bison67

Yup that’s what I’m doing. I just know she really loved the good parts of me that showed up less and less as addiction sunk its claws into me. Just makes me sad she’ll never see this side of me again or care it exists. I am never going to contact her again and let the universe and fate let my life unfold as I stay sober. That’s all I care about now.

Thank you for the kind wording. It really made me feel ok about everything. I’ve come a long way for myself. I’m going to keep on this path no matter what.

What I mean is in finally living the way she always wanted me to as a healthy and honest person. Our friends agree too. I guess time will tell but right now my heart says to me be patient and focus on being sober. Things unfold as they should.

I am doing all those things. We just seem so tied together still cause of our social circle and town. It really is wearing me down. I don't know if there will ever be a day I can see her and not desire her like I do now. Being sober now and knowing I'm the best man for her crushes me.

My ex left me for someone else 8 months ago cause of my cheating, drinking, drugs, and lack of care for life. She immediately got into another relationship. This moment changed me forever as drinking has messed up my life and opportunity as long as I can remember. I put her through terrible times and do not blame her one bit. I am 31 years old and own a successful fitness business and I was living a pretty two faced life. I am now sober 8 months and she is with the new guy and I am still stuck very in love with her. While logic says let go my heart simply doesn't want to and says one day she will see the new you. We live in a town of 30,000 and every time I see her out it is like a knife through the heart and I feel ill never get use to it. Leaving the house every day takes courage now and it is so hard to not think about her 24/7. My love for her is what got me sober, I didn't get sober for her, I did it cause of her for myself and to stop hurting others. Every day feels like punishment now and I simply cannot forgive myself for losing the best person I have ever spent time with. Being my sober and true self for this long shows me just how much of a great fit I am for her and how wrong this new guy is. Our social circles are very intertwined and nobody is a fan of the new guy and thinks she has settled for a "safe" option, these are not my words. I just can't stop loving this person and feel so stuck cause so much of my life is good and amazing right now yet one piece my heart desires is missing. I will forever hate the alcoholic in me for hurting the best woman I have ever known. It seems the only way to move on is to move from here and lose everything I have worked so hard for. Even now sober life is tainted by the ghost of her around every corner. She lives less than 1 mile from me. My heart says wait and my brain says leave. I am very confused and so sad she will never see the true me free from drugs and alcohol. I know if I ever got the shot again I would make the most of it and be the best man I can be for myself and her, but either way I am never drinking again. I am proud of how far I have come. I just really am exhausted by being this in love and this weighed down by regret.

Her leaving is the reason I decided to get sober but I’m getting sober for myself and to stop ruining great things in my life. Changed a ton through this short period of time and I know if I go back to living that way I’ll be right back in the darkness I was familiar with for far to long.

I am going to meetings. Therapy twice a week. And a ton of support from friends and family. Not hiding my problem from anyone.

I’m only 3 months into sobriety. It’s early I guess. It’s very hard but I know if I go back to drinking I may not survive and things will only get worse

It’s very hard but I never want to go back. I feel like myself again just very sad about what I lost with her still. She really was great and I was just an abusive mess.

Thanks for the feedback guys. I know it’s all right and why the hell would she come back. I don’t deserve anything. It’s just my stupid heart holding on when my logic and head says let go. I move on very slowly and live my days in regret now. Maybe one day it’ll make sense. But only if I stay sober.

