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although youre a dog & you've done me bad & theres no competition besides shes the new girl who youre going to use

 

I still feel hurt because you played me, cheated on me & youre giving her cuddles, right?

 

no matter how much I'm the one who's in the right & got away, it kinda hurts that youre okay with doing what youre doing. youre in contact and put more effort into her than trying to get a picture of your baby girl.

 

shes grown up so much. gotten even cheekier too. only a short amount of time before she starts talking clear words, because she babbles as if shes cussing us/joining in the conversation lol. she knows when to sigh & she's so close to my little brother/her uncle. them two are gonna be a terrible duo! she runs too him & knows she can get away with anything when shes in his arms loool

 

shes teething again, the bottom row again. she'll have 6 teeth, maybe 8 by the time she turns 1!

 

I'm still updating you or here like you really care.. that hurts because I should be sharing this kind of thing with you, but youre not that kind of person. shes just a pawn to you

 

I got pregnant at 19 & I was scared as hell! such a drastic change to my life as I was planning on going full time for a year before going to university & travelling to japan, but I calmed down and said it can still be done, but a bit more slower. I got over that, and took responsibility straight away! worked, saved money for her and myself and bought everything for her

 

I done really well. everyone can see & says so, but.. youre jealous of me so you put me down. this could have been you too if you wanted to stop bein a bum you know, or atleast took responsibility seriously?

 

I dream of my crushes & you trying to get me back lol. it helps because I can imagine the possibility of me being with someone else, and me turning you away

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you break up with me then continue to talk to me for 6 months? why?! so that it's easier for you to forget me? why would you expect anything to get better after breaking up with me??? i feel so god damn damaged because i'm the idiot that kept responding to you for 6 months. this is NUTS, i feel like i'm dying inside AGAIN, as if you JUST broke up with me.

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I know our relationship was bad in the end and its not fair because we had the worst beginnings and situation through out our relationship. I guess in the end you showed your true colours by finally getting over me but only after you found another girl....who is much younger and none the wiser. I guess I should feel lucky that I have all the proof I need in the end that we were not meant to be. Good luck with the rest of your life.

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Hello, miss your friendship. P and L broke up. Do you think they will get back together? Or has P traded L in for a younger model like you did? I can't see who else P will date. You have a new best friend/girl friend. That is difficult to understand at times. All I can say is I miss you. I'm feeling weak. There is no one like you x

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I love you. I still love you. I am missing you so much. Why did it had to end? We were happy and we never fight. We just need to give up our relationship because of your parents and my kid. During my NC, I have realized that I had hurt to so much. I was not able to love you the way you did. You had sacrificed a lot for me. You made me feel so special. I guess it’s right to stay far away from you.

 

You brought me to an expensive restaurants but the most memorable dining experience we had was when I used to feed you with my lunch which I saved it for you to eat while driving in a the middle of a traffic.

 

You bring me in a classy hotel but nothing bits the day when you brought me to an island where we raced a bicycle in the mountain.

 

You gave me 3 dozens of roses but I won’t forget the day when I saw a 3 red roses lying on the bed but you were not there.

 

You always set aside work busy schedule to pick me up at work and tried to reach on time. Now that you are not here, I have seen the heavy traffic which you hated most but still you choose to come down for me.

 

You bought me expensive bags, jewelry, clothes and other stuffs but the most perfect gift was the $10 comb you bought for my kid for her birthday. I knew you planned to buy something really special but you still listen to me not to spend much for us.

 

You always drive me home to my place but day I appreciate most is when you drove to my place under the rain just to see me before I fly for vacation and you waited for me but I didn't noticed that you were there and still you never get angry.

 

You always ask me out for a date but the best invitation is every time you asked me to bring my kid with us to spend time together so that my kid would get to know you better. Unfortunately I didn't let you and my kid hang out together.

 

You traveled miles just to be with me. You stayed with me even you know that your parents were so hurt about us. You insisted to stay with me even I begged you to go back your parents. I knew you had loved me.

 

You disobey your parents. You tried hard to keep me despite of everything but I was afraid that you might not be able to fight for me till the end; I was coward because they are your parents. I was so hurt to see you bothered on this odds. I decided for us…I decided to let go. Letting go of you is loving you more. You don't deserve me. You deserve someone better, someone who doesn't have a kid and someone that your parents would like you to be with for the rest of your life. It’s better this way… I am so hurt until now but at least being away from you will let you find the perfect woman for you.

 

I love you forever.

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I want to reach out to you but i'm coming to nearly a month and a half of NC. And I don't want to be hurt and have to start over again.

My birthday is coming up in around a week. I wonder if I will hear from you..I don't think I will.

I don't know if i'm the dumper or you are. You chose to walk away at the end when I wanted to keep trying but my last actions also hurt you and I betrayed your trust.

