rachellsa

So some of you may remember me from about a month or so back...I completed the 30 day challenge...didnt make it much further than that....I thought I was doing ok. Saw him today though. It was friendly. Even pleasant. But afterwards I just broke down into tears and its like day 1 of the break up again really. I know I've come far and I didnt want hom back at all. Now I do. And im thinking of ways I can win him back and its NOT GOOD. So here I am again. Challenging myself so I dont say/do anything stupid. For the next 30 days atleast. If you guys can help keep me strong I'd greatly appreciate it. So. Break up - 3 months 2 days..day of Nc - 0. Bring it on.

Why are you playing the victim in this? Can you not accept, ever, that you are in the wrong? You broke up with me, you wanted me to move out. You told me when we broke up that I'd done nothing wrong and now you're advertising the song "ex-girlfriend" on your facebook (yes I checked because I'm stupid and weak after your "festive" text message) Oh by the way, how DARE you text me on Christmas Day! I'm trying SO hard to get over you and you're consistently reminding me about every 2 weeks that you exist???? I don't need this! I was so happy with you. You convinced me to settle down with you, you got what you apparently wanted and then threw it all away. And THEN play the victim. You don't see what you did wrong do you? I'm coming to see you in a few days. I'm coming to get my tea set that you text me about a few weeks ago. And when I do you're probably going to find out how much you hurt me, and you're probably going to LOVE it. But I don't care, because its the New Year in a few days, and also your Birthday (you won't be getting a Happy Birthday from me) and I want a fresh start. After this, you have no more excuses to contact me, you are now fully blocked on facebook, I'm getting a new phone in the new year so you will no longer have my number (for all those ****ty text messages and lazy contact) I might try to change my email address so you no longer have that. I hope to move house in the future, so you'll no longer know where I live. I don't expect you to miss me, if you missed me you would've tried to see me, not sent me BS text messages. I'm coming to see you because it will be my closure. Enough is enough now. You're trying to "play break-up" with me, trying to drag it out because you thrive off the drama. If I played along you'd drop me like a hot stone. Thats why i'm not playing, because I don't have the strength to be dropped again. The last bit of strength I can muster goes into living my life away from you, into loving my family and friends because they love me unconditionally. The last bit of strength I can muster is going to go into permanently saying goodbye to you. After 8 years of having you in my life, making me feel bad about one thing or another, after 8 years of thinking you're the perfect guy. You're not. You think you are, but its all to cover up the fact you're actually weak, and can't stand being alone. So soon I will see you and I will tell you to leave me alone now, please don't contact me again, I can't bare it and I've moved on. I don't care if it makes me "look like I'm not over you" or makes me "look weak" because I'm not weak. I'm brave and I can go on without you, and I will.

Give him more time, tell him if he feels the same in a month, then you can talk. Tell him not to contact you otherwise.

Notice how you felt great today, until you heard from him, now you're panicking about how to respond. Use this NOT to respond. Ignore ignore ignore As for me, 32 days NC, though I replied to his email today about my possessions. I'm super proud of myself because I was really tempted to send a super nasty, anger fuelled email back. I didnt, I ignored, and that's why I'm keeping my 32 days. Yes I will have to see him soon but I will be calm, collected and set him the F straight. NC forever!

Haha thanks! I feel like Charlie Sheen! Well...maybe not QUITE like Charlie Sheen... Got an email today....bit of an NC crisis...he has my beloved vintage tea set Reallllllllllllllllly don't want to have to respond! But i have to to get it back...unless I send my Mum..haha I feel for you at the moment pixel clouds..I felt the same way you did, just know it DOES get better with NC. Also probably don't agree to the 6 months thing if you wanna heal, you'll just be waiting for that day.

Well I did it, 30 days NC! Wow. I don't feel a thing. Me and my friend saw him driving around yesterday and just noticed how pathetic it. He drove straight for his brothers road to his friends house to pick up his friend, we saw him again on the way back. It's pathetic because he can never just be on his own. He hates his own company. I feel like I'm winning because my life is completely balanced right now, I get to enjoy the company of friends and family and I enjoy my own company too! All good.

