THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[Johanna81]

27 days and it's been really rough- I've almost caved and texted him multiple times. i still wonder why he has our FB photos up even though we aren't FB friends anymore and he left me for someone else. I want to say it's getting better for me but it's not. Hopefully it will soon.

[bittersweet871]

Even though I FB messaged my ex today, I think I am going to count this as day one. He never responded and I get the feeling that he will not respond. It sucks because we have been on semi good terms before this, I just pushed it a bit too much.

[Vinny85]

A week ago I 'signed up' for this NC challenge because we had a great 'date' but then she fell back in her old indifferent behaviour. Back then I was emotional and after some thinking I decided there was no reason to go NC afterall. I even drove all the way her place this weekend to hang out. Allthough we had a lot of fun we also had some serious talk and she really hurt my feelings. I am feeling she is not acting like she really is. One moment she is all flirty and fun and telling me I am about the most important person in her lif, the other moment she acts all distant and tells me she doesnt care about my feelings straight in my face. And that after such a great date a week ago.. I really thought things were going better. She says she enjoyed it and has no regrets, other than being all flirty and touchy with me. She thinks we should take things slow. I agree with that, but than act as you are and don't act this contradicting. I told her it hurt me, but she said she didn't see how and that I was dramatising. No respect for my feelings at all.

 

I wish I would not be this stupid. I really love this girl and care for her a lot, but when she is acting like this we are both better off not being in contact. Since sunday morning I haven't talked to her and I am not planning to initiate it anymore. I hope I this time have the guts to don't change my mind again. Right now its 11 pm my time and I am off to bed. For that I would call this the end of day 2. It's hard, very hard, but reading the stories here I know it will eventually get better.

 

She has some time to make up her mind, and so do I. I am sure it will improve things, one way or another.

[swans]

Day 30 of BU and NC

 

It doesn't feel like just 1 month, it feels like ages. So far it hasn't been so hard, I was expecting it to be a lot worse.

I'm really confused at the moment, but I know that I have to keep NC forever. I still would love for him to contact me again for reconciliation, but I don't know it I want this because I want to turn him down. If this hasn't been so hard on me, I know it has been fantastic for him. He now has the freedom he always wanted. I know that if he someday feels like he made a mistake or really misses me, that way would probably be at the end of the year, if he stays single until then. I know in my heart he has been flirting around and probably has been having sex, the worst scenario always pops in my mind.

I want the best for him, but in his love life. He really hurt me and I'm not yet in a place to want the best for him in that part of his life. And I would be devastated if I ever saw a picture of him with anybody else. I guess I can only wish him happiness and a new love when I'm with the one for me. Until then I guess I will always resent him for treating me the way he did.

Knowing that I won't see him again, won't talk to him, won't kiss him, won't hug him is really strange. It's like he is dead now. I feel the same emptiness as if he died.

 

I know it will take a long time, but I really want to meet the one I'll marry. Or at least somebody I can have a long and meaningful relationship with. I want to completely forget him, I want to see him with somebody else and don't feel a thing.

[Casey at bat]

Day 60 of BU and...day 1 of NC. I am guilty of stalking facebook and twitter almost daily just to make sure he hasn't taken down pictures of us or to see if he put up any pics of his "new" girlfriend (it appears there may have been some overlap...)

 

But I am through reaching out to him, trying to see if he still cares, and through wasting any more mental energy on a person who could be so selfish and betray someone that they "loved." Time for NC, for real!

[Vinny85]

Day 3 coming to an ending. I've had some worse moments today but honestly at this moment I feel fine! Got a long way to go, but I have faith.

[mj1228]

Day 6....Today is hard. Getting on here and reading helps. I lost so much in the month of January. Lost my bf had to deal with coming to terms with all the lies. Two weeks into the BU I lost my mom. Literally had a heart attack while I was on the phone with her. One minute here next GONE just like that. The loss is overwhelming at times. I am doing everything I am "supposed" to be doing, it just sucks. All around sucks. I can't and won't contact him. He will be the last person I turn too. I know he would answer but I would always wonder if it was just pity.

