them (and other people in general). Also, I know you hate alcohol and refuse to drink, a lot of women will be turned off by that. There are probably other things that you can work on as well.

 

But, you can't just do the same thing over and over again. I have one friend that tries to talk to a lot of women but he doesn't learn from his mistakes at all. He's awkward, uses the same opening lines again and again, has yet to learn how to keep conversation floating, and is filled with doubt that he goes in assuming he'll fail. After doing the exact same thing for a decade and more of dating, he still hasn't found a girl. Because, he's trying to find a girl who likes his pickup rather than changing his pickup to find girls (plural is important).

 

You have to learn from every interaction. Notice what works and what doesn't. Change and push yourself outside of your comfort zone.

[KH26]

Are you 24? Or is your age wrong on here? Because if you are then I really don't get what you're worrying about. 24 is young, there's plenty of time. No one's going to write you off right now because you're still a virgin. I'm sure there are many, many people your age who still are. I think the real issue, like others have said in this thread, is that you don't have faith in yourself. You believe you're not going to find a decent woman and you're not going to lose your virginity unless it's with a prostitute. You need to stop thinking that, that's not going to help at all.

 

I might be remembering this wrong but I remember someone posting on here not long ago about the same kind of thing. I think this guy thought the same as you, that he wasn't going to lose his viriginity unless he paid for it. Which is what he did. He then posted again months later about the guilt he felt. I don't think this is the best way to go about losing it to be honest. Paying for sex with a prostitute is just a way to get off in my opinion. There's no imtimacy (on her part anyway), she's just doing it for the money. I don't see how you're going to learn anything from that. I think it's more important that you learn what's important in a real relationship before doing this. If you care about someone and they care about you then I doubt you being a virgin will matter. If some girl's going to not want to know you anymore because you're still a virgin then her loss, I say. Yes, there are some women who would write you off because you're a virgin but would you really want a relationship with someone like that anyway? Because I certainly wouldn't.

 

I'm 22, only lost my viginity just over a year ago. I wasn't bothered that I was a virgin. I just wanted to wait and meet the right person first. I don't think it's important to wait till marriage to have sex. But I do think it's important to trust the person who do lose your virginity/anyone you have sex with.

 

My first time was bad, really. My boyfriend felt bad because everything just went wrong. But it didn't matter to me. Because I loved this man and it was nice for us to work on it together. And it definitely did get better! Only later did I find out that he was a virgin too. It still didn't bother me that he was inexperienced because I loved him anyway. My boyfriend is 27. He's had girlfriends but not anything that's gone as far as having sex. He's a good looking guy, has lots of friends, is very confident, has a very good job and earns quite a lot of money. So not only the rich, good looking, confident guys come first either. That's wrong. My boyfriend just had other priorities (his career) and only now is able to settle down.

 

Anyway. Of course if you want to sleep with a prostitute to lose your virginity then that's up to you. But I don't think that will make you feel any better about yourself, will probably just make you feel worse. And I definitely would never sleep with any guy who I knew had slept with a prositute. Give me a virgin any day!

[MD Geist]

10 years ago? Dude, you were 14, what the hell, the math ain't adding up. I would hope at 14-15 these women didn't have any kids and were debt free LOL!

 

You still don't understand. The point is at some point and time they were decent and didn't have issues and drama in their lives and now that they do and they are almost undatable then all the sudden I'm good enough for them.

 

Because all I've read amounts to whining 'woe is me' and 'women are evil' stories from some guys who can't get laid.

 

Then why do you care then if all you see is whining?

[Sparkly Eyes]

MD, if women are evil, just don't date them. Apparently they don't like to date you much either or you wouldn't be here complaining. Don't you think it would just be easier to kiss dating goodbye?

[Blue Spiral]

Yeah, this will turn almost all women off. And, Jonny, you talk about women like they are another species. You just aren't comfortable with them at all.

 

This is just a guess, but, I have a feeling that some people (men in particular) never really learn social skills, and by the time we realize we need them to get sex, it's too late. So it's not just women, it's people altogether seem like another species. (Thus a lack of friends, etc.) But the problem becomes more obvious when dealing with relationship stuff.

 

In some cases, it's an inability to learn social skills; in others, it's a simple lack of interest. Believe me, if not for wanting sex, I would've been happy to leave my "social skills" in a very sad state. But they're a necessary evil, so...

[Fudgie]

I don' go around telling chicks i'm a virgin.

 

I've only told one female, and that was on hte phone and she acted weird and it was the last time I spoke to her.

 

I personally don't know what I have to offer other than a bad sense of humor that is mostly perverted.

 

Ok, that was one girl. Did you guys meet online? Maybe she was just looking for sex or you told her too early. Who knows. You can't go off of just one person.

 

there's nothing wrong with a perverted sense of humor. I have one myself. It's funny. I bet you have lots of other good traits/talents but you're just too down on yourself to see them.

[Cognitive_Canine]

This is just a guess, but, I have a feeling that some people (men in particular) never really learn social skills, and by the time we realize we need them to get sex, it's too late. So it's not just women, it's people altogether seem like another species. (Thus a lack of friends, etc.) But the problem becomes more obvious when dealing with relationship stuff.

 

In some cases, it's an inability to learn social skills; in others, it's a simple lack of interest. Believe me, if not for wanting sex, I would've been happy to leave my "social skills" in a very sad state. But they're a necessary evil, so...

 

I understand that you have no desire for companionship but this is off putting. If your desire is to only have sex, don't try and talk your way into "getting it".

 

This is my problem with threads like this, honestly. Some of the posters come accross as just wanting things from women (namely sex) and have little desire to actually have a relationship other than to fulfill desires than any woman could fill (sex, validation from being in a relationship). But, is this attitude nice? Is this not the attitude of a player who is just unsuccessful? People cry afoul when players get a lot of women. But, aren't players just men with the exact same attitude as them who appear to have something (or may have something but are insecure/uncommitted) for a person to enjoy as a partner.

 

I just have a feeling that if these guys had perfect bodies and perfect faces, with the attitude they have shown about women, they would treat women like garbage.

[Blue Spiral]

I understand that you have no desire for companionship but this is off putting. If your desire is to only have sex, don't try and talk your way into "getting it".

 

Pardon the mixed metaphor, but I couldn't talk my way out of a paper bag. I'm talking about being able to fake, say, junior-high-level social skills, before the girl eventually realizes my real gradeschool-level ones.

 

This is my problem with threads like this, honestly. Some of the posters come accross as just wanting things from women (namely sex) and have little desire to actually have a relationship other than to fulfill desires than any woman could fill (sex, validation from being in a relationship).

 

In MD's defense, it sounds like he wants a serious (if traditional) relationship. You're absolutely right, though--some of us avoid people as much as we can, save for sex.

[Fudgie]

I agree CC. I think the attitude is really off-putting. It's all centered around sex, NOT about having a relationship or improving yourself in order to get one. No one has talked about the benefits of being in a relationship....having fun, having a supportive partner, being in love, being able to count on someone, it's. just. sex. I think that speaks loads about their intentions.

 

I'll bet a big part of why they can't find girls is because of their attitude. If you're sulky, most girls won't like that...who wants to be around a depressed person? If you just want sex and aren't being genuine about your intentions with a girl, they'll see that too.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Of course they would. Many of the typical "nice guys" are only nice because they don't have what it takes to be a player.