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So it finally hit me hard and I feel a ton better. I don't want you back. The switch happened, I feel disgusted for you, you can't disappoint me anymore, there's nothing left of the old you and I despise the new you.

 

I'm happy today. Feeling relieved, you hardly bother me anymore, you changed in a way that I don't want anything to do with you, even if you would come crawling back. You're a lost case in my book and there's nothing else I can or want to do for you.

 

From now on I think I'll heal super fast! I'm loving myself more and more and it feels great!

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I'm feeling much better.

 

I actually feel I may be able to talk to you again but I don't want to rush it. We did always say we wanted to be friends/not lose contact tbf.

 

Now is not the time to talk though. I have to be sure I'm ok and ready and it's quite close to Valentine's day, I mean that doesn't have anything to do with me wanting to contact you but I don't want you to think I have particular motives ha.

 

I am a bit worried about you though, dating this girl with BPD. I mean having borderline doesn't necessarily mean it can't work but after meeting a friend of my friends who has it and reading about it....I mean....it can ruin lives. And I know this girl, she is not interested in getting help at all. I just don't want her to ruin your life by lying to and about you, manipulating you, accusing you and getting you in trouble like fired from the job you love!

 

I've realised now that I acted pretty freaking crazy at the end of our relationship, I feel awful about it, depression had really gripped me. But can't you see what she has is a whole other level? Please please be careful and I would say get out now!

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I can't believe this, I'm really feeling light and optimistic. You suck so bad ahah you're so messed up.

 

I'm feeling so relieved, hope this won't go away. I won't say that I'm letting go of you, no, instead I'm finally getting rid of you, finally!!! There's no hope for you, you'll continue to be miserable.

 

I'm so proud of myself. I'm doing it, I'm conquering the pain and moving on the right way. Not like you, jumping from guy to guy, from drunk to drunk to go on with your existence.

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Be glad im a life long user of EnA otherwise i would have contacted you with so many other all these times.

 

Anyway, you said you wanted to maintain contact. I sought contact a few times but your reactions were harsh to say the least. I guess you really arent welcoming my tries.

 

 

Ik hoop dat het goed met je gaat, en dat je alles zal vinden wat je zoekt. Ik hou van je meisje, en elke dag heb ik spijt. sorry bebe, ik wil zo graag met je zijn en jou nemen zal niet meer gebeuren dat weet ik maar fock it ik kan toch dromen? Laat me dromen.

 

Elke dag word ik wakker met jou gedachte in me hoofd. Elke dag denk ik half in slaap dat je mij hebt gebeld of dat ik je heb gesproken. Is dat liefde of gewenning. Het rare is als ik je had wou ik je niet zo graag en nu dat ik je niet meer heb, wil ik je zo ing graag. Ik moet weg van je blijven, ik ben een en al slecht nieuws voor jou.. Mis je poonio

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" If you are really with this new guy i hope he makes you happy i really do but just know that if you are in fact with him i have lost completely all my trust and belief in you you have become someone i dont know at all, you told me only a week ago you were not with anyone and before that that you wanted to work things out with me but needed time to work on yourself and become happy again. Lastly i take back my apology and guilt for looking at your phone and breaking your privacy because it showed how dishonest and a cheater you are, on top of now being a lier. I think you really need to take a look at yourself because being dishonest, untrustworthy, and jumping from relationship to relationship is not healthy especially when you walked out on the one person who was there for you during all that you recently went through, more then even your family was. You said you didnt want to drag me along and felt sorry for everything you have done to me but your actions show the complete opposite. You have hurt me more then imaginable"

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UGH, I have been missing you for so long now. It seems so unhealthy! You don't seem to think about me one bit. It's too late it seems, but I finally open up to you and you no longer want to receive what I have to say. This is painful!! Scary part is I am doing this to myself! I don't want to get over you!! I want you to hold me and laugh with me. Play with me while we watch tv. Call me every morning & interrupt my sleep just to say hello. I miss those days. I miss the days that I curl up inside of your arms and hold your hand. I miss the days when you would come over and we watch mindless television & just laugh. There is not a day that I don't cry - even if its a few minutes. I cry to catch myself but it never works. Not a day that I don't wake up hoping you will call or text me that things have changed. This is the worst experience I've ever felt. I don't know how you're feeling, how you're doing. i don't know what is going on in your life. I just want to know that you are thinking of me too When am I ever going to move passed this??!!