[bittersweet871]

Day 2 - Today has been rough. I've been in tears all morning, thought about taking a trip to the beach this weekend, been in more tears and am now frustrated. I hate what I've become now. I hate the dependance I have on him. Even when things were in a OK place while we were talking I wondered if I should just walk away, but no...because he seemed to be making an effort to keep us on good terms. I'm not stupid. I know this is bad for me, I've known it for a while actually, but impulses and control get the better of me. I see him online on Facebook all the time. The urge to strike up a conversation is there. I haven't though. I just keep telling myself to make it to Wednesday. I've considered deleting him, but then I think no, that I want him to see me get back to my old self and my angry side wants him to see that I am in fact not crazy, that he was the unhealthy part of my life. This is all BS BTW, because I genuinely believe that I would jump at the chance to be back with him. My life is in shambles right now, nothing left to do, but pick up the pieces.

[Maria Kabute]

day 11 - an achievement. Finally!!

 

But i think i'm going crazy.

[bittersweet871]

Day 3 - Has been interesting. I cried again this morning. I'm starting to wonder how long that is going to last. I saw him on FB last night. I really wanted to massage him, but I held strong. There is a part of me that just does not want to give him the satisfaction anymore. I don't want anymore pity. He broke my heart, he is the one that is a bitter idiot. I could have been a great girlfirend to him. I was a great girlfriend to him aside from the birth control fiasco. I hate him and yet, I love the idiot. I flip back and forth between anger and depression now. It's still rough, but I'm moving on.

[John John]

Day 30 - (3 months since actual break-up). It definitely has NOT been easy. I have had the urge to break NC every single day at some point or other. Some people on here have even advised against NC, saying that it actually makes you appear weak and needy, and that it's nothing but a "mind game." Before I started NC, we hung out like twice after the breakup, and I had her laughing and smiling. She even said "I love you" as I was leaving. But in subsequent meetings, I wasn't able to keep my cool, talked about the relationship (which is a no-no at this point), and then pushed her away again. The last contact we had ended with her saying "maybe we can meet for coffee in a few weeks to see how we're doing." I know my ex needed/needs space, so I'm trying to give it to her.

 

I honestly don't know what to do. Keep NC or break it and try to hang out as friends for a while and slowly win her over again (since she fell out of love after 5 years together). Since I'm not over her, I think I'm going to stay in NC for now. Month 2 of NC begins tomorrow...sigh...

[lovepugs86]

Day 1- oops

[mj1228]

day 7...nothing more to add really. Seems to be getting harder instead of easier...hope this too shall pass.

[Mistykitty]

Day whatever, it's been over 2 months now...

 

He called me earlier and nearly gave me a heart attack. He didn't even like talking on the phone when we were together so I figured it was important, especially when he told me to call him back

...nope, he just needed help shipping something. Kinda a letdown. This is why you stick to NC, folks

[vesper]

have not posted in a while ...Im not going to contact my ex at this time.

[rippedinsides]

Day 1 for the Nth time. I'm going to stick to it this time. When I woke up this morning I felt my pain sweeping over me like a tidal wave. I don't know if I'm going to do this, but I sure am going to try harder this time. I often wish that I could just close my eyes and never open them. But I guess that wish won't be granted me any time soon. So....NC....here I come. Hope I can do it.

[Caremonkey]

Day 1 for the Nth time. I'm going to stick to it this time. When I woke up this morning I felt my pain sweeping over me like a tidal wave. I don't know if I'm going to do this, but I sure am going to try harder this time. I often wish that I could just close my eyes and never open them. But I guess that wish won't be granted me any time soon. So....NC....here I come. Hope I can do it.

 

I start my day 1 today also, I think it was necessary. I got everything I needed to say off my chest.

[icantsay]

Day 1 for me too - And this time I am going through with it! Starting on Valentine's Day, and I am leaving my phone at home and will not check it today!! Instead I will go have fun and give a great Valentine's gift for my friend! I will stay strong!

And if he contacts me, I will ignore it. I know it's a trap. I will just fall back into the hole again like I have been this past month. It's just not worth it keeping contact when someone who constantly uses you as a doormat.

[bittersweet871]

Day 4 - Today has been surprisingly easy. I saw that he was on facebook and my heart kinda dropped to my stomach a little but I logged off and haven't looked back. I thought about him today. And really started to miss him. I don't know if we'll ever get back together or if that's even what I want, but I really do miss him.

