rachellsa
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So some of you may remember me from about a month or so back...I completed the 30 day challenge...didnt make it much further than that....I thought I was doing ok. Saw him today though. It was friendly. Even pleasant. But afterwards I just broke down into tears and its like day 1 of the break up again really. I know I've come far and I didnt want hom back at all. Now I do. And im thinking of ways I can win him back and its NOT GOOD. So here I am again. Challenging myself so I dont say/do anything stupid. For the next 30 days atleast. If you guys can help keep me strong I'd greatly appreciate it. So. Break up - 3 months 2 days..day of Nc - 0. Bring it on.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
rachellsa replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
Why are you playing the victim in this? Can you not accept, ever, that you are in the wrong? You broke up with me, you wanted me to move out. You told me when we broke up that I'd done nothing wrong and now you're advertising the song "ex-girlfriend" on your facebook (yes I checked because I'm stupid and weak after your "festive" text message) Oh by the way, how DARE you text me on Christmas Day! I'm trying SO hard to get over you and you're consistently reminding me about every 2 weeks that you exist???? I don't need this! I was so happy with you. You convinced me to settle down with you, you got what you apparently wanted and then threw it all away. And THEN play the victim. You don't see what you did wrong do you? I'm coming to see you in a few days. I'm coming to get my tea set that you text me about a few weeks ago. And when I do you're probably going to find out how much you hurt me, and you're probably going to LOVE it. But I don't care, because its the New Year in a few days, and also your Birthday (you won't be getting a Happy Birthday from me) and I want a fresh start. After this, you have no more excuses to contact me, you are now fully blocked on facebook, I'm getting a new phone in the new year so you will no longer have my number (for all those ****ty text messages and lazy contact) I might try to change my email address so you no longer have that. I hope to move house in the future, so you'll no longer know where I live. I don't expect you to miss me, if you missed me you would've tried to see me, not sent me BS text messages. I'm coming to see you because it will be my closure. Enough is enough now. You're trying to "play break-up" with me, trying to drag it out because you thrive off the drama. If I played along you'd drop me like a hot stone. Thats why i'm not playing, because I don't have the strength to be dropped again. The last bit of strength I can muster goes into living my life away from you, into loving my family and friends because they love me unconditionally. The last bit of strength I can muster is going to go into permanently saying goodbye to you. After 8 years of having you in my life, making me feel bad about one thing or another, after 8 years of thinking you're the perfect guy. You're not. You think you are, but its all to cover up the fact you're actually weak, and can't stand being alone. So soon I will see you and I will tell you to leave me alone now, please don't contact me again, I can't bare it and I've moved on. I don't care if it makes me "look like I'm not over you" or makes me "look weak" because I'm not weak. I'm brave and I can go on without you, and I will. -
Give him more time, tell him if he feels the same in a month, then you can talk. Tell him not to contact you otherwise.
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Notice how you felt great today, until you heard from him, now you're panicking about how to respond. Use this NOT to respond. Ignore ignore ignore As for me, 32 days NC, though I replied to his email today about my possessions. I'm super proud of myself because I was really tempted to send a super nasty, anger fuelled email back. I didnt, I ignored, and that's why I'm keeping my 32 days. Yes I will have to see him soon but I will be calm, collected and set him the F straight. NC forever!
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Haha thanks! I feel like Charlie Sheen! Well...maybe not QUITE like Charlie Sheen... Got an email today....bit of an NC crisis...he has my beloved vintage tea set Reallllllllllllllllly don't want to have to respond! But i have to to get it back...unless I send my Mum..haha I feel for you at the moment pixel clouds..I felt the same way you did, just know it DOES get better with NC. Also probably don't agree to the 6 months thing if you wanna heal, you'll just be waiting for that day.
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Well I did it, 30 days NC! Wow. I don't feel a thing. Me and my friend saw him driving around yesterday and just noticed how pathetic it. He drove straight for his brothers road to his friends house to pick up his friend, we saw him again on the way back. It's pathetic because he can never just be on his own. He hates his own company. I feel like I'm winning because my life is completely balanced right now, I get to enjoy the company of friends and family and I enjoy my own company too! All good.
