POSH007

So I breakdown and wish you a Very Happy Valentine's Day and you reply...Happy Vday!...guess I shouldn't have expected anything more than that I just want to know how will things ever be any different for us??? I feel like it is still so unsettled....not sure why I feel like this but I'm hoping time will change that for me. I still want to be a part of your life which is kinda sad, I think you do too. How I wish we could fast forward a year and see how we will act towards each other then! GOD I miss you sooooo much!!!!!

WOW...so again ....7 days NC then you text me! You say something lame about seeing a friend at the gym. I actually respond out of curiosty...you act non chalant so I tell you its weird....the whole dynamic of how different we act now. THEN you say something so cold..like we dated for a while..we're not now..THATS it...are you kidding me?!!! Is that why you can't seem to stop texting me out the blue when you get the notion??? Seriously??? I think it is one big POWER EGO CONTROL trip for you!!!! Well guess what you don't need to worry about me leaving you alone...you are alone...enjoy your freedom from me because the last thing I want is for you to think I want anything more from you. I've literally wasted 2 years of my life caring about you when you just made it perfectly clear you don't and never did care at all!!!!!! I sincerely hope that you get the KARMA you deserve. I'm so effing hurt....and this is just one of many times I've felt like this. I honestly do not know who you think you are playing with my emotions like this over and over. Good luck to you in your life because you are seriously going to need it.... AND no...everything is NOT fine like you said yesterday...keep on believing that

I'm having such a hard time today....can't get you off my mind! I just want to know if you will ever tuck-me in again...miss those so much!!! It was a year ago today that you broke up with me for the 2nd time only to come back around a month and a half later. Its been 4 days of NC today...so hard If only I had ignored you then I wouldn't be feeling like this today! Damn you....Damn me....I deserve so much better than to feel like this!

I'm thinking of you so much today...I know you are at work and very close to me. I wonder if I have crossed your mind since Monday or are you just preoccupied with your thoughts for her? It's day 4 NC and I'm trying to resist the urge to not text you....it would be so simple...but yet I think it will only set me back and let you know you still have control. I don't want you to have control therefore, I think I will continue NC. I know its only a matter of time before I hear from you again...just enough for you to find out if I'm still on the hook...How I would love to get off "your hook"

I miss your tuck-ins O if you are tucking "her" in now with our angel symbol we shared???? I so wanted to text you last night but I didn't. I have met someone but in reality he isn't you and not sure I will ever feel that connection with anyone again. I want to say good morning... I miss Maverick saying good morning too....it will always be you

So after 14 days of NC (ur choice) you text me to ask what happened to the photo albums on fb of our golf outings. What happened to Viniterra...an hour late...what happed to Viniterra & Albamarle... and hour and half later...Ok...Well? Bye Bec....... REALLY!!!! I text you for 5 days no response...you text me for 3 hours and I don't respond so its goodbye??? Then you tell me you'll let me be so I can geet on with my life?? ***...Then when I ask if u miss me...you say of course I miss being with you...but then you blow kinda cold again... I found an article about Narcissistic Personality Disorder under a link called link removed....it describes the last 2 years of my life with you...the affection..the pulling away...searching out your ex...then coming back...then looking around again...then keeping me hanging with a little of attention..then blowing cold again... After reading this article I see that you for who you are...you are someone who is incapable of ever loving me or anyone else...you are textbook for NPD and that makes me really sad because I always thought you had a good heart but the truth is you have always been self-centerd you even told me that!!! I see you are dating that pretty girl you befriended back in OCT while you were still keeping in contact w/me. I wonder how long before you start treating her like you did me. I wonder how many other girls are going thru what I did with you...thinking it was THEM or you moved on to someone you thought was BETTER ....when the whole time to problem lies within you...YOU have NPD and are so in love with yourself that you can't feel for anyone else...we are merely objects to you and someone to stroke your ego and feed all your needs...especially sex..you crave that. Its' been a day now of NC and I'm hoping I can resist the temptation of you the next time you try to reach out to me. They say NC is the only way to ever break free of someone who with NPD...GOD help me...but I'm ready to get off the roller coaster ride I have been on for the last 2 years...however...I will always ADORE u!!!

I hope IF and when you do contact me again I will be strong enough to tell you to go away....anyone who truly cares for someone would not let them suffer like this. I don't want to want you anymore!!! I just want my life back the way it was before I met you...I was such a strong and confident person, but 2 years of being with you off and on has diminished that! You can't see whats in front of you....but someday you will and it will be too late.

Day 8...I can't stop thinking about him going out with someone else or worse yet sleeping with them. I'm sure he is...it is killing me!!! The worst is the silence and not hearing the familiar sound of his text hitting my phone. I have cried so much in the past week is he worth it???

So it's been a week since you texted me to say "we shouldn't talk for a while". I understand that you "couldnt" commit to anything serious but yet you kept me hanging on, to feed your ego I guess. Its clear that you are seeing someone else and I'm just in the way at this point. What hurts is that you knew you were starting to move on with "her" but didn't want to spare me the pain of having to see it happen. I wish you would have left me alone a year ago when you reached out to me on my birthday...I was so much stronger then and it was easier to just let it go. I find myself having to deal with all these emotions all over again...and yet you get to walk away pain free...AGAIN!!! I know someday I will get over you, just not sure when that will be. I still feel sick every time I think of you with her and not caring about me. I don't know how you could do this to me again JAC and I don't know that I will ever be able to forgive you. My heart is so broken...it was just Dec 1st that you and I had a long text convo & walking down memory lane...and you said never say never....why???? Why would you say that if you were just going to pursue someone else??? Thats all I want to know!!! You haven't given me any answers and I think you are being a selfish coward...just say its over...not use words like a while...I deserve better than that!!!!

This is EXACTLY how I feel!!!! Did we date the same man?????

I just want to know why after 2 years of dragging my heart around you suddenly decide I'm not the "one" for you! I helped you through very trying times and I always good enough then. All I asked for was an explanation but yet all you would say is "you don't want to text for awhile"! I told you I'm hurting but yet you don't care....I wonder how long before I hear from you again....IF I will hear from you again. ... THIS just sucks but I finally realize I gave my heart to the wrong MAN and you will never love or care about me the way I do you!!!