[jemoeder]

have had NC for about a month now i guess. today my ex blocked me on whatsapp, i cant see her profile pic anymore. hahahaha funny that she blocked me today of all days. either she is still bothered by our BU or she has profile pic she doesnt want me to see.

 

either way. im giving myself another 2 weeks to contact her..

[Maria Kabute]

day 13. I survive Valentines day without crying , mourning , etc.

 

I think I'm lucky enough that my bf did not contact me anymore since the BU. It hurts like hell, but at least he didn't give me false hope that we can still work it out. He just stay silent after the BU and not even talk to our common friends. I envy him for handling it like that. Unlike me who keep talking to my friends about my feelings, etc.

 

But I promise myself to stay quiet for a while..and whenever i see my friend, i'll control myself not to talk about him.

a month is enough, time to reflect on my present and future.

[IAmFCA]

54 days

 

I called him two days ago and he road tripped with me today for the afternoon. We had a great day. He gave me lots of affirmation and no weirdness. His last text to me, after I dropped him off: "Sorry about all the texts. Its really hard not to want to talk to you incessantly after spending the day with you." Me: "That's a high compliment." Him: "I meant it as one." Now I go dark again.

 

I didn't feel vulnerable or unstable in the slightest. He wrote me a 6 page letter and mailed it yesterday. I don't know what it says; we didn't talk about it. He said "I love you and I care about you" unsolicited and without provocation, early in the day. He was not going out with anyone besides me (and Ann of course!). He handled things badly. He was and remains completely incapable of making intentional choices. A couple of times he referred to the length of time knowing her and said "how can I just turn her out" or something to that effect, almost as if he is with her as an act of loyalty. He remains in a posture of not being intentional and responsible for his relationships, and it makes him un-date-able.

 

I admit I have a game plan of knowing him a long time. He has few friends, his trust issues are worse than mine. He needs time.

 

I was asked tonight "Do I love him"? I don't know, but I think I do.

 

So what?

[rippedinsides]

Day 2. I can't believe I made it without contacting him. The only communication today was not initiated by me. He was in another hospital and didn't have access to his e-mails. I was supposed to send him a report. So he sent me a text which said "Have you sent me the reports?" I just replied with a "Yes." That was it. Nothing further. I was in a terrible shape yesterday. Today, too, I'm depressed. But the waves of shivering that were washing over me yesterday are not there today...at least, not as much as yesterday. I was literally trembling on and off and I would feel like someone pushed me into a tub of ice. Today those feelings are a little better. When I woke, depression swept through me. But I'm trying to think that though 6 years is a long time that I've spent with him, I need to cut off contact with him for the sake of the rest of my life. I took a bold step today - I blocked him off all my instant messaging accounts, chat tools and commonly accessed websites. We were also linked on google maps so that we could see where each other was. But I took him off my list there too. It's hard for me because I've become so used to watch him and imagine I'm with him. But I guess if I want to heal, I need to keep away from whatever causes me pain. Since I don't have any more reports to send him for at least 10 days, I've also blocked his calls and SMS. I know it's a crude thing to do. But each time I see his number flash on my phone, even if I don't answer the call or respond to the message, it sets me back emotionally. At least until I heal a bit, I want to be to myself. Maybe once I heal and when I can stop getting panic attacks when I see his number, then I'll unblock him. Till then, its pure NC. Anyway, day 2. I've got 90 days as my target. Hope I can make it.

[rippedinsides]

I start my day 1 today also, I think it was necessary. I got everything I needed to say off my chest.

 

All the best. NC is the best way with which you can heal and also rediscover yourself. Go with it!

[rippedinsides]

Day 1 for me too - And this time I am going through with it! Starting on Valentine's Day, and I am leaving my phone at home and will not check it today!! Instead I will go have fun and give a great Valentine's gift for my friend! I will stay strong!

And if he contacts me, I will ignore it. I know it's a trap. I will just fall back into the hole again like I have been this past month. It's just not worth it keeping contact when someone who constantly uses you as a doormat.

 

Very true. NC is the best option for anyone who wants to get a bit of their old self back and stop allowing people to walk over their heads. I've been his doormat for the past 6 years. I've decided that I'm not going to be anymore. It's time to heal and be the person I was before he met me - confident, witty, and with a life of my own.