I want to talk to you so much but I know for the first time in years I need to put myself first and I need to think about what is best for me.

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Happy Birthday. I guess 6 months on part of me still loves you. But I will only say it here. I realised this morning how scary it is that you could just reel me in again, that if you asked I just might still come running. But hopefully that's just cos of the day it is today - and I'm remembering the time we spent together last year. I still miss you, and wish I could share today with you.

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Even though I've been with other people and tried to move on from you, your body feels like home to me -there is no one else that I love being with. At the start when we were together we used to write to each other so much, I would be so excited for the times we would get to be together and everytime we are together it's awesome.

What happened. If you were feeling like something wasn't the same anymore, even though it might be scary to think there would be a huge reaction -it would have made more sense to be straight up and avoid the aggravation.

Don't hold me to fault for loving you. Just think how you would feel if I was outright denying you and shooting you down. You want me to have feelings for you, then you can't deal with it.

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I miss you so much

so very, very much

 

my hatred, anger & negativity about you have gone. I've been on my facebook, interacting as normal, then I come accross our old funny pictures/comments

 

I was bubbly, my interactions with friends may have seemed quite flirtatious, but that wasn't the case at all. I hung around with boys and girls before you, girls and boys can be friends, as I was a bit of a tomboy, we shared interests in illustration & anime, we actually done projects together, that was it. whenever males tried to come on to me, I put a stop too it, I said I was seeing someone, I didn't entertain it. me and my group of friends, mixed genders went to meals together, and that was it nothing else

 

you eventually had a problem with me having any contact with males and females together. I talked to no boys, and had limited contact with females as you felt they were influencing my view of you

 

we weren't serious in the beginning, along the way you said you thought we was just chilling & didn't think id have such deep feelings for you.. and this was 2 years down the line, what did you expect?

I feel like I done you bad, but I wasn't a flirt, I never saw nobody else, nor planned to two time you, but you did. when I looked back to old comments, Im like wow look how great it was, but then I remembered around those same dates you were arranging things with other girls, saying "I think we could work" but then kept it hidden when they tried to flirt with you, you ignored them, acted like nothing was going on. around that time ( & even til now) you talked to me like I was a child, you took your stress out on me

 

if I helped you and told you positive things you wanted me to be quiet & cut it down, if I did cut it down & left you too it as your a man, you said you need my help.. im confused

 

once again im here saying we both deserve better, we need to move on, but yet im still here wanting you

 

& you know what the crappest thing is? I know that few months from now youre going to completely let go & that's gonna hurt me like hell

im trying to prepare myself for that, im trying to stop thinking about you, but the more I do, the more I feel good about you & wish we were still a family

 

I try to think there was nothing wrong, because I cant remember the pain you put me through, I don't remember how when me & your daughter were in your bed, you was on the phone to your current girl, I don't remember how insecure I became, how much weight I lost, how anxious I got, how I felt like I was walking on eggshells

 

why is it this may be good for us, but yet it still bothers me?

 

I was showing our daughter videos of her when she was a few months old, then I accidentally clicked on a video of you playing with her.. and I couldn't watch it because I couldn't look at you, I couldn't believe there was once us and now that's no more. theres no more family, no more looking into your crazy eyes, no more crazy dances

 

we're ruined & wish I could be brave enough to look at your photos/videos of us and baby, but Im not at the stage yet and I don't think I ever will be able to

 

I know youre not one to go with your emotions and that's the biggest ruiner of all, cause maybe if you were open, we would have been whole, we could still be a family, but you block that out do the wrong things and make wrong decisions.. decisions being moving onto someone who is purposefully trying to replace me. she knows about our past & our daughter and uses that against you to make herself look better

 

I wish you were like me & would get pissed off and get rid of her like.. how dare you badmouth her, my ex can be an idiot at times, but that doesn't give you permission to badmouth her.. you know? but you don't. all youre gonna do is get over things and eventually treat her right

 

lol its mad how betrayal gets to me so bad

 

I just hope I can prepare myself for this final heartbreak

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Silversoul are you addressing that post to me? Hmm...I don't really post on this thread as much anymore. Personally, all this comes in waves and sometimes I do find it helps a lot posting here. I'm taking awhile to let the guy go, but that's only cos I really fell for him. I don't think anything's wrong with that.

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I am so angry at you for not telling me you had a girlfriend...yet you were still coming to my house lookng me in the face like nothing was going on!!! Are you for real?? What type of person does that?! A ing guttless wonder thats who!!! I will find it very hard to forgive you for making me feel this way ,,,but aim to try because you are not worth the bitterness or resentment. Wow....I wish it took me only 3 months to get over a marriage!! Life would be so easy with the ability to lack any sort of depth in my heart!! Good Luck,,,,arsshole!

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Why? Do you even miss or think about me?