Hi I am a 31 year old male and last fall my long time girlfriend (27) of 3 years left me for another guy after we were on a "break" for a few months. I completely deserved to be left by her after my actions over the 3 years she was with me. I battled alcoholism and mental health issues and my depression and anxiety put her through a whirlwind and a few temporary break ups, cheating, and me prioritizing my need to party and do drugs. When I am drinking I am a real two face, I believed she was the reason I was unhappy and seeked out other woman and attention and broke her trust. I really hate what I did to her because she was an absolute sweetheart of a person. Last December when she told me of her new man in shattered my world, I was still drinking but thought we would work it out. Last summer I had a girl visit me and spend a weekend with me, my ex said it was the last straw and she was done cause I hurt her so badly, we stayed in contact for a few months after that and hung out a lot cause we shared a dog (I had to break her heart again and take it out of her life, I said i never would but needed him to stay sober) and social circle. In ways im happy we didnt now. I have never known pain like this as I truly did love her but my alcoholism makes me into a selfish monster unless I stay sober. I have been sober since December now (one exception where I got loaded and called her a bunch and texted/emailed her until she got her new cop bf to call me...that was my rock bottom)and I am done with ***ing my life up. There was always a good wolf in me and and a bad one. And I was feeding the bad wolf with drugs and alcohol and making that side of me take over. Life is so much better now sober and I am much happier and healthier and have told everyone close in my life of my problem. These last few months have been full of growth through sobriety, anti-depressents, therapy, time in nature, hard workouts, journaling, time with family, etc. I am doing everything right to feel better and lots is going well. There is just one problem... I am absolutely in love with her and 100% sure I want to marry her when I am my true self... I have done so much damage and I am so mad at myself in sobreity, its the curse of clarity. I feel ill never get over her fully as she was so patient and loving to me and I woke up when it was to late. My feelings for her only grow stronger everyday I am sober. I am getting sober for myself but I wish she would notice, I have no hope for that logically yet my heart still tells me "stay clean and work on you and one day she will come back". I just feel so heartbroken and my wounds are so self inflicted. She despises me as I took the dog (had it for a year before her) that she loved more than anything on earth as my last action towards her in January. We have not communicated since early February and I know she is so glad I am out of her life... Sucks cause I feel like such a different person sober... My words, actions, ambitions, attitude, and general outlook on life is so different sober I feel me again. I just am missing her so damn much. I really hate the alcoholic in me for hurting her and my present self... I dont know if ill ever fully forgive myself for what I did. I can say it out loud but I dont know how my heart feels it and doesnt have feelings for her. We live in a town of 30,000 too and Ive seen her with her new guy twice and the pain is immeasrable to me, hurts way more than close friends and family dying hurt me. There are reminders EVERYWHERE and anytime I leave the house I think of running into her every second. Life is hard and it seems even harder sober and damaged all by yourself... Thanks for listening, not sure how to just "move on" "forgive yourself" all that stuff.... I can say it but how do I feel it.

We sound very similiar, drinking was an issue that drove my girl to leave me and many issues in our relationship. It wasnt how much i drank or how often but how i behaved while drinking. I havent drank in 3 months now since she left me, i feel great and my life is going great. I just miss her and hope she will notice someday, thats her decision though. Either way im proud of myself and im going to stay sober.

If love is present anything is possible, patience and faith are key. Live you life, hope for the best, treat people well, stay positive, and the rest will fall into place. With the person i have grown into since the breakup my friends cant see a way my ex wont want me back in the future! We share lots of mutual friends so im sure she will hear something! Either way i have grown from this experience and become a better person, things will work out no matter what that means.

I believe couples get back together more then people say on here. Literally all my friends in relationships now have broken up for months at one point and all got back together. Will it last though is the real question! I believe most will not last and end in happy marriage, but maybe a few will. I guess the key is to not expect it to happen, give it months to work on yourself, then reconnect at some point. A close girlfriend of mine was dumped by her bf (nhl hockey player) when he moved to his city, 2 months went by and they both saw and dated, slept with, other people. Then she sent him a long letter after 2 months NC and they got back togehter, they are doing better then ever now and are engaged! So proud of them.

I havent talked to you in 30 days... No idea whats going on in your life, i hope its going well. I miss you so much and it feels my love for you is only growing, i may never get over you. Im living my life and have made amazing changes and my parents are happy im acting like a "man" for the first time in my life, like the guy you always said you wanted. I just want another chance to show you one day, i know for a fact that i am the man you want now. I know that wont happen soon, i would love to show you in a few months once our emotions cool down and we are both back home, you know how much fun summers are with me, we have amazing memories. I dont know if ill ever let go of hope for us, i dont know if i want to, maybe im just scared to really let go cause i know it could be better then ever. I miss you and love you.