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Muzatsu

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Everything posted by Muzatsu

  1. Muzatsu
    Day one Deleted AIM, as the only person who still uses it is my ex. Going to try my best to refrain from E-stalking his Tumblr and Lifestream. If I can't do this, at least maintain not talking to him, messaging him. No more desperation emails. I started this No contact unsucessfully when my psychologist suggested I would need a mandated period of 3-6 months to stop my obsessive thoughts, and to distance myself from my ex's manipulative behavior. I've been successful in the past at NC but only until ex initiates contact. I need to realize people don't change, and won't until they hit the real rock bottom. I need to realize people don't change if they are with you, because they think it's okay if you are staying with them through their * * * * ty behavior.
  2. Muzatsu
    broke NC after 6 1/2 days, all I got was a 'sup' back. Back to NC.
  3. Muzatsu
    Day 5. i miss him like crazy and I cant believe i dreamed about him. I never remember my dreams but i just had to remember him.
  4. Muzatsu
    This is day two of NC...Strangely I don't feel so bad, but perhaps it's because we were yo-yoing for the last year together. I love you so much but I know you don't love me enough to make the next step in our relationship. Until someone worthy that will can, or if you ever in a million years matured to be a man and not a boy, I will not give my heart out again.
  5. Muzatsu
    Day 36, I'm doing fine and not contacting as usual. I am trying to get over the ex and ditch the idea of us ever being together again. If it happens, well I can't tell right now. I'm too busy with someone else It has almost been a year since the break up and I can honestly say that I am finally packing up my love for my ex into the past. He didn't want to commit or be honest, so there's no point in wasting myself for someone that selfish.
  6. Muzatsu
    day 13, still didn't text or msg or call him, doing alright I guess.
  7. Muzatsu
    Day 2- Still brewing, see him on my AIM but I have successfully resisted temptation.
  8. Muzatsu
    Ugh starting over, with conviction. I'm going to stick to the 30 day challenge again, and try to go up to 90 straight days without contacting. Haha something that I shouldn't say since I can't go more than 7 days without breaking at the moment.
  9. Muzatsu
    don't do it, I was once suicidal over situations like this and still have strong urges. Yet for everyone who cares about you though we don't know you face to face, please don't do it. In the end only your life is gone and whoever compelled you to do it will still be there either not caring or only feeling passing guilt.
  10. Muzatsu
    Okay guys check up on me, it's muzatsu in the house. I've done and succeeded at this before but then I went into LC and other things and found myself broken hearted once again. This time it's the ex who doesn't want to talk to me when before I always initiated NC. So to up the ante I am going to bid on 90 days of NC instead of a mere 30. This is officially day 1 of 90 and I am determined not to talk to him even if he tries to talk to me for at least three months. If more time passes and he decides to contact me then I'll consider it. But for these three months I gotta be strong. I want him back so bad, but I gotta get myself together once again.
  11. Muzatsu
    that poem was really well written. I especially loved this part: "You can tell yourself the rules are fair. Because I give you meaning-- and you pretend to return the favor, imagining we share the same breaths. Let's hope that we can both survive on that."
  12. Muzatsu
  13. Muzatsu
    Firsts, then Seconds The first time, I loved a boy I knew he was no good. he was just a tomcat looking for a mouse. Oh how I fell, ensnared, by the meaningless words he calmly reassured. But oh how lonely, how sad, he wasn’t very fair. He liked to play with his food and several other morsels before he chose his meal, But I escaped that mess, Narrowly it seems. Ah yes, the second time was even better, so sweet. With the pleasant mask of someone As beautiful as Adonis. As pure as a lamb. Harping upon me like a maiden Promising me the sea Declaring love unending, we all know how that goes. Then, the late night drinking, the self-degrading talk The lazy half-hearted recitations revealed behind the mask, the demons That made this boy, As common as the clay I walk upon Think he was a man To take his left rib back this way.
  14. Muzatsu
    Day 10, Have had to try to control myself more with the myspace/facebook addiction. Continuing to learn to play piano and guitar, and doing other pleasurable things for myself. Starting to see the good and the bad side of the relationship. Weighing them against each other.
  15. Muzatsu
    Day one, again. I removed him from top eight but hid my friends so he couldn't see on myspace. Now I have no way to so call "check up on him" so I won't be able to contact him at all at this point.
  16. Muzatsu
    broke contact, GAHHH. Tomorrow is day one again.
  17. Muzatsu
    Day 32 Heard about a friend having problems with her own SO, made me think about my own ex and the problems we used to have. Seems that all the couples around me are falling apart. Does not seem encouraging.
  18. Muzatsu
    30 days of NC Feel kinda more reflective about everything. Realize mistakes I made as well as my ex's. Still feel ultimately crappy, my body aches, I always feel numb. Trying to improve myself still. Still have faith that one day he may return.
  19. Muzatsu
    day 27 Started some more physical activity to get some endorphins going. Still resolute about not calling ex. Trying to cement in the fact that it may never be.
  20. Muzatsu
    day 26, Still think immensely of him. Trying to pretend that we will never get back together in order to prepare myself mentally for what may be the worst.
  21. Muzatsu
    Day 25 I still feel very angry for some reason.
  22. Muzatsu
    Day 22, Relapsing in terms of thought processes. It was the third month since we have broken up yesterday and so I felt crappy. Still didn't contact though.
  23. Muzatsu
    day 19 (sort of) Gave him a comment on his blog randomly. Didn't call/text/or anything too direct. Have never called him of my own accord during these days of NC. Have seen him when in group activities, kind of pleasantly brush him off for the most part. A little better.
  24. Muzatsu
    Day 14- BROKE CONTACT OH NO! He called me ;_;. I didn't bring up anything past talking video games though. Didn't really say much about myself either. I think I sounded neutral enough and I ended the convo and said I was busy. Hung up first as well. I think I did the right thing...
  25. Muzatsu
    Day thirteen of NC. Still haven't contacted, but he has commented some more myspace pix. Have not responded still. heh. Holding my ground.
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