THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[HopefulNessie]

Day 51

 

Haven't posted on this forum in about two weeks I think.

I was doing pretty well but yesterday and today were really hard. I have an overwhelming urge to talk to him. I just miss him. I miss his jokes, I miss hearing about his day, I miss his voice.

[tothecoast]

Day 29 since BU, Day 23 NC. * * * * sucks but at least I haven't cried for a few days. Been flirting with a new crush, and definitely have no interest in dating her, but it's nice to be noticed. Found out that my ex is out of town this weekend and I feel really relieved knowing I won't run into her...wish she would just stay there! Not much else to report...still feel awful but at least I don't feel like I'm at rock bottom at the moment, and I guess that's the best I can hope for.

[lovebre]

Day ?

 

A friend of mine from college contacted me today. We talked for about an hour about what we were doing for the summer, changing our majors, and some how we began to talk about my ex. He told me that my ex still hasn't found another job (it's been 3 months ) and how the girl he left me for use to yell and cuss him out in front of his friends and would treat him badly. He says he hates guys like my ex (called him "lazy" and said he isn't doing anything with life except feeding his pipe dream) and is cutting him off.

 

I can honestly say, that after almost 4 and a half months post break up, I neither felt happy nor sad for him and his situation. It is unfortunate but he hasn't been doing anything to change it and after my friend told me a few more things that had been going on, I'm beginning to realize how delusional he is. He is a narcissistic bum who expects everything handed to him on a silver platter and expects any and every girl to fall all over him. I hope one day he takes those rose colored glasses off.

[martyfarty]

day 19:

 

" I guess i had to go to that place to get to this one. "

 

One day I will be alright

 

Until then, i'm doing me. No rebounds. No looking. Just time to heal and recover the right way. that is will power. lets do it! i've made it this far. I've learned so much.

[transmit]

Day 6

These days, I'd like closure. When my brain goes into a panic wondering how to get closure, I remind myself that everyone who's hurt me in a relationship has eventually felt regret and apologized. And at some point, he will reach out. It no longer matters to me whether he wants to reconcile or be friends. I know deep down that I always take a step forward after breakups, and my exes always become aware of it after I've stopped worrying about them. It's a feeling I look forward to, on some level. but a watched pot never boils.

[HALE85]

Would have been about 3 months no contact for me by now, if only i didn't break it only to find out she never loved me and is now with someone else, trust me that will set you way back. so im currently day 3 NC, woopty fooking doo.

[broken17]

Day 6

He texted yesterday saying 'hey how've you been? x' and then hours later facebooked me just saying 'hey'. I ignored both due to the fact that he is head * * * * ing me and I think it was almost purely because his new girlfriend wasn't around. What an idiot. I love being angry because it is so much better than the pain and emptiness I've been feeling! It's good to know that slowly I'm getting over him.

[Muzatsu]

Day one

Deleted AIM, as the only person who still uses it is my ex.

Going to try my best to refrain from E-stalking his Tumblr and Lifestream.

If I can't do this, at least maintain not talking to him, messaging him.

No more desperation emails.

I started this No contact unsucessfully when my psychologist suggested I would need a mandated period of 3-6 months to stop my obsessive thoughts, and to distance myself from my ex's manipulative behavior.

 

I've been successful in the past at NC but only until ex initiates contact.

I need to realize people don't change, and won't until they hit the real rock bottom.

I need to realize people don't change if they are with you, because they think it's okay if you are staying with them through their * * * * ty behavior.

[ClarityCoast]

Day 41

 

At this point, I don't expect I'll ever hear from him again. Although, he's certainly making himself "known" via social media...something he used to make fun of and brag about never using. At least my tears have stopped.

 

While I have zero intention of reaching out, when I see people posting about their ex contacting them months later...I often wonder, "What would I even SAY?"

I have no idea but it would be rather jarring to hear from him. Perhaps slightly relieved, and slightly upset.

[martyfarty]

day 20

 

i'm starting to get use to this. 10 more days till 30! it still hurts. i still have a short emotional temper. i still get a bit of anxiety when i go to places or drive by a few areas. other then that, i have the rest of my life to go! Waiting for Autumn to show up. I can't stand this Vegas Summer Heat!

[tothecoast]

31 days since BU, 25 days NC. It's been exactly a month since we broke up. Feeling some relief after the weekend from hell a week ago, when it was her birthday...but still feeling pretty terrible and knowing I have a long road ahead of me. F-buddy keeps flaking, so I decided I'm over it...even though I don't have a meaningful relationship with her, I'm just not in a good place to feel rejected by anyone, even if it's by a flakey hookup who I only contact every few years. Sometimes I think about her - a happy moment from our recent past, or wondering what she's doing now - and the pain feels like a sharp knife under my ribs. That's gonna keep happening for a long time, but the good news is that I know from past breakups that it won't happen forever. Just have to get through now, and let time do its job...

[rockmyboat]

day 3 since starting NC again. a couple days ago she told me her bestfriend asked her out. i called it. she told me she didn't say yes but she didn't say no either. is she keeping me on a string or am i over-thinking this? probably. well quick backstory, i broke up with her for some really selfish reasons, kept HER on a string for a couple months, then one day she was gone. now i'm the one with the broken heart. i know i'm the bad guy and it's only right i suffer for my mistake. i've done a lot of stupid stuff chasing after her and all it did was just push her away even more. i'm doing it right this time. i just hope she never goes out with him because he is a downgrade for sure. alright enough bitterness. haha

[Streetbob]

So I've done it again!