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Post here instead of contacting your ex!
rachellsa replied to Nynnja's topic in Healing After Break Up or Divorce
I think its dawned on me today that you robbed me of my happiness for nearly a year. This is unacceptable. You nit-picked and disagreed with me on every little point! What was running through your head. You honestly ran me into the ground. Constantly putting me down, making snide comments instead of telling me your true feelings. And for some stupid reason I still pandered to your every need. Cleaning your house (which you kicked me out of) cooking your food, doing your stupid ironing! When I think about this it makes me hate you, but then i kinda feel like you don't even deserve such a string feeling from me. -
Day 28! Meh! Feel fine.
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Day 27 - Yep, fine! Tempted to look at his facebook cause I was bored earlier. stopped myself. Yay.
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Day 26 NC. Not heard from him in 9 days. Feel just fine! Applying for a job that sounds amazing. The trouble is I want it sooo bad I'm scared I won't get it!! I suppose a jobs like a relationship sometimes! Really feeling good at the moment but still can't shake that feeling like somethings not quite ended, guess it's that closure thing everyone raves about!! I feel like I just want him to know I'm doing great without him, I want to throw it all in his face.
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Day 25, wow. Though as I've stated before, just me not contacting him doesn't feel enough so I'm taking it a step further and doing 30 days since he contacted me. Though I know I can't control him contacting me as much as he has my number, knows where I live etc. But for me now its more about completely purging my life of him and getting rid of that lingering sense of him. It's kinda hard to explain. So its been 8 days since he contacted me. Pretty good I reckon. Not contacting him is really easy to be honest. But getting rid of that weird false hope/is he going to contact me feeling isn't as easy! The longer he doesn't contact me, the more hope I lose. Which is a good thing though it sounds horrible!
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I dunno how many days...I keep losing count. Feel better today. Think its because I had a fairly productive one! And had to tell myself to stop taking s**t so seriously!
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22 Days NC...feels weird. I feel like it hasn't been that long ago that I last spoke/saw him...it's only been 6 days since he text me without a reply so I guess that's why. We only live like a mile and a half down the road from each other but I never really bump into him or see him around. Occasionally see his work van about but it's not necessarily him inside of it. I guess I just feel like he's a constant presence. I wish I just wasn't living here anymore but I do really like living in the area. I plan to move away next year hopefully so maybe this feeling will go away then. I keep toying with the thought of contacting him eventually to meet up even though I don't see what good it will do me. I know it'll make me feel worse to see him but then I can't imagine feeling any worse than I have been anyway. Just in this really rubbish place right now where I seem to be going through the motions but not really getting any joy out of it.
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Umm, not weird no. It had that 'first sex with a new person' awkwardness to it definitely but it wasn't weird. In a previous break up I had sex with a person too soon afterwards (clearly not learning from my mistakes!) and cried because it just felt unnatural (not in front of him, but after it happened) but this time I was fine. I do like this guy though and we have gotten to know each other a little. I'm just feeling disappointed that I couldn't control my urges as it's something I've really wanted to work on controlling for myself. I really respect how well you're doing lala, I've seen your posts for a while on here and you seemed to break NC quite a lot before but to get to day 8 is awesome. It really does get better I promise. Also if you can't imagine yourself dating that's completely natural I think. Obviously jumping back in is not recommended and I think everyone on these forums would advise against it. I think once you feel better and meet someone you actually think is dateable then it's ok to go for it if you can keep it casual for as long as dating feels a little strange. As for me, the intentions to keep it casual were fully there, just couldn't help myself, I'm not going to beat myself up about it too much. Just because it happened, I'm not going to get emotionally attached like I usually would if I liked someone. If he wants to see me again, I'll make it very clear we need to get to know each other a little better before it happens again. If that scares him off then he's obviously not worth me worrying about in the first place.
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3 weeks NC, bu 7 weeks, his NC 5 days. Been doing really well but feel I've set myself back by getting intimate with a guy on a second date....ugh I'm so disappointed in myself. I don't even know what's bothering me about it. We had a great night but today I feel like I made a huge mistake. What a plonker.. oh well..back to working on myself without the interruption of hormones! Is it strange I already feel better just posting this?
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In a way, forgetting all this Christmas BS, we're quite lucky about this time of year, we get to start again come January and use it to move on. As for me, bu nearly 7 weeks ago, NC 20 days, haven't heard from him in 3 days. Went on a date tonight with a friend of a friend. Was sooooooo nervous but it went well and he wants to see me again. I didn't really think of my ex in a negative way tonight, it was just hard actually talking about life in general without mentioning the dreaded ex! How do you explain you now live back with your mother because your ex kicked you out 6 weeks ago?? However, managed to skirt over it and not mention him.
