THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[surfjon]

Had an amazingly peaceful weekend....took out my frustrations on the mountain bike trail Saturday and Sunday morning, did some cleaning around the house, got rid of old things from another life, just tried to be upbeat and not think about her or what she may be doing, just trying to "let go or be dragged"....

 

Got a new tattoo Saturday that I've wanted for years, since my wife split in 2007 actually...

It's right over my heart where I can easily see it, the sanskrit letters for the buddhist mantra "Om Mani Padme Hum"....

Loose translation is "And This Too Shall Pass"....yes, it shall....

 

I find that many people go thru the 5 stages of grief when a relationship ends, just as though someone died....

I did that too back in 2007, I actually repeated several stages!! I'm resolved not to do that, it slowed my healing in 2007 and I want this over, I have posted affirmations around my house that help me focus on the boundaries I allowed her to cross and what I will never accept again. I deserve someone who is crazy for me, like I am for them, and I will not settle for less......

 

This is day 6 and I'm fine.............

[POSH007]

Day 8...I can't stop thinking about him going out with someone else or worse yet sleeping with them. I'm sure he is...it is killing me!!! The worst is the silence and not hearing the familiar sound of his text hitting my phone. I have cried so much in the past week is he worth it???

[Snow93]

Day 27. I woke up after a dream about her which really started my day off bad. I'm okay now though. Nothing to report really.

[Maria Kabute]

Day 2..i still think about him all the time. and the urge to text and call him is getting stronger..

But i always think about what he said when i ask if we can work this out, he told me that we can't do anything about it anymore.

 

im still on the process of accepting that he is not inlove with me anymore.

[fxluhe]

NC day 8, wake up at midnight 2am and 5am, still thought the happy time we used to get together. a bit missing her, but not as stronger as before. I can handle by myself now. for the next 4 weeks, I have some important once-in-a-life career opportunity ahead. Really need to concentrate on that. so this might help with NC.

[sara1691985]

Day 1

 

I accept the challenge. Broke up with my finacee 3 weeks ago. I tried hard to have no contact whatsoever but its really hard, I find myself continuously checking his FB. Unfriended him yesterday to stop this but the bad thing now is that this breakup just made me remember my past fiancee who seemed to break up with me for quite similar reasons. All these memories back to my head made me even check my first ex FB to see how he is going in his life although I did unfriend him as well.

 

Feeling pathetic, extremely insecure. Continuously asking myself what did I do wrong to go through this. Afraid of having it happen to me over and over again. The thought of a new relationship just scares me a lot. I feel as if I need lots of reassurance after being hurt twice. The last relationship lasted only for around a month but the effect of break up is so bad especially that he works with me so I will have to see him from time to time.

 

I hope I can keep up with the challenge.

[surfjon]

Ash......

Had a great couple laps at the MTB trail this evening, great exercise and stress reducer, and after all, I need to be back in "Fighting Shape" in anticipation of this being "really done"....Gotta have the "A" game on for the next chapters heroine!!

 

Went to the studio and rocked out because KT is goin thru a breakup with Lisa too....but like you are to me, she is not healthy for him and he too deserves better, so we've made a pact to be there for each other, 24/7 to call each other instead of you girls!

 

Got home pretty early, played some of my songs I like on acoustic, and went to bed. I slept well, and woke up refreshed...

 

I was surprised in a somewhat pleasant way at your text asking to see me, but I feel I can't respond just yet.....

YOU are the one that wanted time and I said I did too, I told you I would not contact you, so I'm not.

 

Ash it's hard, I love you baby, but will not subject my soul and heart to more of your uncertainties....

When and if you figure out what you want, you let me know....otherwise I'm all good!

 

Love,

jtg

[Snow93]

Day 28. Fine I guess. Still getting dregs of old nice conversations between us floating into my head which isn't helpful. I could be better but reality is reality. Even if it angers/upsets me to no end.

[rachellsa]

So some of you may remember me from about a month or so back...I completed the 30 day challenge...didnt make it much further than that....I thought I was doing ok. Saw him today though. It was friendly. Even pleasant. But afterwards I just broke down into tears and its like day 1 of the break up again really. I know I've come far and I didnt want hom back at all. Now I do. And im thinking of ways I can win him back and its NOT GOOD. So here I am again. Challenging myself so I dont say/do anything stupid. For the next 30 days atleast. If you guys can help keep me strong I'd greatly appreciate it. So. Break up - 3 months 2 days..day of Nc - 0. Bring it on.