 

After all the progress of the last 3 months NC (1 slip up)

 

I read a thread on here about speaking to the ex, and I was swayed to test the water.

Sent her a mail saying that I was ok and hoped she was too - she replied and now I feel like * * * * * again - back to square 1.

 

I thought I was stronger than this!

 

I just wish I could get her out of my mind. I've followed all of the advice: Did NC, hit the gym, got out and about more, met new people but still not through it.

 

Will somebody say something positive to me....I really need to hear something right now!

 

What an idiot I am!

[transmit]

Day 8

It's getting easier again. I'm movin' on. Traveling in 2 days.

[ClarityCoast]

Streetbob...you're not an idiot! You are a human being!

 

If all of us were capable of managing these waters without a care..we wouldn't be here!

 

Its a process...there is nothing to be ashamed of. (now if I could just take my own advice! )

[Streetbob]

Streetbob...you're not an idiot! You are a human being!

 

If all of us were capable of managing these waters without a care..we wouldn't be here!

 

Its a process...there is nothing to be ashamed of. (now if I could just take my own advice! )

 

 

 

Thanks Clarity!

It's a real hammer blow going back to that start....I hope I learn my lesson

 

SB

[ClarityCoast]

I don't think its going "back to start"...

 

I think its like climbing up the side of a mountain. You will probably loose your footing multiple times...but that doesn't mean you tumble all the way back to the bottom and end up inside the car you drove in on...

 

My ex and I have cut the communication line MULTIPLE times.

The first few times...it was a day or two.

Then it was a week.

Then it was two weeks.

 

Today...its been 42 days...

[Streetbob]

I don't think its going "back to start"...

 

I think its like climbing up the side of a mountain. You will probably loose your footing multiple times...but that doesn't mean you tumble all the way back to the bottom and end up inside the car you drove in on...

 

My ex and I have cut the communication line MULTIPLE times.

The first few times...it was a day or two.

Then it was a week.

Then it was two weeks.

 

Today...its been 42 days...

 

Clarity: Do you still have hopes for reconciliation?

 

I must try and stay in NC this time - long term!

 

I don't want to keep feeling like this every other month

 

SB

[ClarityCoast]

Yes and no.

My case is a little different...because there was/is alcoholism involved.

 

If we *both* do not stay in recovery (him in AA, me in Al Anon)...we will only make eachother crazy...and I don't want to live that way. The last time we spoke...he had relapsed.

If we both proceed with recovery...there is a chance. Although, I'm losing hope by the day...

[Streetbob]

Yes and no.

My case is a little different...because there was/is alcoholism involved.

 

If we *both* do not stay in recovery (him in AA, me in Al Anon)...we will only make eachother crazy...and I don't want to live that way. The last time we spoke...he had relapsed.

If we both proceed with recovery...there is a chance. Although, I'm losing hope by the day...

 

 

Oh. I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

I can only imagine how difficult that is to navigate.

 

.....And here is me thinking mine is complex.

 

Good luck Clarity. I hope it works out for you!

 

SB

[discouraged]

I like this challenge and will accept.

 

DAY 1

[Streetbob]

I like this challenge and will accept.

 

DAY 1

 

Good luck with it. Try not to be deflected from your path.

I have twice in 3 months and i feel it set me back much more than that!

 

May the force be with you!

 

SB

[trishlove]

DAY 1

 

I’m now back to no contact.

 

My ex and I had a talk two days ago. We’ve already accepted that there’s no hope for the two of us. My ex has changed, and I know he wasn’t who I fell in love with anymore. He said that he couldn’t trust himself anymore, and that he doesn’t want to hurt me again. He said he was sad that I am now starting to see someone else, but we both think it is best that we part ways. He told me he loves me so much, and that he hopes I’ll be happy again someday. Nonetheless, he promised that he will always be there for me when I need him. He left.

 

Today I had a lunch date with a cute guy. He’s four years older than my ex, and I assume that he’s probably more mature and experienced. I had a great time with him, but the moment I went back home I saw my usb (my ex borrowed it) on the floor. My ex probably slid it under the door. I’m not sure if he knocked to see if I was there. He didn’t even text to tell me he already gave it back. It made me sad. It’s over.

 

Nevertheless, I have another date with the same guy tonight. I’m getting myself ready for it right now. I’m excited.

[martyfarty]

day 22

 

its been getting a bit better lately. when i wake up in the morning i do still miss her but i'm good at making myself feel numb. other then that, i'm starting to feel better when i go out.

[discouraged]

Day 2

 

Ok, i started out the day in a panic because i dreamt of my gf introducing me to a new bf... -_- great way to start the day... then i had to go to the beach for a work event, but i was depressed the whole time... that sucked. The whole way back i started reminiscing about the relationship and became worse =( Afterwards, i had dinner with a friend who's been trying to hang out with me to try to make me better. I vented to him and he kept trying to encourage me and remind me that i shouldn't rush trying to improve myself because I'm just gonna mess up if i do. I should take my time and do things right. I agreed and started to plan for my future again (I'm planning on starting a business venture with him this summer). That planning portion made me forget my sadness for a while and made me feel better. I started to think about posting "Ill be heading to boston and chi town this summer for business meetings" but realized thats petty and will stay away from Facebook until i know for sure that I'm good. On the way home, i began to feel happy that i broke up with my ex, but as soon as i got home, i got worse because my parents are going through a break up (father cheated on mother).

 

Sigh... i hope tomorrow is a better day