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Maria Kabute

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Everything posted by Maria Kabute

  1. Maria Kabute
    Day 17.. I just want to share a link for you guys, link removed It really helps me to relax and be calm about my situation or whenever i had relapse.. I hope it can help you too.. I still think of him but more on the way i acted when after the break up. I regreted it. I was not able to give the space that he needed because of my constant texting about getting back together. Well, anyway, I need to move on now...
  2. Maria Kabute
    Day 15.. a great achievement. though i'm half way through the challenge, he still invades my life. I Realize that when someone texted me and the number is not registered on my phone. And this brain of mine, automatically thinks its him, only to disappoint myself. and just like that, I cried. yes, I'm still hoping he will contact me during this NC period, which is i know is impossible.
  3. Maria Kabute
    day 14..wow..I cant believe it. i've made it this far. When i read the posts of other ENA members about getting half way through, I just, how the hell can they survive that far?!!.. but now, I'm nearly there too. There are still times that I feel lonely and miss him, specially before I go to sleep or the time I wake up since I'm still expecting a text from him. But I've made it this far, there's no way i'm turning back to hurt myself again. My first boyfriend ask me to hang out after 4 years since our BU. I agreed. Well, talking to a friend will do no harm..
  4. Maria Kabute
    day 13. I survive Valentines day without crying , mourning , etc. I think I'm lucky enough that my bf did not contact me anymore since the BU. It hurts like hell, but at least he didn't give me false hope that we can still work it out. He just stay silent after the BU and not even talk to our common friends. I envy him for handling it like that. Unlike me who keep talking to my friends about my feelings, etc. But I promise myself to stay quiet for a while..and whenever i see my friend, i'll control myself not to talk about him. a month is enough, time to reflect on my present and future.
  5. Maria Kabute
    day 11 - an achievement. Finally!! But i think i'm going crazy.
  6. Maria Kabute
    Day 7. I congratulate myself for going this far. I know it's still a bit too far for the 30 day challenge, but i never get this far for the first few weeks since the break up. I still want him back. Still have those images of him knocking on my door or imagining us getting back. Everytime i have those thoughts, I let it flow, maybe for a minute or two, then after that go back to real world. And i guess it's an improvement that whenever i think of him or what we did together, I can smile at it now and not cry. Well, my problem right now is that i miss our physical contact, the hugs and kisses, i mean.. >. but i can't do anything about it so i just daydream or right it down on my journal until the feeling is gone.
  7. Maria Kabute
    day 4 for the nth round.. I still want for us to get back together. But i decided that I need to heal my wounds first. Everytime that I talk to him, trying to keep it light, I ended up talking about the relationship or us getting back together. He's treating me nice, but I'm worried that if i continue this, he may become piss off me. And eventually would't want me anymore and that's not the way i want it. So i decided to give myself time to heal. The 1 month challenge. I want to know if its really love what i'm feeling or just my ego kicking. And everytime I have the urge to contact him, I keep repeating to myself, "its only for a month, just 1 month, then you can do whatever". I know it's kind a crazy, but it really helps me a lot. I'm still hurting but I don't want to add any misery to my life anymore. JUST ONE MONTH. I CAN DO IT...
  8. Maria Kabute
    day 6.. when a person say, he's not the one for me or im better off with someone else or we can't do anything about it, what would you do? should you still contact him or just rest, give sometime to yourself? those where the questions that keep popping in my mind. I want him back..geez..i miss him,
  9. Maria Kabute
    day 4. I'm proud of myself to survive the Weekend without reaching out to him. I still have the urge to contact him during weekends, that is why this is my third attempt for 30 days of NC.
  10. Maria Kabute
    wow..5 years. that's tough.. We're only together for 5 months, but I give everything to him and for the relationship. I'm going NC to respect his decision and to give myself some time too. We can't fix things, if we are broken too.
  11. Maria Kabute
    Just like what IThinkIcan said, it's take two to rebuild a relationship. He's the one who broke up with me, saying he's not sure about his feelings for me and he need to sort it out and he don't want to drag me. It's been 3 weeks since we broke up. And i've been the one that always initiate contact for almost 3 weeks. Asking if we can both work it out but I always get the same answer, We broke up, we can't do anything about it. Being NC does not meant I gave up hope. But i need to take some time for myself too. I need to accept that it's over. I need to rebuild myself first, before I can rebuild the relationship..
  12. Maria Kabute
    so..day 1 again.. I'm going to be serious about it..There's nothing i can do for us to get back. I've done my part. It's his problem, if he can't see my worth. Im willing to take him back, but it wont happen unless he wants me too.. Getting frustated because i cant do jumping rope exercise, my limbs hurt..argh.!!!
  13. Maria Kabute
    day 4. I still think about him. I still want him back. I want to talk to him. I want to know what's going on with his life. I'm getting tired of this.