[Maria Kabute]

day 3..

Had a great time with my friends yesterday. and we decided to at least see each other once a week. At least i have something to look forward to every week.

 

He's out of town. He post in FB. I was able to control myself to comment on the post. Kind of feel lonely, since i was used to know his whereabouts.

I miss him. i miss him a lot..

[sara1691985]

Day 2

 

I think unfriending my ex and all his close friend and family from FB was kind of a relief. I felt as if I am not being followed by anyone, I also deactivated the account all together to avoid seeing him totally as I still have lots of mutual friends with him.

 

Waking up today I was kind of well because I did not think about him, I think what helped me is that I had an appointment with a friend and had to wake up early to talk to her. I also had a good night yesterday after talking to one of my colleagues about some work which kind of distracted my thoughts before I slept.

 

Still, checking his horscope, googling what could be wrong about me, and fantasizing about meeting him at work which I dread the most. Luckily we are in holidays for a couple of weeks but the idea that I will have to see him one day and may be talk to him frightens me like hell ... I know for me avoidance is the remedy but it will be hard to not see him or know his news altogether ...

[sara1691985]

rachellsa I wish you best of luck, keep going, you can make it

[Marshall11]

I'm starting again. Day 2 now. I couldn't even go 2 days before because he would break and get in touch. We were getting somewhere, spending time together but it was too soon and we were both clinging onto the old negatives.

 

It's obvious we love each other deeply but we have hurt each other and tore away at our love. In doing at least a week NC now because we were meant to be meeting up next weekend to see what the break had taught us. I don't know if that will go ahead because we got so involved last weekend and tensions are high but I hope the next week and a bit gives me strength.

 

Living life each day, in our home, with Our daughter gets more painful each day, not easier. I can't bear the thought of you going 'home' to your mums house and not here. I can't stand the thought of sleeping without you for the rest of my life. Or never seeing your face close to mine. I'm doing this NC so I can be a better person, so I can love you unconditionally and give you the space you need.

[JJMong]

Day 44!!

 

I have been visiting this forum often, but I didn't post here after.. I don't know.. like.. day 6 or so.

I didn't count the date myself until now, and I realized that it has been day 44. I am very proud of myself that I reach to this point.

(My final NC started around 1 month after the breakup, before there were my stupid attempts to talk with him again and again through emails)

 

I think now, I have passed this moment of 'Anger,' and went into 'Accept.' The 'Anger' stage was a very hard one for me. I kept blaming my ex bf, and I really wanted to 'ask' him a number of things he did/didn't even after the breakup. This was THE temptation to contact him, not to get back. What really helped was to say loudly 'STOP!' to myself whenever I fall into the pool of my own thought. It was difficult at the beginning but it gets easier and it works.

I also tried to give myself 1 minute of blaming time. But strangely after few days of doing it, as soon as I say to myself 'ok. 1 minute from now,' this blaming thought disappears, and I smile at myself.

 

 

Meanwhile I visited my family (I am living in Europe, my family in Asia), met a number of friends and talked with them. I made some new friends too. I didn't try to have a date at all. I am working-out at gym 4 days a week, doing 20minutes of meditation daily, writing my diary. now I am finally able to fully concentrate on my work, which was entirely impossible a month ago.

 

There are some days that I have my feeling down, and the frequency is going down as well. I get out from those feeling more easily than before.

I still think about him. Sometimes I miss him, but not like before. Now I can clearly say 'No' to the contact or getting back. He is not the one.

I still have the anger left, and I don't force too much to let the anger go. It, I feel, is a natural feeling. Instead, I tell myself to forgive him. I am sure the actually forgiveness -not about accepting him again in my life by forgiving him- will happen.

 

I am trying to enjoy being single again, and it gets better with this intention. I dress better, eat better, take care of myself much better than before, just for myself. I spend this energy, which I used to use for fighting for the relationship, on developing myself, on reading, on talking with people around me.

 

Yes it gets better. You become better, and NC becomes a real healing process rather than chasing the false hope.

I'd like to come back here and post again when the dates become more than 60.

 

I need to meet my ex again soon for the court case (for my previous traffic accident, and he is one of the witness). This still scares me a little. I am meditating, talking to myself that it will go smoothly.

 

I am sure my life will become better.

I am growing now (even though i am mid 30).