 

You said you were the happiest you've been in your life. I was meant for you. Nobody ever had flowers delivered to your house. Nobody ever surprised you with house full of candles and cook you dinner when you walk in. Nobody pulled out a chair or opened a car door. Nobody ever looked at you the way I did or touch you. Nobody ever put themselves before you. You have never had a friend as well as a boyfriend at the same time. Nobody ever moved mountains and gave you butterflies when you see them. You said (even on the last day of us) that WE are perfect! There is not a single thing you would ever change.

 

Then why? For an ex that decided to contact you after 7 months of being broken up with you? Simply because he doesn't like the fact of you moving on and being with me? That's the basis of getting back together? He walked out on you and your kids 7 months ago and now running back promising the world and change? You are so blinded by old memories and emotions right now. I feel you've made a huge mistake and life altering for us both. It's just wrong! I'll be the one someday that you're looking back on the memories of. I fear at that point I will be gone.

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I haven't had anything to say to you for a LONG time. I don't have anything to say now, exactly. Except to whom else could I say these things? Everyone else has such disregard for you they can't hear it.

 

Remember the word "addiction"? Yeah, well, we had that. Understandably so. I am really missing that Wow, the sheer strength, commitment, and knowledge. I do not miss you, elements yes but the whole of you, no. Your activities made me feel as if the world was boundless, but somehow the world gets smaller with you as a bf. Everything is too much; its best when you are home, quiet, feeling loved and secure, and that is when you are beautiful. And I can replicate that, I like it how I have it now, in that regard.

 

How how how will I ever get past the shabang boom sizzle? Is an addict ever past the drug? Maybe not. That's why its one day at a time. And I feel, in that narrow regard, one day at a time about it. I have a good man, an unusual man, and a man worth having. I do not want what you've got, if you were at my door, I couldn't drag you in. I imagined it, to test myself. Nope, can't do it.

 

The impact of my experience with you, and the craziness that followed, is deeper than I realized. I knew it was deep. The stalking that followed later (not you), very deep impact. I can see me shaking that off in translucent layers, slight layer by slight layer I am free. But I am not free of the memory of how you feel. I am not, I don't speak it so as not to reinforce it, even to myself. And this new fellow, not so new by social standards, still feels terribly new to me. As I recover, I begin to want from him some of what you have, some of that alpha, that hunger. It must be dealt with. Must. I am ignoring my rabid self, in favor of honoring my sophisticated self. Both must be fed.

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Kylie,

 

I'm trying my best to move on without you. I want to say I'm doing fine but I'm not. I still have hope, and I know I need to kill it, but its so hard when you NCed me with no warning. I have no closure, and have to accept that I will not have any. To this day I don't know how you really felt about me during that last month or two. I want to reread our Facebook logs but it would break my 12 days of NC. I know I have to be strong, not look at or read any reminders of you and move on.

 

Technically, although you gave me a lot of signs that you were slowly pushing me away, I always doubt if you really were. It was never clear to me just what you wanted out of me, but it hurt so much when you simply would not see me because you will be busy. The lies hurt when you kept putting off our meeting date for an excuse that didn't turn out to be true. I told you to not lie to me, I would forgive if you simply told me the truth, but you kept lying... Some signs just do not make any sense, like how much you dressed up and groomed yourself for me the day we finally met after 7 months of LDR. It was only to see me, so why would you do that to someone when your feelings were dying down for me? Or were they? Again, I have no closure at all.

 

If you have strong feelings for me, I want to know why we can't be together. I am willing to accept your reasons. If you want me, I needed to know, because I always was hurt thinking something was wrong. You told me you tried not to have too much feelings for me...because you were scared of being hurt again...but wasn't this a bit much? If you have feelings I want to be with you, I DO! If that is true the main reason we failed is because you were too scared to let yourself fall for me. If you don't feel the way I do, the least you can do is make it clear to me so I can accept that and move on more easily. Someday, I hope all of these mysteries are solved, but for the moment we are both too deep into NC to risk that now.

 

I regret sending you that email of breaking up. It was done in an emotional state, and I should have NCed you for a few days before I did anything drastic. At the very least, I should have worded it differently and talked to you about it. In a way, I sort of did when I sent you that huge email after we met. I expressed everything I felt - every doubt, every happiness. Your reply just felt like more pushing me away. You told me it was ok to see other girls and even more than hugging was ok!? That its not because you don't care, but because you believe you don't own anyone. Its not what I needed to hear to continue believing in you and to stop the hurting. If you liked me as much as you seemed to at one point, you SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME. If not, YOU SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME.