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Thinking I might start a count of how long its been since he contacted me as well....something like BU - 6.5 weeks, NC - 19 Days, NC from him - 2 days! Hehe
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Day 19 - Wow! Its weird because it doesn't actually feel like day 19 of no contact because he's contacted me...i haven't actually responded once...why does it feel like I have..so weird. The last day I "contacted" him (though I technically didn't, just saw him in his car whilst dropping stuff off) was so miserable for me. I haven't actually said a word to him in much longer...Its all gone so quickly. Which is worrying me slightly because of this date I have tomorrow but at the same time I feel like if i've gotten this far without any sort of break down then I must be doing pretty good.
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Yay zep! I think you're amazing! So glad you're so positive! Having a weird day today, off work cause I'm not feeling 100%, there's lots of sickness bugs going round. Unfortunately tonight was meant to be my first date night. Still don't know if I'm going to call it off as its 10 hours away and I may feel better. In regards to no contact its day 18 for me. He text me last night that he was dropping some of my stuff off. I was out, he left it on the door step, yay he finally got the hint that I didn't want to come collect it. He also said he presumed I'd changed my number (probably because that's the 4th text I hadn't replied to) and that he hopes I'm well. I just thought "ugh" to be honest, go away. I truly think that'll be the last I hear from him now. It's not like his texts are 'breadcrumbs' because they only ever concern things like him finding my things at his house or that the tail lights out on my car. They're more texts that are trying to alleviate his guilt, the way he words them are superficially friendly, like he's trying to reinstate he's the good guy. Either that or he's reallllly stupid and doesn't actually realise that when I said I never wanted to see or speak to him again he thought I was joking or something!
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ghost1ee, I think you're doing fine for day 6, the first week is the hardest. Week 2 gets easier though you start to wonder why they're not contacting you. Just have to keep pushing through! As for me it's Day 15, Ex text me this morning for the first time in this many days, just said he found more of my stuff at his house and a few letters there for me, and do I want to come and get them. I haven't replied even though the text involved a question. I do want my stuff (have a horrible feeling its the tea set my friend got me because I can't find it anywhere) but at the same time I really don't want to collect it from him, I also don't want to communicate with him at all. When I found some of his stuff, i bagged it up and left it by his front door when he was at work, I'm hoping he'll get the hint and just do the same for me. Why oh why does he think it's appropriate to continue contacting me over trivial things when I've already ignored his texts before! On a brighter note, I have a date next week and am really looking forward to it, though I am a tad nervous. I'm not looking to jump back into a relationship as I know it's too soon but it's nice to note that I feel NC has got me to the stage where I feel I can date. For those struggling with the purpose of NC, I did a lot in the beginning, eventually it becomes totally empowering. I am now in control of this break up. He doesn't get replies from me because i don't want to. I'm doing this fully for me now. Not to annoy him, and definitely not for him to see "the error of his ways". I just purely couldn't care less what he's doing with his time!
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I don't think the aim of this thread is to offer advice as its more about recording and sharing your no contact experience. However, no I don't think you did anything wrong. Sounds like you handled the situation perfectly. Keep with NC but do it for you, not to get him back. Often that only disappoints. Record your no contact on here so we can all support you!
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Keeping you on the back burner so you don't move on. Change your number if you can.
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2 Weeks of NC, 6 weeks since BU. Wow half way there! (Not that i'm going to contact him after that!!) I feel for me now, if I can just get to the end of the year that'll be great. Then I can completely start over. On a different note, went out last night with friends and ended up giving my number to a friend of a friend. Don't really know if i'm ready to date yet, we didn't even really click or talk that much all night but it was obvious he liked me and I did quite fancy him..Guess we'll see where it goes!
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Think I've lost count of my days argh! It's actually day 12 of NC, nearly 6 weeks since the break up. Feeling pretty good today. Still spending a lot of my brain power thinking about him though. Mainly just circulating why he would do this, I'm definitely villainising him because of the way we broke up, cowardice on his part and his lack of actual reasons behind not wanting to be with me. It's like i know I'll never have the answers so I'm just assuming things. When really I just need to let it go!! Definitely need to fill my headspace with more productive things! So roll on Saturday when its 2 weeks NC, 6 weeks bu! Might treat myself to something nice.
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