I am looking forward to having a new fresh life with a full of love,

and I am on the right way now I believe.

Let's not allow other people or our emotion to govern our lives. Let's go for the true emotional freedom!

[Snow93]

Day 29. Today was pretty good, I even received some female attention which was nice for my slightly dented self esteem. I think I'm getting out of another rut, on the way back up to another high thankfully.

[OrangeDucktape]

I think I go the extreme with no contact. after the relationship is over that person I choose to never see or speak to ever again. I am uncomfortable talking with any former relationship partners so I just decide they no longer exists. I think of all the bad times and try to forget the good times so that it is easier to let go. I find it easier to get over someone when you no longer remember much of the relationship except the bad parts so you are happy not to be in it anymore.

[Maria Kabute]

day 4. I still think about him. I still want him back. I want to talk to him. I want to know what's going on with his life.

I'm getting tired of this.

[mj1228]

Day 1....again. Really going to do it this time. For myself and no other reason. You blew it.

[Mistykitty]

Day 53

Wow, now that I've actually counted, it feels like so long o_o

Anyways, having classes with him is so weird. We still talk, so its not ~awkward~, but sometimes I feel like I just wanna cry (and I did today)

[Snow93]

Day 30. Challenge complete. Well it doesn't really feel like an accomplishment because the last thing I want to do anyway is acknowledge her existence. I guess though at one point immediately post break up I wanted to contact her. The fact I'm pretending she doesn't exist must be progression. I feel okay. Far from perfect but that will come in time. Still better than the start of this challenge. I might drop in now and then with reflections. Until then, good luck to everyone else engaging in the challenge (:

[hurdygurdy]

Well, I'm on day 15 of NC although she has just emailed me, mainly about money she owed, but dropped in some personal stuff too about her life (nothing malicious). It is very difficult but I suppose me being stubborn helps! It is almost overwhelming at times just to gush out everything in my head but I know it won't do me any favours and i'm sure that she no longer loves me. I previously made it clear I was there for her and I meant it, but I won't be a lap dog either. I just don't want to feed her ego. I'm normally very verbose so i'm sure there will be curiosity about how it's even possible for me to maintain no contact (she's still a Facebook friend but we don't speak directly at all). I am finding myself dropping into jealousy tactics though and i'm not sure why, well I am, but i'm doing it anyway. I'm still angry, I guess. Probably just to make her see my life is going on. I'm off on quite an exciting work trip soon and as it happens I have a few female friends who have posted they want to meet on FB while on the trip which she will see. Childish? Possibly but I feel it gives me power back and yes, it is good for my ego and I don't care if it gets her mind whirring. You've got to take the power back and do whatever is necessary to pull yourself through while maintaining dignity.

[hurdygurdy]

Good stuff Snow, be strong brother.

[Maria Kabute]

so..day 1 again..

I'm going to be serious about it..There's nothing i can do for us to get back. I've done my part. It's his problem, if he can't see my worth.

 

Im willing to take him back, but it wont happen unless he wants me too..

 

Getting frustated because i cant do jumping rope exercise, my limbs hurt..argh.!!!

[IAmFCA]

Its been 34 days (easy to count based on the calendar date) and I am glad to have not had any contact. But what is happening now is I am less vigilant, and more open to the idea, causing my mind more opportunities to list all the reasons I am happy to have had NC. Came here to log this undertow.

[surfjon]

IthinkIcan....

Posting here helps, back in 2007, I lived on this site, reading, writing and ranting! Folks here DO listen, when our friends and family have long since tired of our sad stories and musings.

 

The thing about NC that I like is just not knowing....

You know how when you ask a question, expecting a certain answer, but you get the opposite??

Being in NC, I dont ask her "would you like to talk", to get either no reply or a negative response...if there is no contact, there can be no words that make us sad.

 

Being in NC, I can read more, play guitar more, go ride my bike, see friends, play with my pups, etc without that wondering "will she text me"? "Will she call me"?

Without the distractions of the difficult conversations when a relationship is in "limbo" (that time between bliss and breakup), two people can focus on their lives and what they really want, and this is the only chance of saving something as precious as love.

 

I feel like when in "limbo", one persons clingy and pleading behavior will doom it for both of them, when simply giving time, space and NC for a while may draw the two back together.......

 

I'm speaking from the heart, as I'm doing this right now with Ashley, hoping we get drawn back together yet being very careful about knowing when to let go, I will not be dragged.....