  14. Maria Kabute
    day 3.. Had a great time with my friends yesterday. and we decided to at least see each other once a week. At least i have something to look forward to every week. He's out of town. He post in FB. I was able to control myself to comment on the post. Kind of feel lonely, since i was used to know his whereabouts. I miss him. i miss him a lot..
  15. Maria Kabute
    Day 2..i still think about him all the time. and the urge to text and call him is getting stronger.. But i always think about what he said when i ask if we can work this out, he told me that we can't do anything about it anymore. im still on the process of accepting that he is not inlove with me anymore.
  16. Maria Kabute
    just when you thought your getting better..loneliness creeps into you until you surrender and do the thing that you've been trying to fight not to make. i broke NC last weekend.its the most stupid thing i've done.i'm back to the starting line. I cried again. back to Day 1 (2nd round) Goal..make it to Day 7..
  17. Maria Kabute
    Day 5..I know i'm getting better.But there still the longing and hoping. I hope this things will disappear. Loneliness strikes at the office an hour before my work is over and at night before i go to sleep. Those are the times that I want to broke NC.
  18. Maria Kabute
    Day 4. I cried. I thought im over of crying for him. I sometimes caught myself wishing that he is knocking on my office door, saying he wants to get back together. why? Why do i still think about the impossible things?
  19. Maria Kabute
    Day 3. I still experiencing roller coaster of emotions. but i know i'm getting better. and im starting to feel good about myself again. Planning to right a letter for him and that would mark that im really letting go and no more daydreaming of him coming back and loving me again. I feel like crying everytime i think about it. but it needs to be done.
  20. Maria Kabute
    Day 2. Feeling good today. Woke up at 2am and think about him and slowly getting emotional again. but then i stop, nah, not right now, i have a new phone to take care of, i have work later, so better sleep. Mixed emotions yesterday, im ok then suddenly not anymore. Happy then emotional again. I wanted to cry, but i guess i dont have any more tears to shed for him. 1 whole week of crying after the break up is enough. I keep repeating to myself that if i cry, would he come back? NO!! if i keep being lonely, would he say he's still in love with me? NO!! if i dont keep moving on, what will happen to me? NOTHING!! so keep moving forward..
  21. Maria Kabute
    Day 1. We meet yesterday, its 1 week after the breakup and 18 days since i last saw him. I didn't expect much. I already know that he made up his mind that he don't want to continue the relationship. Was able to hug and hold his hand for the last time. Starting to move on, and keep repeating to myself that its over. But a part of me is still hoping for a second chance.
  22. Maria Kabute
    i've been reading this thread for a while. and i want to tell to those people who's going NC, good joob!! you inspired me.. i want to do NC too.. i'm waiting for his call today, since we have an agreement to see each other. I already accepted that the meeting will not change anything. He already make up his mind not to continue the relations. Its been a week since the break up, and 18 days since i last saw him. I know its crazy, but i just want to see him before starting NC.
  23. Maria Kabute
    hi..im a newbie here. i stumble in this site on my desperate attempt to be ok. after reading some of the thread, i really did feel fine.=D NC work for me on my first relationship, 5 years ago. I ended it because he dont have time for me. I cant bear it, especially its a long distance relationship. After the break up, i didnt call him, text him, email him. It was easy, maybe because i've been taking desperate moves when we will still together, but ended up disappointed. After 3 months of NC, he texted me and want to get back together. saying he will change. I didnt fall for it easily, which is a very good move, since he only lasted a week on courting me. Now, we are still friend and talk sometimes. but now, in my second relationship after 5 years. Its hard for me to do NC. well, my ex and i broke up 5 days ago. i started NC on day 1 , but ended up texting him on day 2, saying that we see each other. since our break up is through phone. he said its ok, and we should really talk. on day 3, NC again and ended up texting him on day 4, to asked to call me.and he called me. yeah.i know, pathetic me. We should be seeing each other on day 5, that is today, but ended up resetting since he's still out of town. We broke up because he's confused on his feelings for me. It hurts badly!! Especially if there's another girl who's involved. I've been crying since day 1.He told me that the problem began when the girl he loved for many years (unrequited. they never get together) and also a close friend of him too, have a problem. He wants to help this girl, which is fine with me. But he feels that he is confused and he feels like his cheating on me when he's with the girl. Why do you think he feels that way? does it mean he's still inlove with the girl? On our last talk he told me that he still love me and that doesnt change. But he have have doubts on his feelings for me whenever he's with the girl? We will see each other, 2 days from now. I dont know what is the right thing to say to him. I really want him back. I'm not angry at him after he told me all those things. I know and i believe that we can work this things through. I just dont know what to say, so i dont ended up ruining my chance on getting him back.. please help..
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