I think its dawned on me today that you robbed me of my happiness for nearly a year. This is unacceptable. You nit-picked and disagreed with me on every little point! What was running through your head. You honestly ran me into the ground. Constantly putting me down, making snide comments instead of telling me your true feelings. And for some stupid reason I still pandered to your every need. Cleaning your house (which you kicked me out of) cooking your food, doing your stupid ironing! When I think about this it makes me hate you, but then i kinda feel like you don't even deserve such a string feeling from me.

Day 28! Meh! Feel fine.

Day 27 - Yep, fine! Tempted to look at his facebook cause I was bored earlier. stopped myself. Yay.

Day 26 NC. Not heard from him in 9 days. Feel just fine! Applying for a job that sounds amazing. The trouble is I want it sooo bad I'm scared I won't get it!! I suppose a jobs like a relationship sometimes! Really feeling good at the moment but still can't shake that feeling like somethings not quite ended, guess it's that closure thing everyone raves about!! I feel like I just want him to know I'm doing great without him, I want to throw it all in his face.

Day 25, wow. Though as I've stated before, just me not contacting him doesn't feel enough so I'm taking it a step further and doing 30 days since he contacted me. Though I know I can't control him contacting me as much as he has my number, knows where I live etc. But for me now its more about completely purging my life of him and getting rid of that lingering sense of him. It's kinda hard to explain. So its been 8 days since he contacted me. Pretty good I reckon. Not contacting him is really easy to be honest. But getting rid of that weird false hope/is he going to contact me feeling isn't as easy! The longer he doesn't contact me, the more hope I lose. Which is a good thing though it sounds horrible!

I dunno how many days...I keep losing count. Feel better today. Think its because I had a fairly productive one! And had to tell myself to stop taking s**t so seriously!

22 Days NC...feels weird. I feel like it hasn't been that long ago that I last spoke/saw him...it's only been 6 days since he text me without a reply so I guess that's why. We only live like a mile and a half down the road from each other but I never really bump into him or see him around. Occasionally see his work van about but it's not necessarily him inside of it. I guess I just feel like he's a constant presence. I wish I just wasn't living here anymore but I do really like living in the area. I plan to move away next year hopefully so maybe this feeling will go away then. I keep toying with the thought of contacting him eventually to meet up even though I don't see what good it will do me. I know it'll make me feel worse to see him but then I can't imagine feeling any worse than I have been anyway. Just in this really rubbish place right now where I seem to be going through the motions but not really getting any joy out of it.

Umm, not weird no. It had that 'first sex with a new person' awkwardness to it definitely but it wasn't weird. In a previous break up I had sex with a person too soon afterwards (clearly not learning from my mistakes!) and cried because it just felt unnatural (not in front of him, but after it happened) but this time I was fine. I do like this guy though and we have gotten to know each other a little. I'm just feeling disappointed that I couldn't control my urges as it's something I've really wanted to work on controlling for myself. I really respect how well you're doing lala, I've seen your posts for a while on here and you seemed to break NC quite a lot before but to get to day 8 is awesome. It really does get better I promise. Also if you can't imagine yourself dating that's completely natural I think. Obviously jumping back in is not recommended and I think everyone on these forums would advise against it. I think once you feel better and meet someone you actually think is dateable then it's ok to go for it if you can keep it casual for as long as dating feels a little strange. As for me, the intentions to keep it casual were fully there, just couldn't help myself, I'm not going to beat myself up about it too much. Just because it happened, I'm not going to get emotionally attached like I usually would if I liked someone. If he wants to see me again, I'll make it very clear we need to get to know each other a little better before it happens again. If that scares him off then he's obviously not worth me worrying about in the first place.

3 weeks NC, bu 7 weeks, his NC 5 days. Been doing really well but feel I've set myself back by getting intimate with a guy on a second date....ugh I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't even know what's bothering me about it. We had a great night but today I feel like I made a huge mistake. What a plonker.. oh well..back to working on myself without the interruption of hormones! Is it strange I already feel better just posting this?