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So, even though I am feeling lousy, I was doing pretty good about being your friend. I'm sorry I slipped up yesterday and said I missed one of our things that we did. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just kind of slipped out. I feel lousy now for saying it. I don't think it's an "upper hand" issue with either of us. I just didn't want to seem needy. And you saying you missed it too, made it feel like I should have hope still. I probably shouldn't but you know. Oh well.

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I want her back... She is my best friend and lover and i know she is the one for me, knew that very quickly. I hope time and fate bring her back to me, i just need the one chance to show her that im ready to be the man she deserves. Its all i ask.

AWE that is very sweet.

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I loved you. I think I still do. You're funny, smart, and extremely attractive. You just didn't care how I felt about anything. I put so much effort into making you happy and all I get is criticism and blame. You tell me you need me and that you took me for granted but you seem to be doing fine without me.

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There's really not a whole lot I have to say to you. This is more just me crystallizing a few thoughts I've had.

 

I don't miss you as of this moment. Who knows, that may change as time passes. That too shall pass in time though. I don't miss you because I realize that you're a stranger. The man I loved was just in my head and never actually existed it seems. The man I loved never could have pulled off all the deceit that you have over the span of our relationship. So obviously I never knew you at all and nothing in our relationship on your side was real. Everything from mine was.

 

So when looking at it that way, I see that I've lost absolutely nothing because nothing was there to begin with and it's you who have lost everything.

 

Whether or not you ever realize this is inconsequential to me.

 

I don't hate you or wish bad things upon you because, frankly, I can't bring myself to care that much about you anymore. What hurts me the most is the blow to my ego, my disillusionment, and the realization of my own willful blindness. This too shall pass.

 

That's all for now.

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Here I am again... 3rd day in a row that I want to contact you -- I've not had a full week with no contact, yet. I am hoping I can sustain this no contact thing. I mean I know it is useless to try to communicate since I've not dealt with this well & now you don't want to speak to me. . . I heard this Fantasia song & made me think of you. My heart is so heavy . .Sometimes I feel like when I swallow, there's a big boulder in my chest. I imagine you have probably met someone or are seeing someone else at this point and that hurts me so much -- I try not to think about it. You said we would figure it out but we didn't. You left. . II just hope at some point, we can reconnect & work things out ...

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Dammit. It hit me. The enormity of your betrayal. The utter disregard and lack of respect for me. The lack of any feelings whatsoever. I will NOT let how you treated me define how I feel about myself, though. I know I'm a good person. I know I'm worthy. I know I deserve better.

 

I wish I could just cry and have it out of me already. But something always stops me. Maybe some part of me knows that you're not worth the tears. But I'm hurting. I'm afraid of the road ahead. I'm afraid of the pain that I'm going to feel until this is all over.

 

One thing I'm sort of happy to think is that I don't love you anymore. Like I said before, I didn't even know you. I'm sad for the loss of what I thought I had which seems kind've pathetic because none of it was real. I'm sad that there was so much wasted time.

 

My friends were right about you. You're a sociopath. You can approximate the display of emotion but you never actually feel it. Except anger. Oh yes, THAT was real. You're selfish and immature and so full of ego it was embarrassing sometimes. You are an insecure little spoiled boy who has no concept of action and consequence or responsibility. You see something you want, you take it regardless of who it hurts or what the fallout is then blame everyone else. Like when I confronted you about the trip. You tried to turn it around and blame ME. That's what you cheaters do. I am not responsible for your actions and decisions. Grow up.