 

There were so many times you said things that hurt me because it made me feel unimportant, but I unbelievably have doubts about how you really felt. I am having such a hard time convincing myself this was the best, that you never had the feelings for me that I desired you to have, and that I just had to give you up because being with you would just be more painful and more frustrating because you kept refusing to see me despite that you COULD. WHY!? Why would you do this for any other reason except that you wanted me to give you up. It only makes sense, yet I feel tremendous regret and doubt that you really wanted this. Even after I ended it with you, you reached out to me by text seemingly crying and expressing regret at the things we never got to do on our date. You hesitated when you blocked me on Facebook and had to unblock and do it a second time. Why hesitate if this is what you wanted. Why cry and express regret about how our only date went. Why dress up so much just for me, someone you wanted to fade away from. WHY!?

 

I'm struggling to keep myself convinced that this was all for the best, that staying with you longer would just hurt me more. I actually thought a couple times in our past about breaking up. Oh how I wish I could remember the reasons I felt so. I can't think of very many reasons to be angry at you. I haven't been angry at you very much, just sad at regretful at myself. I want to be with you and I want you to let yourself want me the way I believed you felt for me, or I want to not care at all so I don't feel all of this pain and sadness. Why did YOU NC me, it makes no sense, I didn't bother you at all after we broke up, and I thought that is what you wanted! You started fading me away from texting, then on the date you told me you didn't even like the phone calls. What is left!? Was school so important to you, were you so naive to think that being so selfish for your own needs would keep me around for once you were ready to make me a priority?

 

So many questions with no closure to help me move on or fix what was broken. So many broken promises and lies that I should know better that you are not right for me, yet I still keep going back to wondering if you really still had feeling for me and I had made a huge mistake? I know that at some point your feelings for me were very real and very strong, but you always expressed hesitation or confusion at what you really wanted from me. Even when I asked you if your feelings for me had faded and that I could not date a girl who didn't have feelings for me, you never admitted, you dodged the question and only said what you wanted to say. In a way, NCing me is really a nice thing you are doing to help me, but please, you should of done it after you talked with me. Then again, I also should of talked with you more and insisted on more direct answers to my questions before I made that decision on my own.

 

Back in September I didn't contact you for a whole month because you said you needed to focus on an application. A month later you messaged me angry at me because you thought I had lost feelings for you. I NEVER lost feelings for you and could not believe you were getting angry at me over that. When I had a chance to move away, you reeled me back in. Was it just selfish? Did you really have strong feelings for me at the time? Its all very, very confusing. I wish you would contact me and tell me what I need to hear, but I can't be the one to break NC, I can't. Why? Because all common sense says it would be wrong and only hurt me more. But I don't want to live a life with regrets, so what the heck am I supposed to do now!? Just wait until we both lose feelings for each other, assume that common sense is right yet again on what I consider so important in my life!?

 

Why, after all this, can I not even say one bad thing to you, that I don't care and am glad you are gone from my life like these other posters? All I can do is be sad and let out my frustration and stress through tears and exercise. Why is life so unfair, that such strong feelings one way are not enough for a successful relationship, that misunderstandings might happen, and that nothing is ever for sure!? Just the thought of moving on and finding another girl better than you makes me feel exhausted.

 

What am I doing, I'm at work. I wonder if I should even visit this forum anymore. Don't get me wrong, you guys are great, but I wonder if typing out all this stuff is really helpful in my healing? Maybe I just need to cry when I need to, exercise, and go absolutely bonkers with NC to the point mentioning her is not even allowed? Has anyone tried this? Obviously if they did they could not post their results here until they were finished...

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I am using you to beat myself up again. It is mainly how you have moved on. I imagine that you think your new girlfriend is beautiful. I imagine she is everything you ever wanted. I imagine she is kind and giving and forgiving. In my head she is an angel. She is the one you have been waiting for. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough. I wish I didn't use this to torture myself.

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Today is Day 1 for me. I can't keep myself in this pain any longer. When I am with you, sooner or later, and it is sooner each time as I am with you longer, that it is like walking into a boxing ring. Being hit physically would seem easier than what you are doing to me emotionally and psychologically. You cannot love. Younare not capable of real love. You ring me each time as though nothing has happened and throw some crumbs my way. I owe you no explanation - you know anyway, and I won't indulge in that game of explanation so you can keep telling me I am wrong, and the turning tables on me for your appalling behaviour.

 

I have done this before and really believed I would never be able to move on again, but I did, and now I have to do it again.

 

You have given me nothing real. I just stayed trying to recapture the fantasy of the early part of the relationship. The person I saw the. And believed you to be is not who you really are and I have not been able to face that, but now I am forced to. You are cold and selfish. You have probably already replaced me. Your actions of late have shown that to be likely.

 

It is your loss because I did and always have given you genuine love. Oh yes, there will be others just like me so it is no concern to you and never will be. I am so easily replaceable.

 

I will find happiness in other areas of life that are not about men. I will ficus on my family and career, and of course my believed fur family.

 

I am gone and you will never see or hear from me again.

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