 

I can't wait till the day I can look back on this and laugh and think to myself what a ridiculous situation this was. Because it really is. I feel better when I can crack a joke about it to my friends because then I can feel the distance between the pain and myself widen. People always wonder how I can make jokes about painful experiences in my life. It's my self defense mechanism. I know that one day, all things that happen to me now will be a memory and I'd rather look back on it with a smile than a tear. I'm going to get through this.

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I wish I could stop checking my email hoping you could email me to say sorry. Say something to me of value.

 

I broke down and cried yesterday. All that pain I held in over you, over us. Over not being in your life and I thought how you would of enjoyed watching me break down... did you ever feel anything for me or was it all a lie.

 

Tomorrow is Valentines Day and I know you have already found someone to spend it with. No way you'd be alone. Not you. And you'll sleep with someone won't you... because sex is the only thing that ever mattered to you.

 

Oh and I want my F*CKIN RING BACK!!

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Valentine's day is soon. I bet you'll buy her beautiful flowers and jewelry, take her for an expensive dinner and make sweet sweet love to her. All things you'd never do for me. But I have to wonder still how much you respect and care for her since while you were on your romantic holiday together you were calling and texting me that you missed me, loved me, and were going to be a better boyfriend to me. Where was she when you were doing this? Did that not give you even a slight twinge of conscience that will you're f*cking one gf you're also telling the other how much you loved her? Messed up, dude. I only hope that if she is as oblivious to this as I was that she finds out soon what you have done and drops your a$$ like so much hot garbage just as I have done. But I'm sure you have another woman waiting in the wings somewhere anyway. You are incapable of being alone. God forbid you have any time for introspection or self analysis.

 

However, now that so many things have come to light, I wonder if perhaps she was at your shoulder telling you what to write and say and you were both screwing with me because you thought it was funny to know that I was being duped so fully? If that's the case, then you two definitely deserve each other and I wish you all the rewards that I'm sure you shall receive in your sad, twisted life together. It will end just as it started: in lies, betrayal, and pain. Also, if this is indeed the case, then you need to get lives and perhaps start searching for a way to acquire the decency and souls you are so obviously deficient of. If hurting someone like that and taking enjoyment from it is your idea of a good time together than you are obviously lacking a pretty fundamental something in yourselves and your...relationship.

 

Whatever the case may be, there is something very wrong with you and I hope that one day karma takes a giant bite out of your a$$. Sadly, I will be living my awesome life and will be unable to witness it. People get back from life what they put in and you've hurt many people badly. You're time will come and all I can say is I wouldn't want to be near you when that happens. So neener-neener-neener one day you'll meet someone meaner.

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I don't know why you fell out of love with me a day after asking me why I was so beautiful in the morning and you wouldn't want to live without me. You said you still loved your ex wife but six months later I hear you are not back with her. You know I was terribly depressed and tried to end my life but you never contacted me once. I still love you so much and miss the old you every day. You told me this time last year that this valentines day would be wonderful. You lied to me, you lied about everything. I don't know who you are and why you became this callous monster. I hope your day will be as lonely as mine tomorrow.

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I don't know why you fell out of love with me a day after asking me why I was so beautiful in the morning and you wouldn't want to live without me. You said you still loved your ex wife but six months later I hear you are not back with her. You know I was terribly depressed and tried to end my life but you never contacted me once. I still love you so much and miss the old you every day. You told me this time last year that this valentines day would be wonderful. You lied to me, you lied about everything. I don't know who you are and why you became this callous monster. I hope your day will be as lonely as mine tomorrow.

 

I'm totally with you and I am so sorry you have to feel all this right now

That feeling of realizing you didn't know this person that you loved at all is a horrible experience. Having the wool torn from your eyes like that is so painful on so many levels.

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Today I went to therapy. I feel happier. I realise now you were just someone I relied on instead of facing my fears.

 

I wish you all the best.. im letting you go and it feels good and sad, confusing and angry... I will become a better person and you won't be there to see it.

 

I wish you'd apologise but you never will.

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